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Lydia Jul 2017
A different person, but the same thing.
He's not you, but you aren't either.
It's not his fault;
The disappointment nor the hurt.
The memories aren't his either.

All of this has a hint of you in it,
But that's not you anymore.
At least, I hope not.

The feeling has moved to another person,
And all I want is to see you.
Lydia Jul 2017
I'm sitting here talking to someone who isn't you thinking of that night in your car.

You glanced over at me gazing at the sky above reuniting with music I had forgotten about.

I wasn't paying much attention, but I still remember your words,

"Happy looks good on you"
Lydia Jul 2017
I’m sad because you aren’t here.
I’m sad because you’re supposed to be my friend.
I’m sad because you cancel all our plans.
I’m sad because you don’t talk to me.
I’m sad because you don’t look at me when I’m there.
I’m sad because they all tell me to give up on you.
I’m sad because they tell me I don’t deserve this.
I’m sad because they tell me I can do better.
I’m sad because I can’t let go.
I’m sad because you make me happy.
I’m sad because you aren’t there.
I’m sad because I can’t believe your promises.
I’m sad because I’m left behind.
I’m sad because you make me sad.
  Jul 2017 Lydia
Liz Carlson
I wrote you a note at 5 am,
you read it,
with no reply.
Before you left you asked for a picture of the two of us.
I made a joke and we laughed through the pictures.
But all that I could think about was
how it felt to have your arm around me.
It was holding me,
as I held you.
I wish I could go back to that moment,
but it's gone.

When we said our goodbyes,
it hurt so much.
I wanted to tell you so many things,
but time was running out.
I hugged you so many times,
you thought it was strange.

As soon as you walked away,
my heart felt empty;
I missed your presence already.
We touched hands as you drove away
in that big green van.
I ran after you,
as did other friends.
But you were gone.

I can still see your eyes gazing into mine,
and your oh so sweet smile;
but you're gone.
Nowhere to be seen.
Lydia Jul 2017
Help.
I feel like I can’t breathe. If I move, I will shatter. The world will come crashing down. He brought it all back. I don’t want to remember, but it’s all still here. Why did he have to say that? Am I being followed? The walls are crumbling. I am crumbling. My safety has been compromised. This sanctuary I have built has been tainted. Turn off the lights. That is the only way to hide. Hush. Don’t say a peep or you will never stop talking. Let their shadows slip by as you pull yourself inwards. Why did I let him in? Stupid girl, keep your walls guarded at all costs. The nicest face can have the darkest soul.

Help me.
Can I tell you what happened? Not just today, but years ago? Will you help me or will you leave me there stranded on the rooftop to scream for help? I want to disappear. I wish I could fade into the landscape. My body will turn to dust, and I will float away with the wind. Please don’t leave me here. Stay here with me. Make me feel safe again.
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