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7.5k · Jan 2015
What I am
Livingdeadgirl Jan 2015
I'm 5'7"
Medium length brown hair
I let my bangs grow to where their half way down my chest (I use them to hide a lot)
Age 17
Birthday April 15(yeah I'll have fun with taxes. :P)
My toe nails are ALWAYS painted black, and keep changing the color of my finger nails (I bite them too short to care anyway)
I'm proud to say I have a wide chest/wide shoulders (I won't say bra size, just cause guys will be able to read this. :/)
I jam out to whatever music I'm listening to
Don't give a **** what people think of me
(just want to be loved truly, cause that's what I have and always will do)
I'm over 200lbs (which is mostly muscle from wrestling with my cousins. :) )
I have fun in more physical activities (ps Apparently, most guys don't like a girl that challenges them to an arm wrestling match. The guys didn't take up my challenge :P)
I'm different compared to most girls that I've come to know
Also, a lot of girls became afraid of me(some girls that hated me for some reason or other threw rocks at my head. I thought they had been throwing paper, I became sheepish at the moment I realized that they WERE rocks and I'm still literally hard headed to this day. I can't feel when anything hits my head :P :/)
That's enough for now. :/
6.0k · Apr 2015
Pain by Three Days Grace
Livingdeadgirl Apr 2015
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

You're sick of feeling numb
You're not the only one
I'll take you by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand
This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn't work
Trust me and take my hand
When the lights go out you will understand

Pain, without love
Pain, can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Anger and agony
Are better than misery
Trust me I've got a plan
When the lights go off you'll understand

Pain, without love
Pain, can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing
Rather feel pain

I know (I know I know I know)
I know that you're wounded
You know (You know you know you know)
That I'm here to save you
You know (You know you know you know)
I'm always here for you
I know (I know I know I know)
That you'll thank me later

Pain, without love
Pain, can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain
Livingdeadgirl Apr 2015
“No one understands me. I don’t want any of these guys; they just won’t leave me alone!” I said to my best friend, Sarah Heart.
“Well, Μαρία, try not to look so nice!”
I am 17; long black hair, hazel eyes, and deep red lips, am about 5’8”, and have unusually pale skin. “I don’t ever look nice, and you know it! Besides, you’re the one who looks great, one of the best in Femenino.” Sarah is 16, long blond hair, blue eyes, pale pink lips, is about 5’, and has very tan skin. “They only like me because I am almost of age.” Here on Femenino, when a girl turns 18, she is ready to be wed. The guys are born with their wings patterns. When the girl decides to marry a certain person, she will mirror the design the guy has after they both say their vows.
“Μαρία, why do you always talk down about yourself?” Sarah said.
“I don’t know, but can we discuss this tomorrow? I’m tired.”
“Ok, but tomorrow we’ll talk about who you’re going to marry. You only have 1 week left to decide.”
“Ok, Sarah,” I yawned, “good night, sweet dreams.”
“Yeah, I’ll have sweet dreams, of the prince marrying me!” she said with a devilish grin. No one knew the prince’s real name, so we just called him ‘prince’.  We laughed at that, “but, good night, girl, we will definitely talk tomorrow.” I fell into a fitful sleep, plagued with the question of who I was to marry in 1 week.
Raven black hair, one eye brown, one eye black, tall, tan, and body like a warrior.” kiss me, Μαρία” he said, “Never leave me, please.”
“I won’t leave you, ever, I swear.”
I woke up, not knowing who the man was. ‘Well, all I know is, it’s time to make a new potion.’ “Ok, let’s see, a bit of baby’s breath, wild flower, lilac blossoms, and a pinch of rose petals. Ok, add them in boiling water, mmmmm that smells good.  Hmm, now, before the dream with him, what did I do with the potion? Oh, yeah, I dabbed it behind the ears, and everyone was happy to see me, even, surprisingly, the girls.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t try it, because some of the girls have never liked me, and I’m probably going to forget what I did, and wonder why they are happy to see me all day, I’m always forgetting things, that’s why I put all my spells in a book, after all.” I mumbled to myself. I went to write it down, calling it the ‘Like Me’ spell. Ok, I have the ‘Love’ potion, a few body, hair, and ****** changing spells, a ‘Find it’ spell, a spell to bind the heart to a specific person. Oh, cute, I still have the spell I made when I was seven, so my heart wouldn’t break if I found a guy, but I didn’t cast it because then I would be sad in the end if I never found the guy I had asked for.
‘Oh, boy, I’m going off to dreamland again. Sigh, will I ever find my kind of guy?’ Well, the only thing that could be worse is the prince picking for me, well, except that we were born on the same day, but at different times, he was born about an hour before me in a room next to me, and since he’s royalty, he chooses a wife before I choose a husband, and I will be mortified since I have to stand next to him, but I doubt anyone would want me as a wife because I’m, in my Aunt Feranium’s words, “an inexcusable excuse of an abomination, no one could possibly want to even be near me, much less marry me”. Well, Aunt Feranium, you’ll get to see if your right or not in 1 week.
Well, today I have to go meet up with some of the guys here, and get some ingredients for my potions and spells. I’m hoping at least one of the guys is ok with how I am and who I am. I guess I’ll meet with guys before I get my ingredients, so I can cheer myself up afterwards.
I met with three guys for the first half hour. Each and every one of them was wealthy and smug. All I could think was, ‘I can’t wait to get away from here and finish up talking to some other guys.’ One guy, named Damien was saying, “When we get married, you will love your life.” Another named Lucas said, “No, when WE get married you will be in the laps of luxury, far more than either of these two could ever give you, Μαρία.” The third guy, named Jordan said, “We all have wealth, so why don’t we let Μαρία choose for herself?”
They all turned to me and looked expectantly. I smiled politely and said, “Well, I have quite a few more people to talk with, so I must not say who of you fine,” and I almost choked on that, “gentlemen. I’m sorry to say, I must go now to meet the others. Good day.” I smiled, got up and left before they could argue/complain/persuade me to stay longer.
I went to meet one of my friends, who was being forced by his mother to court/marry me. I saw him and waved. “Hey, Alejandro, what’s up?”
He did a slight nod of his head, telling me his mom was nearby, eavesdropping on us. He said anyway, “Not much, but you look lovely today. How are you?”
I smiled, because he was not usually like this when his mom wasn’t around. “I am fine. You don’t look so bad yourself.” He blushed, which made me smile, since he only sees me as his one of his best friends, which is the same way I feel about him. I nodded to him, letting him know his mom can no longer hear us, or see us. ‘Goodness, I love being able to do spells with little effort. I just wonder where his mom thinks we went.’
“Thanks Μαρία. So who’d you have to deal with first?”
“Three rich guys.”
He rolled his eyes. “Let me guess. Full of themselves and saying who you were going to marry?”
“Yea, well, except the one, he actually asked ME who I’d marry. It was interesting, since no one would usually care what I thought.”
“What did one of them look like?”
“One, named Jordan, who asked my opinion, had short brown hair, tan skin, about 5’ 10”. A second, Damien, has medium ***** blonde hair, dark skin, about 6’. The third, Lucas, had sort of long blonde hair, sort of pale skin, about 5’9”. Why?”
“I think they are following you.” He pointed behind me, and when I turned to see, there they were, a few tables over.
I looked back to Alejandro, smiled, and called for a waiter. “Excuse me, could you send a note and a round of drinks to those three gentlemen over there?” I pointed to the three guys, and gave the waiter 50 coins, and a tip of 20 coins, which is our currency. He smiled and lightly bowed, for the most a waiter would usually get as tip was 5-10 coins.
“What is your note?”
I told him, “Chill out and have a fine day.” He nodded and did as I asked.
When the guys got their drinks, I told Alejandro to come on. We left them there, and made sure they didn’t follow. We got to the market district, because, in truth, Alejandro was the only other person I was to meet. We got there and I showed him a list of ingredients I needed. The list went as follows:
Dew Drops
Sun flowers
Fresh Baby Laughter
Freshly Fallen Snow
Tear of Love
Hair of a Beauty
Sob of a Broken Heart
A Child’s Doll
Petal of a Fully Bloomed Rose
Babies Breathe
Final Breath of the Dying
Rose Thorns

