I live with pain
Its breath-
Its burden.
I live in pain
Its whispers-
It's wicked.

I  break beneath
the weight
of my frame.
                      I'm tearing
                      at my seams.
I can barely contain

I have a sister
Belittled and Torn
Who probably feels forgotten.
Past pain
Rebounds and ricochets
Inside her empty soul.
She cries at night
Sometimes, I know
But she doesn't deserve her tears.
Beautiful
Strong
Those cookie-cutter phrases
Couldn't  begin to describe her
Brilliance.
I have a sister with a funny laugh
And pale skin.
A sister who dances
When she pleases.
I have a sister
Who likes to be alone.
Whose fragile heart-
Once so loving,
Slowly turned to stone.
I have a sister
Who learned to forget
And who learned to love me again.
I have  sister
Who tries to forget
But sometimes remembers
the pain most present.
She didn't deserve her past,
Or pain
But she deserves a
perfect future.

is a long time.
I never want
My words to end-
Each syllable is
A new breath Taken.
And my voice screams through
My writing-
I breathe through my prose
Live through my poems.
And if my poems never end
Then I will live

My father served in peace
My grand dads served in war
I come from a long line
Of service.

I wanted to serve
I wanted to fight
But then I found out
A woman couldn't march
On the front lines.

I'm older now
The laws have changed
I believe
I have changed
I want a degree
A family
Bravery  just isn't in my name.

These Two Years
Have felt like
An eternity-
With forever wrapped up
In Christmas paper
And shoved
Under the tree

If waves could wash
Away
My memory of you
I'd sleep in the rivers, and
Drown

Did you run, or were we torn    
                                                            Apart?
Seperated by miles, our
                                                            Memories
tend to bind us together; we are
                                                            bound;
by lost tendencies and hope.
                                                            I
miss you. Please
                                                            remember
me. All the
                                                            thoughts
shared. Now though, we drift;
                                                            parting
ways. Distance has the best of
                                                            us.
I'm lost.

You're bent on fury
On rage and revenge
The heart of hell lives
Within

I ask you release
The anger you seek
But it always comes
Again.

You were never
A Miscarriage
Because that implies
You were never really
Someone.

Aside from the Feelings
of the contours
of the Earth,
It is the times we feel
Nothing
That hurt us
Most.

I remember
Everything you could have been,
And realize now
Everything you're not.
And ink on flesh
Never dissolves
Into the beating
Of a heart.

Breathless fire
Knows no bounds
To which it spreads
It's fiery
Intent.

You crave the love
You're afraid to find
And so you drown yourself
In bars and lies.
You thrive in the sadness
You pretend you don't feel
And look for happiness
In emptiness.

I think of you often
Cry for you even-
Praying someday
The scars of your past
Will fade away.
I pray someday
You'll find
The love your soul so craves.

I live now only in his wake-
I breathe now only his breath.
Some would say
I'm weak;
Living for the sake of another-
For him.
I see myself now,
Without him
I could live.
I love not out of need
But out of want.
Do not tell me
I am weak
When you could never know
The strength of my heart.

You can be anything-
Without the burden of pain.
You are everything, in being
nothing.
You were something.
You still are-
My sister.
I can forget the pain
And I can say your name

My eyes are your cell:
They  hold our empty memories.
There resides
Everything you could be.
And in our mother's womb,
Lies everything you are.

I don't care how
Beaten and Broken
My body may be
I will always
Run up the stairs,
Just to remind myself
I can.

Let me breathe
Some sort of ruthless fire
Into your soul
And light up the remains
Of your heart
So you can be brought back
To life
And maybe Find
Some sort of love
For yourself.

Halloween is meant for
Fairies and Ghosts,
But you donned your costume
Early-
Six years later
And I still wonder
Why you dressed up
As death.

I tremble
Beneath the weight of
My own expectations.
Now
I fear
For the day I
break
Beneath

I'd feel the floor
Move beneath me
And send the Earth
Into the Sun-
Where it would shatter
And burn.
I would Burn the world

sometimes we were
in love.
but those feelings
caught fire
and in the end
caught flight.
the ebbing memories
of how we used
to be
weren't enough
to hold us together.
in the end,
it was me who left
after two years
of begging you
to stay.
and in the end
it was me who said no
when you
came back.
in the end,
your shallow words
weren't enough to save us.
in the end,
it was you who drove me
away.
near the end
i found someone else,
and you didn't care
when i went to his house
alone.
you should have cared
because that was when
i saw i no longer loved you
i no longer wanted you.
that was when i saw
i only wanted him.
now i have him
and you're gone,
and in the end
we were too different
and we fought
and you were mean
and the love we sometimes held
wasn't enough
to save us.

I want to be
The perfect waves
that settle along
the edges of the sea.


But I'm only the sand- on the beach-
being carried away by
the waves I so crave
to be.

I love you because
You respond to my touch
Even as you dream
And it makes me think:
    
    Maybe that dream is of me.

I'll have the last word
The last breath
I want to be
The last thing
On their minds.
And when I die
I'll leave behind
Words no one
Will ever forget.

I make art;
Portraits piled
On portraits-
My body covered in paint.
My work hangs on the Walls
And often rests
In the trash.

There is something beautiful
In a picture-
But like beauty
It meets no means,
And will leave me
Trembling
In its
Dust.

I wish your ashes
Would turn to dust
So I could
Throw them to the Night.
And if you were a star
I'd tie myself
To the moon
Just to be
A little closer
To you.

I mourn for the
Air
You were never meant
To have.

An innocent
Breath
That will never
Breathe.
That's all I'll ever
Let you be-
Because you're the
Sister
I will never see,
And your name only hurts me

Sometimes we spend
Our entire lives
Waiting