Fire rises yet again
everyone thinks this
is the final end.

Ask me if I think so
I'll only shrug because
I really don't care - or know.

Sorrow, agony, pain,
that sound of a broken heart
and crying in the pouring rain,
these are the only things I know now.

Tell me that this
is what they call the end
there's nothing I will miss
so it doesn't faze me as it
would do to you,yet again.

They came here before
and burnt everything
to the bottomless floor.

Still it is all black
with ash everywhere imaginable,
there's only one thing it lacks,
and that would be you.

Since this place
is my lifeless heart.

There once was a frog,
just a normal frog,
sitting on a plain log
until along came a dog.

He was speckled and green
but the dog was ever so mean
so goodbye froggy green
don't mess with a king
who wants you as his lunch scene.

And that's our dear friend's end.

Words wander diwn linely paths
through my unexplainable mind
And along barren veins hiding
In the shadows that were once
My heart.

Simple, tired rhymes linger
at a party long over and dead
As cliche lines dance night
After night in the abandoned
Clubfor grumpy eyes and
Inebriated crowds outside
Outaide what was once
My soul.

I am dyimg to write, to
Get it out of my system
So I no longer have to
think if you, thats all
The voices remind me of now.

You should be here agaim,
I think you should write more
but Caligraphy's calling me
Over and over again to
come home and write.

But its not home
without you.

Caligraphy's calling ...
Caligraphy's calling...
Caligraphy's calling us home.

Angels on the sidelines
watch with weary eyes
at the horror that unfolds:

monkey killing monkey killing monkey killing me
they all believe living life is always gonna be free
killing each other over pieces of this ******* ground
chasing each other for the thrill of knocking another down.

Baffled and confused
they pick and choose
anger is their friend
and they meet their end

monkey killing monkey killing monkey killing me
never learned what it means to agree
want the same thing, want nothing at all
angels on the sideline quietly pray they fall.

Puzzled and amused
your God is more confused
misguided in mystery
what is this magic ability?

monkey killing monkey killing monkey killing me
cause mother never stopped them in infantry
chase each other round with an evil grin
plastered on as they fool each other for the win.

baffled and confused
right in two they choose
tired and so alone
this is all we've ever known

what have we become?

"I wish you found me important,"
Lighting whispered to Rain.

- - - - - - - - -The Next night:- - - - - - - - - -

"You have never been
anything less than beautiful to me,"
Rain cried to Lighting
as she flickered away again.

Look, its not my fault.
I want to cry,
She woud give me jobs,
But no chance to try.

Christmas is always
The death of me.
To make maters worse,
They never let me be.

Today I met a guy,
Who fell in love
With me, but I dont
Care I wanna die above.

People keep saying
If I were to die
That they would only
Be able to cry.

They say I am pretty,
Some think I am sweet,
Others say I'm the devil
Cause they cant take the heat.

Whatever choice is yours
Get me out of here.
Dont tell me its death
That I should really fear.

Let Christmas come and go,
Tell me its love or hate.
But you cant make me stop,
For that its far too late.

I'll drown in these painful
Tears and poison my soul.
Cause I am done with
Sitting for life to take a toll.

Thank you Christmas,
For finally taking it away.
I really dont think
That I could last another day.

I swear I tried to enjoy
the holidays filled with love
and laughter, surrounded by
close friends and sweet souls,

but it is difficult to slip into
***** interactions presented
to you while the romance is
gone and has been for months.

I didn't miss your birthday
the way you let mine slide past
and I wished you all the best
holiday like beautiful experiences.

So this time you can't say
I left you high and dry or
locked out in the storm
though I will admit if you

ever make it back I will
be tempted to do something
of the sort, because in a way
that is what you're doing now.

Like I said, I tried to enjoy
the parties and presents
paired with all my favorite dishes
and most special people.

Only my mind kept going back
to you, what could you be doing
or maybe even where, did you
have another awkward party?

The warm glow from the cigarette butts blinds me slowly,
The smoke fills the delicate air poisoning those around me,
But it does not matter now, I am calm and so are they.
That's enough for me if nothing else.

Grey speckled silver wisps dance around me
And fill the room with a sense of familiarity,
Its not that I'm addicted so much as it is I enjoy
The nostalgia that fills me with each breath.

Memories of those close to me and the past
I used to live moment by moment.

Who would have known something so simple
Could mean so much to one person.
If you found this, you know who you are,
Thank you for making me feel this way.

