You're a part of me

a part of me that's swollen and sore


Your eyes this look
I know
I know

I know


I know



I knew ..

That genuine heart that perky smile
They couldn't break you
They couldn't break you

Till they did .


And they did .


And it destroyed you .

I wear my best pair of jeans at home
My skin is at it's best tone
when I'm feeling good on my own

You're manipulative
you are
I'm your friend
am I ?

I hate you

Optimism .
You are far out of reach

I thought if I ever got this lost
Someone or something would find me

I thought if I ever felt this low
I might just drop dead and die

But the thing about life is that it keeps going
It doesn't care how you survive

And the thing about you is that you don't care enough
And the thing about me is that I keep hoping you will
And my hope you ****
every time .

On top of the world
my own ego I've sold
No more second guessing
No more wishing

it will be real
cause the way I feel
I'm on top of the world

I stay here
                Alone
I've been here
                 Before
I stay here
                 Alone
just the thought of you and this cigarette.

Can you handle my roller coaster mind
the way I stop right before I drop 50 stories high
but I don't always spread my wings
I would just die
But I come back
Just to see if you wore black
would you be sad would you wear black
Did you have enough of me
Cause I've had enough of your confusion
And the illusion you make me feel
but you let me fall
You just ride when you want something more
so just let me fall
let me hate you
Cause at the pace we are going I might just destroy you and me
This roller coaster ride is not for free
is costs me pain
and we keep playing it till I'm drained
I can hear the final drops of me hit the ground
the sound is so loud
trikh
trikh
it will surround you and you'll be drowned .

I want to let go
                        And free fall into outer space.. .  .    .       .             .

Where did you go ?
For a while there we were gold
young and true

what happened
where did you go ?

It's kind of sad and it's kind of happy
When you are all by yourself kind of alone
But you're in this zone of self recognition
Self knowledgement and it's  too much self actualization
It's kind of sad and it's kind of happy
Your on a ride a slow ride and it's kind of dark and it's kind of fun
But I'm here and I can't be anywhere else
There's no one to call no one to talk to even if they're near
You talk but its just sounds you say to get by  
And your left here kissing your  nicotine
It's the only thing that gets you that hears you
Your a slave for that nicotine
It's kind of good for you but it's also the death of you
But it's kind of good for you cause it's the only thing keeping you sane
But it's also the death of you
And it's kind of sad and it's kind of happy
But you can't be can't be anywhere else

I know we are close
But we are never close enough

I wanna be closer
I wanna be the cells inside your bones

Maybe then
I'd feel close enough

And this voice keeps saying
You ain't **** ...
You ain't ****...

And when you stopped talking to me
This voice kept saying
I aint ****
I aint ****

And everyday when I say a wrong word and when you look at me like I'm silly
When you think I am silly
I hear u say I aint ****


Will maybe I aint ****

And I can't sleep at night cause this voice is too loud

And Im trying to sink into life
Cause Im floating above like i am high

Cause Im starting to believe there is nothing but existance
And the sky and the sun and the moon
And the earth and the planets
There is nothing but being
And I am you and you are me

And what does this all mean
All I keep hearing is that
I aint ****
I aint ****

There is nothing
And I am nothing
And you are nothing
And this is nothing
But a feeling
I am creating
And I am living it
And I am repeating it
And its all me
And all I tell myself
Is I aint ****


And I want it to link up
I want it to have meaning
I want to believe
Theres something meant behind every step
And every word
And everthing

I wanna see a miracle
I wanna see a miracle
I wanna see a miracle

خالي

All we wanna do is be free
Free
Free
Free
Free
Free
Free
But what is freedom ?

I'm trying to put the puzzle pieces together
But the picture keeps turning into depression

So I scramble and reassemble
Put the pieces together
And I don't like the picture

So I scramble and reassemble
Scramble and reassemble
Time is ticking
And all I have is pieces scrambled
All I have doesn't make sense

Freedom .

You can sense pain
on people.
Like the smell of rust.

