humanity, you're too much.
humanity, with your colors & your voices & your cries...
humanity, with your death, & your loves, & your lies.
humanity, i cant breathe
humanity, i cant see.
humanity, its all too much
humanity, i just cant get enough.
humanity, i've fallen into the well
humanity, i cant say things are too swell.
humanity, i have found myself in a rut
humanity, why are there so many cigarette butts?
humanity, why do i need this drink?
humanity is all gone within a blink.
humanity, you're too much.

once upon a times
& happily ever afters
were never real
but you are
forever...
but we're so young?

my desires & my needs are two completely different things
I crave you
& your touch
& your voice
& your words
but I know it's all a sham
filled with empty promises
& distances in the middle of the night
you want me
& I want you
but it can never be
& that kills me

I listen to your songs
& my heart is heavy
there's an unbearable pressure on my chest
& it's constantly lingering

get away
go to some far away new place
with new loves & new faces
play your music & relish in the opportunities
do not think of me.

mixtures of disappointment & guilt
paired with euphoria & bliss
blended together with anticipations & dreams
but muddled with expectations & faithlessness.

you only write when you're in love
& it's extraordinary  
but when you delete it
what does that really mean?

you continue to look through old poetry
instant nostalgia consumes you
what do you feel? 
is it how you felt while writing it
or is it how you feel reading it now
watching ages pass as an innocent bystander
waiting
for the moment to come for you to have a chance to speak up
shout into the void
do you dare enter it?
or leave it untouched?
wallflowers are funny
empathy is magical
comprehensible things aren't really comprehensible, are they?
what you think is what you imagine
thinking in the past will only make you yearn for that sweet kiss, that soft touch
everything is all over the place
sprawled out across the floor
do you want to clean it up, or continue to let it pile?
you're hoarding
burn it
burn it all
watch the embers dance in the air
& the flames wave with the draft
& the smoke consume the sky
cough. choke. cry. suffocate.
become reborn.
you're a Phoenix & your life is up.
begin again. sprout from the ashes & start anew.

sitting at a diner
early morning hours
I check
is it to bring relief? because it will eventually bring my ruin.
I'll read new words & conjugate hypothesese & the images will come flooding in.
I know what it means
& you can hide & keep & sly your way through
but just know, 
I know.

my bed is a cloud
one giant pillow
& I'm sunk

but cravings
they're calling me
reaching out their tired arms
I'm almost at their grasp

pat dreamt too long
& now she's gone
she's dust
at dusk

she resembles the colors of flowers
she's running in a meadow
with legs from '79
under the pine trees

the sun splashes against her skin
effervescent
she's smiling
she's gleaming

her hair is ripping
against the cool breeze
arms outstretched
she's pulling you in

her warmth is like no other
a fire blazes within her
a timid light, but fierce
she's a safe haven 

she doesn't know you
but she invites you in
she teaches you the way
& let's you run off on your own

she observes, quiet & fixed
she feels & pours out the toxicity
she pushed on
& now she's gone

I can't help but feel her inching her way in
in the in between
she's still a problem
I can't let her be
choose me!
choose me!
abandon everything
for me
I plead!

*** stained sheets cover my body
everything smells of you
your eyes, they pierced me
like a pick during a lobotomy.
the passion
the tension
it was all too much for me to bear.

I still can't tell if there was hesitation or not
but the feeling of me in your arms is a home I haven't been to in a long time.
you sent waves rushing through my body,
crashing against my shores.

your eyes, those eyes
so sincere, yet so unreadable
what were you thinking
tell me
scream at me
shake me
**** me
let me be yours.

I try so hard
to be this positive force
but how does one keep it up
when everything is crumbling down?

let's find each other & lose ourselves

he's just a boy who makes you feel something

we're just two birds in different cages
we sing to each other from across the way

your song is like sunshine
it brings light & warmth to my cold, dark, & rusty cage

but eventually your voice grows weak
you used it too much
you lose it
the song I loved so much is now gone

you try to sing, but your song has changed
what once was so soothing is now muddled & chaotic

it no longer brings me warmth or light
but rather, it shakes my bones & drives me insane

please just find your voice, or stop singing.

it's the inevitable conversation
what do we do?
and once again there's no answer...

months and months of the same conclusions
months and months of the same words
for absolutely nothing

you're like the fountain of youth
all time is gone when I'm with you
I'm constantly quenched

we both know this is wrong
but we both don't really care
we just want what we want and it's never enough

the whisper of the wind
it's howling

the screaming of the passerbys
interrupting the captivating silence

the fogging of the glass
the haziness of the room

all brings me back to thoughts of you

the longing is thick
and dark
my mind is spiraling

I'm falling down the rabbit hole
passing rainbow swirls and unknown trinkets
I see clocks but time doesn't exist

they're ultraviolet
these hallucinations my mind projects
it's ******* me in

I'm trapped
blues and reds and greens and yellows
objects and they're malleability

flowers and trees
are the blood vessels of the earth
give and take

my mind gets lost
or maybe I get lost
it's all just senseless ramblings

I'm three floors above sea level
and everything's calm
there's no wind
there's no sense

I hear a ringing
I know not the source
it's constant
and firm
and has it's own wavelength

it seems to be traveling
it's slipping away
into the mist
it's gone
swallowed