I know you are used to
wasting precious things,
like time and money

as you waltz around
carelessly you stumble
through your loft
in New York, New York.

But elsewhere strangers
of a different life
smell your alcohol stained
breath as they try
to enjoy the stage.

They think the circus
is just fake - that
the clowns wipe the
make up away
at the night's end.

And the ring leader
screams "Happy Birthday!"
to a kid in the front row
with a huge grin.

The lions behave
because if they don't
they won't eat.

Elephants eat peanuts
and wear ridiculous hats
because they do
what has been asked

every time.

You've never left the
city, so you wouldn't
understand.

But if your worlds
were ever to collide
you'd be the biggest
waste of a ticket.

You'd be the clown
with the biggest shoes
and the most vivid
painted face.

And at first you'd be
like the audience,
you wouldn't believe
any of it.

But soon

soon you would
learn just how real
it all is. . .

There once was a time that I created
a new language with everyone I met
that I wanted to keep around. Together
we'd make up new words to describe
the things we felt that we knew others
would never understand and we used
inside jokes and silly things that happened
to make sense of other things or to forget
things that hurt more than we cared
to admit. For a while the people I met and I
would explore town and claim little hideouts
as our own and everyone got one
but no one ever shared the location

with anyone else.

We would meet at sunrise or sunset
depending on the day and talk about all the things
everyone else would think us bratty or stupid
or whatever for saying. Where we would write
and paint, laugh and cry, give birth and die
just a little more each time. But it was never
meant as a bad thing. When I was younger
I talked to people and I knew what happiness was

but when my teacher taught me
about the taste of ink and the feel of keys
beneath my fingers I traded reality for
what I could create myself. I longed for a story
better than dreams and kinder than the
real thing. But I quickly became addicted
to that feel. Now I'm sitting behind a
brightly lit screen opening healed wounds
and cutting into my veins as I search for

new ways to say the things poets have beat me to
by centuries and trying to convey the cruelty
of this world around me that really isn't
all that cruel. And I really don't think you
are able to comprehend this but I thought
if anyone would listen to me it would be you.

And I figured if I was going to bleed out tonight
this would be the best canvass.

Thank you for all of your kindness
and love. Thank you for only ever believing
in me and wishing me the best. Thank you
so much for everything. I will not let you down

this time.

Dear you,

the following is for your eyes and your eyes only.

I love you so much. I love you so much.
please don't ever forget that.

i think i understand what it means to be
a single drop of rain falling falling falling to the ground
in the middle of a crowd of thousands upon thousands
of others just like me even though they aren't like me at all.
i think i figured out why angels cry for so long so often
and why their tears are known to us as rain. They do that
when another of their own has fallen in the most beautiful
of ways. i know why so many molecules of carbon
throw themselves from the windows on the twenty first floors
of buildings while the rest of the company is away for lunch
in some overpriced cafe down the street. It's because
they were seconds away from being the first spec of
a diamond when someone went and released all
the pressure too soon. And they know that a life where you
don't shine just isn't a life worth living at all.

love i figured out what it's like to be
a single drop of rain falling to the most poetic doom
known to man, so alone, so free, alone and perfect
in it's imperfect pain. Today i finally learned why people hurt
the way they do for so long and as horrible as it is
there's so much indescribable beauty to it. i'd ask you
to join me as i fall, i'd lie and tell you it feels like flying
even though it's nothing like it at all because you're going too fast
to stop and taste the sky and you don't have any wings
to soak up the sun, but you have too much potential for me
to drag down. so instead i'll just kiss you once, i
look in your eyes and tell you that your lips taste like
the sweetest roses ever and the thorns cut too deep
for me to do it again. then i'll etch that smile with
a touch too much of highlighting that you know is fake
but it takes you a moment too long to realize it and
whisper good night, only i won't be coming back...

the rain is calling. the raven refused to sing.
the shadows allowed the ghost of my every heartbreak past
to move in. the walls chose words that you never said
with any voice but your eyes, and i just can't stay here
and live like that.

the rain

is calling

me home.

sincerely,

a broken diamond in the rough (strike through)
another fallen angel (striked through)
your wilting rose

I.
...I often wish someone would
love me enough to make me melt
from the inside out. No, I'm not suicidal
I just want the bliss and joy of being in love.
But who would be stupid enough
to love someone they
can't touch?

II.
...There are many days when
I don't want to get up or to get out
of the house. Not because I'm scared
or anything - I just feel too pretty for all
the chaos and hate in this
disgusting place.

