How many years has it been?
How many do I have left?
How many people have I seen
and how many friends have I kept?
I forgot most of them, the good and the bad
Wish I made more memories, cause these don't really last
All the time that's passed was spent looking back
I think I'm just afraid of always going off track

I don't know what I want, I don't know what I like
These days I can't tell what I want out of life
I wake up, I eat and then I sleep again
It keeps on repeating until it all ends
Is this meant to be? Is this it for me?
Am I really giving up so easily?

Being afraid of what I can't see
Being afraid of what hasn't happened
Being afraid that my seatbelts aren't fastened
A car crash in slow motion
Retired with no promotion
Even now, I lost touch with my emotions

I know that this is killing me
But I can't always let my feelings free
If I could stop time, what would I do?
I'd think more about what I should do
But I'd be here all day, just cut the crap
I don't have the stamina to run all these laps

I can't afford mishaps cause I know I can't go back
I only have a knife and I'm supposed to cut my own path
I wish I had a map. I wish I knew where to go
I wish this **** GPS worked off road
Pedal to the metal or take it slow
Either way, I have to continue the show

Been reflecting some things
Been affected by feelings
I came out wiser
But sadly not smarter
I'll always make the same mistakes
At least now my heart won't break
Not as much as it used to
Now I'm watching out for you too
I wish I could be a better person
I know that I'm flawed
I can't cut off my yearning
Sometimes I want it all
Didn't share, didn't care
and it left me with no one there
Learned it the hard way
By being a runaway
Now hopefully I'll be the reason
That you're gonna stay
And through all the seasons
We either change, or stay the same
Leaves turning gold, I'm getting old
And all the walls start to grow some mold
I'll always look back and remember
When we were together, and try to be better
So goodbye and farewell
To the guy you knew that came from hell

i'm falling for your smile again
i might die again, but that's not so bad
can we ever be more than friends
can you understand? i'm betting all i have
i might not be a super star
or own a supercar, but i'll try my best
i don't care about where we are
or how far, i'll put it to the test
bungee jumping off the golden gate
that's how i feel before a date
but there's no harm in trying
taking my very own leap of faith
sometimes i wish that's all it takes
and by the end i'll be flying

Round and round, and back again
Living a dream that never ends
Waking up, shaping up
"Try your best" is not enough
The writings on the wall echo through the halls
I can't move forward without looking back
And sometimes I lose track, and forget how to act
Forget how to speak, forget how to write
So many things I just can't do right
All it takes is just some rhymes
But I can't keep half-assing every time
My own worst critic, my inputs are cryptic
But I just can't quit, I'm actually addicted
Took some time off to gather my thoughts
Watching raindrops, hoping that time'd stop
My dream state is where I cremate
All my failed ideas, left from all the years
I wanna write something new
But I just don't know what to do
One of these days I'll say "never again"
And all of this will come to an end

i wanna feel safe, i wanna feel whole
but some of these days i just lose control
is the version of a person i envisioned
my own desire or just another mission
in a doomed operation, in a doomed war
in a doomed campaign, never made it far
or not far enough, i didn't do much
i can't even gain my own trust
so that made me too indecisive
always feeling like i'm in a crisis
self doubt's a hole i'm too dug into
i'm this close to breaking in two
in the end, what am i supposed to do
if i can't decide for myself
how can i confide in you

to love, to lie
it's something so complicated
to live, to die
is it so bad to be fabricated

spent most my life looking for something real
didn't stop to think about how i should feel
love seemed to be a goal, not something to enjoy
always felt like a kid begging for a toy
now that i know what that is, i can't live without
and the moment i do, i just want to shout
all my issues ended in piles of tissue
wasted along with the nights where i miss you

my phone keeps sending reminders
and i didn't even set my alarms
almost forgot about my blinders
they feel just like my arms
i'm living through the storm
so why does it feel like the calm

the part of me that knows i'm wrong
keeps convincing me that i'm right
i think that stops me from moving on
and spend more nights without the lights
i guess that's alright
i'll just stay out of sight

pride, the nemesis of love
and the thought that it's never enough
nothing is too much, everything's too little
shines like diamonds but oh so brittle

i'm not a person
i'm your friend
keep holding me back
but it'll never end

i'm not a person
i'm your friend
keep shutting me out
i'll come back again

you wanted me gone
you wanna move on
but it never goes away
you want me to go
but i'll be here till you're old
at least that's what you say

i have no offers
no demands
please just hear me out
and understand

i'm not the problem
got no plans
but you know that all this
got way out of hand

you thought i was gone
you thought you moved on
but here i am today
erase what you know
and learn how to cope
cause i am here to stay