What if,
The definition is different
For everyone
It finds?

If both our hearts are broken,
What will coffee fix?

See,
I walked into your room
And the closet door was open and there were clothes in it,
And that's impossible because I helped go through your things
What we trashed
What we donated-
I took the bag back to the rehab unit myself.
What we kept-
The white sweater you asked for, a button down that reminds me of you....
Which means-
To everyone else that closet is now just extra empty space
And that's exactly what I can't stand.

She was warned that a collection of rice would weigh a lot.
She shook her head and claimed nonsense while exhibiting the size of each grain.
And her collection grew with marvelous and hideous grains of rice
Until
9:30pm one Saturday, while she was sitting on a couch with loved ones, laughing at baseball
And she knew, if she drew one more breath-
She would implode.
The bag would explode
Millions, billions of grains would come spilling out of the wound.
She ran
Hyperventilated the whole way home-
Not even home, dog sitting was more rice she picked up that week.
Curled in a ball all night, counting the seconds until she could flee to her sanctuary-
Retrieve her thread
Sew the hole
Hold onto the grain
Every breath a dagger
Every heart beat, a beat for a grain-
The reason she has them to begin with

Today I realized I met you 4 years ago.
The exact date was sometime last week, and I wanted to check but I've burned everything you've given me.
Yes, the book went first.
One day you'll go online and see all the loving things I wrote about you, I've changed to hate.
That's not maturity.
(Neither was the fire really)
Ask me if I care.
That I haven't changed them,
Isn't forgiveness.
If you find it all, it'll break your heart.
At one time, not so long ago, that would have killed me.
Now I feel.... unphased, unbothered, uninterested.
You're just a memory who's clarity fades in and out along with my fondness.
This appears to be a lot of anger, a lot of hurt and bitterness.
So tell me,
Why does "Beast of Burden" bring me to my knees? Take my breath away? Break my heart all over again?
I've perfected *****.
Now I'd like to learn healing.

People ask who I am
What I'll become
Who I hope to be
What I hope to be
I am who I want to be
I store the parts of me I like to hide
Right here, in plain sight of strangers
Who just take me as I am

It seems like everyone is wounded.
Halved at the very least.
The pain radiating from my chest down to my stomach tells me I'm in more pieces that that.
It's hard to fix what you can't tell is broken.
Something is certainly not working.
Something is clearly broken.
Something I'm starting to think will heal itself
And I'll be left with more or less of a limp in my
Emotions
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