III.
...I like to believe I am
a teddy bear - a child's favorite toy.
Every night I help someone fall asleep
and there's always someone out there
pouring their whole heart out to me.
I pretend that I'm soft like
my heart and that I can be
loved just as much as I love
those around me.

IV.
...There are more times than
I care to count when all I wanted was
to be the reason for your smile. I make
children jump for joy when school is canceled
because of me and the elderly are envious of my beauty -
but you, you're different. I hate the sun for
making you happier than I can.

I hate how you sit out on the dock in the late afternoon sun
with your canvass and paints. Stretching me and pulling me
for nothing but the pleasure of your latest muse. I hate
that you get to talk to the strangers fishing down the way
and the only people I have are the wooden planks you push me into.
And believe me they are horrible conversationalists.

You run after butterflies to match your paint to their wings
and softhearted blades of grass try to dry my tears. Darling,
I love you, I hate you, I love you but i don't love you anymore.
You get to live your life and manipulate me however you wish.

Only next time we play this little game of ours
you'll be my shadow
and I'll be your
master

I hate how you sit out on the dock in the late afternoon sun
with your canvass and paints. Stretching me and pulling me
for nothing but the pleasure of your latest muse. I hate
that you get to talk to the strangers fishing down the way
and the only people I have are the wooden planks you push me into.
And believe me they are horrible conversationalists.

You run after butterflies to match your paint to their wings
and softhearted blades of grass try to dry my tears. Darling,
I love you, I hate you, I love you but i don't love you anymore.
You get to live your life and manipulate me however you wish.

Only next time we play this little game of ours
you'll be my shadow
and I'll be your
master

I miss the way you rolled over and kissed her
as the sunlight delicately tiptoed in through the curtains
and the way that the aroma from your coffee so
beautifully accosted my floorboards each morning.
I remember the way laughter echoed off of every wall
when the kids got home from school, their jokes are
still whispered from time to time just between the walls and I.
I still feel your routines and the subtle ways you'd shake
my very foundation once the stars came out to play.

What happened to the good life of my forty-five year long friends? Where were you going as the rain beat down harder than
ever before and why couldn't you find your way back?
Your daughter's doll weeps on her bed. Your son's blanket is
lonely and cold. The ring you gave your wife has lost all
it's perfect shine. The scratched CD you forgot to turn off
still plays the heartbroken songs you two loved dancing to
on repeat. We all remember you, but do any of you

remember us?

There's a man who stands on the dock
every night staring at the water as he
runs his finger across the pendant she
used to wear. It's blue in a silver binding
he gave it to her not long after they met.

It was a cold day in town, he was getting
groceries and she was window shopping
with her daughter, just to pass some time.
He could feel the rain slipping down and
shattering between them. Now, he's all

alone. With nothing but a pendant and the
place they used to call a castle not a home.

Dance with me tonight,
like we used to
under the moon
after sneaking out
in the summer time.

Dance with me,
hold me close,
like we did
on those cool September days
after school in the park.

Dance with me,
keep me warm,
like we loved
in the winters
snowy mornings
when school was canceled.

Dance with me,
kiss me
as the sun comes up
like we did
in the early spring
out in the meadows.

Dance with me,
one last time,
please...

Look closer, what do you see?
A little girl laying on the floor
flooding herself in tears,
glancing cautiously at the door.

Does she have red on her arm?
Is it in a dash or streak?
Is it like the broken heart and
blackened soul at which you peek?"

That's what was whispered into
my ear one cold, damp winter's night,
though who whispered I do not know,
but it put me in such fright.

There was a house before me,
I watched through the window,
at the poor girl that had nothing,
not even a faint, friendly shadow.

All of a sudden the room
was caught in a crimson blaze,
garnished by golden tassels
and smoke making my sight haze.

The girl did not move,
in fact, she looked dead.
So being a good, kind man
ran into help instead of fled.

I went to pick her up and take
her away from this awful place,
when a man came in with a frown
and scars across his reddened face.

"Drop her!" He commanded,
"No!" I hollered with fear
wavering in my soft voice.
The girl had one final tear.

As the other man spoke,
it rolled down my scrawny hand
I knew right then that
Death had taken her to his land.

She had tasted the bitterness
of Death's enticing kiss,
how could it be though,
she was too young to end like this.

"Why won't you listen?"
The man called through the flames.
I swallowed hard, "She's gone,
I wonder who gets all the blames."

Just then a shot rang out,
a bullet raced toward the dad
and just barely missed.
somehow though he wasn't mad.

