Can you handle my roller coaster mind
the way I stop right before I drop 50 stories high
but I don't always spread my wings
I would just die
But I come back
Just to see if you wore black
would you be sad would you wear black
Did you have enough of me
Cause I've had enough of your confusion
And the illusion you make me feel
but you let me fall
You just ride when you want something more
so just let me fall
let me hate you
Cause at the pace we are going I might just destroy you and me
This roller coaster ride is not for free
is costs me pain
and we keep playing it till I'm drained
I can hear the final drops of me hit the ground
the sound is so loud
trikh
trikh
it will surround you and you'll be drowned .

Let those walls down

You're making me put my walls up

I just want to love you every minute of everyday
So why do you keep withdrawing your feelings
I just want to love you with every meaning of the word
but why do you betray me every now and then
why do you forget me every now and then
I want to tell you how much I love you
When you let me in
So why do you block me out
I just want to love you
I have so much love to give
let me
let me
love you
Stop playing pretend
let me love you
I just want to love you

Change of hearts
I didn't change my mind I still love you

but my heart doesn't listen to my brain
And all the things that fluttered my heart
Now , are missing

change of heart
but I still love you

The way you used to talk
your eyes your brain you haven't changed

And I still love you
but baby I'm a bit crazy and I'm a bit insane
And so I can't keep my heart in the same place

I've moved on
and now the noise of nothing sits with us
and it keeps getting louder

but I still and always will
love you

There's a moment in time
where you can take on the world
when you feel you words are sharp as a sword
when you can keep going on
keep standing straight
no matter the weight

There's a moment in time
where you fall apart
where your life is a huge laundry mess
and you don't know where to start
when you feel you'd rather have been gone
gone as a martyrdom
when your mind shrinks
and it can only understand the bad things

But, There's a moment in time
when someone is next to you
Whether you feel like you're superman or a dying man
you want them there
next to you

I know we are close
But we are never close enough

I wanna be closer
I wanna be the cells inside your bones

Maybe then
I'd feel close enough

I built the blue print in my mind

Of our story that will unwind . .   .     .    

           It will be one of those late nights
      you had one of those horrible fights
         and you lean on me for help .
      you tell me about all the things you felt  
         and my heart would just melt.

I'd open in a door into my core let you inside my world and we just fade away in our memories

Positive fight
I write my rhymes before I sleep through the night
can you feel my height
I'm flying off the ground
can you hear that sound

it's calling me
telling me about my fate
And It says that I'm bound to be great


From this world's music I translate
it says I'm bound to be great
it's my fate

But who can decide
what is right
is being great ..
Standing in the lime light
or is it sacrificing my time
out of sight
or is it being my own hero
through those dark nights

I can't tell.
but I know I will never sell
my soul for the part
that I'm bound to play
I can't really hear what you say
I just hear this music
that leads the way
all you haters are stray

This beat
Spreads through my blood stream
and moves me

like a fist in a fight
about to hit and hurt
get hurt and bleed

So I fight this positive fight
I just take it one step each night
till I reach that which is right

It's kind of sad and it's kind of happy
When you are all by yourself kind of alone
But you're in this zone of self recognition
Self knowledgement and it's  too much self actualization
It's kind of sad and it's kind of happy
Your on a ride a slow ride and it's kind of dark and it's kind of fun
But I'm here and I can't be anywhere else
There's no one to call no one to talk to even if they're near
You talk but its just sounds you say to get by  
And your left here kissing your  nicotine
It's the only thing that gets you that hears you
Your a slave for that nicotine
It's kind of good for you but it's also the death of you
But it's kind of good for you cause it's the only thing keeping you sane
But it's also the death of you
And it's kind of sad and it's kind of happy
But you can't be can't be anywhere else

It's like someone just turned on the lights
And now we can see a clear sight
We were never getting along
Were we ?

Or did the lights turn off
And seeing has gotten tough
And we are going around in circles like lost dogs ?

