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Jan 2015 · 1.4k
What I say vs. What I mean
Lianna Walters Jan 2015
“How are you doing?”
"I'm good, how are you?"
I'm not okay, I'm never okay, not that you actually care...
"You're so pretty!
"Thank you!"
No I'm not. I'm fat and ugly, everyone knows it.
"I love you."
"I love you, too"
Do you?
"I'll always be here for you. Just call me."
"Thank you, it's good to know I have someone."
Funny, I needed you when I was ready to **** myself, but it went straight to voicemail.
"Do you want anything?"
"No thanks, I already ate."
No thanks, I'm not trying to gain any more weight, Lord knows I don't need to.
"You should go to sleep."
"Alright, goodnight."
Sure, I'll go lay in bed and think about everything wrong with me until 3am, but I sure as hell am getting 0 sleep.
"I need you...."
"Okay, I'll stay for you."
You probably do. But when I need you it's another story.
"You're so quiet!"
"I'm tired."
I'm over-thinking.
"What's up with the sunglasses? It's not even sunny."
"You know I look cool!"
I've been crying and I don't want you to ask why.
"You'll get over this. You're strong."
"Thanks I needed that."
Hahahahahahaha! You're so freaking hilarious!
"Your poetry is so deep!"
"I usually write when I'm listening to sad music- it gets me in the mood."
**I write everything I'm feeling, you just never paid enough attention to know I was feeling that way.
Quotations= what other people say
Italic quotation marks= What I respond'
Bold= What I mean
Dec 2014 · 515
Untitled
Lianna Walters Dec 2014
Love.
A hope so Naïve it is commonly perceived
As fiction
How cool would it be to be,
The fictional characters we see
In books and movies-
Always a happy ending, no wasting or even spending any time on the negative thoughts.
But that’s not real.
In the real world, people **** and lie
Saying things we can deny but never do;
“You’re fat”
“You’re ugly”
Soon we forget what’s real and what’s fake,
We confuse incompetence with our own miserable fate,
How will I end up?
I give advice but never know what to do,
I hope and I pray but know it’s never going to be the same
Or be okay,
Time goes by, conjuring up conversations in my head,
Regretting things that were never said….Should I have said something?
Some people think life is a game.
Others spend their whole lives trying to find who’s to blame,
But never take any responsibility for the mistakes they have made,
Spending lonely nights behind closed doors
Meaningless flower petals litter the floor as you ask yourself,
Does he love me?
Of course not
Does she love me?
Does he love me?
Am I loved?
Questions so frequently asked,
The true meaning of love sits in the past,
Thrown into the air
As if nobody cares
That it’s gone…

~Julianna W.
(Follow: Julianna Walters)
Dec 2014 · 713
When you're not there.....
Lianna Walters Dec 2014
When you’re not there, I start thinking.
Thing is, thinking turns into over thinking, which can be deadly,
When you’re not there,
I can actually feel it begin to drive me insane,
When you’re not there,
I crave your words
When you’re not there,
The clouds begin to roll in,
When you’re not there,
I’m broken,
When you’re not there...
I can’t help but thinking about what I should’ve said,
When you’re not there,
I wonder how someone like you could ever love a monster like me,
When you’re not there,
A piece of me is missing,
When you’re not there,
I think.
But you see, thinking is dangerous.
I think about how I wish you were here,
But if not here,
Somewhere else,
At least thinking about me...
But I know you’re not.
Dec 2014 · 1.8k
Listen
Lianna Walters Dec 2014
I scream and I shout and I jump up and down
But no one cares to listen
I cry and I beg and I plea with the crowd
But no one cares to listen
Am I invisible? Is everyone deaf?
Or does no one care to listen?
Are people blind? Am I dead?
Or does no one care to listen?
I want someone to notice me, to say that it’s okay
To wipe away the tears, show me that the world’s not grey.
Just have someone be there, always night and day-
But sadly, no one cares to listen.
Can someone, anyone hear my cry?
If no one does, I think I might die
I’m running out of tears to cry
But no one cares to listen
No one cares to listen
No one cares.
Listen
~Julianna Walters
Dec 2014 · 536
A Meaningless Silence
Lianna Walters Dec 2014
Silence.
Who knew a word of seven letters, two syllables, could mean so much?
Silence.
That feeling of emptiness when you sit by yourself wondering why you’re not enough.
Why you’re not beautiful
Why you’re not skinny
Why you’re not perfect
Silence.
What you say when you love someone but they don’t feel the same so you fake a smile and say you’re okay
But you’re not.
Silence.
When you wanna say something, anything.
But you can’t bring yourself to.
Silence.
Like a rope, holding you back from grasping what’s inches away.
What you want so badly but can’t reach.
To me, silence is meaningless.
To me, silence is just a reminder that no, we in fact, CAN’T always say what’s on our minds.
Because sometimes it hurts too much to even try
So we give up.
Forever locked in the prison
Of a meaningless silence.
Dec 2014 · 407
Dear love
Lianna Walters Dec 2014
Dear love,
Isn’t there a better way for you to force yourself upon me?
Why must you be so painful?
Why is it necessary to **** me slowly, or to push me to the edge where I’ll simply do it for you?
Thanks to you, I love you is now an agonizing phrase,
Thanks to you, I fall in love so much easier,
Thanks to you, I’m not eating,
Thanks to you, I’m not sleeping so well,
Thanks to you, I’m questioning my self-worth,
Thanks to you, I see his face in everything, I hear his laugh in everything, I hear his voice, telling me it’ll be okay
But it won’t
Thanks to you, I’m in love with someone who couldn’t possibly love me
Thanks to you, I’m overdosing on Painkillers to numb the pain.
Thanks to you, I’m dying slowly.
Whoever said love was beautiful?

— The End —