The fire still raged about
and we still yelled and fought.
The more passion I showed,
the more the fire got hot.

so I took the girl and ran,
I ran until I could run no more.
Her father chased after,
but didn't make it out the door.

"Thank you sir,"
The whisper cried again,
"I owe you my life,
though this is my end."

"Oh no dear,
You owe none.
That man was wrong
now his life is done.

I'm glad you are free,
but does that really mean
you have to leave, for good?"
crying as if on the silver screen.

"I have no where to go,
no one to stay with,
no more love or care.
Though death is a myth.

But yes, I must leave,"
She cried more than I.
I said, "I'll love you,
just don't say goodbye."

With this she took my hand
stood for the first time,
wrapped her tiny arms around me,
"If you think it'd be fine."

I pointed down at the town,
showed her my tiny home,
took her in as mine and
told her she'd never be alone.

The next day, we woke
to birds singing, sun
shining, and a friend,
now knowing to have fun.

Adventurous impulses
Become beautiful
Creative
Delights.
Exhilarating
Falls for
Gathering that thing
Happiness we want.
Inquisitive innocence
Jaded so quickly,
Kindness rare as
Love seems to be.
Money the only goal
Nothing else matters now.
Occult beliefs
Plaguing the supposed
Quaint minds
Revealing so called
Sins and regrets.
Truth no longer
Ubiquitous as it was.
Violence
Wafting delicately
X-rays often needed.
Young wishes for
Zealous days shall remain.

My definition is:

knowing
a person
and knowing
they can

make you laugh
when you dont want
to smile

or smile
when you dont want
to breathe.

Love to me is

when
you want the best
for someone
no matter
what the cost.

When heartbreak
becomes soulbreak
because they aren't around

or because
you know the pain
they encounter.

Its when
you are both
your own person

but can be
someone amazing
and extraordinary
as one

when you
are
together

The devastated people are
the seemingly happiest of all
but what happens if the fall
will they have gone down far?

Who's to say the sad
are the ones with the broken
hearts and souls wide open?

If a person is hurt
how can they pretend to be
so freaking lively and happy
yet be treated like dirt?

Well every single day
she puts on a huge smile
but it only lasts a while,
but has she ever been okay?

She is ever so fair
the beautiful kind of pale
her heart is for sale
and she has long dark hair.

Every morning she'll wake
with bright red eyes,
cause every night she cries,
but she'll smile for her sake.

She hides all she can
so they won't be able to see
the her without any glee,
though she doesn't have a single fan.

Walking down the lane
not one ray of light
with herself she must fight
to try and forget the pain.

Her goal is to lose,
to lose herself in
the world hidden within
and live in the blues.

But of course that's not it,
never will that be the story
and the world won't say sorry;
maybe for life she's just not fit.

Is this going to end,
will she continue to bleed,
will she get all that she needs
or for death will she fend.

Will she ever meet
somebody to love for real
or is that something she won't feel,
what fate will she greet?

The air is crisp and cool,
ebony and silver are the sky
hearts and souls long to fly
the ground is painted in crimson drool.

Where is she now?
Who is she anyway?
Oh it's that Madison Rene'
I see why death's her vow.

I need you
to know that you
are a spider just
sitting in your web,

waiting for some
unfortunate soul
to join you; to be
intrigued, to
submit itself
to your
chaos

merely for your entertainment.

I need you
to know that you
are a spider and
I am a fly,
but someday
our roles will
be revised.

I hope you enjoyed feasting
on my heart and any
fragments of my soul
you were able to grasp
because the day
I manage to get
the first taste
of you

will be the sweetest
I've ever known
alongside the
most glorious
revenge
possible.

You always said you just wanted me to be happy...

I miss you. But you always said you
just wanted me to be happy and that
you left because it was better for me
and my feelings. So you went away
without anything close to goodbye.

You walked away in my darkest hour
saying it was right because I liked
someone else and you didn't want to
get in the way of anything good coming
my way, especially love.

When we met I made the mistake of
showing you the width of my pain
instead of the depths of my heart and
you decided that I deserved love to be
happy more than just one friend.

You always said you just wanted me to be happy...

I have never been more happy than
when you were close enough to hug
after my nightmares and yet far enough
to muse from without having to bleed
first. I don't understand this - you.

What is happiness in your eyes anyway,
***, you taught me every other
conceivable lesson about emotions,
human growth, and love so what lesson
was this if you only ever always said

you just wanted me to be happy. . .

