I. can’t. wait.
Birthdays inviting ecstacy
The inevitable hardships and
The kisses that breach my space
The ones unwanted
Over the shoulder the back
Turned on you my headaches
That conquer imperialist land
Make you fall less in love with me
more loud bass and trembling
fright on a rollercoaster
our wedding
violet purple combining of our
favorite colors blue and red
absolute opposites but I wear blue
more you wear red
spiral of your conscious I
know it surely fails because so
does rain and rain doesn’t stop
for just anybody
I
Cant
Wait
For funerals that we hate going to
The churches and god we don’t believe in
Houses or homes that hold
My hand a little more tightly loosely
Push pull me a little closer farther
Lets have a cup of coffee for me tea for
Two and four and six and eight
The ages of our kid(s) and we
Wait
I can’t
Right now my the time is going hours down
The wrong pipe the wrong turn
That frown upside down and smile
For now, we have you and I and the unraveling
Paper towel that you cant seem to catch up with
Time is not linear neither is the truth
Hard to hear? I love to hear your mindful
Insight I love to hear your midnight mumbling
Hmghrmghr speak up love I love
I can’t wait
When is now?

It seems to be
That at one time
No one cared about the sewers
The ****** and manic-depressives
The postman who exploded his brains
Tragedy in shadows
Pieces of people

Romanticized, it is
To die in effortless affliction
To die in parts
The end is perilously attractive
Cradling the unknown
As for love
As for hope
Happiness, joy
Savagely attacked
It is too easy
To be sad

The moon cannot see
The sun when it is night
But it knows its out there somewhere
The balance between the two
Is unnerving
To believe the other inexistent
Would feel foolish in itself

But the sun sees tides
The ride and fall of waves
That crash onto the sand

It feels the motion
pressure
gravity that pulls
And pushes it closer

In turning point of daybreak
And closing times of dawn
The sun and the moon
Catch a glimpse
Of something soon to be gone

So maybe there are lovers
Who feel the existence of love
Whose passion crashes on skin
And maybe by chance
Their minds break open
With an exchange of a glance

How do you make love
to a body
Once you have felt
someone’s soul

Smile, he said
Absolute stranger
Complete alien to my world
Announcing in declaration
Invasive species
All in one anxious
Interrogating rigged grin
Hovering below low light

Smile
Is what my mother did
Covering up depression
Fixated anxiety rendering her
Washing, drying, washing
Inability to tend to her
Inability to get out of bed
Earlier than noon

Smile
Is the look of despair
Across slit wrists and monkey bones
The wide-eyed stare of vacancy
Wishing and hoping
Someone would check in a room

Smile
Stands awkwardly on sidewalks
Making visual displays of arrogance
Oblivion and beyond
In pure ecstasy of making
Each woman
Each human being
Feel their soul being molested

So, no
Absolute stranger
These cheeks will not turn upward
My teeth till not show and my brow
Will not cease to crease
Because smile for you
Is not what smile is for me

Seven
Stay lucky, get lucky, feel lucky
Seven has been just the opposite for me
Still a beating reminder of required change

Even when time has paused itself in your presence
Eternally, the seconds tick in my mind with
Endearing memories and happiness that felt like our
Endeavors would be infinite

Verifiably distraught with knowledge of the
Vacancy that soon would destroy both of our
Vessels that held hearts, hands, and futures we in-
Vested in each other so certain, so real

Either the number or the letters within held
Experiments with the chance of the game or our
Eyes could not see what exactly was in our hands
Eradicated the problem to reveal truth

Never had the trail felt continually
Narrow, the unraveling rope formed
Nooses in the number that haunts me, he
Nurtures the time, while I stay standing

Seven months since you left me.

I feel nothing
As my eyes wince, looks at bubbles
Of green and blue
Sent and received
So easily a message
I should have never seen

And maybe
I would stay ignorant to the idea
And we would progress years on
A cover up of last nights mistakes
Or months ago of mistakes
That were meant to be relayed
But that song on the disc never played

So sorry
I feel trembles of fingertips
The urge to touch but never own
Something I couldn’t have but I gave
A heart that easily could heal
Except for when I invested it all to you
It is not something I’ve been through

How long
Could this sense of lacking
Asking if you’re alright
Tell me whats wrong
What is going on
And were all those excuses an additional matter
To the problem at hand
Or had that bird over oceans never reached sand

Clean start
The slate may have been erased if tried
But nevertheless people have seen it
Drawn written scratched and erased
The sense of my comfort
That happiness will never come back
Remember it, for what is it that I lack

And I will never see someone else
Aside from that person who caused me such unease
Not even pain, just doubt
And that ever creasing forehead of contemplation
Will never know
And I need answers to the things you no longer see
And it will hurt my heart for years upon knowing you
And this headache of mine will only cease a few drinks in
And this bed will never make itself again
And just like a bird who has never touched ground
And just like the chalkboard will scratches of past mistakes
And just as I’m begging please
There is no release.