I wish I were made of stone
So your words would never hurt me
I wish I were cold as ice
Then maybe I wouldn't be lonely

I wish I were made of steel
So my strength would never waver
If only I could turn back the clock
To a time when I felt safer

But I'm only flesh and bone
And your words have left me bleeding
My heart is torn apart
It's a wonder it's still beating

You made up your mind
Given me your final answer
What we shared is in the past
Time to write a brand new chapter

I will fix my broken heart
Some how piece it back together
It may never be the same
It'll bare this scar forever

But I'll be strong, I'll be alright
Though I'm not as hard as steel
And I can't turn back the clock
In time....my heart will heal

He loves me, he loves me not
We're meant to be, or so I thought
My heart is broken, the pain is real
I long for peace, from all I feel

I fake a smile, so no one knows
I mimic strength, lest weakness shows
I refuse surrender, I stand and fight
I must succeed, and so I write

The ink it flows, pours from my pen
It heals my heart, and I can breathe again

Minutes into hours, hours into days
The love I held so tightly, starts to fade away
The pain begins to lessen, the tears no longer fall
Seemed misery was forever but it's not that way at all

Those nights you haunt my dreams
Are now few and far between
When memories overtake me, I know I'll be alright
I know now what to do....and so I write

The ink it flows, pours from my pen
It heals my heart and I can breathe again
Yes, I can breathe again.

She was like the sea
Beautiful in serenity
Mysterious and deep
Legions of secrets to keep

She was like the sea
Wild in its intensity
Vicious in her treachery
Savage as the waves can be

She was like the sea
dangerously captivating
Peaceful, strong, and comforting
Cold and yet alluring

She was like the sea
She will always be a part of me
She was like the sea

Lately I've been a little moody
I get triggered by comments made
on a video or a tweet or the supposed
leader of our nation spouting his views
on ****** assault victims....

The real victims....men and boys that
are being accused of a horrible act
Innocent yet treated like they're guilty.
Please, don't get me wrong.
Being falsely accused is terrible.
Any one guilty of it should be held liable.

But, after all of the victims, women and men alike
coming forward to tell their stories, he speaks on
behalf of the accused.....Am I stupid for being angry?
What really disappoints me are the people that get upset
when women react to such insensitive views.
They tweet or comment and I try to have conversations
with these people and end up screaming into a pillow!

I walk away wondering if it's worth my time to make
my point of view understood.  
Will I ever change any ones mind?
It's the black lives matter vs all lives matter struggles
all over again!
The argument of should players stand for the anthem!

Why don't people understand that saying black lives matter
doesn't mean ONLY black lives matter, it's a way of saying
Please remember!!!  Black lives matter TOO!  Stop the hate!!!
People of color are being discriminated against and we are tired.
So finally a man decides to protest by calmly taking  knee during the anthem aaaaannnd......here HE comes to manipulate the meaning of it all and makes it about disrespecting the flag and
our troops.  

And don't even get me started on gay rights!  To be treated like
second class citizens is ludicrous!  How fantastically absurd to
be told by your own government that you cannot marry the
person you love! And because life has to be just a little more
unfair the LGBTQ community are at high risk for ******
assault and hate crimes too!    

I realize none of this is new....I guess the Kavanaugh hearing
triggered me and I can't seem to get it off my mind.  I heard
Dr. Ford's testimony and watched as so many people, including
the man himself, come with more and more ****** excuses
and a half *** investigation and in the end he sits on the supreme court any way.  

I'll do my duty....I'll use my voice and vote, but I live in a red
state and I know it's an up hill battle.  One that may be lost.
But I've said my piece.  If you've read through it all, thank you.
If you agree with me, keep fighting. If you don't, I respect your
opinion, but I'll never understand it.