You say you do it so no one else falls in
with enough force to **** you upon arrival,
but you've gone and messed up this time.
While you were busy hiding from everyone else
you left cracks big enough for my tiny self to
get in. And you say you don't mind that people
do not miss you, but darling, you don't say a word
to me for a while and my heart starts to ache
a little bit more with every passing moment.
You drink and you drink because the taste is
just like anything else you've ever consumed.

There once was a time when it made you feel whole
because it took the pain away for a moment or two
and that led to an addiction of sorts, which just made
you someone you never thought you'd be. You say
you do it all just to keep people out, but Darling,
you made a mistake this time.

I want to say that you are in
grave danger
but you'd just think I am
being silly
again.

Because you don't seem to
understand
that I dedicate my touch
to you
everyday that I wake
again.

Don't hide out inside yourself;
I've done that
way too many times
it kills you
faster than you think
in all the wrong ways.

I want to call you and say you
should start
running angel, because Darling,
I love you.

And I'm really not sure if I
remember
how to deal with that
anymore.

With a tear in your eye you smile,
"Your superstition sweetens my day
and soothes me from the thought of
things creeping alongside me without
my knowledge. And in your arms the
candy coated lies are actually
believable once again."

I try to satisfy your cravings for
the painful things unseen to just
disappear and to answer you with
honesty when you jokingly ask,
"Does she look like me?"

but Baby, no one will ever
compare to you. No one
will ever look the way
you do when the shadows
dance across your face and
your smile lights up every
dark corner in this place.

There is a love that you don't
understand when a man cheats
on his beloved wife. The only
thing is, when it ends all he can do
is pick himself up again and
mutter through gritted teeth,
"Baby, tell me this, does he
treat you well? Does he look
like me?"

No one understands, no one gets you
like I do and I'm so sorry that I do
the things I do. Just remember,
I didn't do anything any other man
wouldn't do. Especially by loving you.

I know you will forgive me for
not writing in a while. It's just that
life got in the way of living again.

Then they needed me at home,
to clean up all of my messes.

Later I was out of ink and my quills
flew back to the birds they came from
(and I didn't have enough spare money
for new ones.) And now I know you will
forgive me for not writing you in a while.

I was caught in the tide and pulled down
lower for longer than I ever have before.

I know you will forgive me
but I'm still so sorry. . .

one after the other you sit
and you drink and drink trying
to drown your pathetic sorrows
away. I always found it funny
how you would be fine one moment
and smashed the very next.

It doesn't take a lot to
get you inebriated or lost
in the prison that is your mind
built by your own design and still
you get trapped. My god, how
much more stupid could you be?

They always say that you're
just human and I'm being too
******* you. They just don't
understand what it's like being
a kid watching brother **** himself.

You don't get what it's like
to be a child able to do nothing
when someone important is hurting
themself purposely night after
night just because daddy never gave
him things he asked for and mommy
was never home. I'm sorry, you don't.

At least when I grow up,
I'll be elegantly wasted unlike
you. I will be able to hold my
own and to know exactly when
I have gone far enough. Rather than
too far, the way you always do.

My heart goes out to you,
I hope you'll come back safe
again tonight. Though it does
no good, because any coming night
I know is going to be your last.

Why can't you be like mom,
like your friends? Why can't you
drink until you're numb instead
of dead? Why can't you be a lovely
intoxicated monster, because I can't
take the you that comes back acting
as if you're going to **** yourself.

Hunter, why can't you be like
us? Would it **** you to be
elegantly wasted instead of this?

Why would you throw elephants at me?
Especially pink, purple, and orange
Stuffed ones smaller than my tiny hand?

Oh mommy, why do you enjoy throwing elephants at me?
Is it because we be so abbynormal
or because of all your
coffee making you uneasy?

Did you fall off your pet unicorn
When you threw the soft elephants at me mommy?
Was there love in your heart when you did it?
Or was it because i made you laugh
so hard you cried in the middle of starbucks in
front of All those cute dudes?

Arent we friends mommy?
Dont we send ninjas to stalk peoples
Who think we're odd
And then ride dragons
across perfectly blue skies?

Oh mommy why
dos you throw elephants at me

I often wonder if this is just
a single year summer love we have
going on between you and me,
that a short journey back to the
places we came from would be
enough to shatter both our hearts
and anything we think of each
other.

That you have to have the strings
still attached, like a warning
in the manual meant to be bolded
that reads: "tie to fly" because your
wings aren't strong enough to
hold you all the way across the finsh
line.

