i fell in love with his words,
instead of his actions.

he told me all about our
beautiful future, together.

but he never intended,
on finding it.

i truly loved you
with everything I had,
and then some.

and when you
almost left,
it disappeared.

my love feels
emptier now,
less raw.

my eyes are sea-salt bombs,
ready to go off,
at any moment

the thought of you,
the switch, that
sets me off.

is it selfish for me to hold on just a little longer?
so that when I lose him,
and I will lose him,
I know I am losing all of him.
So that I know,
we had no other choice.

it's funny how
things happen when
you never expect them to,

falling in love,
falling out of it.

my chest tightens
when we fight,
it's as if
everything
constricts
around my heart,
to protect it.
be careful
my body warns,
don't let him
don't let him
rip me from you,
my heart screams

he loves me, he loves me, he loves me, i sing
the song is on repeat in my head
he loves me, he loves me, he loves me
the melody swirls in my mind
he has become my favorite song

i am starting to think of him, as my sun.
things are brighter when he is there.
there is more life and light in my life.
when he is gone, it may be a bit darker,
but i have always loved the glow of the moon.
i still need my solitude, my time to be myself.
you have to love both the moon and the sun.
and the stars, the stars of course.
if i am the moon and he is the sun,
my friends and family are my stars.
my ***** of fire that surround me with heat, life, love.
we all fit you see.
with them i am me.
but with him, i shine.
you need the sun to survive, and life is better, life is life.
but you need the time with the moon and stars to appreciate the day.
it all strikes a balance.
i am not sure if i am making sense here with my jumbled similes and metaphors of my own personal universe of relationships.
but just know he has become my sun.
and who knows, it could explode.
scorching everything in its path,
there goes the universe.
but for now, we have day and night and life.
and if it goes down in flames, it was still there.
and a new universe can form from the remnants.

i think i love him.
i love him i think.
i've been told you know when you know,
here is what i know.
when i am not with him,
he consumes my thoughts.
when i am with him,
i never want to leave.
any essence of him,
his name, a thought, a text,
makes me smile and smile.
i want to know him
in ways i've never wanted
to know another human soul.
through him, i see myself differently.
i like who i see.
he challenges me.
i like to think i challenge him.
we are alike but very different,
complementing each other so that
we both are brighter but do not
outshine the other.
when i am in the clouds,
or in a dark corner hiding from the world,
just his presence brings me back,
helps me see the world and its beauty again.
he knows me in ways i never
dreamt another human soul
would want to know me.
i know all of this.
and i know,
i've never felt this way before,
and i know,
when he sends me messages
filled with witty words and sweet ones,
i smile and smile.
and my first thought is,
*i just love this boy

they really do seem
like windows to heaven,
maybe that's the trick

once we get too close
we see they are nothing more than
fire and heat, scorching
anyone in their path

perhaps they are
portraits of Hell
put there by the devil
to tempt us

the dark side
can be so beautiful,
but it burns.

how have I never looked up?
there's a whole universe up there
the stars, those bright pinpricks of light,
just existing, with or without our gazes
they go on, fiercely, only for themselves

us humans could learn so much

I am scared of
love, loneliness, and failure

I fear that after being
loved, and losing it,

The loneliness will
drown me

And that failure,
will stain everything

your kisses,
left smiles
all over my face

hours later,
they're still there

He wants to read my poems,
he wants to see what
I have written about him.
I wonder why I am so scared
for him to see my thoughts
laid bare with no filters.
Maybe because I still have that fear
that he will run away
once he realizes how real this is.

i've realized that every time
we get close to jumping,
i pull my toes off the edge of the cliff
the impending fall seeming like too much of a risk,
but you never let go of my hand,
I've always been ready to jump, you say
and you patiently wait for me to
inch back towards the edge,
never rushing the process
of instilling bravery back into my veins
it might take me a little while
before i am ready to jump
but as long as you keep
holding my hand
i'll believe you when you say
you're falling with me
and we'll catch each other.

