I guess it was cuz he grew up an only child but
he never learned how to share.
I ask him how his day went
and he doesn't answer.

Sit in the silence and hate god for all his violence.
I want to take a break,
He tells me to empty my pockets if I need more space.
Why do they always make it feel like it's your fault when it starts to fall apart?
I'm not the one who ****** it up, I'm not the one who ****** this up!

Destroying sand castles to be the restless kids everybody hated
because you couldn't love your master piece if it was in pieces

Scary when you can go all day without saying a word. At some point you end up in restaurants and grocery stores hoping someone who works there will ask you what you want, if they can help you find what you're looking for. And you will say I hope so but I don't know if anyone can.

Wolves stopped whistling when I put the invisibility cloak on. I guess you don't need magic to dissapear. It's just all black always. Black jacket, black jeans, black shoes. I keep my head down and my mouth shut and it's no wonder.

she said stop hanging onto people by threads. guess id just rather have stitches than lose another friend. when nobody loved me i lost my head. please dont do that to me again. please dont do that to me again.

Twisting barbed wire around your head like a crown, strangling you on the couch... I'm hard to love but you'll never hate me.

They say that when you call your demon by name you gain power over it.

So I started writing yours in bus stations, on walls, in bathroom stalls. But it never ends. No more 7am blue heavens. These days I walk around with a storm cloud over my head. All my dreams have been slasher films lately so I stopped looking for ****** behind the shower curtain. I made every wish on 11:11. I blew the candles out on my birthday. I planted dandelions. I couldn't sleep, I had to look for shooting stars. I pulled my eyelashes out, I went bald trying to make my dreams come true.
I only prayed you'd take me back or if not that, god might take me instead. Skeletons of these dead romances.... Do you believe in second chances?

She ***** him in the shower and when she's done she washes love down the drain with ***. Says "See you later" to a man she'll never see again And spends the next few weeks wondering about it... I ask her if it's worth the anxiety but she never responds. Maybe these acts remind one that they are loveable even when they are not loved?

She looked at me and pulls the scissors out of my hands. She says she never trusted me with anything sharp.
Her eyes drift toward my arms and
I try to roll down my sleeves.

YOU BURN YOUR TONGUE AND TAPE YOUR MOUTH SHUT TRYING TO KEEP THE CALORIES OUT AND AFTER YOUR FIRST NICE MEAL IN A WHILE YOU SPEND THE NEXT HALF HOUR TRYING TO TOSS IT BACK UP AND BETWEEN THE EATING TOO LITTLE AND THE EATING TOO MUCH YOU PUSH YOUR THIGHS APART SO THE FAT DOESNT TOUCH. LOOSE THE TENDER PIECE ON YOUR BELLY BUT KEEP PULLING AT THE SKIN. YOU TURN YOUR RIB CAGE RED CLAWING AT IT LIKE THAT. LATER AT NIGHT WHEN THE WHOLE HOUSE IS ASLEEP, YOU LINE YOUR NAKED BODY UP WITH THE MIRROR SO YOU CAN WEEP AND -RAGE ABOUT IT SOME MORE. ALWAYS BEEN SUCH A ******* EYE SORE! GOT A ROTTEN CORE LIKE ALL THE FOOD HIDDEN IN YOUR DRAWERS.
ALWAYS BEEN SUCH A ******* EYE SORE!
ALWAYS BEEN SUCH A ******* EYE SORE!

DONT GET ME STARTED ON A BLANK PAGE AND THE THINGS YOU DO TO FILL IT UP. DONT GET ME STARTED ON MY ***** MIND AND ALL THE THINGS I DO TO CLEAR THE MUCK.
CLEANSE MY ******* BODY,
IM A WASTE OF MONEY HONEY. I NEED A DEEP RINSE AND A DEEP CONDITIONING. I NEED TO RELAX. I TAKE A HOT SHOWER AND A HOT BATH. ALL SOAP AND SUDS, I HOPE THIS IS GOOD ENOUGH.