I often wonder if this is just
all in my head and there's really
nothing at all going on between
you and me; yet I continue searching
for ways to break the silence
creeping in around us as we lay with
my head on your heart and someone else
waiting

on you.

"I have something to say.
It's the most important thing
you will hear all day! You need to
hear this. You'll want to listen,"
the world will scream at you.

But this, this is the only time
it will ever be completely true,
(but I guess that's what
everyone says, every time.)

You are magnificent.

You can sit there staring at me
With that unreadable look in your eye,
The sparkle is gone and the smile
I love so much is fading by the second.

I cant see you, really I never could,
But now all I have is that picture in
My mind when I close my eyes...
Its falling apart, missing all the details
I thought would last me forever.

I cant see you, I know you're still
Here though. Or rather still there.

All our pretty little songs are playing
On repeat and they just wont stop
No matter what I do and the things
You used to say as sleep gently
Pulled me away or when tears called
The shots for me are all the words
I hear when I dare to dream now.

You are somewhere new without
Even leaving, you are not the person
I spent so long believing you were.

Someday you will find this,
That much I know. When you do
The countdown is over, the promises
Have been forgotten, and goodbye will
Not be said this time.

But something tells me you are
Not planning to come back any
Time soon, so just don't come
Back at all, have fun.


P.s. somehow though, I will continue to love you
Even after the ends of time and until Death dies.

Names are written in the stars
when Earth's out of storage for people
running around her beautiful offerings
but she's so caprice that she can't decide
which ones to remove from the
horizon. I just hope our names don't
show up cause those are the ones she moves
to the top of Death's list.

Sit with me, find the old constellations,
the ones with stories and history,
myth and little to no truth. Sit with me,
like nothing at all is wrong, even if
only for tonight.

If I were a snowflake...

I would no longer be
the odd girl out,
or have the human
desire of payback.
I would like that,
to be a snowflake
would be amazing.

Maybe I could land
in a glistening field
of memories somewhere
in Germany, or fall
in front of a beautiful
Sunset on Alaska's
last winter day.

If I were a snowflake
I wouldn't mind it at all.

It's only a few days
but it feels like years,
decades even.

I know you'll be back
the habits we formed
found their way here
to haunt me again.

They tell me you are
coming home and I
shouldn't worry even
more, but your picture
is fading more and more.

Your voice has left me
alone trying to pull it
out of the rubble that
once was my imagination.

And your sweet, sweet arms
that one day will hold me
close to you if only for
one single moment
before losing you again.

I hope you have fun
while you are away,
just please come back
safe and sound, for me?

Don't tell a poet what to write,
don't tell an artist what to paint.
Trust me, that just isn't right,
and it doesn't make you a saint.

Just don't do it,
if you care so much
don't keep it a secret,
release with your own touch.

Don't tell a gamer how to play,
don't tell a ghost how to cry.
Trust me they'll have a lot to say,
and they won't even have to try.

You say you love me,
so let me express what I think.
You have to let me be free,
and I love the taste of ink.

Don't tell a girl how to dress,
don't tell a guy how to throw.
It only creates a bigger mess,
and takes you where you don't want to go.

It is the worst idea a person could get,
it's really not at all that smart.
Just give them space and let
them express with their own heart.

I'm not losing another one.
No. I'm not losing you too
you say that it won't happen,
but I can see through you.

Honey, don't go, please,
there's so much you don't know,
you say that you care about me
but there's pain I don't show.

I need you, you kept me alive,
go away, and I'll surely die
you say I'm okay but you've only
seen me when I start to cry.

Darlin' I love you so much,
please don't leave me alone
you say I'm your little sister
but you don't know I'm without a home.


I'm not losing another one.
No. I'm not losing you too
you say that it won't happen,
but I can see through you.

So, I need to say this and I need someone to listen and I know you come here everyday waiting for another piece of my soul to be poured out onto paper. You are the best listener of all, even though i've never met you and still I can pick your face out of any crowd even if I were blind. I know your voice so well that it's in every single one of my dreams telling me all the things no one else has been brave enough to say. Darling, I need to get something off my chest and I don't feel safe enough leaving these words anywhere else.

My heart belongs to someone. Someone I've never met in person. Someone who writes words darker than ebony and stronger than my coffee. He downs the most potent poisons known to man and listens to the music everyone else ridicules. He's stronger than he'll let on and he has a heart of gold even if he won't admit it. He's an angel and a vampire all at once. theres something about his voice that just cant  be described, it defies all description, it makes even the most painful words beautiful. There's something about his smile that makes even the worst days seem okay. He has this smile that outshines the sun - it's contagious too.