I don't know how it happened but I think we have fallen out of love . . .

Sunset flowers and the swaying wind
no.

Rainbows and butterflies
no.

It's just an ordinary night .
and there's still so much to fight.
but I let it go

In these
four white walls
and a dim yellow florescent light
I let it go


in this echoing noise of nonsense
I let it go


I smile not cause everything is okay
I smile because I let it go

Silence sits with us

Our attempts are getting so old

they're starting to dust

But I still want to sit with you

as if it's a must

even if your fumes

make my aching heart rust

I still want to sit with you

as if it's a must

Even if I don't want to

I still want to

It's easy to write
I just type it down
On my phone.

Get it all out, in the zone

And its easy to write
When none of the people reading this
Are one's I've known

And a text that articulates my pain and emotions
Is coated in the atheistic of rhyme, metaphore and power
Makes it so easy to write this down

And let me drown.


Cause atleast it paints an interesting picture
Doesn't it ?

And it makes me seem like I know things
But I really dont
I just feel good when expressing things
Like a song.

And it's easy to write this down
But it's not easy to analyze prioritize and take action.
Its not easy to make things happen.
Its very difficult
And sometimes it seems impossible.

But writing it down
... it's easy

You spark
and it fills the emptiness in my mind
I try so hard to walk that I forgot how good it feels to stay right here

you smile
and I spark in happiness cause I got to your heart
I've gone through

I'm into you
So make me feel alive
we shouldn't stay blue
if you love me and I love you too
make me feel alive

خالي
Like the emptiness of the dessert
That is my حالي

مالني؟
Questioning my decision like a
مدير مالي

اهمالي
And if I run from it, nothing will disappear
It fact it hunts me back like a جني

عادي
Getting used to it like its my profession
And I follow it let it domesticate me like دجن

And so I created my own سجن
ملل bored of myself
I look at you for لهو
Distract me like a filler
Botox me up till I انفجر
Fake it cause ill never make it
Blind sighted like سحر

مرّ
Like the stinge in my cigarette
Like the stinge in my black coffee
Is the crave to be free

تحت جلدي
Is the truth that would punch
Hit, hurt
Get hurt and bleed
Cause from you I dont استفيد

Im leaving this earth lonely
And I dont even know me
Screaming for help
******* انبح صوتي
And everyone knows it lowkey ..

أركض
أركض
Till the last breath.

And this feeling
You will never undress

Let go
and fall into chaotic bliss

The bell's getting louder ...

But I have to find a way out

Cause no one cares

If I don't...

You think I am limited by those lines we drew
It might be kind of true
For you ...

You think you make this space
It's kind ok true

Don't think just be
Reiterate that with me
You'll see and I'll see
There no one there for free

Do you know what you're doing ?
Yes I'm being me

Who are you?
I know who I was this morning but I've changed a couple of times since then

So how do you feel?
I feel nothing and everything
I feel the lungs burning but I feel no harm
I feel my mind being scattered but I feel it's a charm
I feel my god but I feel he doesn't mind
I feel my consciousness and I know it's inside
But I don't feel those rules that I'm trying to abide
I feel you hurt but I don't hurt likewise
He feels me hurt but he doesn't feel my inside
It's a full circle that comes around
And if you **** up its always going to be your past
And if you mind then I mind
But if you don't then let's go along
Sing a song play my heart like it's wrong
But it's right cause I don't feel my insides
But I feel you right now
And your sound makes my heart pound
And you eyes hides no lies but no emotions too
Are you feeling blue or are you numb like me
Standing up for the sake of the your greed for life
U want it but it's not in sight

خالي

Sun rays on my guitar
Makes the dust sparkle

they say you live for what you die for
I live for what I'd die for

I live for the love

it's hard
hard to live
it's hard
hard to love
And I live for the love ..

There's this tune
that only you and me can hear.