So soft and loving,
Your hands on my face
I felt special and warm
I knew you cared

So deft and strong
The way you kneaded dough
I learned at your hands
To feed those I love

With your hand in mine
I always felt brave
I could conquer any thing
A little squeeze was all it took

My hands on your face
Gentle and loving
I hope you felt special and warm
I hope you felt how much I cared


Your trembling hands
Would spill your food
So I fed you with the same
Hands that prepared your meal

Your hand in mine, I was still afraid
You couldn't give me that little squeeze
So trembling, I held tightly
Til my hands had to set you free

Say what you mean
Mean what you say
Once you speak
Your words won't go away

Beware how it's received
Take care how you phrase it
Once you scream in anger
You cannot reclaim it

Argue the point
Don't shoot to ****
Apologies may keep the peace
But the pain remains still

Words may not be bullets
They may not shoot you dead
But they can **** a trusting heart
So be careful....what's said is said

Tender, sweet
he kisses me
Lips touch
shivers much
We're no longer friends

Gasp, sigh
Feeling high
Heart pounds
Love abounds
May it never end

Bare skin
let's begin
Hands explore
wanting more
Point of no return

Rapid breathing
Mind is reeling
Waves of pleasure
beyond measure
Our bodies seem to burn

Pulse slows
Gently doze
Interlace
We embrace
I feel so safe and warm

Hold tight
through the night
Time flies
Sun rise....
and I wake in true love's arms

How easy it is to say "Happy Mother's Day!"
But to wish you a day full of goodness is not enough.
I want your every day to be filled with happiness.
I want you to feel how much I love you every minute
of every day....for always.

A mother should always be there for you.
A mother should always have your back.
She should be strong, yet kind.
She should teach by example, the kind of person
we should aspire to be....and you do.

You are a shining example of what a mother should be.
Not only for your beautiful daughters, but to me as well.
Thank you for being such a great mother.
Thank you for being my strength...my way....my sister.
I love you.

Stop, I can't do this any more.
I'm walking away, I'm closing the door.
Now, before it gets more out of hand,
Please, try to understand.
I shouldn't know the feel of your kiss.
While she waits for you in ignorant bliss.
I've made up my mind, that's how it should be....
you don't belong to me.

I can no longer stand the guilt that's inside.
I want a love that I don't have to hide.
One day I hope I can love again.
Though my heart is breaking, our love has to end.
I've made the decision, you don't have to agree....
You don't belong to me.

Let's end the charade.
Our dance is over, let's take off our disguise.
You knew from the beginning,
it should come as no surprise.
Don't say she'll never know, in my mind there is no doubt.
No one is that smart, and luck always runs out.
It doesn't matter what you say, the truth is plain to see.
I'll hear no more excuses....you don't belong to me.

I cried today
Because I realized that I
no longer expect you
to walk through the door.

I don't look at the corner
of the back yard
expecting to see you there
working on something.

I don't plan our dinners
based on your favorite foods
or worry over when the food
hits the table.

We eat when we eat
We eat whatever
It really no longer matters
You were the picky one.

I cried today
Because I realized
something that broke my heart....
I'm used to you being gone.

I shouldn't have been there
I better not tell
I shouldn't have dressed ****
I better not tell

I shouldn't have gotten drunk
I better not tell
I shouldn't have laughed at his jokes
I better not tell

It was so long ago
Better leave it alone
I'll ruin his life
Better leave it alone

He shouldn't have drunk so much
It wasn't my fault
He shouldn't have held me down
It wasn't my fault

He shouldn't have forced me
It wasn't my fault
He shouldn't have ***** me
It wasn't my fault

It wasn't just me
I'm not alone
Will he do it again?
I'm not alone

I'll tell my story
It wasn't my fault
I'm not alone

I need you to know some thing
I love you
I do
But....

Losing you won't end me
I love you
I do
But.....

I don't need you to love me
I don't need you
I don't
But....

I will never forget you
I won't forget
I won't
But....

I will let you go
I'll let go
I will
But....

I love you

my mind is playing tricks on me
I thought I saw your face
next second gone, just like that
not the slightest trace

I must be going crazy
I thought I heard you call my name
but only silence greeted me
is my mind really playing games?

I thought I felt your tender touch
when I turned, you were not there
although goose bumps broke out on my skin
couldn't find you anywhere

you left me, oh so long ago
yet still you're on my mind
you'd think that I'd be over you
living life and doing fine

why then, am I seeing you
feeling your familiar touch?
why then are you haunting me?
why do I miss you this **** much?