State your mind

You're made of rainbows and wine

state your mind

Don't give a **** if you've crossed the line

cause baby you're made of rainbows and wine

You are
you are

the pretty stars at midnight

I can't even write a poem about it
I can't even admit it to myself
I haven't told anyone else about it
it's rotting in me like dirt

I'm scared we will never talk about it
I'm scared if we ever talked about it

There's this tune
that only you and me can hear.

Blank
Sit
Write it down
They say

But I stare at it
And it's blank

You've wrote so much they say
You've done so much they say
But I stare at it and it's blank
Blank

Subjectivity is what we all have
And I'm staring at my life
And it's blank

I'll tell you how I got here
When I have

But right now
I feel it in my bones
I feel it in my skin
This is not a life I'm meant to have
And it will be the story to tell
When I get there
I'll tell u how

It's all in my head
It just needs some writing down . . .

We are okay ..
Are the words you should never say
to someone like me
someone who can see
the salt particles in the deep blue sea

we are okay ..
but the truth is we will never be fine
as long as I exist in your life and you exist in mine.

Our trust as been smudged
like the lipstick on your shirt

The love has been squeezed out
like our old toothpaste that's in the trash

and our conversations keep repeating
like that song on the radio that I'm sick of

your eyes used to pull me in from a distance
Now I'm right next to you and it feels like a magnetic field
Pushing me away
repelling like 2 negatives

I could've and I would've loved you unconditionally ..

I'm doing everything I don't want to be doing  
Deep through my eyes is a portal shattered through space
What am I doing ?

Mornings are mandatory
work college
no where I wanna be

those are my friends ?
Then why with them it's so difficult to be
me

Why is it so difficult to enjoy anything

Fun is becoming hard

hard is becoming every minute of everyday

I don't want to hurt you even though you hurt me, does that make sense?
I've forgiven you even though you don't deserve it , I helped you and I asked. When you didn't .. do you even care ? Sometimes I wonder am I blinded by your sweet eyes? Is what your saying just a bunch of sweet lies? What am I to you ? What am I in your eye ? Cause I've been trying to figure it out that it's always on my mind making me act different trying to shape my image in your mind so self conscious that I lost my image I don't know what do I wanna show you ?  You make me insecure, cause you are soo cool . If I could stare at you I would stare and drool. Cause I love hate you and I hate loving you. But my emotions are a roller coaster I hate then love everyone I know while your just like snow .. c o l d and though im obssessed I still pretend.
And I don't know what am I Doing to myself.

I went to the airport today , as my mom was traveling I was there my sister ,my father and we kept doing our goodbyes as my father expressed how much he will miss her about 10 times .. even though she's coming back in a week.
While I was sitting there a man caught my eye he was with a lady a smaller asian lady , she was dressed very simply looks like she doesn't have much, her hair was messy .. she doesn't seem to care about how she looks , he was pushing her from her hand joint and not her actual hand .. his grip firm .. like she was a stray dog and he was containing her from runing wild . He was dressed more decently and he seemed from the gulf and he  seemed like he wanted to get this over with .. he kept pushing her as my eyes involuntarily followed their every move he had a passport in his hand seemed hers and a small bag .. no luggage.
I saw her passing throught the    checkpoints and I lost them for a while Finally it was time to leave my mom at the check point where only the travelers can pass .. that's when I saw that lady again and the security was behind her again guiding her like a stray puppy to the man who happened to be next to me .. the security handed her over to the man who didn't seem so happy to see her again as the security said " the captin won't allow her on his flight like this, she needs to wake up from whatever she's in" ... that's when I lost them again as my mother was waving to us the final wave I got occupied by waving back and then watched her leave .finally we decided to leave the airport and for the last time I found the lady agian sitting alone starring into the ground her head waving back and forth like her neck was not strong enough to hold her head .. as I saw the man leaving the airport door with a key in his hand .. he left the bag and passport with her and left .. and we left too
But she stayed there
Unaware and rejected
lost but no one was searching