Blank
Sit
Write it down
They say

But I stare at it
And it's blank

You've wrote so much they say
You've done so much they say
But I stare at it and it's blank
Blank

Subjectivity is what we all have
And I'm staring at my life
And it's blank

I'll tell you how I got here
When I have

But right now
I feel it in my bones
I feel it in my skin
This is not a life I'm meant to have
And it will be the story to tell
When I get there
I'll tell u how

It's all in my head
It just needs some writing down . . .

We are okay ..
Are the words you should never say
to someone like me
someone who can see
the salt particles in the deep blue sea

we are okay ..
but the truth is we will never be fine
as long as I exist in your life and you exist in mine.

Our trust as been smudged
like the lipstick on your shirt

The love has been squeezed out
like our old toothpaste that's in the trash

and our conversations keep repeating
like that song on the radio that I'm sick of

your eyes used to pull me in from a distance
Now I'm right next to you and it feels like a magnetic field
Pushing me away
repelling like 2 negatives

I could've and I would've loved you unconditionally ..

I'm doing everything I don't want to be doing  
Deep through my eyes is a portal shattered through space
What am I doing ?

Mornings are mandatory
work college
no where I wanna be

those are my friends ?
Then why with them it's so difficult to be
me

Why is it so difficult to enjoy anything

Fun is becoming hard

hard is becoming every minute of everyday

I don't want to hurt you even though you hurt me, does that make sense?
I've forgiven you even though you don't deserve it , I helped you and I asked. When you didn't .. do you even care ? Sometimes I wonder am I blinded by your sweet eyes? Is what your saying just a bunch of sweet lies? What am I to you ? What am I in your eye ? Cause I've been trying to figure it out that it's always on my mind making me act different trying to shape my image in your mind so self conscious that I lost my image I don't know what do I wanna show you ?  You make me insecure, cause you are soo cool . If I could stare at you I would stare and drool. Cause I love hate you and I hate loving you. But my emotions are a roller coaster I hate then love everyone I know while your just like snow .. c o l d and though im obssessed I still pretend.
And I don't know what am I Doing to myself.

I went to the airport today , as my mom was traveling I was there my sister ,my father and we kept doing our goodbyes as my father expressed how much he will miss her about 10 times .. even though she's coming back in a week.
While I was sitting there a man caught my eye he was with a lady a smaller asian lady , she was dressed very simply looks like she doesn't have much, her hair was messy .. she doesn't seem to care about how she looks , he was pushing her from her hand joint and not her actual hand .. his grip firm .. like she was a stray dog and he was containing her from runing wild . He was dressed more decently and he seemed from the gulf and he  seemed like he wanted to get this over with .. he kept pushing her as my eyes involuntarily followed their every move he had a passport in his hand seemed hers and a small bag .. no luggage.
I saw her passing throught the    checkpoints and I lost them for a while Finally it was time to leave my mom at the check point where only the travelers can pass .. that's when I saw that lady again and the security was behind her again guiding her like a stray puppy to the man who happened to be next to me .. the security handed her over to the man who didn't seem so happy to see her again as the security said " the captin won't allow her on his flight like this, she needs to wake up from whatever she's in" ... that's when I lost them again as my mother was waving to us the final wave I got occupied by waving back and then watched her leave .finally we decided to leave the airport and for the last time I found the lady agian sitting alone starring into the ground her head waving back and forth like her neck was not strong enough to hold her head .. as I saw the man leaving the airport door with a key in his hand .. he left the bag and passport with her and left .. and we left too
But she stayed there
Unaware and rejected
lost but no one was searching

