i used to think
you just felt butterflies
for boys --
the funny,
immature,
class clowns.

but now,
i know:
the butterflies don't care
who makes them flutter.
it might be a boy.
it could also be
a girl with a
soft smile
and freckles.

and maybe
girls make them flutter
more than boys.
or maybe...
someone else does.
maybe no one does.

and that's okay.

second chances 6.27.25 (3:24 pm / 15:24)
i know i deserve this
i know i did this to myself

but is a second ******* chance so much to ask for

your footprints are still there 6.25.25 (12:41 pm / 12:41)
your footprints are still there
pressed into the beach
unmarred unmarked unblemished by the tide

you seem endless

i guess there are still happy things
drawing stars in damp sand
saying
i was here

i was here, you were here
i said we share this place now

your footprints are still there
but mine
too close to the water
too close to the relentless currents
they were washed away

the sand says i was never here

[playing: rises the moon by liana flores]

ruined things 6.27.25 (1:15 pm / 13:15)
i hope there are still beautiful things
in this ruined world

but how can i tell you
never give up
when i am giving up
giving out
just another ruined thing

[playing: we never dated by sombr and lemon boy by cavetown]

really sad 6.27.25 (1:07 pm / 13:07)
i'm sad
really sad

once i said that to my kindergarten teacher
she just said
oh honey it'll be okay
i believed her, but look at me now

i'm sad because i feel like i've lost so many people
every time i'm hopeful it'll be different
every time they leave it's all my fault
my fault my fault my fault

i'm sad because being sad consumes me
makes it my whole self
like sometimes i think i'm not just depressed
but actually depressive
as in i make everyone around me sad too

is there another word for sad?
please
i need it

[playing: its ok i'm ok by tate mcrae]

alive for you 6.26.25 (9:13 pm / 21:13)
i like to think i stay alive for you
i like to believe i breathe for you
i like to imagine my heart beats for you

i might be wrong
i'm probably crazy
it's a nice thought, anyways

[playing: the lakes - bonus track by taylor swift]

beautiful 6.24.25 (4:42 pm / 16:42)
sometimes the world is terrible
horrible and ugly and disgusting

sometimes
rarely
it's beautiful

[playing: sunshine by rainbow frog biscuits and heaven by clairo]