Crawl up , up on my skin
Inject your essence into me

Hey . . .
How are you
I kind of need you right now
I know we aren't that personal but you're probably the only person who would understand me right now :/
I'm frustrated and confused my self esteem is bruised and I can't seem to fit in my own shoes.
Tell me what to do tell me what should I do ?
Tell me what is right tell me what wrong cause I can't seem to figure it out.
I want you to tell me cause you seem to have it all together.
You're kind you're  so kind and you seem to have figured it out, how to stay kind and go about your life
And I know we aren't that personal but God you deserve to be praised ! you should know how exceptional you are to me.
I just want to be in your presence
I want your presence to overshadow mine
I want your thoughts to color my mind
I want to lose myself in you
Cause I feel like I have already lost
I feel weak I feel vulnerable I feel like an outsider
I feel like I wear my sensativity on my sleeve
And it's shows I know it does in my eyes in my moves am all shades of blue
No matter how hard I try I swear I tried I tried I swear I tried hero man
I tried to grow strong I tried to get along I tried to shut the sound in head I tried to think of you instead
But I know you have a life and I'm just another person who your kind to but I can't help it I'm kind of in love with you

I don't know how it would work but I just want to be in your presence I want you to clear my thoughts.
God I'm so broken and lost and I have trust issues cause I can't seem to get along
I have trust issues cause everyone I let in has hurt me so deep that I can't even breath
And I know everyone is bound to get hurt but it shows on me tell why kind man tell why I can't act like I'm fine tell me why this world and my soul cannot intertwine
Hold me kind man make me feel alright tell me that you understand tell me that everything will turn out fine.

Hey ..
I like you the way you think the way you look the way you breath the way you love the way you talk.

Sam ..
You make me smile
I just talk to you and I smile
I don't plan it I don't expect it
I walk away smiling

I can't help it you fit all my uneven corners
Making them a smooth soft person in love.

Sam
Sam
Sam
You are all I think of
You are all I think of

Please say I do the same for you
Please say you would take a chance
Sam I never felt this way
I never felt this way ..

Sam
You make all the sense in the world to me
Sam
You look like the world to me
Sam I force myself to look away
But if I could I would stare
I would stare at you until ever

Sam
Please don't tell me you don't feel the same

Sam please don't tell me you have someone
Sam please don't tell me I'm too young

Sam you know me
Sam you know me
Sam I know you know me
And everything about me is made for you

Sam
I can't help but think about ******* you
Your thoughts your mind and your cloths

Sam ..

You can have every piece of me

Sam ..

If we kissed the universe would shift it's colors
The world would blow in perfection

Sam..
My lips were designed to fit yours
They were made for your indulgence

Sam ..
My hands were made to flow over your body to fit your every corner

Sam..
My thoughts were made to glaze over yours to unite to intertwine
To spark love..

Sam ..
You know me
Sam ..
Please tell me you are willing to take a chance

Hey Lina
I can see your not there
You are not you right now .

And that's okay .

I would tell you everything will work out
But I know you know that.

But Lina why are you so lost ?
When you know you are something amazing you are special.

And, no not everyone is special.

Lina you are your worst enemy and your best friend.
Lina I've known you my whole life, you dream big
You see things that others don't
You strive, you keep going like you know where your going

Lina know that no one knows that your in so much pain
No one can see it
No it doesn't show in your voice
You are not trasparent
No one knows that you feel ashamed
No one knows that you feel incompetent
No one knows that you feel scared
No one knows that you feel like a loser

They see strength in you
They see sweetness
They see love
And they see you as something different as unique
They just don't know how to deal with someone so passionate so great
So different
You just have to show them the way

Lina you should know that you love so deep
And that isn't a shame
You love with detail you love with pain
And it's no shame
It's beautiful
Not everyone can describe the details of their loved ones
Not everyone knows why they love
Not everyone can accept people for everything they are
Not everyone loses themselves in everyone they love

And I know you think it's your fault they all left
But it's really not
And I know you feel more pain cause you felt more love
And I know you feel more hollow cause you let them in and they messed you up .