He whistled low at how much I needed.  I smiled; because that was the least I needed in quite a few months. We went about getting my stuff and just hung out, until we came upon Sarah, who knew me and Alejandro did not like each other, but teased us saying we did all the same.
She smiled and said, “Hey lovebirds. What goes on? Oh, are you guys finally realizing you’re meant for each other and going to marry each other?”
We said in unison, “No! We are not.” Alejandro scowled while I laughed.
“Sure sounds like you’re meant for each other to me!” Sarah laughed while Alejandro’s scowl grew longer.
I said, “Sarah stop teasing, poor Alejandro couldn’t possibly take all the scowling.” ‘And the heart break, since he’s in love with you Sarah, you just never see. I’m about to tell you straight up.’ I looked over at Alejandro and smiled, since he didn’t tell me, he didn’t know I knew, even though it was written plainly on his face, he thought he was discreet.
He looked down at his feet, letting the hurt pass over his face for a brief second. “I need to get the rest of my ingredients from my list. Okay, let’s see, just a few rose thorns is all I need to get.” We went to go get them. And there, a few feet away, were the three guys again. I pointed them out to Alejandro, and he rolled his eyes. I walked straight up to them.
They acted surprise to see me, I said, “Why are you following me?”
They were all flustered, but Jordan said, “We weren’t following you!”
“Oh, really, you three, follow me, Alejandro, Sarah, you can come to.” We went into an alley way and I continued, “So you three just happened to be at the same café only a few tables away, and then be just a few feet away from me?” They nodded in unison, and I got raged. I used a spell and had them pinned against the wall behind them and asked angrily, “Who are you working for?”
They looked fearful, and Lucas said stammering, “You ought to stop, ‘cause there are witnesses.”
I looked at him, “They are the only thing keeping me in check, you idiot, now, answer my questions, why were you following me and who are you working for?”
They looked at each other, then at me, and swallowed loudly and hard. Damien said, “Sheesh, when we saw you, we thought you’d be no problem to us, but dang! We might as well tell her since she got us, and ‘cause I don’t know her limits.”
They all nodded their heads, before looking frighteningly at me. Damien continued, “We are guards, some of the finest, and I now see we are some of the most arrogant.” I rolled my eyes.
“Why were you following me?”
“We were told to act as the people that we were told to be. It seems your something of interest.”
I glared at them, “You’re lying.” They were wide eyed with fright.
“No! That’s all that we were told!”
“You two might, but he was told more, and he’s not telling.” I glared at him and came close to his face. I looked in his eyes and asked as calmly as I could, “What are you hiding?”
He would not answer, so I let them go, and said, “Don’t follow me anymore! Just leave me alone.”
They stayed in place, frozen with fear, but Jordan piped up, “Wow, with your strength in spells, Μαρία, would you ever consider joining the guard? We really need you and your strength.”
I glared at them and said, “Go!”
They ran, still not sure of my limits when I was mad. My friends burst out in laughter after the guards were well out of ear shot. They said in halting gasps, “I can’t believe you bluffed them while you were mad!”
I smiled, knowing I wasn’t someone that could harm anyone. When I get angry at someone, I always try to bluff them, I guess I’ve either gotten better, or they were not good at telling my bluff. “Well at least we learned something out of this whole episode. Now, let’s get my ingredients and get back to my house, I had a dream about a new spell last night.” I felt a pair of eyes on me, but when I looked, there was nothing there. I shrugged and thought, ‘I must be getting paranoid.’
When we got back to my house, they helped me put my ingredients away, and I showed them my new ‘Like Me’ spell. “I don’t know how long it lasts, so I won’t let it be used on either of you.” I felt the eyes on my back, I turned and saw nothing. “Do either of you two feel like someone’s watching us?”
They shook their heads no, Alejandro said, “Maybe you should do a spell for protection over yourself for whoever’s watching you.”
I nodded, and found one that was simple to do but difficult to break through and lasted a long time. I cast it over my friends as well, who smiled when they felt the spell cover them as well. Sarah said, “Ok, now, Alejandro, shoo, me and Μαρία have a few things to talk about.” She grinned wickedly, and so he left.
He said, “Bye.” And got out as quick as he could.
I looked at her, “Now why’d you do that for? He doesn’t even count as a marriage choice; it’d be too much like marrying a brother.”
She shrugged, “Does it matter? This is girl talk, now spill who you like.” She looked at me expectantly.
“I really don’t know, I’ll just go with my gut when the time comes, okay?”
She sighed dramatically, “Fine!”
I laughed, “You know, it’s not your time to pick, you have a few years, and more than a few admirers.”
She flipped her hair and laughed lightly, “I can’t help if guys like me, Μαρία!”She shrugged, "That's my image, Μαρία, I have to keep up with it, or I'll be ruined!" I laughed.
"You can be so dramatic. You know that?"
"Yea, and now I know you can be to. ‘They are the only thing keeping me in check, you idiot', nice one, especially with the idiot, it added to your tone."
I looked at the floor sheepishly. "It just came to mind, and I went with it. Was I that convincing to you?"
"Are you kidding, I thought you would of killed 'em on the spot! Your bluff is way better Μαρία."
I smiled, "Thanks Sarah."
We went about our own thoughts for an hour, until it was time for Sarah to leave. "I'll see you tomorrow Μαρία."
"Okay, see ya." I flicked my wings out, mostly because I still felt like someone was watching me. I thought about my wings, and how soon I'll have a design. I remembered a type of fairy that used to exist long ago. They were called the florescent fairies. Unfortunately they died off. They all had wing patterns of their own. Even the females had their own patterns that they kept after marriage. Their wings were always so big and elaborate.
I felt my wings tingling, so I went to my front door. There on my doorstep was the guard that I knew as Jordan. He was in his uniform. I said, “What do you want, Jordan, if that is really your name?”
He cleared his throat. He was afraid, but put up a brave front and said, “I came for you were summoned by the head of the royal guard.”
I rolled my eyes, “And why would I be summoned this late at night?”
His bravado was fading when he said, “Because the head of the royal guard wants to see you now.”
His bravado was completely gone now and he was shaking in his boots, “He just wants you to come.”
I rolled my eyes again, turned out the lights, and locked my house up. “Lets’ get this done and over with. I do need to sleep like others’, you know.” Then I felt magic welling up around me. I found them easily with my magic, and brought them out in front of me. I threw them all into a pile in front of me. “Tell me three good reasons I shouldn’t put you all in a magic hold that would leave you motionless for the rest of the night.”
They were all struggling, and I was holding Jordan with a glare. “I am tired, and would not regret it. And you all need to learn to hide your magic. That’s how I knew where you were.”
They all tried to plead for me to let them go, but with a wave of my hand, they fell silent. Jordan said stammering, “They were only supposed to be back-up in case you wouldn’t come.”
I waved my pointer finger side to side, “Tsk, tsk, tsk, not nice to play tricks with me.” I used my magic to send the pile of guards back to the palace, while I looked at Jordan and said, “I told you to leave me alone.” I flicked my hand at him, and he went flying back to the palace. I went back into my house, went to my room, and after taking a hot shower, went to bed.
The next morning, I got up and ready for the day. I was about to leave my home when my wings tingled. Someone was at the door. I looked through a peep hole and saw my friends, Sarah and Alejandro. I opened the door, and they came in talking at me. I couldn’t understand what they were saying, so I said, “Slow down, now what?”
They started laughing. Sarah said, “Apparently, you gave all the guard’s a scare. What did you do?”
I looked at them, confused for a second, and then I remembered, and told them the events of last night. They laughed, so I said, “What? I was extremely tired, I wasn’t taking their crap.” That just made them laugh harder.
Alejandro said, “Remind me not to get on your bad side, Μαρία.” He chuckled and said, “Can you teach me some of your **** kicking moves?”
I grinned devilishly and made to look like I was going to use it on him and said “Sure,” and mocked what I did with the guards without using my magic. We all laughed. There was a knock on the door. I rolled my eyes and yelled, “Who is it?”
Whoever it was just knocked again. I went to the door and looked through the peep hole. There was no one there. I motioned my friends back, away, and I used a searching spell. I calmly looked all around my house, then finally smiled. I opened my door fast and
Comments appreciated/wanted!!
2.1k · Apr 2015
Riot by Three Days Grace
Livingdeadgirl Apr 2015
If you feel so empty
So used up, so let down
If you feel so angry
So ripped off so stepped on
You're not the only one
Refusing to back down
You're not the only one
So get up

