To the next person who decides to stay
i want you to know that i love you with all my heart
it would seem like i do not, but i do
you see i find it very hard to express love
do see my gifts and me getting upset as my form of love
that how i was shown love growing up
it is not my fault i can't show it
but it is the only way i know

i want you to know there would be days i would not want to talk
don't take it personal it is not your fault
the way i am built, in other for me to function i need space sometimes a little too much
that does not mean i do not love you, i just want you to hug me and tell me everything would be okay during those times

to the next person
please do not make promises you would not fulfil
i do not do so well with broken promises, it would start to hurt and it would take a while to forgive

to the next person
i want to be able to put a smile on your cloudy days
please allow me to love you, i would try all i can to never hurt you
one last thing
please do not hurt me

I can't get you out of my head
the thought of you blooms the flower in my heart
i never thought the chains i put would be broken
although they're so many things unspoken

you make me happy
you make me smile genuinely
i feel at peace when i'm around you
that which i lack in the life presently
you bring comfort and a wave of relaxation

but you see again my heart has been so tattered
that sometimes i feel nothing matters
they're so many parables i would like to vocalize
the problem is nowadays i'm unable to socialize

i know you don't know how i feel
because i lock it all away
do you feel it too ?
i feel it a lot
one might say i'm lost but i say its love

I wake up everyday to the sound of the alarm
I switch it off,

thirty minutes still in bed
contemplating of my life to be
thinking of words to drag me out of bed
is this how it's supposed to be ?

one hour later
I get up with a tear on the pillow
blood in my eyes and a heart mellow
walking to the bathroom, I see the mirror
hey there dark soul, you're worthless it says

twenty minutes later
I get out of the bathroom
the mirror laughs as my body blooms
put on my clothes, my shoes, my backpack
and lets not forget
put on a smile

you told me you were different
you said you'll try not to break me
you lured me in
I almost believed

you told me you were different
you appeared as a light in my life
from which darkness had consumed in a while
you lured me in
I almost believed

you told me you were different
you said you're no boy but a man
you behaved like one
I almost believed

you lured me in
into a cage and danced with me inside
and then you shut it close
you locked me in and watched me suffer

you told me you were different
and I almost believed.

My heart fiddles in the past
I don’t know how long I’ll last
They haunt me with a mask
And force me to do same task
How can I choose my class
When I can’t even relaxe
A cry for help is all I ask
To let me be at peace A las

a metal cage with the game relay
get to edge first with no delay
the bell rings,
and here we are with our chains
at least we have each other
and then replay

A release from the silence of...
the heart which has been thought to depart
I remember how the blood used to flow
like the river Danube in Budapest
once came a human who I thought would make a lake
but all he did was get it baked
two hundred degrees celsius
the rumbling sounds of waves danced through my veins
it traveled like it was in chains until it was released from its cage

There is this type of love

unhealthy but healthy

there is this love

where you don’t want to let go

not because of anything but because….

you just can’t let go

even when your heart sinks, melts or at most cases shatters

you still can't let go

your friends say, move on it's not worth it

you deserve better, you’ll find happiness somewhere else

but they don’t understand this type of love

this rare kind,

this fulfilling love

one that brings peace and happiness  to you  

one that lights up your day, one that leaves u speechless and breathless.  

how can such a type of love bring such happiness,

how can such a love bring joy while you’re hurting

this kind of  love has no answer

the question lies in the name

Toxic love