I’m just laying in my bed,
waiting to go see my
boyfriend.

I don’t want to talk
Not today.
Sometimes I don’t like
having a cellphone.
I don’t want to able
to be reached at any point.
Just let me be

I love
that I don't hate myself,
but I hate
that I don't love myself.

He reminds me of the color yellow
WIth the glimmer in his eyes
Or the joy unfurled when we laugh together

Or sometimes he reminds me of the color white
When I look at him and see a future
Of children giggling as they run around the old German shepherd
White roses blooming

Sometimes I see the color green in him
When he speaks to me wisely
Like an ancient willow tree
Crooked branches blessing me with shade
Leaves of insight, sheltering me.

I see the color red in him
When our limbs are tangled
Dancing in love's sweet design
Tossing, turning, heart's beating as one.

In harmony and passion
And wisdom and grace
And laughter and Joy
I love my Kaleidoscope man.

I don't believe in soul mates
What I do believe in
Is people that connect
On some deeper level
Immediately upon acquaintance
And not meaning you agree
On where to eat for dinner
But the connection where your heart
Seems to slip out
Of your rib cage
Because it's found a home
Outside of your chest.

I’ll barely eat,
and cry in my car before work.
Meanwhile I’ll trick everyone into
thinking I’m no longer
sifting through the wreckage
of us.

If you don’t
Paint your dreams with wishful thinking
Nurture your mind with knowledge
Evolve your thinking with creative ideas
Brush your deeds with humanity

You will be forgotten like
A fallen yellow leaf
A lonely house yearning for inhabitants
A naked tree with no fire, no song
A cemetery with no soul, no melody

Hussein Dekmak

I take my prescribed pills with an energy drink
Monster energy if your wondering
And it's always the zero-sugar version
Because the sugar will rot my teeth.
I’m constantly on the verge of healing and destroying myself
Like a seesaw that's perfectly balanced
I am fed up with breaking my hand
And then bandaging it up myself.
I am my own executioner and doctor all in one body
The healing in the midst my own self destruction
I am the silence before an explosion
The calm before the storm.