I stare at the clock
My mind racing
A mile a minute
With no indication of stopping

My eyes feel heavy
But my body won't stop moving
So I sit here writing
Hoping it will help even slightly

An hour passes by
I still sit here
I still keep writing
I should be in bed

This is stupid
Why can't I sleep?
I'm not an insomniac
So why won't my body rest?

Your arms were once a haven
Warm and protective
Wrapped around me even in friendship
But now they hold only anguish and sorrow for my destroyed soul

No air to breathe
No place to go
The silent one
Looks for a home

No one to listen
No one to see
Just how much
The deaf one can hear

Coolness fills it's lungs
Freezing the air ways
It's suffocating
But nothing more can be done

It's scratching it's clawing
It's biting at the walls
The chain is then pulled back
And it's dragged down further

A blurred perception
A blurred reality
Where the outgoing goes silent
And the listener becomes deaf

You mistook it
So many times
Now it tries to get out
But it's suffocated by lies

Aquantience or Friend
Family or Lover
It fooled them all
Aren't you proud?

It's only until
The mask falls off
That it's lungs finally give out
That you realize just who it was they were killing

Blurry blurry graying sky
Weep the tears that I hide
Shelter me in rain and storm
Another day has come and gone
Oh blurry blurry graying sky
Why do you weep? Why do you cry?
Take another day away
Drown me in the sounds you make
Blurry blurry graying sky
I'm afraid it's time for me to die
The gun's already to my head
Don't you see? I'm better off dead
Don't weep for me, oh graying sky
My time has come and gone by
I pull the trigger without a second though
But don't worry it won't be for not
I'll add some color to your mind
So I won't be leaving you behind
Now blurry blurry lilac sky
How the days have gone by
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't worry about a thing
This was for the best

Do you know what it's like
To be pushed beyond your limit?
To feel emotionally destroyed
Inside and out?

Have you ever screamed out as you cried
Sitting on the floor?
Voices circling
Inside of your mind?

When was the last time you actually smiled
the last time you actually felt happiness?
It was so long ago you can't remember
But you know you can recall a time.

Throat hurting
Eyes swelling
Stomach turning
Nose running

The tears don't stop
The screaming never halts
The voices don't dwindle
And it's all one person's fault

I'm seeking a savior
But he's so far away
So I try to hold on
And be patient for his sake

But I don't want to live this way
Not anymore
I just want to be happy
I just want to go home

Home to him, where I feel safe
Where I know I won't scream and cry
Home is where the heart is
And this house is a home of lies.

A fragile sheet of ice
Glistening on a semi frozen lake
One wrong step
And it will shatter
One wrong move
And it will break
You need to pin point your moves
Or else you will fall through
And drown in the icy depths
For some
The path is simple
For others
Its complex
Just remember
One wrong step
One wrong move
And you will end up drowning
Even if you make it out
You will never be the same
You will never again be you
So try not to drown
Because you can never really escape
The icy depths of Hell
In the end
There are two paths
Which will you choose?
Will you carefully move about the surface?
Or will you drown in the midst of your depression?
The final choice is yours
So choose wisely

Eyes dance around her
Lustful eyes
Longing eyes
Eyes full of desire for her

Her eyes weave through them
They go through the crowd
Where do they stop?
They stop at you

The crystal blue eyes you own
The windows to your soul
She saw into your heart
And fell in love with you

Though the other eyes still watched her
Waiting for a slip up
Waiting for an oppertunity
To steal her away from you

But you still hold her close
You still cherish her everyday
And though you both are far away
Her heart still belongs to you

She still ignores the eyes
She looks to yours only
You're her only one
You're her only love

Passion of the heart and desire of the mind.
The slow passage of time slowly takes it's toll.
The knolls of the death bells ring aloud and clear.
But they don't seem to reach your ears.

Violent eyes and harsh hands sway.
As the tempered cold outside gives way.
Through the darkened glass the eyes doth see.
A realm of hate and despair shrouded in a blanket of illusion.

Icy waves crash on the shorelines.
Skin trembles as the needles pierce it.
A sorrow filled soul struggles to find salvation.
As they drift off into an illustrious sleep

Dreams of happiness overwhelm the mind.
A want for peace and prosperity.
Gracefully entranced in lies of the weak.
Entangled in a capsule of destruction.

A blazing inferno incinerates all.
Isn't this what you wanted?
Is this the beauty of the world,
That you so greatly wanted to accomplish?