But Lina not everyone is you not everyone can feel the way you do
Not everyone can love unconditionally
Not everyone values your trust
Not everyone cares
Most of them don't

So it's not on you
It really isn't
Everyone is fighting their own battle
And it's unfortunate that you met so many and loved so many that don't deserve it
And it's unfortunate that your surrounded by an uncomfortable environment

But it's not you
It really isn't you
You need to believe me it's not you

It might take time
But I know you will be fine
I see you falling in love again
And one day this world and you will be in twine
One day you will find someone who loves deeper than you do
Understand every detail of you

And if you don't,  know that your meant to live life like a visitor passing by

Its never too real in this world you are here for a purpose and your purpose well you will figure that out ....

You and me
can be
in a world
made
of sweet honey
bee

chocolate strawberries
and a cigarette

Swaying to the melody of the ocean's waves
The sunsets forever stays

where everything you say is so funny
It tickles and it prickles through my tummy
And I cry so happy

Where the sky is pained bright blue and pink and yellow and purple and orange
Where we never feel mellow

Where is this world?
Where is the map that leads to it
Is it Engraved in your eyes
will I ever find it behind those lies ?

And every bit of you
is something true

Deep as the ocean
Even your tears are blue

every inch of you
is different
every piece is new

Your soul is paradise
I want to live in you

you are so true
you are so true

very bit of you

Your tears are drops of the ocean
and who doesn't love the deep blue

Your tears are drops of the ocean
and who doesn't love the deep blue

Why can't I say what I want to say ? Why can't I dance in the middle of the day while I'm walking your way across the halls to get to class why can't I sing and sing and shout why is it not allowed . Why do I have to follow a certain guideline in a conversation why can't I just say random things why does it bother you so much when I'm odd when I'm being whatever I feel like doing or saying .. it doesn't hurt anyone .. I'm not doing anything bad .. god! It's so sad the constrains we put on each other trying to fit in .. why do I have to live life already knowing everything u might do! Why why why ? And why are u scared to love and care too much , I mean I know the heartbreak can do that but still you can care as much as u want instead of wasting most of your caring on trying not to be over caring trying not to over do it cause that's not how others do it ! Again others others why do u care why do we care why do we stare , when someone does something out of the ordinary . Sometimes I get it but putting people down for being who they are that I will never understand.
So ask yourself why not??
why the hell not do what you want when u wanted there are no standards for anything
Don't over think

Define what you want to be.
Write it down
Imitate it.

And you will be.

But decisions are hard to make
I know . .

And the world made this heart of yours break
I know . .

And seeking happiness ***** you in situations that end in a big cut that leaves a scar.

Now fear is instilled within you
And it's hard to shake it off
It's hard to move it on
Again  

It's hard to control the brain.

But write it down
Define it
Then imitate it
And it will be
You have nothing to loose.

Either move on with purpose
Or keep trying to replay history
Or purely rely on destiny.

I choose purpose

Words for a thinker are hard to construct

As doubt is the fuel for this mind

And my mind has been working none stop

As my words just ran away

I used to write and write

but now I doubt everything I say

I'm sitting with a ticking clock

Waiting for belief meaning intensity in anything to unlock

I walk with no blood in my feet

I sweat without feeling the heat

And now I think and think
without saying a word

Inhale smoke
         B l o w

inhale smoke
          B l o w

Rushing thoughts .. hows and whys imagining what you're doing right now without me.

Betrayal.

All the things you said and did.

Betrayal.

S t o p

inhale smoke
               B l o w

All the parts of me I shared with you ..
All the little things you do that crushed me
they crush me
you crushed me


inhale smoke
             B l o w . . .   .   .      .         .           .                

S t o p

I'm stronger than this
I know better than this
I shouldn't be thinking this

As the weight of my own fears coming real weight down on me.

* lights up another cigarette*

Inhale smoke
           B l o w

I shouldn't waste my energy on this I know better than this

inhale smoke
         Blow. tears drop down on the floor

Weight of my own emotions on my chest I can't let it go .

I don't care anymore

inhale smoke
      


.. .   .   .   B  l    o         w               .                         .