Let's start a riot, a riot
Let's start a riot
Let's start a riot, a riot
Let's start a riot

If you feel so filthy
So ***** so ****** up
If you feel so walked on
So painful so *******
You're not the only one
Refusing to go down
You're not the only one
So get up

Let's start a riot, a riot
Let's start a riot
Let's start a riot, a riot
Let's start a riot

If you feel so empty
So used up, so let down
If you feel so angry
Just get up

Let's start a riot, a riot
Let's start a riot
Let's start a riot, a riot
Let's start a riot
1.7k · Apr 2015
old nursery rhymes
Livingdeadgirl Apr 2015
Each has meaning to one or all of us
all i learned of these
i read as i grew
these fun loving rhymes
have some meaning or other
so i put these up
to bring out the childish side!!
:) <3 :) <3 :) <3 :) <3 :) <3 :) <3 :) <3

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are.
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.

When the blazing sun is gone,
When the nothing shines upon,
Then you show your little light,
Twinkle, twinkle, all the night.

Then the traveller in the dark,
Thanks you for your tiny spark,
He could not see which way to go,
If you did not twinkle so.

In the dark blue sky you keep,
And often through my curtains peep,
For you never shut your eye,
Till the sun is in the sky.

As your bright and tiny spark,
Lights the traveller in the dark.
Though I know not what you are,
Twinkle, twinkle, little star.

Twinkle, twinkle, little star.
How I wonder what you are.
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.

Twinkle, twinkle, little star.
How I wonder what you are.
How I wonder what you are.

Jack be Nimble

Jack be Nimble
Jack, be nimble,
Jack, be quick,
Jack, jump over
The candlestick. Jack jumped high
Jack jumped low
Jack jumped over
and burned his toe.

Do You Know The Muffin Man

Do you know the Muffin Man,
The Muffin Man,
The Muffin Man?
Do you know the Muffin Man
Who lives in Drury Lane?
Yes, I know the Muffin Man,
The Muffin Man,
The Muffin Man.
Yes, I know the Muffin Man
Who lives in Drury Lane.

Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.

Hush Little Baby

Hush, little baby, don't say a word,
Mama's going to buy you
a mockingbird.
And if that mockingbird won't sing,
Mama's going to buy you
a diamond ring.
And if that diamond ring turns brass,
Mama's going to buy you
a looking glass.
And if that looking glass gets broke,
Mama's going to buy you a billy goat.
And if that billy goat won't pull,
Mama's going to buy you
a cart and bull.
And if that cart and bull turn over,
Mama's going to buy you
a dog named Rover.
And if that dog named Rover
won't bark,
Mama's going to buy you
a horse and cart.
And if that horse and cart fall down,
You'll still be the sweetest
little baby in town.

Little Miss Muffet

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey;
Along came a spider,
Who sat down beside her
And frightened Miss Muffet away.
1.6k · Mar 2015
Livingdeadgirl Mar 2015
streaming down my face
I feel them
it touches my toungue
there's a mettalic taste
I wipe it off my cheek
the red is on my hands
I look around
no one's here
I feel the blood
now there's a salty taste
I know what it is from
it's from my liquid pain
the turrents flowing out with the blood
they're mixed
my tears and blood
I reach my hands up
but I don't hide
I just wipe them off
but not completely
never completely
and I feel the mixture
I bring my hands in front of me
and mix the blood and tears
between my fingers
with *******
I make war stripes on my cheeks
I look ahead
at my battle ground
I stalk forward
an evil smile playing on my lips
I throw my head back
open my mouth
and let out a growl
that ended with a barking laugh
I look ahead
I keep going
out into the world
to show my scars
seen and unseen
I hold my head up
open the door
and walk out into the darkness
that unforgiving
unseeing yet ever seeing
Life is rough.........
1.5k · Apr 2015
Loser by Three Doors Down
Livingdeadgirl Apr 2015
Breathe in right away,
Nothing seems to fill this place
I need this every time,
Take your lies get off my case
Someday I will find a love
That flows through me like this
This will fall away,
this will fall away
You’re getting closer to pushing me
Off of life’s little edge
Cause I’m a loser
And sooner or later
You know I’ll be dead
You’re getting closer,
You’re holding the rope,
I'm taking the fall
Cause I’m a loser, I’m a loser, yeah
This is getting old,
I can’t break these chains that I hold
My body’s growing cold,
There’s nothin left of this mind
Or my soul
Addiction needs a pacifier,
The buzz of this poison is taking me higher
This will fall away,
This will fall away
You’re getting closer, to pushing me
Off of life’s little edge
Cause I’m a loser and sooner or later
You know I’ll be dead
You’re getting closer,
You’re holding the rope and
I’m taking the fall
Cause I’m a loser
You’re getting closer, to pushing me
Off of life’s little edge
Cause I’m a loser and sooner or later
You know I’ll be dead
You’re getting closer,
You’re holding the rope
And I’m taking the fall
Cause I’m a loser
1.4k · May 2015
fucked up
Livingdeadgirl May 2015
once twice thrice
i rock back and forth
and hit my head on the wall
i cry then laugh
at all who see
i'm insane
nice to meet you
to bad for you
cuz you met me
im gonna die
and then you'll see
im no longer nice
so how did i become me
you hurt me
you hit me
yet im not broken
im just cracking
little by little
turning into alot by alot
im cracking up
guess what
nevermind about what you think life is
cuz thats not life
im dead
did you know that
i'm a figment of your imagination
didn't know you were so distrubed huh
you made me in your mind
cuz you have no one else to blame
so i guess you blame me
you give me all the pain
all the torture
all the crazy
i'm insane
nice to meet you
i think
meaning you think
cuz i'm in your imagination
you'll never know someone as ****** up as me
because i'm your ****** up imaginery person
welcome to my home
your head
but since im the worst of you
i have my own head
i hide there
so noone can come get me to remove me
but you know what
nothing will save you from me
and since im the worst of you
there is no best of or from me
you ****** up royally this time
1.3k · Jan 2015
This is my bio
Livingdeadgirl Jan 2015
Ok, let me see, where to start? Ah ha!