I have to accept it
It's pointless to bother
You've gone away
In the company of another

We use to be close
I wanted to call you brother
But you ever gave me the chance
And now I start to wonder

If that night really meant something
That night that I cried
Were my tears for nothing
As you sat there ready to fly

Can't you tell this is killing me?
Can't you tell that I miss you?
I don't know what else to say
I don't know what else to do...

So now I sit here
Tempted to say something
But I'm scared to speak my mind
I'm scare you might hate me

I know you can't see this
But I'm missing my best friend
The one who I saved
From a far too early end

I miss our midnight calls
Our deep or silly conversations
I miss your tight hugs
Whenever you came to visit

So why must I endure this?
I just want my best friend back
But you've gone too far away now
You're never coming back...

Staring Staring
Staring at the world
Wondering would it matter
If I had never been born
Would anyone care?
Would anything be different?
Would there be something missing?
Would you feel something missing?
Probably not, am I right?
After all, I'm just an inconvience
Im just a shadow
Im just a wave in the rapid ocean
Just a pebble on the ground
I mean nothing
So what would it matter if I was gone?
What would you think if I was gone?
Would you miss my presence?
Would you miss my touch?
Would you miss my laugh?
Would you miss my smile?
Would you miss my kiss?
But most of all...
Would you miss me?

We met
We fell
We loved
We felt happiness

We planned
We held on
we doubted
we broke

I cried
I lost
I crashed
I burned

I told
I cut
I begged
I found peace

He found me
He saved me
He helped me
He tried to help me forget

He promised
He lied
He cheated
He broke

You found me
You loved me
You told me
You held me

You left me
You forgot me
You moved on
You all broke me

I can't write
I can't think
Was this really a good fit for me?
I cant hold it together
My composer fades quickly
And I break so easily
He's there
When I need him
And I know he always will be
But I can't shake this feeling
That he won't stop me breaking
I always do
One way or another
And I can't help it
So what am I to do?
I'm scared
I'm frightened
What if I fail?
I don't want to fail
I don't want to fail...

I can't go on
I can't live like this
Maybe I'll just disappear
No one will notice
I'm just wasted space
I'm just a pathetic mess
I'm just gonna go to sleep
And hope I never wake up
Good Night to the world

Im fine Im fine
Can't you see?
I'm as fine
As ever fine can be
I'm smiling
I'm laughing
I'm cheerful and free
I'm not dreadful at all
Can't you see?
Don't believe me?
I'll show you it's true
I'll share some of my fineness with you
We'll take a walk
Down by the sea and wood
Still don't believe me?
You honestly should
Why would I lie?
I have nothing to gain
Just believe that I'm fine
Everything will be the same
I won't leave
I promise
I only speak the truth
Maybe one day
You'll believe me too
What's that you say?
I have cracks on my face?
No no
That's not true
My mask is still in place
Mask? What am I saying?
I'm fine, don't you see?
What...? No! Stop! Don't!
Stay away from me!
Just let me be fine!
I promise I'm okay!
Don't tear it off!
Keep my mask in place!
Let me hide behind this guise
For as long as I can
Maybe just maybe
One day you will understand

Is it so wrong to love him?
Is it so wrong to have fallen for him?
Is it so wrong to want to be held by him?
Is it so wrong to want to kiss him?
I long for his touch
I long for him to hold me
But I know we will never be
Anything hinting to that is just a day dream
Yet my heart still yearns for him
Like how it still yearns to sing
But it will never be
We will never be a thing
I want to be his
I want him to claim me
But no matter how much I wish it
That reality will never be
So I sit here suffering
Trying to be a good friend
But at the same time I can't help
But wish for a love that will never come
So again I wonder
Deep with in my heart
Why is this to be?
Why is this so wrong?

