Almost three decades later,
and the position I take in my own life is second place.
I placed the blame of my position on the loved ones I trusted
but they are not the ones to take blame.
Two decades have passed,
and I still placed myself second to those
temporary in my life.
Most nights I lay my head on a pillow
filled with the tears I cry myself to sleep.
These tears carry the pain of invalidation
from the loved ones I trusted to love me.
The kind of Love
that I should be giving myself.
A decade into existing on this planet,
and I am so confused by the mixed
feelings my young heart felt.
She craved the loving touch of her mother,
but it was met with bitter words.
She ran into the street to play with the neighbor's kids,
just to be met by mockery and confusion.
She awaits her father from yet another work trip,
just to be met by a distant stranger that
rather be occupied with anything else
other than time with his daughter.
She sits in a classroom filled with
other kids that don't look like her,
confused with many questions
but too scared to ask.
I have put myself second in my life,
believing that I do not want anyone
feeling that way.
So I took it upon myself to put them
in first place in my life.
And now,
I am the one feeling the pain
of always being in second place.