Sometimes I wonder if I wore my mask
People would like me
But then I am reminded
That I already wear one

The day my heart shattered was a cold, bitter night.
Yet the blade which stabbed me was warm with my blood.

If the walls could speak right now
                  Everyone in this world would be crying and rolling on the floor
**It's not just the fact that the walls are talking...

Only one word
Which everyone knows
Drives my heart to despair
Only one word
With two syllables
Brings back memories - qualities unfair
Only one word
My only weakness
Kisses my sanity goodbye
Only one word
Which everyone despises
Has almost ruined my life.
Only one words
Which tears me inside
Has killed my joy
Over
     And
         Over
              Again

*Look at what a small word can do.
Look at how much it ruins a person's life.

I am scared of the silence
Because I have encountered it
too many times before.
all the cries for help I have shouted
Have been heard by silent ears.
all the tears I have shed
Have came with a response of silence
if ever in need of help
The only thing I have ever gotten
is silence.
And the lucky day when someone asked me if I'm okay
My whole answer was spoken by silence.


**All my life
I have been silenced
By silence.
And all my life
I have only spoken
To silence.

Your imperfections make up your perfections.
And being perfect is imperfect in itself.

Whoever said crying infront of people is some sort of a weakness is utterly wrong.
Because when someone cries they are being brave. For they are laying out their vulnerability , *their weakness, by the feet of everyone. They are taking the *chance of getting hurt at their softest and probably most influenced moment.
When someone cries it means that they can't defend themselves easily. And they aren't wearing a mask to hide themselves behind a smiling exterior. It is so rare when someone bares their soul out for everyone to see - even for a minute.
The fact that they aren't pulling their guard up is hard to do. The fact that they are letting you know that they are not okay is not an easy thing.
And then people start laughing at them
They laugh at someone who is crying.
Saying that those tears are 'fake'.
Saying that it's only for 'attention.'
You know what that does for the people who just cried?
Those people shut. Close themselves. Build a wall around their heart. And make sure that their barriers are tighter.
How sad is that though...
**That one of the most strongest things man can do,
has been reprimanded silently by those
who don't know how to deal with it

I wonder how much longer I can run
Before the shadows which haunt me finally
**** me
I wonder if I can be strong
If the small things which tug, now finally yank.
I wonder if I can hide
If the trees than concealed me, are slowly burning down.
And I wonder if I will survive
Because everyday I feel like I'm losing a small part of myself
To the void which rests in my heart.

When I'm down, when I feel worthless
When I feel like I'm only the beginner
I try to remember
That the greatest started from dust.
The winner was once the beginner
And that the glass came from the sand.

Along my Ivory skin, the drops of cerise spreads - delicate tendrils forming beyond each space,
Words of hate marr my sheet as I press the object drawing blood.
With each laceration forming on pearl, a small tear escapes my eyes. The pain is too much yet I have to bear it to show that I'm alive. And I form the scarlett words on my pale canvas as I cry. My frame spreads with stone, a newly formed statue, as I watch the Crimson ink spreading. As it grows larger, black spots form and visions become blurred. The reality and memories merge as one and I form more words with my pen.
horrible
worthless
liar
ugly
And as I hear each voice screaming in my head, my hands rush as cuts become deeper. A whole sonnet of hate drowns my heart and fresh salt tears are created. Lines tear at sheets, jagged curls are formed. And with an anchor at each eye I look down on what I have made.  And my tool of blood, my ebony pen silently replaces the steel knife I had.
And a small smile is shone as I raise my new creation.
A paper full of cuts.

Even the most darkest of voids
Can dream about the most purest of lights.

The hate that I possesed strong, a monster
Darkened the purest lights of my soul.
That's the sad thing about hate
Even if you let go of it,
The darkness will never wash off properly.