Fav color-black
Fav flower-tiger lily
Fav season- spring
Fav activity-anything creative
Fav book-all books tht I've read
Hair-brown, medium length
Eyes-hazel (blue when really happy)
Height-5' 7"
Skin-lightly tan

Dislikes-rude/mean people
                extremely cold weather
                 baked beans
Fav music-country(but I like all genres)
Fav song-undecided
Fav animal-snake

*I don't know what else to put about me, oh well
Livingdeadgirl Jun 2015
If I had to
I would put myself right beside you
So let me ask
Would you like that?
Would you like that?

And I don't mind
If you say this love is the last time
So now I'll ask
Do you like that?
Do you like that?


Something's getting in the way.
Something's just about to break.
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
So tell me how it should be.

Try to find out what makes you tick.
As I lie down
Sore and sick.
Do you like that?
Do you like that?

There's a fine line between love and hate.
And I don't mind.
Just let me say that
I like that
I like that

Something's getting in the way.
Something's just about to break.
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
As I burn another page,
As I look the other way.
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
So tell me how it should be.

Desperate, I will crawl
Waiting for so long
No love, there is no love.
Die for anyone
What have I become?

Something's getting in the way.
Something's just about to break.
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
As I burn another page,
As I look the other way.
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
1.1k · May 2014
Noone cares anymore
Livingdeadgirl May 2014
Everyone tells me I can't
They all put me down
Does anyone know how to make it stop
Can anyone help me get up
Am I to stay down, all alone
Wait, oh, I forgot
You don't know me
You couldn't care less
So why do I keep talking
I tried to get your help
You know I've been there for you
So why aren't you there for me
Why do you keep faking
I've always been right here
You know me when you need me
But now I'm in need
So now you don't know me
I'm just a stranger
Until I get through this and you need me
So, what the hell kinda game are you playing
I'm invisible
Now I'm here
I can't be wonderwoman and superman
Why can't you help me
I help you, don't I
Even though you'd never admit it
All you can do is lie
To my face and behind my back
You don't care
You never really have
So here's my last testament
**Noone cares anymore
Livingdeadgirl Apr 2015
I took a walk around the world
To ease my troubled mind
I left my body lying somewhere
In the sands of time
But I watched the world float
To the dark side of the moon

I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah

I watched the world float
To the dark side of the moon
After all I knew it had to be
Something to do with you
I really don’t mind what happens now and then
As long as you’ll be my friend at the end

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I’m alive and well, will you be
There a-holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might

You called me strong, you called me weak,
But still your secrets I will keep
You took for granted all the times
I never let you down
You stumbled in and bumped your head,
If not for me then you'd be dead
I picked you up and put you back on solid ground

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I’m alive and well,
Will you be there a-holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I’m alive and well, will you be there
Holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I'm alive and well,
Will you be there a-holding my hand
I'll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might

Oh, whoa, whoa
Oh, whoa, whoa
Oh, whoa, whoa
Livingdeadgirl Jan 2015
Uh huh, life's like this
Uh huh, uh huh, that's the way it is
'Cause life's like this
Uh huh, uh huh that's the way it is

Chill out, what you yellin' for?
Lay back, it's all been done before
And if you could only let it be
You will see
I like you the way you are
When we're drivin' in your car
And you're talking to me one on one
But you've become...

Somebody else 'round everyone else
You're watching your back like you can't relax
You're tryin' to be cool
You look like a fool to me
Tell me

Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else
Gets me frustrated
Life's like this
You, you fall and you crawl and you break
And you take what you get and you turn it into honesty
You promised me I'm never gonna find you fake it
No, no, no

You come over unannounced
Dressed up like you're somethin' else
Where you are ain't where it's at
You see you're making me laugh out
When you strike your pose
Take off all your preppy clothes
You know you're not fooling anyone
When you've become...

Somebody else 'round everyone else
You're watchin' your back like you can't relax
You're tryin' to be cool
You look like a fool to me
Tell me

Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else
Gets me frustrated
Life's like this
You, you fall and you crawl and you break
And you take what you get and you turn it into honesty
You promised me I'm never gonna find you fake it
No, no, no

No, no, no
No, no, no
No, no, no

Chill out, what you yellin' for?
Lay back, it's all been done before
And if you could only let it be
You will see...

Somebody else 'round everyone else
You're watching your back like you can't relax
You're trying to be cool,
You look like a fool to me
Tell me

Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else
Gets me frustrated
Life's like this
You, you fall and you crawl and you break
And you take what you get and you turn it into honesty
You promised me I'm never gonna find you fake it
No no

Why do you have to go and make things so complicated? (yeah, yeah)
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else
Gets me frustrated
Life's like this
You, you fall and you crawl and you break
And you take what you get and you turn it into honesty
You promised me I'm never gonna find you fake it
No no no
song that speaks to my heart today.
Livingdeadgirl Jun 2015
Slip away, your vanity is gone, I'm falling out of place
We all fall down, the pain goes on
We bear through the war and turn the lost away
We all fall down, the pain goes on

And I'll be the fire that dries the flood

As I fight for one last prayer, I keep holding on
No love to believe in
As I drag the Devil down, I will stand alone
No longer defeated

Stripped away, we rise above it all, forgotten and betrayed
We all fall down, the pain goes on
No better than before, still broken and afraid
We all fall down, the pain goes on

And I'll be the cloud that hides the sun

As I fight for one last prayer, I keep holding on
No love to believe in
As I drag the Devil down, I will stand alone
No longer defeated

I'm falling to pieces, pained and used
I know what I needed, it's not you
It's not you

As I fight for one last prayer, I keep holding on
No love to believe in
As I drag the Devil down, I will stand alone
No longer defeated

No longer defeated
No longer defeated
892 · Jan 2015
Livingdeadgirl Jan 2015
Well, had to go through my stuff
I find I own more guys stuff than my brother :/
About half my shirts are in men's
3/4 of my shoes are men's
1/4 of my jeans are men's
All my body products are men's axe I love the smell of axe :)
Every Barbie I've ever had is headless I really don't like barbies
And I really don't own much girly gunk My moms a tomboy, and so raised me as such (doesn't hurt my cousins taught me how to fight)
And from my moms side of the family, there is very few females....... So, no real girly female influence their
Heck, my cousins taught me how to fight while in a dress and heels, it was fun wrestling them....... :) Hahahahaha!
I always end up going somewhere, you just gotta follow along for the ride. :)
827 · May 2014
Livingdeadgirl May 2014
You say I'm a ****
That I'm a worthless thing
But you don't know me
You took me for granted
You never really cared
You kept me down
But you still hurt me
I stayed quiet
I didn't know the voice I had
I didn't want to see or believe
You shattered my hopes and dreams
You left me there, bleeding and bruised
I stayed in the dark
I never fought back
I lied for you
Now lies are all I know
I didn't know I could speak
You certainly didn't give me the chance to
You came back and put me down again
I knew nothing but cruelty from you
798 · Nov 2014
Livingdeadgirl Nov 2014
you see me there, standing in the corner
I'm listening to my music
I have it blaring
I'm quiet, but everyone picks on me
What no one knows is what happens when I'm not here
I'm yelled at and punished
For whatever my step mother wants to punish me for
I'm considered a lost cause
Because I'm no good at being alive
I want the pain to end, so I make up my own world
One where no one can get to me
But my step mother yells at me because I'd rather be there
I deal with reality everyday, but I don't want to
She tries to make me
I just don't give a flying **** what she wants
Never have, but I get yelled at more for that
I don't care and I'm gonna leave soon
*for now
Livingdeadgirl Apr 2015
The heart of the Nobody
I'm going to **** her
she's pushing me past that point
she's gonna die
I tighten the muscles in my arms
it'll be welcoming
when I put the knife to her
she will know th epain she inflicts
she's gonna die
by my hand
She is evil
she is the wicked stepmother
but one problem
the brothers Grimm
they didn't show all
of her evilness
or her ugliness of deep in her
Maybe then I won't be
deppressed anymore
I want to drop the mask
I'm always wearing it
I want to die
can i?
I've tried before....
I've tried over 400 times
nothing ever worked....
I just feel pain now
I hate pain
but I've been through alot of it
so I write
and write
and write
until there's nothing left
that's what I am
I have only one person
and he is far from my reach
sometimes I wonder what it'd be like
to not have my past
to not have my curses
the curses I must bear
but then I wouldn't have met him
he knows who he is
but it's his choice
if he wants to be associated with me
the deeply troubled, possibly to likely psychotic teen
but I say this
we are knights
our armor is battered
we are bruised
I'm no damsel
and you're not a shiny knight
and I love you for that
because if we were
then we'd be flimsy
we'd be false
you know who you are
and I'll shout it
through a megaphone
on the tallest building