I wish I could just let it go
banish thoughts of you away
I wish I could erase it all
or make it so you stayed

but I don't have that power
so here I am alone
hour after hour
trying to make it on my own

my mind is playing tricks on me
for here you are again
like I'm dreaming while awake
when will this madness end?

always the same, you show yourself
when void of company
when no one's here to witness
the way you come to me

perhaps I am going crazy!
it could be worse for me
at least one thing is certain
I won't ever again be lonely

I'll finally have you back again
and life won't be so sad
living in my crazy world
might  not be so bad

I may have lost touch with reality
I may be lost in wonderland
but I've made up my mind, I'm staying
reality will just have to understand

I couldn't march today
but I was with you
I thank you my sisters and brothers
for standing up for what is right

I couldn't march today
but I was with you
In my heart I stood with you all
Fighting for equality

Equality for all
Every man, woman, and child
Black, white, brown....every shade of beautiful
Every religion, or none at all

I couldn't march today
but I was with you
All my nasty women
All men of quality who marched for equality

I couldn't march today
but I was with you
Every child that raised their voice
and marched for their future

I heard you!  
I will not forget the sound of your cry!
I will remember forever the sight
of my sisters and brothers marching....united!

This is only the beginning
That much is true
Let those that oppose us know it!
You let them know today!

I am so thankful for each and every one of you!
For every sign, every battle cry, every step!
For fighting for your rights as well as mine.
I couldn't march today....but you did and I thank you.

From the bottom of my heart
For myself and all who couldn't be there
in body, but stood with you in spirit....
Thank you so much.

Suppose I let you in
and forgot about the past
Let's say we start again
Would we some how make it last?

Suppose that I surrender
Simply follow my heart
Would it be like I remember?
Would it all just fall apart?

Suppose I walk away
Would regret be the end game?
Supposing that I stay
Would the ending be the same?

I suppose I could forgive you
Let go of past mistakes
I suppose "trust" is the issue
That's a promise I can't make

Suppose you walk away
and the moment passes by
Suppose....Let's just say....
It's better as goodbye

I know you'll never know exactly what you've done for me.
You'll never know the light you lit inside.
You were simply being you,
And yet, you made me better.

With every smile you lit my world.
With every witty remark you made me laugh,
And through this laughter, I found my way.
Out of the darkness....I found the sun.

I know you'll never know exactly what you mean to me.
You'll never know the important role you played.
You were simply being you,
And yet, you gave me hope.

With your charming ways, you won me over.
With your beautiful heart, you made me fall in love,
And through this love, I found my strength.
Overcoming fear....I could stand alone.

You'll never know you were my strength.
You'll never know you were my light.
You'll never know you gave me hope and made me better.
I know you'll never know....but I do.

I know you did so much, by simply being you.

I have given my all
It just wasn't enough
It was a long road
So much of it rough

You've seen the best I have to give
But that's not what you need
It's time that we move on
Before you see the worst of me

Better we part friends
Than to leave broken and bitter
Better that it ends
Than to watch our love wither

No more Journeys left to take
No regrets as I take my leave
I'll not call us a mistake
Nor will it take us long to grieve

You'll find your way
And I'll find mine
Nothing left to say
One last kiss....we'll both be fine

This morning it stormed
Lighting flashed, thunder rolled, rain fell...
All gone now

Just a sweet scent of rain in the air
And a steady wind are left to remind me
....such beauty

The birds celebrate with a cacophony of calls
That chase each other through the air
all vying to be heard

The trees dressed in their best
Dance in the breeze to their music
I sit, blessed to watch the show

It hits me, as it so often does
Most especially on days like these
God is such an artist....my favorite in fact

I knew it from the moment you kissed me.
From the second our lips touched.
The look in your eyes just before you leaned in
told me every thing I needed to know.

The tender sigh that escaped in a breath.
Your arms, so strong that enveloped me.
Even the way you held me was your betrayer.
The urgency to hold me close.

Yes my sweet love, I knew it....
I knew that this incredible kiss would be our last.
I knew the time had come to stop our lovely game of pretend.
I was not your forever girl....and it was time to go.

So....we parted ways.
I went my way, you followed your road.
Where its led you, I haven't a clue.
I was only to know where you'd been.

I'll keep the memories shared.
I'll cherish that last lovely kiss.
I won't however dwell on what could've been.
That's not my style.