She wants to know what its like to be the enemy, I tell her their hate has no **** remedy.
I am good at that, good at being disliked And I put people on my bad side all the time.

Yes, you hate yourself so much you want everyone to believe how selfish, ugly and rotten you are and you let them see all the true parts of yourself that are mean and bad, that would have been a secret in anybody else. You prove to the crowd that you are fowl and you speak out loud to yourself of the evil and the desires and the feelings you reasonably shouldn't have. You do not want them to look at you with kindness you prove you are not worth it and you put everybody, everybody on your bad side.

I will get to the bottom of this and by that I do mean the bottle.
I will go until my bellies full of venom and like cement,
It will churn in my stomach all night.
My head is always spinning like a washing machine.
No one ever hits on you if your drinking straight whiskey.

I met the man of my dreams,
Problem is, I met him while sleeping.

You were made to consume,
Gorge like a tick.
You're good at ingesting
Stuff your face,
Make yourself sick.
Promise this is the last meal before the execution and after this
You will be a good little twig,
Little branch,
Little stick.
Hide the plates, burry the silver,
You'd feel a lot more like an animal if you ate with your hands and feet off the floor.
You're a round thing now and your throat goes raw spending hours upside down, trying to get the gunk out.
Yeah, you eat so much its like chewing on paper.
You're taste buds give up,
Lick the spit off your fingers.
This is how you indulge.
You'd eat a sand bag if you had to,
You'd swallow bricks to feel full.

This is where I am.
Setteling like the dust between my floorboards...
With the dust even...
Honestly, I find myself on the ground a lot and this room has big windows and the light comes in at a slant and I can watch the lint dance from the curtains and hit the floor, like that, like me. Yes! I can watch the dust settle and not be restless at all!

Keep the lights off,
I look too much like my mother today.

Pack the sadness up into boxes and
put it away. No one wants to see that anymore.

All my friends are rays of sunshine and
I have to bite my cheek.

I don't smile,
I bare my teeth.

I keep them all at arms length unless

they can feel their way through the hall
in the dark,

now that every room gets dim
with me inside of it.

In fact,

what if we sleep through this one?

What if I just lie down
and let the birds peck at me?

In the mornings,
I ate like a hummingbird. Handfuls of
white chocolate chips and blueberries.
Saucers of green tea.

You do not know devotion until
you have seen these rituals.
These little rituals
where a young girl wakes up,
strips down,
holds her breath, and
steps on the scale.  

I wanted to hear my skeleton rattle inside me like
a set of keys.

I had a tape measure under my bed,
and a death wish.

There is nothing I know,
nothing more precious than this.
I wanted to be
            diamond
rough, and
jagged edges.

She’s a fairy, she just
can’t fly because
she doesn’t eat.

Have you seen the disappearing act where
the girl makes herself shrink and no one
notices because
she is already small?

I won’t stop until
I drink air and eat sunshine.

I won’t stop until
they worry (they love me).

A body in the freezer. A bag over my head. A black eye like an oil spill. I’m still pulling out the splinters. A damp spot in the basement. A stain on the carpet. Every coat hanger in the closet. On the ceiling fan. Dangling like an ornament. A chill in these hallways. Footsteps in the attic. A broken light switch. Duct tape over my mouth so I won’t talk about it...
Well what do you think, is this house haunted?

I've used my mouth as a shovel before
I've gotten the dirt out of people
I've brought their knees to the floor
I've been an animal
I've been down on all fours

I was the ******* dog at your feet
I was begging for the treat

so I've been stained a bit
Drained a bit
I've been dragged around and around
I've been the quiet one and
I've been too loud

and I've been one to slither away
all my friends call me a snake
but
this is it
this is as bad as it gets
***** to be stuck
***** to ****



///////
it's hard to have a home and stay in it
it's hard to have a hobby and stick to it
and it's hard to find love and then sleep with it ... Me? I'm a monster all the way down. I've done things and I'm not proud.