El corazón de la Nadie
Voy a matarla
ella me está empujando a ese punto
ella va a morir
Aprieto los músculos de los brazos
que va a ser bienvenida
cuando puse el cuchillo en la
ella sabrá ª Epain ella inflige
ella va a morir
por mi mano
Ella es el mal
ella es la malvada madrastra
pero un problema
los hermanos Grimm
no mostraron todo
de su maldad
o su fealdad del fondo de su
Tal vez entonces no voy a ser
deppressed más
Quiero dejar caer la máscara
Yo siempre estoy usando
Quiero morir
He intentado antes ....
He intentado más de 400 veces
nada nunca trabajó ....
Siento dolor ahora
Odio el dolor
pero yo he pasado por un montón de ella
así escribo
y escribe
y escribe
hasta que no queda nada
Esto es lo que soy
Tengo una sola persona
y él está lejos de mi alcance
A veces me pregunto qué sería como
para no tener mi pasado
para no tener mis maldiciones
las maldiciones debo soportar
pero entonces yo no lo he encontrado
él sabe quién es
pero es su elección
si quiere asociarse conmigo
la profundamente preocupado, posiblemente a propensos adolescente psicótico
pero lo digo
somos caballeros
nuestra armadura es maltratadas
estamos magullados
No soy doncella
y no eres un caballero brillante
y Te quiero para eso
porque si estábamos
entonces estaríamos endeble
estaríamos falsa
Tu sabes quien eres
y voy a gritar que
a través de un megáfono
en el edificio más alto
TE AMO !!!
718 · Jan 2015
Candy cane
Livingdeadgirl Jan 2015
Sitting and reading
******* on a candy cane
Not paying attention to my surroundings
Twirling the candy cane in my mouth
I look up
A stranger is staring at me
I look back quizzically
I shrug my shoulders as he just stares
I turn back to my book and candy cane
I see him from my peripheral vision
He's still watching me
I notice he's looking at my mouth
I shrug inwardly
I have to turn the page
I let the candy cane hang in my mouth
I'm becoming enraptured
I take the cane out and lick my lips
I look at the end and see it has a sharp point
I smile and wave it in front of me like a sword
I turn back to my book and bite the sharp end off
The guy raised an eyebrow
He had a smile playing upon his lips
He seemed amused with me
I looked at him
I marked my place and went over to him
why are you staring at me?
He smiled playfully
do I need a reason, miss?
I shrugged my shoulders
I went and got my book
I walked out after paying for the coffee I had been drinking earlier
I smiled slightly as I kept ******* on my candy cane, thinking
'The people you meet in a coffee/book shop'
I kept walking, wondering why he was staring at me
This is all made up........though I do love reading and I AM ******* on a candy cane irl right now,lol :)............
717 · Mar 2015
Livingdeadgirl Mar 2015
the day when you feel so lost
so unwanted
so undeserving
that day began
or more over
has begun
for many
atleast once
i never understood
why i'm here
why i'm there
why i live
what can i do
but breathe
and stay
to call this living
that would be the greatest lie
i don't want to be here
at this point
but i am
i can never seem to change that
i see things everyday
things that shouldn't be seen
shouldn't be done
shouldn't be known
yet i see them
and i go through them
i try to help
but i fear i am lost
for i can't make a difference
i am put down
i am bruised
i can't stay
in this place
and they lie
cause it's called
yet i could think to call it different
and so much negativity
for this i'm seen as a pessimist
then tell me
tell me of what i should be optimistic about
look in my life
and you'll find you crossed a border
you walked straight into hell
you probably thought it wasn't real
that it was made up
well here it is
it's my home
my unfotunate home, it's true
because i not only have it
it has me
and i'm slowly burning
but i can't/don't/won't show the pain
the bs i go through
i try to save others from it
to ultimately save them from me
i try to hide
to stay away
to try to keep good in this place
but i'm not the only guest at this masquerade
i'm just one of the plainer masked
my mask is black and gray
yet it's not half and half
it is subtly mixed
you can't tell how mixed
until you are close enough to kiss that mask
the mask which i use to hide my pain
to hide my sorrow
to hide..... everything
i see the other guests
some more ellaborate than others
with their bright hues, feathers, jewels...
anything to sparkle and shine
but i'm comfortable to hide
to go into a corner
deep, dark, and far away
my mask is flimsy
so i don't push the limits
if i am ever put into the spot light
my mask will surly slip
it'll break
and i will have to leave the masquerade
so before that happens
if it ever does
i will be the first to say
welcome to the
705 · Jan 2015
Fucking Perfect by Pink
Livingdeadgirl Jan 2015
Made a wrong turn once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No way, it's all good'
It didn't slow me down.
Mistaken, always second guessing
Underestimated, look I'm still around

Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than ******* perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're ******* perfect to me

You're so mean (so mean) when you talk (when you talk)
About yourself. You were wrong.
Change the voices (change the voices) in your head (in your head)
Make them like you instead.

So complicated,
Look how we all make it.
Filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game
It's enough, I've done all I could think of
Chased down all my demons
I've seen you do the same
(Oh oh)

Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than ******* perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're ******* perfect to me

The whole world's scared, so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in lying and we try, try, try but we try too hard
And it's a waste of my time.
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair
Exchange ourselves and we do it all the time
Why do we do that, why do I do that (why do I do that)?

