I'm just really sad right now. I feel so worthless and unappreciated. I'm an optimist and I try and look on the bright side but the world just makes it so hard. It's hard to keep being compassionate and mindful in a world that's so ugly and greedy and ambitious with people who would sell their mothers skin for personal gain. The love of my life left me for the dude she cheated on me with and I can't stop thinking about it. Him holding her. Kissing her. Making love to her the way I did and it makes me want to **** myself. I don't want to be miserable anymore. I need to end my attachments to others and learn to be happy on my own. I know all happiness comes from within, and the Dharma is my guide. I just need to pull myself out of this rut. Get my **** together, keep working at my job and finally graduate. I just feel like I have a thousand pounds of weight on my shoulders like a bar bell I can't toss off. My anxiety makes my stomach hurt all the time. I'm so different from everyone else. No one really "gets" me like that. Everyone else is so material, bland, and blind to the truth. They all just look at my like I'm crazy. Like I'm gonna douse myself in gas and light myself on fire in protest of their sins. I', just in a terrible spot in my life and this is the one place that I feel like I can be honest. I'm sorry to bother you all... goodbye