Her eyes trace the outline
Of every scar she made
Wondering everyday
Will she ever be the same

She tried to hold on
To every faint glimmer of hope
She tried to hold on
Till you snapped the rope

She plummeted down
Screaming as she fell
But she dragged you down with her
Now your both in Hell

She won't let you leave
So you'll suffer with her
In this dark lonely place
Thats a manifestation of her fears

You see everything that scared her
Everything you did
You don't regret it at all
You seem to be content

You smile at her sadness
Smirk at her crying
Laugh at her depression
And chuckle at her lying there

You walk away from her
Leaving her to rot
But she will crawl back up
And what happens next will be your fault

You've been so close
But yet you're so far away still
My hope slowly fading
And my smile withering away

I don't see you in reality
I don't see you in my dreams
I don't hear your voice
I only see and hear your name

Your name is whispered softly in my dreams
As I chase after the signs of where you are
Yet I'm not getting any closer
And you keep getting further away

I reach out for you
But I just fall short
My heart longing just to see you
My mind longing for your comfort

But no matter what i do
No matter what I say
For now you are just
Too far out of my reach

I'm losing motivation.
I'm losing sleep over the most trivial of things.
I can't seem to keep my head wrapped around these things I'm suppose to love to do.
I sit and I stare at a screen full of words from another, trying to find the best response but finding nothing that works.
I'm tired, I'm sick of having to write the same ******* thing every day of my life. This ****** romance that I have with you, I tire of it so but I can't escape you everywhere I go.
No matter what words I bold, highlight, underline, or stress, you always come back every single time.
I'm done with it.
These words will be my last.
You killed my creativity and destroyed the imagination of a writer who wanted nothing more than to live her dream.
These stories I imagined, the plot lines I constructed, are crumbling down under a mountain of the same role plays that seem to haunt me.
But none of you care.
This wasn't just for fun.
It was to test my limits and see how far I could run a story until I was sure it was completed.
But you can't make a story off of constant ***.
I've tried to. Time and time again but it always gets lost behind a sea of one liner responses.
I'm tired. I'm spent. Another dream gone down the drain.
I don't know if I want to save it. It'll always be the same.
The communities never seem to change.
These people always want the same thing no matter what you say to try to change it.
I want to scream and cry. I feel every option is gone.
That I have no choices left and nothing more to move on to.
I'm holding in my breath.
Holding in every ounce of rage from letting lose upon these idiots I am forced to communicate with.
Art is a bang, or so it's said. The gun is to my head as you pull the trigger.
BANG!
Another artist is dead.

I'm loosing my heart
I'm loosing my mind
I'm loosing my will
And my want to survive

I want to do nothing
But lay in bed all day
In the arms of someone I love
And be told its going to be okay

I want someone to understand
That even when I'm smiling
Inside I'm crying
Inside I'm dying

It can't be helped
And I feel all alone
I'm tired of crying
And I'm tired of not being in a true home

"My footsteps silent as I walk this lonely and forgotten path. The sound of the wind my only company for this long and tired walk. Just a little more to go. Just a few steps more. I'm almost at the end. I've made it this far, I can't fail now. I approach the tree line, the exit right before me. A smile brightens up my sorrowfull face. I almost break into a sprint but am suddenly pulled down to my knees before my haven. I feel something gripping at my leg, pulling me back to my start. I put up a fight. I struggle. I'm trying to break free. My voice comes out as a silent scream, echoing through the very depths of my mind. I was so close. So close... As I feel my body dragged away from my destination, I slowly start to give in to the despair that had been chasing, taunting and tormenting me. But as I do, I hear the faint sound of a bell, a soft ringing in the back of my mind. I know not of what it is but it sparked something inside of my fragile mind. I break free from that which tried to pull me back to square one, as I hear the name I gave up whispering through the trees. No. I will not fall back into my despair. A break into a run this time, fleeing from the thing that tried to drag me back. I can feel it continuing to give chase, slithering after me like a serpant ready to strike its prey. I hear the name I no longer hold echoing more, becoming more and more like a scream. The more I run, the more my destination seems to flee from me. I'm screaming again. No. No I will not let you go. My feet seemed to fly as I ran, the sepant of despair right on my heels. I can see it. I see it clearly. The opened arms of my happiness ready to catch me, calling out the true name. My face brightens and I forget about the serpant about to drag me back. I take a leap, a leap towards happiness. A leap towards a better life. And the serpant falls back down to the forest floor, defeated as the joy bringer holds me tightly in their arms. Yet the forest still grows, ready to consume with fiercer foes. But I will be ready to face them weither is be with company, or by my lonesome. Because now I have someone to fight for."

I have two special people
Who are my reason to smile
My reason to stand tall
Who make my life worthwhile

One of them has marked me
With a special ring
The other is my best friend
Who makes me want to sing

Both of them have saved me
Multiple times and in multiple ways
And even though I'm a hand full
I know we will have many special days

They give me a reason to live
A reason to hope and a reason to stay strong
Without them I would fall apart
Is that really so wrong?