Any way....hope you're well.

You are not the wind in the trees
Nor the sweet summer breeze
You are not the stars that light the night
Or the sun shining bright

You're the reason I take notice of it all

You are not kisses in the rain
Make-out time on lovers lane
You're not dancing in the streets
Or dancing in the sheets

You're the reason I desire to

You're not the reason my heart beats
You're the reason for the speed
You're not the reason I survive
You're why I'm glad to be alive

Just as you are....I love you

Yesterday.....tomorrow
Happiness........sorrow
Promises..........­broken
Warmth.............frozen

Full heart.........empty shell
Heavens bliss....lonely hell
Future plans......hopes fade
Loves light.....eternal shade

Living a nightmare....Another day dawns
A deafening silence....learn a new song
Anger, self blame.................I finally see
Threw me away..............I'm finally free!

Life is on pause
A part of me missing
Half alive
Going through the motions
Sadness is in charge

Everything is as you left it
Awaiting your return
You left me half way
on the road to forever

I remember your smile
I remember your words
Full of love
I believed every single one

I no longer have illusions
You'll not return
Still I don't move on
I wait for the impossible

A steady rain is falling
No sunshine in sight
A flood of empty promises
and me without an umbrella

With eyes wide open I take a step
A pounding heart beats in my chest

Fear clashes with tenacity
I fear more a life of mundanity

I must find the strength that's within
A deep breath and so it begins

Today marks the start of my journey
I embark because I am worthy

And....so are you.

I'll walk behind you
I'll lead the way
I'll walk beside you
Everyday

When you are frightened
I'll be brave
When you get lost
I'll light the way

When you're lonely
No need to cry
For I am with you
Day and night

I'll see you through
Your every endeavor
I'm with you now
And will be forever

She wasn't just a "visitor"  she'd been here a while
She sat in her corner chair, word search in hand
She always had a blanket around her shoulders
A big bag filled with snacks open at her side

Some times she'd have company
Out-of-town family maybe or perhaps a friend
They'd sit and chat, drink coffee from a paper cup
But mostly, she sat alone

She'd always leave her corner neat and clean
During visiting hours a "newbie" would never know
That corner chair was taken....that was her chair
After visiting hours she'd stretch out and re-claim her area

We knew though, we'd never take her spot
We some times met at the coffee ***
"How's your husband?"  "The same...How's your dad?"  "The same"
"Keep praying."  "I will....you too."  

Then one morning I watched as she packed her things away
With tears in her eyes, she looked at me then slowly shook her head
As she walked passed me, we clasped hands for a moment
"Keep praying" she whispered, then she walked away

Perhaps it was just a coincidence....but
No one sat in her corner chair all day
She was only one person and yet...
The ICU waiting room felt empty without her

The lady in the corner chair

I asked for truth
You gave more lies
Asked for your company
You ignored my cries

All I wanted was dignity
You mocked me again
All I needed was love
Couldn't even call you friend

I granted your request
When you asked for a second chance
Yet you broke my heart again
With out one backward glance

I've clawed my way back
From heart ache and pain
Now I'm stronger than before
My efforts were not in vain

So today when I saw you
You were truly surprised
A new woman stood before you
Confident and wise

You're no longer my whole story
I've moved on from your deception
I don't need you any more
I am my own protection

You asked if you could call me
And I could've lost my calm
I could've "put you in your place"
But that would have been so wrong

I am who I am today
In part because of you
I am strong, I know my worth
Thanks to all that we went through

You knew the answer before I gave it
Knew it wasn't meant to be
It was the ending of our chapter
Story over, I am free!