(Yeah! Oh!)
Oh, pretty, pretty, pretty

Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than ******* perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're ******* perfect to me
(You're perfect, you're perfect)
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're ******* perfect to me.
I love this describes my life pretty well.....
694 · Apr 2014
The unloved girl
Livingdeadgirl Apr 2014
I am 16
I am not loved
I try to love everyone
noone cares
I see through unblinking eyes
My mortal eyes are blind
deep down, I am no mortal
this is just a layer soon to be shed
one day, I might be loved
when I live forever
when I shed this layer for my beautiful self
maybe then I will be loved
loved as I love others
maybe then I'll find the guy I've longed for
when I'm immortal
I'll be everything I want to be
I'll walk
I'll truly see
I'll speak
maybe I'll finnally be loved
612 · Oct 2014
Livingdeadgirl Oct 2014
I feel them coming
They're in my head
I watch the metallic red gushing from me
I throw my head back and laugh
I have to go
I've scared them Again
I can't seem to help it anymore
I love the pain, it keeps me away
I need help, love and patience, none of which I have
I love sincerely and I always will, but noone returns my feelings
So I know I'm alone, but atleast I did something
I killed my self, just like they wanted, unfortunately
I don't know what to do anymore, and that's what scares me
The unknown of my strength
I know I could **** if I tried, but I don't know my limit,
Noone does, yet........
606 · Nov 2014
Gonna break (part 2)
Livingdeadgirl Nov 2014
Your testing my limits
You really don't want to find out where the end of my patience is
I will come after you
You may think your better than me
All because you were raised in a church
But you aren't godly or holy
You go to church
So what?
You are against what God made and you still are
So why do you think your better
You turned a blind eye to everything
You still do
You say I drink way to much through out a day
When I drink maybe 2 or 3 cups of juice, water, or tea
And that's TOTAL in a day...
Your pushing me
I've lost my balance and became dizzy, all while my eyesight left me
And you say it's because I "moved to fast"
B...., stop self diagnosing
You and my a..hole father do this to me over and over
You do it with my shaking problem
Where I can't keep my hands steady
Everyone see's it's a problem but you two!
I had a seizure when I was 6, but you won't believe it
I've been shaking ever since, but you won't believe
Even though you see me shaking everyday!
And because I wasn't shaking at 1 point in my life
I  apparently only shake when I know someone is watching me.
That's BULL and both of you know it!!!!
When you break me, I'll break you times 3, just as the wiccan creed
So beware of what you do to me
You'll have it be returned on you
Livingdeadgirl Feb 2015
well idk
but heres my best try
im not certain of myself
im shy
some say i have a certain....
masculinity about me....
idk what they mean
but i do know i can hurt others
physically to easily....
i try not to though
i dont like pain
dont like to give it
cuz i know how it feels
to recieve pain from those you thought you knew
but do we ever truly know someone
i know i get off track
but that's just me, i guess
i still dont fully know myself
but i also dont know anyone that does
if you do
then good for you
and could you help me
to know myself....
idk who i am
what i am
where im at
or anything really about myself
i know a bit of what im told i am
that im weird
im a ******
im different
im nothing
im nobody
and you know what
most of this came from females. :/
oh well
their loss
cuz sooner or later
ill be gone
maybe not today
maybe not tomorrow
but theyll be sorry for how they treated me
i guess thats my answer for most things
it makes me want to laugh
if you got in my head
would you scream?
would you run?

*Who I am I?
553 · May 2014
Livingdeadgirl May 2014
Where do you go
Where do you hide
Is your love to much
Is mine not enough
That you run
What do you fear
Can I help you
I see those tears
Are you just shy
I'm always here for you
Let me wipe your tears away
Let me hold you close
Can you love me
I'm already in love with you
Please don't cry
Let me be with you
I don't want to make you sad
Do you love me
I'm down on my knees
I may be one person
But I can be everything for you
Please just let me be that
Please be mine
I love you
Here's my heart
It beats for you
I may be a girl
But I want you to be my man
I have a very romantic heart and mind, but noone ever really appreciates this, and so, I have no experience in what I write, I really would appreciate feedback on my writings.
502 · Jan 2015
Livingdeadgirl Jan 2015
Thank you to all who have followed, liked, and/or read my poems since I started here. You all paying attention to my rambling on has really made it a wonderful experience! Again thank you, and adieu, hasta luego, buenos noches, good night. :)
476 · Sep 2014
Livingdeadgirl Sep 2014
Do you even see how you make me feel
Do you know what the thought of you does to me
I love talking to you
I'd love to really know you
I'm young and I'm still learning
I want to know you, what you like and don't
If you have the patience, you can teach me about true love
I'm not skilled in much
But i'm faithful, loving, and true to my heart
If you hold my heart, you hold my undying love and respect
Don't think I'm some childish fool
If I've made an error in my judgement, let me know
'Cause I'd rather there be a quick sting than an everlasting pain
Livingdeadgirl Jan 2015
I feel so alone
Forget this life
Someone is playing my life
It's just a huge joke
A game to them
I'm about to be done with people
They bring mostly pain
Forget the knowledge
In my fathers eyes I'm a know it all
I guess I'm worthless
It's all so much *******
I'm ******* tired
Growing up I was quiet
I was so..........
I don't even know anymore
My grandma tells me a lot
She says when I was a baby
I didn't cry, not for anything
Infact, I was loved by a lot of people
The gypsys, and a biker gang called Hell's Angels are a couple.........
My mom told me the leader of Hell's Angels even bought me my first car seat, and that he REALLY liked my mom.........I'd like to meet them one day...... To say thank you for everything...... They may remember..... :)
When I was first born, I had a crescent moon on my went away a few hrs after birth
The gypsys used to tell my mom about me
Infact it was a gypsy that told my mom I would be born twice blessed and be a girl
My mom thought I was a boy, because I had my legs crossed and I covered my self, so no one could tell from a sonogram......I laugh to here that.....
But even after my life, it's hard to move on sometimes........
I sometimes think about why I'm here
I'm not always wanted
Hell, more people wish me dead than love me or even want me around
People tell me how ******* stupid and ******* I am........ I'm running out of the fake chearfulness to say thank you and smile at them
I swear, I don't belong much of I still wonder why I'm here, going through the ******* that I endure, and have endured for the past several years......I wonder *** I did wrong........ I just don't know.......
I'm just to tired to care anymore.........
465 · Jan 2015
My life (part two)
Livingdeadgirl Jan 2015
Well, if you've gone through part one and don't feel well, don't read any further.......

Ok, I'm jumping back, before I was ten. I grew up with my mom 'sick' (really, it was narcotics) I thought she was mostly tired and sick. I didn't know the truth until I was thirteen. Well, while growing up, I raised my four bros I knew about and my only sister, (until she was caught, I thought I was the oldest of six, found out I'm second oldest of eight) anyway, I really hated my brother who I thought was the first brother I had. Well, I hated him actually showed him attention and love........ And for those thinking 'parents love their kids, and it's just the child's imagination of favoritism', well, try being kicked in the back for crying from age five/six until your nine or so......... my mom wanted a boy first, but got me. :/ I tried everyday to get her attention......... she was seventeen when she had me, so I kept thinking, back since I was three/four, I was a mistake........well, I was so deeply upset, I tried to **** my self several times, I tried over dosing about twenty times(each time, my migraine went away, and that was it, hell, I kept taking large bottles of pain killers) I tried suffocation(found out I can breathe even through thick material, beds, pillows, etc.) I even tried poison berries(ps, those things taste nasty, and of course, nothing happened) I think I'm just immune/resistant to death....... never could figure out why nothing happened......... :/ I just gave up, (and from my mom kicking me and calling me every obscenity in the book while I was young and crying, I can't cry for long......... I can cry for a minute or less, but no longer :/...........
Ok, that's enough for part two.........again, this is my life........