Crawl up , up on my skin
Inject your essence into me

Hey . . .
How are you
I kind of need you right now
I know we aren't that personal but you're probably the only person who would understand me right now :/
I'm frustrated and confused my self esteem is bruised and I can't seem to fit in my own shoes.
Tell me what to do tell me what should I do ?
Tell me what is right tell me what wrong cause I can't seem to figure it out.
I want you to tell me cause you seem to have it all together.
You're kind you're  so kind and you seem to have figured it out, how to stay kind and go about your life
And I know we aren't that personal but God you deserve to be praised ! you should know how exceptional you are to me.
I just want to be in your presence
I want your presence to overshadow mine
I want your thoughts to color my mind
I want to lose myself in you
Cause I feel like I have already lost
I feel weak I feel vulnerable I feel like an outsider
I feel like I wear my sensativity on my sleeve
And it's shows I know it does in my eyes in my moves am all shades of blue
No matter how hard I try I swear I tried I tried I swear I tried hero man
I tried to grow strong I tried to get along I tried to shut the sound in head I tried to think of you instead
But I know you have a life and I'm just another person who your kind to but I can't help it I'm kind of in love with you

I don't know how it would work but I just want to be in your presence I want you to clear my thoughts.
God I'm so broken and lost and I have trust issues cause I can't seem to get along
I have trust issues cause everyone I let in has hurt me so deep that I can't even breath
And I know everyone is bound to get hurt but it shows on me tell why kind man tell why I can't act like I'm fine tell me why this world and my soul cannot intertwine
Hold me kind man make me feel alright tell me that you understand tell me that everything will turn out fine.

Hey ..
I like you the way you think the way you look the way you breath the way you love the way you talk.

Sam ..
You make me smile
I just talk to you and I smile
I don't plan it I don't expect it
I walk away smiling

I can't help it you fit all my uneven corners
Making them a smooth soft person in love.

Sam
Sam
Sam
You are all I think of
You are all I think of

Please say I do the same for you
Please say you would take a chance
Sam I never felt this way
I never felt this way ..

Sam
You make all the sense in the world to me
Sam
You look like the world to me
Sam I force myself to look away
But if I could I would stare
I would stare at you until ever

Sam
Please don't tell me you don't feel the same

Sam please don't tell me you have someone
Sam please don't tell me I'm too young

Sam you know me
Sam you know me
Sam I know you know me
And everything about me is made for you

Sam
I can't help but think about ******* you
Your thoughts your mind and your cloths

Sam ..

You can have every piece of me

Sam ..

If we kissed the universe would shift it's colors
The world would blow in perfection

Sam..
My lips were designed to fit yours
They were made for your indulgence

Sam ..
My hands were made to flow over your body to fit your every corner

Sam..
My thoughts were made to glaze over yours to unite to intertwine
To spark love..

Sam ..
You know me
Sam ..
Please tell me you are willing to take a chance

Hey Lina
I can see your not there
You are not you right now .

And that's okay .

I would tell you everything will work out
But I know you know that.

But Lina why are you so lost ?
When you know you are something amazing you are special.

And, no not everyone is special.

Lina you are your worst enemy and your best friend.
Lina I've known you my whole life, you dream big
You see things that others don't
You strive, you keep going like you know where your going

Lina know that no one knows that your in so much pain
No one can see it
No it doesn't show in your voice
You are not trasparent
No one knows that you feel ashamed
No one knows that you feel incompetent
No one knows that you feel scared
No one knows that you feel like a loser

They see strength in you
They see sweetness
They see love
And they see you as something different as unique
They just don't know how to deal with someone so passionate so great
So different
You just have to show them the way

Lina you should know that you love so deep
And that isn't a shame
You love with detail you love with pain
And it's no shame
It's beautiful
Not everyone can describe the details of their loved ones
Not everyone knows why they love
Not everyone can accept people for everything they are
Not everyone loses themselves in everyone they love

And I know you think it's your fault they all left
But it's really not
And I know you feel more pain cause you felt more love
And I know you feel more hollow cause you let them in and they messed you up .

But Lina not everyone is you not everyone can feel the way you do
Not everyone can love unconditionally
Not everyone values your trust
Not everyone cares
Most of them don't

So it's not on you
It really isn't
Everyone is fighting their own battle
And it's unfortunate that you met so many and loved so many that don't deserve it
And it's unfortunate that your surrounded by an uncomfortable environment

But it's not you
It really isn't you
You need to believe me it's not you

It might take time
But I know you will be fine
I see you falling in love again
And one day this world and you will be in twine
One day you will find someone who loves deeper than you do
Understand every detail of you

And if you don't,  know that your meant to live life like a visitor passing by

Its never too real in this world you are here for a purpose and your purpose well you will figure that out ....