When I see you
When I don't
I could tell you
but I won't
When I see you
I could cry
Still I'm laughing
Don't know why
When I see you
Do you see me?
God I miss you
Can it be?
When I see you
I'll confess
I can't see you
What a mess
When I see you
but I don't
Best forget you
but I won't

You left me
You lied
You broke my heart
I cried

You left me
You lied
You used me
I cried

You left me
You lied
All alone
I cried

You left me
You lied
Said you'd return
I waited and cried

You left me
You lied
My tears slowed
My eyes dried

You left me
You lied
I'm okay
Still alive

Whether I'm by your side or miles and miles away
Even when we inevitably go our separate ways
You'll be with me

I choke up at the thought of not seeing your face
But even if, I must suffer this fate
You'll be with me

When there isn't a road left to take, or mistakes left to make
When we run out of words and there's nothing left to say
You'll be with me

When I've lived out my life and find the end of my days
Until my sins are all counted and my debts have been paid
You'll be with me

You'll be in a memory, in my heart, tucked away
And my sister, I wouldn't have it any other way
You'll be with me

Until God makes me whole once again
And I'm finally back with my very best friend
You'll be with me

I promise....I swear...now and forever
You'll always be with me

You kissed her
A peck on the lips
It broke my heart
It seemed so natural
So comfortable
I knew then
There was no us
There never would be
In that second
I let you go

I roll down the window in the back seat.
The wind feels so cool on my skin.
I sing softly so no one else can hear me.
I try to hide the mood that I am in.

I stare blankly out the window from the back seat.
Scenery blurs as the tears fill my eyes.
I cry softly so no one else can hear me.
I hide my sadness and my laughter feels like lies.

The wind through the window in the back seat,
it helps me quickly dry my tears.
I whisper softly so no one else can hear me.
Give me strength Lord and always keep me near.

I roll up the window in the back seat.
We're home the day is finally done.
My sister whispers no one hears except me.
I missed him too, you weren't the only one.

That dress was on sale.
Oh he's just a friend.
I don't care if you're poor,
I'm with you til the end.

It's okay...no really...
I swear I'm not mad.
You're by far the best lover
that I've ever had.

I'm not into looks,
I want a sensitive lover.
Not tonight I have a headache.
I do like your mother!

We have to break-up,
but it's not you it's me.
That dent in the car?
That was there already!

I had a great time.
Hope to see you again.
Babe, you're way better
looking than your best friend.

Size doesn't matter,
it's not that big a deal.
A toupee? You're kidding!
I thought it was real!

McDonald's  is fine
I'm not into money.
Oh at first I didn't get it,
but that joke was funny!

This old thing?  What ever!
This dress ain't new.
It's just a night out with the girls!
Come on, I trust you!

These are lies that are told by bad women.
Silly "****** chicks" playing dumb games.
You would never hear those pass the lips of...
Us intelligent, sweet, classy dames!

You're a ******?  Hey me too!
I've waited all my life for you.
Looks don't matter, not to me
I'm looking for inner beauty.

I have a car, it's in the shop.
I won't call you a tease if you say stop.
I live with my mom cause she gets lonely.
Who's cheating? Not me, you're my one and only.

It was before I met you, it didn't mean a thing.
Hey, the diamond was real when I bought the ring!
I'm hung like a horse, I can *** all night.
She came on to me!  I put up a fight!

I'm not drunk...I'm not high...shoot I'm barely buzzin.
That chick you saw me with?  Man, that girl's my cousin!
I'll call you tomorrow.  I had a great time.
I know for a fact that baby ain't mine!

These are some of the lies that are told by some guys,
but no need to give up if you're looking for love.
No need to freak out!
That's not all that's about.

I know some of them lie and I don't know just why,
but, just sit yourself down take a deep breath and then....
Since guys cheat and lie and make us all cry....
Just go out and look for REAL MEN!

You thought that you could break me
You thought that I would fall
You thought that I'd be lonely
but it's not that way at all

Yes, you broke my heart
It's in pieces I'll admit
but I'll put it back together
bit by tiny bit

It's true that I loved you
It's true that my heart aches
but you'll get nothing more from me
There's nothing left to take

I did every thing I could
to show you how I felt
You did nothing but to show me
the losing hand that I was dealt

Such twisted lies you told
No real reason why
I'm putting you behind me
Time to say goodbye

Just a quick post to say Happy Father's Day to all the dads of HP.
Hope your day was filled with happiness and love.  
May you be blessed.

I am....pretty.
I am....smart.
I am....kind.
I am....funny too,
but.....I'm not...her.

I am your friend.
I help you in all things.
I put you first.
I make you laugh too,
but....I'm not...her.

I will never be what you want.
I will always be lacking.
I will always be your friend.
Wasting my life waiting for your love.
but...it will never come.

