cant not love you cant not love you cant not
love you
castles mountains little candles cars
my mother always told me to close my
mouth you love it like this though because you can
find my lips in the dark and
everything everything everything about you i
become a softly raging fire at your fingertips and i
cant not love you cant not love you cant not love
you always will count on it one two three close
your eyes cross your fingers better yet wrap them around
mine even in the dark all i ever see is color because i
cant i cant i cant not
love you.

What did I dream about last night?
Well
First there were some bright lights
some sand on top of my feet
rooted
pillows
mountains
folds of blankets
valleys between playing cliffs
why are you
reaching for me I'm just
smoke and I'll
slip through your chewed on fingers like
water leave you cold and shivering
when the world wakes up.
And did you look in the mirror back
then because you were always blue and I was
yellow and seven was my favorite color
still is. you laugh but I know
you know what I mean
sleeping in the nature of our bedroom.
we laughed and the walls
laughed with us
cried tears and became a
waterfall.
What are we?
I long for you to rest your
arm over mine
again.
She said show don't tell but I
just hope you know I still
miss the quiet forest we built for our
selves at night.

It's a
weird time to be
alive I didn't think I'd
get this far
picturing myself
older when I was younger I
didn't expect to find my
self leaning on a car with a
broken handle next to a boy
you couldn't see the
hickey on his neck because it was
dark Adam's apple illuminated
smoke it rises behind
the back of a building
ready to run if we hear a
car coming but we don't so
we smoke and mom here's what I
made of myself we
don't talk because this
awkward tension is too
familiar to want to
break it with our voices.
Later in the
car
driving fast we laugh
because we just thought of
how we became the
people we were afraid
of becoming all
along but now it
feels right and we
don't want to slow down because
those red lights they
are lights to show us the
way when we drive
through and I want to
reach over and take his
hand but that's childish so I
lean over and kiss him
instead because we
are not little kids
anymore in fact we are
too young to be old but we
feel too old now to
do anything but laugh at how we
were ten years before.

The universe is too loud
to hear you when you cry,
and even when you shout
no one stops while passing by.

And you wish you had someone's
arms around you,
a comforting hand to hold.
But don't you see that everyone else is alone
and the people in this world are cold?

And after a while you sit in silence
and learn to keep the thoughts in your head.
It's hard sometimes not to cry amidst the violence,
but you know it's best to keep quiet instead.
-mm

A tea cup
cold and no longer fresh on
the granite countertop because
I made it this morning when I
woke up with a feeling in my stomach that I would
need the comfort I
didn't find at home whenever I
opened that door and walked into a
place that made my heart cold even when I
turned up my collar against the
chill.  It's like when you hear the song that
answers all the questions in your head and
you feel the acoustics embrace you and
everything is soft and warm and you feel sad but
safe in phantom arms but then the
song ends and you are
alone again and afraid because
the pain of being alone did not prepare you for
the emptiness of being left and
there's this
whistling in your head,
a tea kettle warning, begging as you
take the pill bottle from the medicine cabinet and
the whistling grows more urgent as you
take off the cap and pour the
pills into your steady hand and then it
shrieks as you raise the pills to your lips and everything it
so ******* loud and frantic and your mind is chaos in
this one second before everything goes black and quiet and in
the second before the kettle is silenced all you
can think of is the tea cup you left,
cold and no longer fresh on the
granite countertop because you
woke up with a feeling that
you would need it.
-mm

You know,
One of those times I was
Looking out the window at the
Night I asked out loud who
You were. It
Wasn’t the first time.
Sometimes I
Cried your name but my
Voice was too heavy with
Tears. And another time I
Screamed your name and my
Hands were in fists. But
Lately it seems all I do is
Whisper your name into the
Dark and hope you’ll hear me
Because I couldn’t speak much louder
If I tried. I won’t
Give up on you though because I
Know someone was there and
Was there all along
Sitting beside me when my
Wrists ran red with blood on the
Cold bathroom floor. And
Someone was there in the
Corner of my eye when
He lay on top of me and held my
Shaking hands down. You were
Watching in silence and I
Kept screaming your name because I
Wanted you to sweep me into your
Arms and I started to lose hope when
You didn’t come like they
Told me you would. But
Now I see you were always there,
Always standing a
Little distance off and believing in me
When I was putting all my faith
In you. And now I see
As I look through the window at the
Night that you were swimming
Behind the reflection of my eyes and
You were there all along,
My unbreakable soul.