I'm ready to leave here.
Her eyes, her mouth, her breath,
they despise me.
They loathe me.
Ready for exile,
I will be pushed from June
and into the arms of July.
I will lay there
until I suffocate,
spores taking over my body,
the ocean of the sighing
forest floor choking me,
waiting in wretched harmony.
I'll be dreaming of yesterday
as the claws of tomorrow
tear my body to pieces.

how could a dance between two wanderers fill up an empty space
that's yearning to be occupied by
attention, affection, and devotion for so long?
how does every step equate to every heartbeat i've probably spent by
looking into your dark eyes
feeling your hands wrapped around me?

how could a dance between two sinners leave behind a mark
brought by the tight bond of security whose ropes almost choked me to death
well, i wish i could die right at that moment
to preserve my sanity forever.

all i see now are spaces
fit for slow dancing
and all i feel now are your hands
landing on my waist and on my shoulders
all i hear now is the sappy love song
we floated upon
and all i can taste now is your lips
finding its way to mine.

i would probably die first
but who knows
maybe i'm already dead.
maybe you're already talking to a lost soul
trying to find a grasp in the afterlife,
or just plainly seeking out just for you.

i am just confused as you are.

i feel very much alive when you hold my hands
yet when i hold myself, it slips through.
i feel my colors pouncing all over the place when you stare at me with those hazel eyes
yet when i look at myself in the mirror, i see a blank canvass and a monochromatic, melancholic, dull shadow.
i hear your voice in every song i listen to
yet i never heard my own when i'm screaming for help.

do you think of me as a dead person?
or do you see a vivid version of me?

steady hands, ready hands
unplanned affection, genuine emotion
witnessed by colored noises
and ignorant minds, curious eyes

was i too good?
to be kissed by a saint, by an angel
whose wings were clipped, were drowned
in a sea of lullabies

in the most appropriate place
in The Most Appropriate Place
i sunk in my seat
i grew in the heat
of the moment
i saw grace
in the moment
i held grace itself.

have you ever been so lucky
to find heaven so close to you?
to see your dreams in the works?
i think i'm one of the few.

if being a slave means serving my salvation,
i would happily die not seeing how my fairytale would end.
i would not let myself go to the ball and dance with the prince who's supposed to be my ending.
i would choose you.

i would choose you, my tragic, tragic you.
my sad story, my death, my tears.

if being a slave means serving my salvation,
i would.
i would always.

Be careful what you wish for - you may get it.

Indeed, I thank you
For giving me some hope
By sharing your love so true
For injecting me the wisdom of the pope

Tried, but mostly I've failed
The exam was too difficult
Dark thoughts seem to me, was heavily nailed
To optimism, I am just an insult

So why? why back again?
Mostly because the wisdom of the dark is truer
I'm sorry, it’s really hard to begin
Believing in a myth was much bluer

I hope you'll understand such situation like this
This insanity in my head
Why I need to blow your sweet perfect kiss
And choose the bitter lips of pessimism instead

So here I am now
Singing the same depressed song
I know I won't received any bow
But I'm home, back where I belong....


written: January 29, 2015 at 10:00 pm
Depressed Mode
Mysterious Aries