have i forgotten what it feels like to be needed?
i'd rather gouge my eyes out  than look in the mirror,
and it's not the reflection that disgusts me.
it's this small person inside of me,
hiding.
too much of a coward to actually be passionate,
too big of a ***** to actually fight for what i want,
to actually stand up for myself.
i want to **** the person inside,
not myself.
i love myself. it's the doubt that lives inside me
who needs to die.
he whispers in my ears
that i need to cave in again,
that i need to fall apart.
if i need him gone, i may need
to hurt myself too.

you make my fingers shiny

i told you baby i told you
that i didn't know if i could stop
i told you i might be addicted
sorry i'm so reckless,
i can't stop i can't.
you make my days
brighter
like removing a stain
from my life
i can do it to my clothes too!
when you left,
bloodstains just became a part
of my shirts.
(and you took them away.)
how am i supposed to let my favorite
drug,
my favorite bad habit leave me?
my favorite way to **** myself
has always been being with you.
you make the pain
matter,
you couldn't make anything matter
until i decided to let you.
i wish i could scrape
the resin from my lungs.
get us high one more time,
god, would there even be anything left?
but you're perfect
you keep me the best kind of
****** up.
please,
don't make me quit you.

I remember you. I can't forget.
You clean sailboats for a living,
and you love it.
You're already who you're meant to be.
And I'm just wandering from
state of being
to state of being
trying to figure out
how to be the one for you.
Your favorite color is blue.
You told me to remember that, I do.
You were born in June,
the 13th.
We didn't know each other yet when you turned
17.
I know you probably look at me as being
so reckless,
for a 15 year old it's probably
not okay.
We knew each other by my birthday,
late September.
I guess we weren't on good terms then,
and I wished to see you when I blew out the candles.
It was kind of dumb, my wish didn't come true
anyway.
Now what are we?
We're hundreds of different types
of oppressed emotions,
battling each other all at once.
And to put it quite simply,
I love you
wholeheartedly.
Until there's nothing left,
I will love you.
Regardless of whether you love me back,
even if you push me away,
even if you love somebody else,
I know that I won't be able to stop.
I'm sorry for not being able to
give up on you.

before i open my eyes and realize i'm alive
every morning
it's you
and it is always you,
you remain inside my mind and you live there
i wouldn't have it any other way
because when i was falling apart
you took the hurt away
all i had to do was look at you
and it wasn't sudden
i didn't notice i'd lost all my troubles
until we parted ways again
it's like every time i'm with you
it's us; and nothing else
you make my world spin backwards
and when i can say the words
"you're mine"
i wake up excited to start the day,
and that's really something i've never been able to say
but it's you who made me remember what
a smile felt like
when i need to escape for awhile,
i'll give you a call
and my grin becomes a tattoo
for the duration
of our communication
i love you
wholeheartedly;
couldn't ever feel this for anybody else
be mine, i'll be yours
we'll be "we"
finally

A little less than classy.
A **** and chuck,
one and done.
But that's fine with me, baby.
No emotions,
no feelings.
Just two lonely souls that make something
that doesn't come close to love, at night.
I wonder what we could bring to the table
if we laid our hearts down
like sacrifices to a God we don't believe in.
And I want to hear you plead guilty
to the jury of my not-so-innocence
because the only praise I'll ever get from you is
the sound of my clothes piling up on your floor.