You and me
can be
in a world
made
of sweet honey
bee

chocolate strawberries
and a cigarette

Swaying to the melody of the ocean's waves
The sunsets forever stays

where everything you say is so funny
It tickles and it prickles through my tummy
And I cry so happy

Where the sky is pained bright blue and pink and yellow and purple and orange
Where we never feel mellow

Where is this world?
Where is the map that leads to it
Is it Engraved in your eyes
will I ever find it behind those lies ?

And every bit of you
is something true

Deep as the ocean
Even your tears are blue

every inch of you
is different
every piece is new

Your soul is paradise
I want to live in you

you are so true
you are so true

very bit of you

Your tears are drops of the ocean
and who doesn't love the deep blue

Your tears are drops of the ocean
and who doesn't love the deep blue

Why can't I say what I want to say ? Why can't I dance in the middle of the day while I'm walking your way across the halls to get to class why can't I sing and sing and shout why is it not allowed . Why do I have to follow a certain guideline in a conversation why can't I just say random things why does it bother you so much when I'm odd when I'm being whatever I feel like doing or saying .. it doesn't hurt anyone .. I'm not doing anything bad .. god! It's so sad the constrains we put on each other trying to fit in .. why do I have to live life already knowing everything u might do! Why why why ? And why are u scared to love and care too much , I mean I know the heartbreak can do that but still you can care as much as u want instead of wasting most of your caring on trying not to be over caring trying not to over do it cause that's not how others do it ! Again others others why do u care why do we care why do we stare , when someone does something out of the ordinary . Sometimes I get it but putting people down for being who they are that I will never understand.
So ask yourself why not??
why the hell not do what you want when u wanted there are no standards for anything
Don't over think

Define what you want to be.
Write it down
Imitate it.

And you will be.

But decisions are hard to make
I know . .

And the world made this heart of yours break
I know . .

And seeking happiness ***** you in situations that end in a big cut that leaves a scar.

Now fear is instilled within you
And it's hard to shake it off
It's hard to move it on
Again  

It's hard to control the brain.

But write it down
Define it
Then imitate it
And it will be
You have nothing to loose.

Either move on with purpose
Or keep trying to replay history
Or purely rely on destiny.

I choose purpose

Words for a thinker are hard to construct

As doubt is the fuel for this mind

And my mind has been working none stop

As my words just ran away

I used to write and write

but now I doubt everything I say

I'm sitting with a ticking clock

Waiting for belief meaning intensity in anything to unlock

I walk with no blood in my feet

I sweat without feeling the heat

And now I think and think
without saying a word

Inhale smoke
         B l o w

inhale smoke
          B l o w

Rushing thoughts .. hows and whys imagining what you're doing right now without me.

Betrayal.

All the things you said and did.

Betrayal.

S t o p

inhale smoke
               B l o w

All the parts of me I shared with you ..
All the little things you do that crushed me
they crush me
you crushed me


inhale smoke
             B l o w . . .   .   .      .         .           .                

S t o p

I'm stronger than this
I know better than this
I shouldn't be thinking this

As the weight of my own fears coming real weight down on me.

* lights up another cigarette*

Inhale smoke
           B l o w

I shouldn't waste my energy on this I know better than this

inhale smoke
         Blow. tears drop down on the floor

Weight of my own emotions on my chest I can't let it go .

I don't care anymore

inhale smoke
      


.. .   .   .   B  l    o         w               .                         .

Write... me
let your words describe me
How you want me
Write pages and pages of every detail
So I know what I need to become
Handcuff me and don't let me run
Force me to be the way you want
don't let me run
cause your pages and pages of fake description is better than having none.

