everybody needs somebody,
and I've only got myself for company.

How do you know who you are?
You start asking at such a young age and I've never met anyone at any age that has an answer.

Seems like there's just what you do and what you don't do. There's who you love and who you don't. They say the opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy.

I keep getting older. We all keep getting older, but I can FEEL it. In my bones, in my muscles, in my brain, in my heart.

More like what's left of the pieces of my broken heart.

I think the worst part is I think I broke it. I've spent so much time waiting for someone or something or to find me that I broke it trying to defend it.

***** really.

People love me and I am too terrified to love them back. I'm too afraid that if they see the whole me they'll leave, so I hide.

I live in a carefully structured, carefully hidden life, in a small room, mostly alone.

It's time to live. It's time to live now.

I was walking my dog down the street at the first kiss of dusk
In the frosty warmth of one of the first days of Spring

No, that's not the beginning.

I woke to silence in the smothering snow one winter morning
And that's how I realized I hate it here
Here in this room I once reveled in
Here in this apartment, that was my sanctuary
This city
This state
This life

And after that morning,
The world looked different

So when I was walking down the street,
And these kids ran along
Screaming and laughing with glee
I thought, keep running, keep laughing
But it'll catch you eventually.

I don’t think you like being lost
I don’t mind so much
Truthfully, I usually don’t notice until I’m back
And I realized I glazed through the
Minutes, hours, days
You seem to notice every second
Cringing at the emptiness
I hurt for you
I hurt with you
Sometimes we have to leave
Get lost
In order to find
What we’re looking for
The answer
The part of ourselves
It’s easy for me
To take a step back and wander off
Deep into my own mind
Into other places, other worlds
I can walk right out of reality without thinking twice
And I don’t miss it
I wish I knew how to help you
Make it less painful
Make you less sad
Something I could do
Or say
To make you see
That we need to be lost
To be found

Children are in such a hurry to grow up
I was
I thought grown-ups could be whoever they wanted
I didn’t realize that pieces of you fall away in the meantime
I wish I was a kid again so I still knew everything
Sometimes, you get lucky
And in someone else you find a part of you
One you didn’t even know slipped away
But instantly you recognize it
Like a childhood memento
So it’s really no wonder
Seeing them, being around them
Makes you feel better
Whole
Words become unnecessary, a look says more
And they can find you when you lose yourself
Bring you back
Ground you
And now that all the pieces are together
The puzzle complete
You’re aware
Nothing can break it apart again

When you glanced into my eyes
I saw you looking
Frantically searching for something
Did you find it?
I wonder what you saw, what my eyes told you
Did they flash with the anger I was filled with?
Gleam with the tears I was fighting?
Or maybe they were emptily reflecting the void I’ve been desperately trying to fill
I’m glad I turned a quick heel and left
I don’t think I could stand to know the answer
Or more likely
See it in your eyes

In the late hours, when life tiptoes around the stillness
The silence speaks volumes, screams to be heard
It carries to every dark corner and crevice, echoing in the emptiness
Awakening the shadows where your ghost lives
You visit me in the stillness
The silence
Remind me you’re always there
You come to me when the rest of the world
Is quietly sleeping
Busy forgetting
But not me
I wait for you
To let you know I remember
Wait for you
To let me sleep