My friends are being murdered
Almost every week
I don't know what to do
Some nights I barely sleep

Should we all move in together
Just so we are safe
Be there to protect each other
Before it becomes too late

©Lj Mark 2015

Do you know how it feels
To get dressed up only to be ignored when you arrive
Do you know what it's like
To have eyes rolled at you,
and ***** whispers overheard
Do you know how it feels
To walk faster down the street
To escape the filthy names and laughs
Can you imagine the way that ruins your day
Breaks your spirit, robs you of your joy
I know how that feels
Like a pain that won't go away
Numbing, overwhelming, a pain that makes you cry
You reach out to anyone, anyone who will listen
And pour out your heart, as if that will make it better
And you go to sleep, cover your head, cover your eyes
And sometimes the pain makes you give in and die
How much can we each take
Each of us has a limit
Of the pain others cause us
Just because we're living

©Lj Mark 2015

How can they tell you who to love
Or whether you can marry or not
They say it's God that's telling them this
That it's him who judges you

But God made you like this
From the day you were born
To feel what you feel and even to whom
And it's time for them to understand
Love can be wonderful, pure and strong
No matter if its for either a woman or a man

©Lj Mark 2015

Little boy
Red fires trucks
Tree forts
Grasshoppers
Model rockets
Rock n roll
The sea
Growing body
Out of place
Sitting alone
Watching
Lonely
Hide
No one understands
Girl crush
Cars
Writing
21
Alcohol
Drugs
Relief
Job
Alcohol
Must smile
Alcohol
Work
Forget
Gay girls
Weekends with Heidi
I fit in
Guys made jokes
Hate them
Hate them
Alcohol
Alcohol
Marriage
Love
Happier
Travel
Escape
Love
30 years
Hiding
Feel it
Covered
Concealed
Leaking out
Femininity
Fashion
Passion
Beauty
Desire
Need
I'm Trans
Release
Lightened
Free
Happy
Me

©Lj Mark 2015

I can't believe this person I see
I can now be all I want to be
When I close my eyes and look inside
I will never again feel the need to hide

I have no doubt there will be struggles ahead
And If I hadn't come out I'd most certainly be dead
But being open makes me strong and free
And the world can now know and see the really me

©Lj Mark 2015

My Pastor said hi last Sunday morn
Asked how I was and said bless you my son
He invited me to join the men's group there
That met after church at a quarter to four

I froze in my seat unable to speak
How should I reply without sounding weak
To make him know and understand
It would be dishonest to join a group for men

I know that my body still looks mostly male
But hadn't he a hint or even a clue
From my painted nails, earrings or perfume
Or the pink bracelet I wore on my arm

I smiled and replied that I'd give it some thought
But I realized that was really an easy way out
I wanted to somehow make him know
That God made me transgender
Though sometimes it doesn't show

Join the men's group no i can never do that
but the ladies group yes I would really enjoy that
But they will never accept that or understand why
And it would sound very odd if I tried to explain
So this transgender Christian will sit quiet and smile
Knowing just who I am, next to God all the while

© Lj Mark 2015

I wondered tonight if I should be me or not
When I go out tomorrow into the world's sight
It would be so easy to go stealth male
No one would look, or care at all
But the most important person of all, me.

I cried as I thought of those years gone by
The lies, the dreams, the longing to be real
Was it all in vain, and now that I'm free,
would I so easily just give it all away
I might still appear as male to the untrained eye
But my friends can tell and so can i
I'm very special now and it's such a gift
And I'll never give it up, and never go back again.

© Lj Mark 2015