I am strong....
I am worthy...
I am enough...
I'm happy too...
and....I am loved...by me.

Today I had to let you go
Though it broke my heart to do it
I loved you then and will forever
I hope to God you knew it

The look in your eyes as we said goodbye
Said just how much you loved me
Still the moment you left won't go away
It will forever haunt me

I know it was right to let you go
There was no other way
I held you close and softly cried
Still wishing  you could have stayed

I know that there will come a day
When we're once again together
We will never part again
This time it will be forever

Dawn still breaks
Waves still crash upon the shore
Time moves on
Life continues just as before

But....
How can it be?
When you're not here!

The sun still sets
A blazing painting in the sky
The moon and stars shine brightly
Breath taking beauty I can't deny

But....
How can it be?
When you're not here!

The world just keeps on turning
The birds still sing their songs
I hear laughter from those around me
They play music and sing along

But....
How can this be?
When you're not here!

Even I betray you
My heart still beats
I miss you more every day
Still, I'm able to breathe

But....
How can this be?
When you're not here!

I don't know the answers
I only know it's true
I suppose that's how it goes
I have to learn to live without you

But....
It's still so hard for me,
Cause you're not here.

It was....yet it shall never be.
How is that possible?
It is when you have an imagination like mine.
Days full of adventure.
Nights full of passion.
In the arms of the perfect lover.
You.

The way you look at me,
A look of pure love.
The way you touch me,
So soft it makes me shiver.
I've never felt this way before.
My soul mate.
You.

I can be in your arms,
any time I wish it.
Just close my eyes and there we are,
Entwined....lips touching lips.
Warm breath on my neck.
My own perfect world.
You.

Reality, a thief that steals my dreams.
Reminding me that I'm alone.
Whispering that your heart is hers.
Your eyes, full of love, see only her face.
Her smile is only for you.
You.

Doesn't matter.  
I'll just find a quiet moment.
I'll close my eyes.
There we'll be....laughing, loving.
It is, though it shall never be.
You're mine...for as long as I want it.
You.

I thought I belonged in your arms
I see now that I was mistaken
You took all I had and never put back
At least not as much as was taken

I stood there empty and broken
You, had nothing to say
I shook as I cried when we said goodbye
Not you, you just walked away

Slowly I picked up the pieces
My heart, just wasn't the same
I played and I lost, payed too high a cost
I, the loser in loves foolish game

I remember you
Your eyes
Your smile
Your arms....

I remember you
Your dreams
Your plans
Your promises....

I remember you
Your passion
Your heat
Your love....

I remember you
Your distance
Your excuses
Your lies....

I remember you
Your anger
Your jealousy
Your accusations.....

I remember
When I had enough
When I walked away
When I felt broken....

I remember
When I found my strength
When I let go
When I stood tall....

Yes, I remember....

Me, you
Deja vu
Once again, I fall for you

It's been three years to the day
I remember it was very cold
I was surrounded by family
Still, I've never felt so alone

It's been three years to the day
Sometimes it still feels unreal
I still expect to see you
Will I ever truly heal?

It's been three years to the day
That I kissed you goodbye
Three years and I'm still hurting
I still feel lost and I still cry

It's been three years to the day
Three years and it feels like forever
We keep going, one day at a time
Hoping some day we'll again be together


God give us the strength to face our lives without our dad.
May we see him again in heaven.   Amen.

She was already there
I think she was waiting for us
She started saying she still loved us
Then the story unfolds
She needed us....again

When my sister spoke
She was quick to anger
Just as fast she would recover
her calm
She needed us....again

"I was held at gun point!"
"I just didn't believe you loved me!"
"Your mother made me this way!"
"I loved dad! You just don't know what I've been through!"
     "I"
          "I"
               "I"

So many sad tales
She always plays the victim
Living in a world full of villains
She cut ties with us but....
She needed us....again

This time I didn't pull my punches
This time we told her how we felt
This time the dam just broke
This time nothing was held back
This time....we had nothing to lose

"Where were you when dad needed you?!
"Why did you tell him all those lies?"
"You hurt him more than you'll ever know!"
"Why did you cut ties, what did we ever do to you?"
     "Why?"
               "Why?"
                          "Why?"