Write... me
let your words describe me
How you want me
Write pages and pages of every detail
So I know what I need to become
Handcuff me and don't let me run
Force me to be the way you want
don't let me run
cause your pages and pages of fake description is better than having none.

I have to stay strong while you leave me
to write my own self
You left
why do you always leave
leave me in my tangled words
leave me to figure it out on my own
leave me to think about not thinking about you
leave me to my own thoughts of
did you leave me or did I run .

so comeback and write me
write me the way you want
Handcuff me and don't let me run

You are an incomplete thought
a wandering boat
set to sail in my mind.

You posses that magic
That can take me away
but neither of us can drive.

You are all the radiant colors in a sun beam
you are all the hollows of the night

You are nothing I know
yet I studied you so well
I even traced the details of your smile

sometimes I give in and I let your hollows caress me

But sometimes
                      I Give up myself to complete you .

I , I fall but never not even once did I ever did you wrong no I never did you wrong
But you, you were the death of me your where the death of me and so we had to leave we had to let it be .

And they say, they say move on
They say life is long
They say it gone
But they don't know that your a part me
Your a part of me ..

You taught me how to breath
You taught how to speak
You taught how to be
And I can't escape it no no no

You're so naive you know you've done so much wrong you know you did all along you know that I'm singing this song
But what can I do I'm so in love with you
I was what I knew and you were all that I knew

So I can't breath no I can't speak no I can't be with out you being a part of me
And everything we did every lame thing we did it left a mark it left a mark and you wrote me all over again

So I no I can't breath no I can't speak and no I can't be I can't be with out you being a part me your a part me of me
Your a part of me

No

I can't escape your face your Like a ******* cage and it all around me it's a game that ******* me over you and everyone one like you every one that I knew so I can't be I can't speak I can't breath with out you without you being a part of me

Could even write this song could I even sing along could even play this tune and would I even be alone with out you with you being a part of me .. am I am I am I a part of you **** I wish you you knew **** I wish you know

You can see me now
stripped down from everything lifely
you can see me now
my soul
I trust you now
so you can see me now
so don't        
            Don't you dare crush it.

You cant be hurt
is what their face have wrote
on my skin
why are you hurt
is a question they keep
Conveying

you know what's worst than dying
is laying there in a bed
so ill
your trying so hard to get on your feet and stand still
U have got all the will .
but their ignorance
their deep ignorance
is an everyday drill

Has the paranoia slipped in yet
do you think its you
why are you feeling this
you must be too sensitive
you must be self obsessed
it must be all in your head

Why are you acting out ?


you can't be hurt

why are you hurt?

You're too emotional

And the worst you get
the worst they get

Take a step back trust your emotions and Tell them
******* :)

You will never understand it till you're in it
Leave you stranded but you're willing  . . .

Respect is key to winning
Understanding is the key to staying
But we don't understand one another
Yet we memorized one another

You lose respect for me like it's water dripping
I lose respect for you through my sadness grievance
Of our dead could have beens

We're not winning
We're not winning

I am losing yet I stay willing
I am aching yet I stay willing
I am tired yet I stay
I am tired yet I stay

say a word and I'll say this has never been
say a word and I will give you my everything
you horrible horrible ******* ..

but just say a word and I'll stay willing

Hey . . .
I'd like to get to know you .. everyday
Let's get personal .. all the way

Talking is beautiful
I want to hear you articulate all your feelings and everything going inside your head
I wanna see your eyes in every mood
I  wanna see your face in every expression
I wanna touch your skin
I want you to feel my skin
Feel the heat you bring to it
Feel the pulse you accelerated
With your eyes

Don't look at me that way
Cause you got me thinking
God you've got me thinking

I can throw the papers on your desk aside
Make you feel the fire inside ..

Ugh god I can't hide .. it
Don't look at me that way
Please stop looking at me that way

Now I can't I can't get you out of my mind

Hey you
can you be pure
can you  be true ?
can you stay the way you are
Cause you're cute
when you let go
of all pretenses
And all the hidden agendas
Just be real with all your senses
To what your feeling right here right now with me
surrender

Cause you're cute

you're cute  

I wanna tell you how cute you are