I have to stay strong while you leave me
to write my own self
You left
why do you always leave
leave me in my tangled words
leave me to figure it out on my own
leave me to think about not thinking about you
leave me to my own thoughts of
did you leave me or did I run .

so comeback and write me
write me the way you want
Handcuff me and don't let me run

You are an incomplete thought
a wandering boat
set to sail in my mind.

You posses that magic
That can take me away
but neither of us can drive.

You are all the radiant colors in a sun beam
you are all the hollows of the night

You are nothing I know
yet I studied you so well
I even traced the details of your smile

sometimes I give in and I let your hollows caress me

But sometimes
                      I Give up myself to complete you .

I , I fall but never not even once did I ever did you wrong no I never did you wrong
But you, you were the death of me your where the death of me and so we had to leave we had to let it be .

And they say, they say move on
They say life is long
They say it gone
But they don't know that your a part me
Your a part of me ..

You taught me how to breath
You taught how to speak
You taught how to be
And I can't escape it no no no

You're so naive you know you've done so much wrong you know you did all along you know that I'm singing this song
But what can I do I'm so in love with you
I was what I knew and you were all that I knew

So I can't breath no I can't speak no I can't be with out you being a part of me
And everything we did every lame thing we did it left a mark it left a mark and you wrote me all over again

So I no I can't breath no I can't speak and no I can't be I can't be with out you being a part me your a part me of me
Your a part of me

No

I can't escape your face your Like a ******* cage and it all around me it's a game that ******* me over you and everyone one like you every one that I knew so I can't be I can't speak I can't breath with out you without you being a part of me

Could even write this song could I even sing along could even play this tune and would I even be alone with out you with you being a part of me .. am I am I am I a part of you **** I wish you you knew **** I wish you know

You can see me now
stripped down from everything lifely
you can see me now
my soul
I trust you now
so you can see me now
so don't        
            Don't you dare crush it.

You cant be hurt
is what their face have wrote
on my skin
why are you hurt
is a question they keep
Conveying

you know what's worst than dying
is laying there in a bed
so ill
your trying so hard to get on your feet and stand still
U have got all the will .
but their ignorance
their deep ignorance
is an everyday drill

Has the paranoia slipped in yet
do you think its you
why are you feeling this
you must be too sensitive
you must be self obsessed
it must be all in your head

Why are you acting out ?


you can't be hurt

why are you hurt?

You're too emotional

And the worst you get
the worst they get

Take a step back trust your emotions and Tell them
******* :)

You will never understand it till you're in it
Leave you stranded but you're willing  . . .

Respect is key to winning
Understanding is the key to staying
But we don't understand one another
Yet we memorized one another

You lose respect for me like it's water dripping
I lose respect for you through my sadness grievance
Of our dead could have beens

We're not winning
We're not winning

I am losing yet I stay willing
I am aching yet I stay willing
I am tired yet I stay
I am tired yet I stay

say a word and I'll say this has never been
say a word and I will give you my everything
you horrible horrible ******* ..

but just say a word and I'll stay willing

Hey . . .
I'd like to get to know you .. everyday
Let's get personal .. all the way

Talking is beautiful
I want to hear you articulate all your feelings and everything going inside your head
I wanna see your eyes in every mood
I  wanna see your face in every expression
I wanna touch your skin
I want you to feel my skin
Feel the heat you bring to it
Feel the pulse you accelerated
With your eyes

Don't look at me that way
Cause you got me thinking
God you've got me thinking

I can throw the papers on your desk aside
Make you feel the fire inside ..

Ugh god I can't hide .. it
Don't look at me that way
Please stop looking at me that way

Now I can't I can't get you out of my mind

Hey you
can you be pure
can you  be true ?
can you stay the way you are
Cause you're cute
when you let go
of all pretenses
And all the hidden agendas
Just be real with all your senses
To what your feeling right here right now with me
surrender

Cause you're cute

you're cute  

I wanna tell you how cute you are