I spent 83 days wondering why
1,992 hours crying
And 7,171,200 seconds dying a little more inside

I can't say I'm sorry for what happened before
I left because
I didn't matter to you anymore

Before you date me

You need to understand that I'm damaged. I get triggered easily. I have struggled with things. There are nights when I'm curled up on a ball on the floor and I won't talk to anyone. I'll shut you out. I'm not going to be able to trust you for a while because everyone has always left, cheated, or chosen someone else. I need reassurance. I will need you. I will need you to keep choosing me, I'll need you to care when I text you saying I'm getting bad again. I;m a lot, I know this.

So before you think I'm always happy, that I'll always be positive, that I'll always be smiling - know the reality before you get involved. Don't enter my life if you can't handle it. Lastly, don't you dare touch my heart if you aren't ready for that.

I love the rain
Not really sure why
It’s only water falling from the sky

It’s relaxing
And I often feel stress free
Listening to how it sounds

It pounds on the windows
And splat on the ground
Thuds on the roof

Nothing can escape it
Everything is within its reach
You can’t hide, you’ll get wet eventually

I love how everything scatters
Trying to get out of its way
No birds flapping or animals scurrying around

I like watching others react to it
Some people run
Others walk

Some skip, some jog
Others hop over puddles like they’re logs
And some avoid it at all cost by hiding in cars

I love the rain
And if I could
I’d watch it all day

It’s weird
Almost poetic
That’s listening to a song in a language I don’t understand
Is what sparks thoughts of you
And now
I’m about to say things I’ve been trying to avoid
I’ve locked up the memories in a vault
Deep within me
But bits and pieces still seep through
So here goes

I don’t want anyone else loving you
Because no one else knows
How much she hates her nose
And how terrified she is of taking pictures of her toes
No one will appreciate the beauty In her imperfections like I do

I don want another’s lips touching hers
Because it’s where mine should be
I don’t want his hands playing in her hair until its messy and covers her face
I don’t want another guy staring into her green eyes in my place

No one knows the things she told me
So when she has multiple finished cigarettes at her feet
Or when she’s getting high in the evening
And drinking alcohol when she should be sleep
They’ll never know what she’s hiding
He’ll never know when you’re hurting
Not like I do

You’ll think it’s weird she draws a unicorn smoking ****
While I find it funny and cute
You won’t know what she goes to Mc Donald’s for
He won’t know her favorite drink

You wouldn’t know how stupid she feels
When she pronounces a word wrong
You won’t laugh out of love like I do
You wouldn’t tell her to say it again
Because you just loved the way she talks

There’s so much more
That he wouldn’t know
He favorite color, he favorite show
I don’t want any other guy knowing her like I do
Because even if she’s gone, she’s still belongs with me

Humans are suppose to be the most evolved species
Top of the food chain
But there are some animals that mate for life
While us
“Evolved species”
Can creep and cheat
On our so called “soul mate”
Night after night
If you ask me
We are no better then the animals we eat

Spaceship
Spaceship
Where should I go
I’ve left earth
Couldn’t live with the humans anymore
I got tired of the deceit, in the white of their smiles
And the lies that sat in the pupils of their eyes
Spaceship
Spaceship
where should I go
Maybe to Mars
Highjack the rover
Let myself become engulfed in the ongoing
desert storm
Falling harder then Minnesota winter snow
Being around these beings for to long
Corrupting
All they do is steal
And **** each other meaninglessly
Spaceship
Spaceship
Please take me away
The farther the better
I cannot stay

I’ve never received a flower
Or even a rose
But I’m a guy
So it’s acceptable I suppose
No kisses
Or sweets
No treats
That signifies ones feelings for me
No token of ones love
But I have gotten
Disappointment
Watered with hate
Planted in betrayal
Fertilized with lies
And maintained by fakes
Roses are Red
But my roses are dead
And crumble beneath my feet

in the time between
sleeping and waking
my thoughts drift to you
the sky begins to turn umber-red
and tears fall softly down my cheeks
it is a deep hearted truth that you do not
appreciate  what you have until it is lost
yet the day must go on so by the time the sun
has risen, the tears have dried and i now motherless
go about the daily tasks of being a wife and mother
but just letting you know i miss you...so very much