i have always been a lover of words
novels, poetry, music, conversation
the syllables, sentences strung together
just right create a symphony that
makes my head spin and heart flutter

and your words...
they have become my favorite song

but for the first time in my life,
i am starting to see how
actions can be better than sounds

i love your words, but i want you
to show me what they mean

please, you've written beautiful music,
now dance with me.

i wonder how long
it will be before
he realizes that
he deserves
more than me

I am a psychic
A terrible teller of time

For I can see
a whole future
with you, a lifetime
Yet I cannot even
imagine,
What our next moment
will hold

your hand on my back,
tracing patterns on my skin,
our own secret language of hieroglyphics
fingertips dancing along my spine,
my mind starts to drift
I've gone somewhere else
a land of music,
and bodies swaying to the beat
I could stay here forever,
with you, and your dancing fingertips

I wonder if hell
is made of fire,
flames everywhere
like snakes
slithering at your feet
pools of dying embers
flickering in the dark
lava spilling down
like waterfalls
imagine heat everywhere
singing your eyes, hair, skin
such a dark place,
yet so bright
that's the trickery,
you feel so warm,
comfortable,
you don't realize you're being
burned alive

the embers
danced just for me

who knew a
dying thing

could be so
beautiful

the Cape is a place
where time stops,
and all that moves
are the waves and breezes,
bicycle wheels and boats

I forget that my thoughts
are not public
sometimes I wish I could
broadcast them on the radio,
but only for you

because if you knew how
much of my mind you occupy,
I like to think you would be pleased

I don't know how to tell you
that you have become one of
my favorite parts of the day

that I love thinking of all the
ways to make you smile

I imagine what it would feel like
for you to touch me in the dark,
I wish you would

or that I fear, that you think
I never think these things,
and I worry, that one day soon
you will stop thinking of me

every word
out of her
seemingly sweet
mouth,
broke me
from the
inside out

I cannot place,
my feelings onto paper.
I wanted to lock them
away with my pencil.
Hoping to have them
fade onto the page.

I cannot form
my thoughts
into sentences
they swirl, bounce
refusing capture.

Thoughts, feelings
The right and left
cuffs that
chain me to
my mind,
forever captive
immobilized.

They speak of you everywhere,
Books, movies, friends
I hear you arrive when
Hands are held, or
Eyes connect,
Or even with small smiles,
Excited thoughts
You show up when the
Presence of one person,
Excites another, even if
They do not yet know,
Why they are excited
Your fluttering wings,
Remind them to pay attention
This one is special
You say while filling
Their stomach with nerves

I heard about you,
All of the time
Books, movies, friends
I never thought you
Would visit me
With the others,
You never appeared,
I waited for the flutter
That never arrived
Though tonight, there it was
The sensation in my stomach
Was more than welcome,
Thank you, you are right
He is special
So please,
My butterfly friends,
Stay a while

Writing is funny sometimes
It's as if your mind, heart,
And hand have a
Conversation on all their own,
Without including you.
Then you stare at the page,
And think,
*I didn’t know I felt that way

I read about these trees once,
they grow together, the
two plants intertwine and become one
supporting each other, until they
become inseparable.
When you were holding me,
I felt like one of those trees
pushing myself into you, as
your arms wrapped around me
fingers holding fingers,
thumbs making patterns
on each other's skin.
I never thought we could
fit together like this and
I wondered what would happen
if we never let go.
If we sat there forever,
intertwined.
Would we grow together?
Become one plant?
One body?
One soul?
One.

Usually, when he
touches me, I
pull away

Today,
I leaned in
held on

My breath
became
thin

My stomach,
dropped,
tightened

It was as if
he was always
meant to be there

I wish I knew
what that
means

Trains, cars, planes
Buses, bikes, boats
Always traveling,
You have reached
Your destination-
Now on to the next one
We travel to travel
Being in one place
Is boring, predictable
But constantly moving
Now that's freedom
But it can be lonely,
If you keep
Coming and going,
Who will greet you?
Who will miss you?
Maybe the trains and planes,
Will.