And this person, he is wonderful. He lets me fall asleep on the phone with him so he knows I'm okay. So if I have my nightmares he is close by. He looks out for me when I have to deal with idiots and *******. He offers to take my pain away from me when im sick. This person, they don't like words that are cliche and overused. Especially those three that are like watered down coca-cola. the words everyone wants to hear, the ones said to quickly, the ones that are so completely meaninglessly meaningful. And yet when he does say words like that, he means them, wholeheartedly, without any doubts at all.

My heart belongs to a stranger who's not really a stranger and honestly, I wouldn't rather anything else, because something about the way he smiles, reminds me he feels something similar.

Just in case you were wondering
you won a heart today.
The fact you stand out and
don't even care what people say.

The inspiration I've gained
as well as all the laughs
are dear to us - thank you.

I admire the works you create
with such tasteful words and paints.
Your passion for kindness and
living in your own light has
reminded me who I am.

No way you are normal,
that's good at this point.

Please don't ever change,
people love you
exactly this way.

Wilting flowers stare from the desk,
Smiling faces lost their playful glow;
So many things cloud my mind,
Mostly questions with answers you should know.

Lately, it seems the light doesn't turn off
And the coffee just will not brew;
Sleep doesn't want me, I don't want it,
I just need a break from you.

I had you for a moment, in my arms,
When I turned around to help my family
You disappeared the way shadows do at night,
Still there, just playing me so foolishly.

Ever growing disappointment in love
Just does not feel right anymore;
You showed me pain, I found hope again,
Don't come back, ill only show you to the door

I have the mark of the angels

layered delicately atop a sinner's skin.
There is a seraphium's heart beating
deep beneath my scarred chest and
Lucifer's fading light pushes out
this breath. I know you don't quite
understand how this can be
but you see on the day Heaven dropped
it's brightest star neither party bled
until long after their children were born.

I have the mark of the angels

layered delicately atop a sinner's ashen skin.
There is a seraphium's heart beating
deep beneath my scarred chest and
Lucifer's fading light is all I have left
pushing out my few remaining breaths.

Don't worry I am not alone
(you are never alone)
there are a million others

just like us.

Footprints along the shore
Lead me somewhere new;
It feels like
....paradise
And at first it tasted
Good, now its too
...sweet.

Our sand castle still
...stands
Nestled safely farther
Back than the cove.

Sea **** washed up
Again, wove my feet
Together kindly,
Though I did not
....stop
Walking, trying to move
.... on.

A painted sky frames a
Golden sun's decent
As night stumbles in
...again.
Where did you go this
....time.

I thought we were better
For each other than this,
I thought we found
...paradise
For more than a split
....moment.

As I walk tears do
What tears do best...
They fall, drip, and
...slide
While waves crash,
gently erasing
....scars....

Unjaded swift memories
flood my inquisitive mind
easily yet forcefully.

Seeing you again,
watching you smile,
hearing your laugh,
and sitting on your lap
remind me of the games
you played with my feeble head.

How could you expect
a child like me to
understand the drama
you ****** upon my
tiny soul.

Who did you think
I was? Who did you
want me to become?

Where was your heart
in all of the stories?
Where were you when
rain beat down my
corrupted dreams.

And now I know
just who you were
and what you wanted.
Though those day
you were my friend
still haunt me
like the ghost of your past.

I still remember it all
the taste of your words
that poisoned my soul.

The smell of your
potent dreamless
thoughts and solid
fears and bravery.

The feel of your arms
around me when you
wanted me to fall
for your poor me
victimized scenarios.

The sound of you
breaking my heart
each night then again
when the sun rose.

And most of all
I remember watching
you tear up everyone
and everything
in your smooth path.

I often get these
ghost flashes from
being under your
so called care and
fading from my true self
into the transfigured beast
you wanted instead.

Dear *,

Try to understand glass wounds from
broken beer bottles and bitter secrets
of scattered memories whispered
almost delicately from lace like
dancing shadows waiting on the beaches
in Venice for innocent passers by
to miss and muse from

aren't always so easy to take. And
remember how you promised to wake
me up from the creases between sleep
and death when everything was fixed
again, but you didn't so it shouldn't matter
that I'm gone now.