If interested, wait for later installments of my life....... :/
465 · Jan 2015
who will
Livingdeadgirl Jan 2015
Who will love me
who will stay by my side
who will be there when I need them most

Sometimes I want to scream
"leave me, everyone does" I'd say
"stop toying with my life"

Sometimes I wonder
'I love unconditionally
what if I never loved at all'

If I had no heart
there'd be no ache
but there'd be a lost and angry soul

Life is misery
love is pain
but my life is a huge joke

I used to believe in many things
like love and mythical fairytales
but that did not last

I grew up looking for good
I knew since I was little
life is not sugar plums and gum drops

I knew the world was made of evil
I saw it all
before I even started middle school

I try to dry the tears
I try to bottle up the pain
but it just wears on me

I could hide my heart
It always beat so sorrowfully
it was always so steady

May you see life
may it be enlightening
may you learn from what you see

I learned to be true to myself
I learned to deal with some pain
I learned life is cruel

Love is a sensitive thing
love can hurt
but love can also feel good

When you find true love
you'll want to dance and sing
just be careful where you step

Things aren't always what they seem
they might look nice
don't base life on looks

I saw life
I saw death
doesn't mean I know them truly
452 · May 2014
The final rap song
Livingdeadgirl May 2014
have you ever felt down
like you couldn't get back up
do you know someone like this
I do, I am like this
I've felt down, I never got back up
all I can say is **** this ****
they told me to get a grip, so I did
I got a solid grip on a handle
you see? the handle's end has a glint in the light
ain't it beautiful? I swear my grip's firm
people seein' me are screamin' and runnin'
I don't see why, I'm just smilin'
true, I may seem creepy to 'em
but I'm just bein' me, hatin' the world
this world ******* up, 'cause I'm here
they really ****** up an' now they're scared
they don't realize what they've unleashed
an' now they're gonna pay for their stupidity
I hold this gleamin' beauty in my hand
I raise it to my eye level in a deft motion
I bring it down, swiftly, and I sigh in relief
It's finally over, an' I'm just done
I made it, the final rap song
425 · Jan 2015
Two novels
Livingdeadgirl Jan 2015
Had to write an essay
I hate AP English
Why do they do this to us high schoolers?
It's so annoying
I had to compare two novels
The Road by Cormac McCarthy
And The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
They are pretty cool
Though The Grapes of Wrath is so arduous!
Though it depicts the time period well
And I liked The Road
Though there a lot of things I wish wouldn't have happened. :(
DANG IT!!!!!!
The compare and contrast are stuck in my head now!!!!!!!
I'm going to be sooooooooooooooo bored!
All cuz I still hate AP English
Doesn't matter how cool the writings are..........
Idk what I should do anymore.........
Oh well,
If you haven't read them
READ THEM!!!!!!!
Then go read 1984. :)
Oh wow........ Still hate AP English
But that's just me
424 · May 2015
My love (Mi amor)
Livingdeadgirl May 2015
I have one person
he is my only
forever and always
I never want to let him go
he is my love
my heart
my life
my breath
my thoughts
my soul
I never want to be without him
he is mine
and I am his
forever and always
may we never part in hurt
or hatred
but be together in love
and joyousness
he makes me happy
and I make him laugh
I love him for him
just as he loves me for me
and I can't wait to be with him
to be completely his
because he lives in my heart
he is my heart
he has me
and I will always do my best
to show my love for him everyday
for having him I'm overly grateful
overly thankful
and I'll never hurt him
I love him
he is my heart
my soul
my love

*Tengo una persona
él es mi único
Por siempre y para siempre
No quiero volver a dejarlo ir
el es mi amor
mi corazón
mi vida
mi respiración
mis pensamientos
mi alma
No quiero volver a estar sin él
él es mío
y yo soy su
Por siempre y para siempre
puede que nunca hemos participado en dolor
o el odio
pero estar juntos en el amor
y alegría
el me hace feliz
y hago reír
Lo amo por él
tal como él me ama para mí
y no puedo esperar para estar con él
para ser completamente su
porque vive en mi corazón
él es mi corazón
él me tiene
y yo siempre haré lo mejor
para demostrar mi amor por él todos los días
por haberle estoy demasiado agradecido
excesivamente agradecido
y nunca lo haré daño
Me encanta
él es mi corazón
mi alma
mi amor
420 · Feb 2015
Friday 13
Livingdeadgirl Feb 2015
I'm lonely
I'm alone
I guess this is my curse
My bad luck to deal with
I thought today would be good
That today could be special
I'm not superstitious
like many around me
but I just want something good to come out of this
this day meant to be bad
Idk the origin of today
but it's really wearing on me
this day meant to be cursed
which I don't understand why
because it should be another day
except today being February Friday 13
Today I have to smile......
It's my brother's birthday
He's annoyed when teachers know it
cuz he doesn't like to be sung to...
So today's his day
So I say what I need to on here
so I can be happy for him......
I'm depressed and don't know why
I'm alone
I'm lonely
*and no one knows my truths....
416 · May 2014
Poems are....
Livingdeadgirl May 2014
Poems are art

Poems are life

Poems are English

Poems are what they are

Poems are metaphors
                                       Literary devices

Poems are rhyme

Poems are meaning

Poems are classified

Poems are choice

Poems are love

Poems are wanted

Poems are clear

Poems are near

Poems are poems

Poems are literature
I wrote this for an english assignment in 9th grade.....
Livingdeadgirl Jan 2015
Why can't anyone stop and realize, by saying who's a troll and keeping this up and going, ya'll are becoming just what you say a "troll" is. My poem Why does this have to go on isn't just a pretty poem with a pretty name...... Seriously, everyone's acting like little kids. :/ :( and it gets old, even if you think your in the right, don't go acting like what you say others are, it's immature and hypocritical. :( :/
398 · Feb 2015
My testament (part 1)
Livingdeadgirl Feb 2015
I find that things happen for a reason
don't know what the reason is
but it's there.....
though not always noticeable....
for those of you who know me
and even for those who don't
you may see I'm different
I know I am
not always in a good way
not always in a bad way
sometimes I'm just neutral
well, I'm 16
and I don't have many revenues
to let out my feelings
hellopoetry is really all I have
to let my pain out
to show my joy
which I'm not supposed to show
in too great of amounts
or else I'm yelled at.....
for those who thinks that is stupid
I agree with you
but it's what I'm supposed to do
or rather, not supposed to do.....
I'm an expressive person
I end up always showing my heart on my sleeve
which just hurts me more in the long run
but I can't seem to help it......
it just goes that way
with no plan
no forethought
it just happens
and to see me
no one knows what to expect
what to think......
what to feel about me
I'm not emotional
but I am empathetic
which just hurts me more
cuz like I said
my heart is on my sleeve
on display for anyone to see......
I love people for them
I just need someone that will love me back
anyone can say that "God loves" me
and I know that.....
I just want, no, NEED someone to love me on Earth
someone that will see me truthfully
and like what they see
I'm no girly-girl
I'm more rough than that
I'm more a tom-girl....
and proud to be so. :)
things going on right now, feel like a good time to post this.... I'm just me.... :/...... not sure who that is, never really was.....
Livingdeadgirl Feb 2015
Another day
Another time
Another 'special time'
Another 'special day'
Why can't I have someone?
The one that I need tht needs me?
I may have found him
The one like me.....
But idk...
I feel lost

happy valentines day......I guess
386 · Feb 2015
My testament (part 2)
Livingdeadgirl Feb 2015
Well, I'm still here
still breathing
still yearning
I can't stand it anymore
I want to scream
want to run
Idk where
Idk when
I just know I need to
that I need someone in my life
maybe he's here?
maybe he's gone?
well, I tried
I keep trying
I'm hard to see
I'm invisible
only when I'm good
but will I want to be bad?
just to be seen?
and it's back to this
I can't always express myself freely
though people fear me
thinking that I'm terrible
but what cause do I give for them to fear me?
to hate me as they do?
I know I hate myself
because I'm not me.....
how can I be?
i still don't know me
*so who am i?
384 · Jun 2014
The mysterious dream man
Livingdeadgirl Jun 2014
I'm gonna cry
He did it again
He came in my dreams
He took my love
I tried to hold on
He left
He was as touchable as smoke
I want to be loved
He said he would stay
I guess it was easier for him to lie
I don't know much truth from him
I laid my heart in-front of him
I cried until the streams over flowed
I just want him
I need him
He is everything to me
Yet he's a dream
A beautifully dreadful dream
One I don't want to wake from
He always seems so cool
So collected
But my heart is slowly breaking
I lift my hand
I feel the torrents of pain
Their flowing down my cheeks
I reach my hand out
I want to whisper his name
But this is all I know
On my last breath I whisper
*The mysterious dream man
383 · Oct 2014
The watchers
Livingdeadgirl Oct 2014
I watch them
They stare at me
I don't want to listen
I don't know why
I just don't care
I couldn't care LESS
I want to be loved
I want to know me
I want to run
I want to scream
I grew up in a rough life
I just sit back and take the pain
I put my head phones in
I blare them and listen to my music
I relax and go numb
I smile at them as they hurt me
They don't know
I laugh at their uncertainty of me
I stare back at them
I watch as they back away
I keep listening to my music
I finally walk away