Finally the veil came down
Her act melted away
Venom was in her eyes
Hatred etched on her face
She walked away flipping us off as things didn't go her way.

We stayed and tried to calm down
We tidied things up around us
Finally sister watered the grass
It all needed to be said
Just sorry it was at your grave...and that it was on Father's Day.

I want you
But I don't want to

Who can say that they've never known pain?
Who can say they've no regrets?
If there is one among you, you're either lucky or lying

Pain and I are old friends
He keeps me company on those long lonely nights
Regret, she too is my constant companion

"That's life"  they say
I can't argue....that's my life
I suppose it's true for many

I keep moving forward
I treat people as I would want to be treated
People don't always offer me the same courtesy

"That's life" they say
I can't change it....I've tried
I suppose it's true for many

Time marches on, things change
People get older, things stay the same
That's life....or so I've heard

Is it okay that I still love you?
Even knowing what you did?
I knew nothing at the time
Hell, I was just a kid

I sometimes got the feeling
That maybe you were mean
But I'd push it from my mind
Like some forgotten dream

You used to tell me stories
Before I'd go to sleep
You shared with me imagination
But kept your secrets hidden deep

As I grew into a woman
You gave me great advice
You taught me to be honest
For to lie you pay a price

You told me I was beautiful
And you loved to hear me sing
I never felt you judge me
I could tell you any thing

By then my sister and brother
Had left to escape your fury
You made us think they alone were guilty
A swift exile by judge and jury

I believed they were to blame
Yes, I believed your lies
Even though Dad's heart was broken
Even when I heard his cries

As the years progressed
You shared a little of your tale
About your ******* of a father
And how he put you all through hell

Your last years were full of pain
You suffered much before your death
You begged them for forgiveness
Then you took your final breath

But the damage was too great
And we would not recover
We remained estranged
From our sister and our brother

Since your death I've learned the truth
What you did, and what was done to you
My hearts breaks for the abuse you gave
And the hell that you went through

Now my heart is so confused
I don't know how to feel
Is it okay to love you?
Is the woman I knew even real?

I can't explain it any better
And I don't know what to do
I wish some one would just tell me
Is it okay to love you?

I am....ordinary....I cannot boast about any particular talent.
I can sing alright....babies fall asleep when I sing to them.
I can write a little....but if I'm being honest, there's room for improvement.
I'm a pretty good cook....still not the best in the family, but I'm willing to put in the work and learn from the best so jury still out on this one.

I'm not hilarious....my jokes are on the corny side, but I still get a few laughs.
I grew up poor....hell....still am.
Poorly educated....but still a bit articulate....I read a lot.
I'm just a girl from the "wrong side of the tracks"....but I lack the toughness to live up to that title.

I don't want to bore you, so I'll leave it here for now.
Before I take my leave, I should say that I'm okay.
I'm not hating on myself, I'm just saying...this is me.

I'm the chubby friend....okay okay fat friend....always have been.
I'm the girl most guys banish to the friend zone....not sure why I look just like Jennifer Lopez....if you squint your eyes and turn your back on me.  (I told you....corny jokes)
Any way, I digress....I was  saying....This....is....me....and....I kinda like me.

Promises kept
Promises broken
Silence so loud
Words left unspoken

Every thing's over
Before it's begun
Why am I lonely
If you were the one

You said goodbye
With a look in your eyes
Yet the words that you spoke
Were nothing but lies

You spoke of forever
Happy endings to be
But the story you told
Was pure fantasy

Misery, my company
My world dressed in gray
Steady rain of sorrow
The sun has gone away

Silence so loud
Words left unspoken
No promises kept
My heart is just broken

I was thinking today
about circles
How beautiful they
can be
Never ending; continuous
Dependable and safe

Take my circle for instance
My circle of friends
Well mostly family
My closest people
The ones I love most
Beautifully diverse

Loving and kind
Not afraid to tell the truth
Hopeful and strong
Always there to help
Expecting nothing in return
Just my love and thanks

How lucky I am to have them
They....my circle, my guiding light
We may not always agree on things
We may sometimes argue
But we are always there for each other
Always will be

After all circles are never ending