So even though they probably won't see this
I want to let them know
That I am not going anywhere
And that my happiness will continue to show

A darkened shadow
cast upon her spirit
restrains all happiness
from ever taking hold

She fights back the monster
Holding onto hope
But the darkness spreads
And she slowly surcumbs

A single hand comes to her
A hand shrouded in light
It grabs hold of her ****** wrist
And brings her back to life

She cringes at the brightness
Shivers at the warmth
She looks at the face that saved her
But sees that there is none

Beyond her eyes someone watches
Careful not to be seen
The very soul that rescued her
From darkness' very seem

She wanders aimlessly
Looking for a home
She bumps into her savior
Who she knows not of

He takes her in
Gives her shelter for the night
She says she'll leave in the morning
But he puts up a fight

He tells her to stay with him
That he will keep her safe
For the darkness still looks for her
To consume her body and fate

"Its against the rules"
"Put it away"
"You can't focus with that on"
"Its a distraction"
ENOUGH
Thats all you ever say
Thats all I ever hear
Im tired of it
Just let me be
Just leave me alone
Why do you forbid it?
Its the only thing that calms
Its the only thing that relaxes
But to you
Its just a sinful melody
To me, its my savior
To you, its my downfall
To me, its an angel
To you, its a demon
But in the end
I know what it is
Its the reason I am still sane
But you just don't see it

Some tie us together
Others tie us down
Most are meant to get stronger
And a lot decide to break

You can't decide which does what
It's all a matter of time and fate
So keep as many of those strings together
Keep them strong for as long as you can

Strings become ropes when strengthened
But they can also become threads when frayed
It's all up to you
Which strings will become stonger and which ones will break

1...2...3...4...
A few is not enough so go and add more
5...6...7...8...
You're doing the one thing they all hate
9...10...11...12...
Go ahead, Scream and yell
13...14...15...16...
No one could ever fix me
17...18...19...20...
Okay enough, I think thats plenty
21...22...23...24...
Okay girl, thats enough, please no more
25...26...27...28...
****** girl, don't seal your fate
29...30...31...32...
So many people would weep for you
33...34...35...36...
Please stop, we can fix this mess
37...38...39...40...
Okay,***, this is getting boring
41...42...43...44...
Now her existence is no more

They tell me to give in
They tell me just to give up
That im worthless
That im useless
Do I listen?
Sometimes
I can't help but want to give in
Give in to THEM
Let THEM take over
Just let THEM control my life
Should I even try anything anymore?
Im just a number
Im just another grade
Im just another student
Im just another girl
Im just nothing
And thats all I ever will be

Knock Knock Knock
She rushes for the door
Even though she knows
It's not you at all

Buzz Buzz Buzz
She reaches for the phone
Even though she knows
You're not home

Ring Ring Ring
To the door again she goes
Her heart racing everytime
Even though she knows

Beep Beep Beep
Her phone goes off again
She always wants it to be you
But she knows its not in the end

Days Weeks Months
The time flies by
She waits patiently for you
Though many ask her why

She's waiting for the time
She's waiting for the day
She rushes to the door
To see your smiling face

No matter how long it takes
No matter how long the days
Just please know that
I will always wait

How can I still do this?
How can I keep moving?
I'm scared to advance
I'm scared I might fall
I'm terrified of failure
I hear the same things
"You have the potential"
"You can do so much better"
"There is so such thing as trying"
"You need to apply yourself more"
I'm sick of it
I'm tired of hearing it
I want to go at my own pace
I want to go one day
Where this stress does not tire me out
Where I don't go home tired out
Just stop with all this
Just please
Stop

I only expected friendship
I never expected anything more than that
But more than friendship seemed to happen
I was so shocked and taken aback

I had only dreamed of those things
Things I never thought we would do
Yet we did them anyways
I opened my heart up for you

Yet now you walk away
Because of another
Speaking words I had said
But not understanding what I really meant

Walls I built so high
To keep myself free from pain
But somehow you got through
But you tore them down all the same

I told someone how i felt
But they took them the wrong way
Like everyone else
I never got to explain

So now i sit here
Building my walls up again
Building more than before
Building them higher and higher

But you were not completely to blame
It was my fault as well
I shouldn't have fallen for someone
with whom I had no chance

So now I let you go
The one who once freed me from loneliness
Now I'm behind my walls
Back to who I was before