You had your chance to save me,
you did nothing. Now's your chance to
grieve, please don't cry for me.
This was not my doing as I always
intended it to be.

Try to understand that ghosts can only
wander so far before they linger
back home and stories can only live
so long as they are still told to eager
listeners moments away from being
tucked safely into bed as dreams make
their way into the room

awaiting the innocent bliss of a child's
sound slumber. Yes, I know its a bad
comparison for you, but it's all I've got,
I will return, so please just

try to understand.

Let your rain fall down again
watch lighting crash against
blackness of everything that
simply cannot be described.

Tell me of your nightmares
so I can pull you close, share
with me your every dream
and I will chase it with you.

We talk and time melts away
you say good night but I only
wish you could stay. The stars
are beautiful but you are too,

Let your rain fall down again
watch lighting crash against
your pain, give me a second
to bring your smile back home.

Didn't I call your name
before I got pulled in too deep?
Didn't I prove myself to you
when I saved that poor little boy?

"You did," A deep voice said,
"But it was your time.
You needed to leave that place
because you ruined my plans."

Oh I see, I messed your plans up
and you call yourself God?
Oh and why do you show up now
but I called your name for 12 long years?

"Well, yes," He spoke again,
"I couldn't do those things,
well, I could, however I felt
it was unnecessary, like you."

Wait, what? I was unnecessary,
yet I saved people and was good?
Wait, I was a mistake to you,
wasn't I? You never cared."

"I cared, just not for
the games you played.
I did not create you for
you to want to die," It continued.

Sir, with all due respect
it was your fault I did that.
Sir, with all due respect
I detest you now.

"No, my dear," He chuckled,
"You do not lothe me,
no, no that's not it at all,
I banish you to Hell."

Okay, do that if you must
I don't give a ****.
Okay? I'm done playing at this
I called on you a time too many.

"Please sweetie," The man added,
"Why can't you see,
I did what I had to do.
The rest was up to you."

Say whatever you want,
I'll gladly die again.
Say whatever makes you feel good
I'm not buying it.

Everyone knows
that you love her so much.
There are sparks without a touch
and the love only grows.

Dear friend,
she loves you too;
she's just waiting on you,
so the friendship won't end.

Four years,
that's how long you've waited
for a girl completely unjaded,
held back only by your fear.

Make a move,
tell her your little secret,
I promise she'll keep it.
See your together in this groove.

Love her,
love her at all rates
after all you are soul mates
of this I am more than sure.

Hand in hand,
for you this should be
its time for you to break free,
together as one you'll always stand.

So say
all that you feel
and know this love is real,
there's no risky price to pay.

Be yourself
she loves you as you are,
you are her superstar
perfect without wealth.

Do it now,
wait and the chance will fade
and I'll wonder if I should've stayed.
By the way, do not ask how.

He and she,
that's you two lovey dovey birds,
she blushes even without words,
together you should forever be.

"I know you want the best for me,
you always have and even if we fall
through something tells me you
still will. That's why I didn't want
you to know about today. . .

I wasn't trying to hurt anyone
and I did everything everyone
asked of me, so them yelling,
chewing me out, telling me to
do more, work harder, get up earlier,

ate away at me more than I could
take and I saw the cigarettes on
the back porch and felt the lighter
in my pocket next to the knife
sober of my blood for months.

The withdraws wouldn't hurt so much
if people wouldn't stare at me and
point out everything I already hate
about myself. I know you love me,

you always want the best for me
and somehow I think that will still
be the case, even if we fall through.
That's why I'm begging you to leave -

so you don't see the lipstick stains
from bittersweet butterfly kisses
or smell the smoke carrying even more
of me too far away to get back."

She wrote on a ripped up piece of
crumpled paper and placed inside
my locker outside of the art room.

"There is hope, light, and beauty
buried deep inside and I am
completely determined to show
that to you, Lovely girl. You can't
throw me far enough that I won't
be back. My soul is part of the
crashing waves that mesmerize you
ever so. Don't give up yet."

was all I could say in response.

You can't leave me either,
you may be the earthquake
off the coast, but I'm the volcano
on the fault lines.

I know you were already here,
that I missed you by minutes
and maybe a second or two.

The words are said so easily,
so much that they don't seem
to mean anything now.

But just in case the cliche's
and corny messages make
you smile the way they used to:

Be mine, you have my heart
I love you, I miss you, hug me,
kiss me, and know that I...

I am always thinking of you,
because as it implied by the day's
commercial theme, I LOVE YOU.