No one will ever trully know me, because everyone is too afraid to, so even though you read my words, don't think this is the whole of me.... I've just started writing and letting go what and who I am....... So if you think you know me, try again.... *I don't even know me....
382 · Mar 2015
Livingdeadgirl Mar 2015
I am....
inside my mind
I dont know what it is
there is beauty in front of me
I see it
I reach my hand out....
but stop.....
I look at my scarred and marred hand
I think of all i have done
the fighting
the torment that I put myself through
I know I do it
but I cant seem to stop it
but I stop myself now
how can I ever hold anything beautiful
because I know what that beauty is....
it's love....
but I'm too scarred
I seem to scare everyone away
because they see the scary part of me.....
I dont mean to show it
it just comes out
though I want to hide that part of me
that beastly part that hurts
I try to keep people close
that I want to protect.....
if they'd let me protect them
I've had to stand strong
and I do....
when I can....
but I break down, I just wait for noone to be around to see....
I hide but then I come back and stand strong once again
even if I just want to break down again...
I dont know what's left
so I ask
what's next?
377 · Mar 2015
a conversation (in my head)
Livingdeadgirl Mar 2015
what's my place in life
i dont know
why am I here
i dont know
can you help me
why not
because I'm to weak to
i wish i could help you
I know
do you want to go
yea, i always do
come on, follow me
we are gonna leave
take my hand
this way
whats next
what do you want to be next
i dont know
well, let's just keep going
you know what
you seem as lost as me
thats probably because I am
do you know who you are
no, do you
well, what do you want to do
whatever you want to
ok....can i hug you
we hug
you're an awesome person
so are you
how come we cant get anyone else to see us
because they are blind to us
do you know why
no, but i have some ideas
like what
they dont understand us
well, can we change that
i've been trying for a long time
yea, i dont think it'll happen anytime soon
ok, well, I'm glad that i have you
and im glad that i have you
we hug again
will they ever change their ways, the others, i mean
i dont know, but we should go
follow me
**we walk away
375 · Jul 2016
Hello again
Livingdeadgirl Jul 2016
I was gone
Now I'm back
I have demons that followed me
I have a story to share
I tried to run from the monster within
But they followed
They chase and hurt me
I'm broken and bruised
But not so you physically see
I put myself down
I found out I have PTSD and depression
Yea I know it seems I want attention
I just want to talk it out
Maybe find some things out
Well I'm back

367 · Jan 2015
My Life (part three)
Livingdeadgirl Jan 2015
Well, if your still reading, then good for can handle my life.....

Well, since we talked on me not able to cry for too long, lets get a little in depth....

Mostly, my mom would yell at me, calling me(and I quote) *****, *****, ****, ****, *******, ***, assadine, *** whole, *******, ******* *****, and it goes on and on, with mixes and new ones........well, with that she'd yell at me to stop crying, and with each word came a swift kick to my back, and they mostly landed along my spine...... I still experience pain when I lay down, sit up, or even randomly when walking or sitting. It feels like knives are being put into that area...... I know cause I accidentally got stabbed on my hand while doing dishes...... I hate knives...... Any way that's that, and from then on I rarely cry.
Now, if there's an age in my life you want me to post, just message me, and I'll talk about it.
Livingdeadgirl Feb 2015
why is it
when you think you know someone
they change
I keep the one i love close
he's with me
he hasn't changed
I'm still in love and euphoria
I still dont want it to end
I just wish we could really know someone
maybe not everything we think
or everything we feel
But to be able to love who we want to love
and know them better
we all need privacy, yeah
but it'd be nice to KNOWa person
for better or worse
I love people for them
I don't like to be judged
so I try not to judge
not always the best at it
but who is?

I try to be the best I can
but what if it's not good enough???
what then?
am I wasting my life?
I don't know
I don't think I'll ever truly know......
anything or anyone, that is.....
362 · Mar 2015
Livingdeadgirl Mar 2015
what can i feel
but the beating of my own heart
the acheing of my own flesh
the damnation of my own soul and mind
that i go through this pain
this torture
and i can only call it this
the memories and tortures i share
the moment i bleed
for the blood drains away
through the deep wounds
the ones i have
my heart is heavy
there's a hand there
squeezing harder and harder
i feel it but am powerless to stop it
tighter, tighter
but the beat doesn't slow
it's torture
the pain i face
i need to lash out
need to cry
want to feel safe
but nowhere is safe
not anymore
i need to run
i can't stay
i don't want to
but i'm forced to
i have to
have to stay in this place
where i'm ******
where i'm condemned
why can't i die
as i write i see this
i'm shaking now
not afraid
but *******
i am helpless
i keep losing the battle
i have two wars
one outside
and one inside
both tearing me apart
limb by limb
part by part
piece by piece
'tll there's nothing left
i feel sick
i contemplate my demise
would anyone miss me
i don't know
those who don't fully know mw
just one thing stoping me
i hate pain
if only i could ask someone
to come **** me quickly
if they'd do it
i'd be ok
i didn't wouldn't
deal with this
****** up
world anymore
i'm begging anyone too
to please help
and put me out of my misery
i want out...
no, wait... not want...
no...NEED out...
i'm so cold
i'm alone
and i don't know what to do
i want/need to cry,
to let the pain out,
but they won't come
i need to scream
but i can't
i'm not allowed to
i'm just supposed to listen
to be the perfect little slave
to be bossed about
and to do everything perfectly
i'm tired now
hopefully i can fall asleep
and never wake up
so i say good bye
and maybe we'll meet again
361 · Feb 2015
Beautiful Disaster
Livingdeadgirl Feb 2015
I'm gonna leave
this world I'm giving up on
there's too much crap
to much pain
to much.......
what is left
what can there be
what can become
why am I asking
there's nothing I can do
nothing I can see
I'm done
people all around
trying to be real
when they are so fake
it's unreal I said
so fake.......
I can't do this anymore
can't live like this anymore
I'm grabbing the glinting metal
I run my thumb over the edge
I smile as the blood trickles down
that metallic red
so thick and beautiful
it runs from the shallow valley
I gasp as I press the edge into my palm
just a quick pain
then nothing
a beautiful thing
the most wondrous loss
I've ever felt
I run my fingers through the gush
it is my paint
I can place it on the page
and make a beautiful disaster
because it is
*it's my beautiful disaster
Livingdeadgirl Jan 2015
Wearing an oversized guys t-shirt
Putting my glasses down because they're hurting my nose
Laying on my bed, relaxed, content for now
Keeping my mind busy until I can go get a shower after my lil brothers get theirs
Don't know what to do
*oh well
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