Hush child
Don't feel guilty
It's not your fault that you can't ever fix me
You'll only cut yourself trying to pick up the broken pieces of my soul
Hush child
Don't feel guilty
It's not your fault that you can't fill the void inside my heart
You'll only fall in and drown in the emptiness of my heart
Hush child
Don't feel guilty
It's not your fault you can't relight my fire
You'll only make yourself cold, as the cruelty of my breath whispers in your ear
Hush child
Don't feel guilty
It's not your fault that you can't wipe my tears away
You'll only sink into the pits of the darkest ocean carrying the anchors which are my tears
Hush child
Don't feel guilty
It's not your fault you can't bear to listen to my memories
The lightest shadows are enough to send your mind swirling into the desperations of madness.
Hush child*
Don't feel guilty
It's not your fault I'm made like this.
It's not your fault at all

There is always the sun after the storm
The bandage after the cut
The warmth after the cold
The smile after the tear
The music after the silence
The dawn after the darkness
And  the good after the bad.
There is always something after another
It's just the cycle of life.

Have you ever felt...
That feeling?
Where you're so empty you can actually fall inside the void which consumes you,
When you're so broken that whenever someone touches you they pull back hissing,
When you are so lonely you call out to the birds which paint the sky-in hope that they will sit on you shoulder,
Have you ever felt it? That feeling?
That horrible slimy whisper wordlessly chanting "You are useless"
Well I have.
And it is crap.
But one day you'll wake up and a small drop will fall Into that void
Day by day
Night by night
Hour by hour
Second by second
And it may not seem like much
                         But it amounts to a lot in the end
Until that feeling you feel
                                       Is nothing more
Than subtle laughter

               **Coming from you.

I love autumn.
Why?
*Because it shows that dying can be beautiful.

Melancholy's bitter touch took her breath away
and injected her windy harmony inside Depression's corpse,
Her rose bud lips paled into Autumn's dying flower,
a morose dissipation of colouring of which once lived in her lips.
Scarlet cheeks evaporated into Ivory chalk.
as its powder sprayed on her frail countenance,
Her eyes though
which once painted the delusion of happiness gave up too soon
and succumbed to Despondency's cruel embrace
excluding the small threads of faint, grey light
which may have been the possibility
of a better life.

Never look for happiness elsewhere
Look for happiness in your current situation.

You came like a car crash
I didn't see you coming
My mind couldn't believe this was happening
I was flying for a second
Then I was wallowing in pain on the ground
And the car which hit me was already gone

Your blade kisses you like they never did
Your blade marks his love like they never did
Your blade is always there like they never were
Your blade proves you human like they never did
Your blade protects you like they never did
Yet your blade still hurts you like they always did
And your blade still leaves unpleasant memories like they have done too.
Ironic isn't it.
You come to your blade for relief
Yet the results are still the same
Except this time you're in control of the pain  you feel.

And as you sat there, crying about how no one has ever loved you
I wondered if you will ever know the devastation you have caused
When I passed you my heart
And you thought it was a joke.

One day I will raise
One day I will clear the shadowed fog which haunts my dreams
I will evaporate the cloud which sits on my frail arms
One day I will rip the paper which chooses who I am
I will slice through the deceiving Ivory sheet, I'll make sure it disintegrates into the ash it came from
One day I will break the steel chains which strangle my hope. I will bite through the objectionable links which encase me as their profound prisoner.
One day I will be strong. I will be able to drag the burdens and memories to its final destination. I will not cower when I see the odius foul luggage stand tall and scream. I will not amalgamate  with delirium as I hear Past's cries. I will persevere.
One day I will fix myself. I will be able to stich the lacerations time has caused, I will be able to build the disintegrating building my mind has become. I will be able to paint my soul its luminous halo again.
And maybe one day I will raise. I will raise from the fog, the paper, the chains, the past and the pain. I will raise with purity and maybe...maybe if I'm lucky...I will be graced with the simple gift of a smile.
*For now I can hope...
About what I will do...
One day

You throw a penny and I can't catch it
You swing a rope and I can't jump it
You take my hope and I can't save it
You break my love and I can't fix it.

Pulsing obsidian liquid pushes through cerise veins
Excruciatingly painful, yet never ending
Dark coils wrap around your stomach
Clenching in merciless vexation for unknown reasons
Ruthless needles sew an inferno in your heart
Blazing fire consisting of flames which jump
And ice. Pure cold solid ice
Is glided over you
So that your whole frame crumbles with shivers.
And all your mind can do
Is beg. Beg for this moment to be over with a single tear.