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Sep 2018 · 225
Discovery
Kristina Sep 2018
I've been told to take a breath
And to soak in my young-ness
Without a shadow of a doubt
I thought I couldn't wait to get out of this mess
But the years keep on moving
And I just keep circling
Around the dreams I used to have
Wondering what happened to the soul
I used to carry
But I guess growing older
Means there's some things you have to bury.
Nov 2016 · 856
Self-expression.
Kristina Nov 2016
I have words floating in my head
Would it be different if I had said something else
I don't know who I am to me
I don't know who I'm supposed to be
How do I express what I feel
When I can barely tell what's real and what isn't
Fantasy seems like a whole different galaxy inside my head
Honestly it's been hard getting out of bed
Words haven't really made sense lately
Ever since you've left me
And I'm trying to be okay with the fact
That I haven't felt this way
Ever since I was a little girl
But maybe one of these days I'll find the words
That explain how I feel
And I might find some peace of mind
But until then I'll continue to look for you in others
While I try to figure out where I should start looking for myself.
Nov 2016 · 296
Golden boy.
Kristina Nov 2016
Your voice lingers in the back of my head
It echoes when I wake up
Trying to slump out of bed
The way you looked at me felt like magic
But your existence is now nothing but a painful memory
We push and pull, back and forth
My heart aches at the thought of you
I imagine you with her in bed
While my thoughts race
Maybe I'm better off dead
But you refuse to leave and I can't stay
And we can't seem to find a way for us to communicate
But you called me last night so I took the bait
Cause who knows when I'll get another chance.
Oct 2015 · 310
Burn me
Kristina Oct 2015
I need a stranger to burn their fingertips on my skin
To leave the marks of their lips on mine
Kisses that taste like sour wine
Because they're not yours
I need touch to get rid of the aching
My heart has of you
I crave your arms around me
But instead I'll spend a night with someone I don't know
Simply because it's easier than saying your name
I wonder how many random people I will need to kiss
For your existence to be washed away from my tongue by their saliva
And I wonder how many sleepless nights I will have to spend with people I just met
Just so I don't dream of you
You are a nightmare that I keep reliving
You have burned my insides with such a wild fire that could heat up the moon
You have melted my walls down
But god ******
Does the fire make me feel alive.
do not say his name
Sep 2015 · 271
you're something else
Kristina Sep 2015
you're a pond of fresh water in the desert, baby

and i have been walking around for years to find you.
but sadly i need to go the other way or else i'll take away all your water and leave you dried up and this is the only way i get to save you from me
Kristina May 2015
You put the stars in my sky
You made flowers grow in my lungs
You nearly made me blind making the sun shine so brightly
But I can't breathe
And I'm so exhausted spending my nights awake looking up at the moon
I am a winter person prepared for the cold
My skin doesn't know how to accept the warmth of the sun
And I don't know how to tell you
Just how much I love you
And I forever will
Because you made me see that even my darkest nights carry the hope of a new morning
But you can't be my home because people leave
And I will be empty in the streets
Wishing I could spend a night in your arms
But I will love you forever
Because you put the stars in my sky
And you made flowers grow in my lungs
But I am so tired
And I can not breathe


I am so sorry that I have to leave.
Feb 2015 · 691
I told you I'm gonna write
Kristina Feb 2015
You tell me your lips taste like sadness
I bet your skin is like the universe
You're hiding galaxies in your eyes
And I swear I can see the stars when you smile
You shine on my life like the bright glowing sun
And you guide me through the night
Like a moon when the day is done
I wake up with your existance kissing my face
My fingertips wake up to find your body laying next to me
As I explore every inch of you
And thank god you came into my life
Because these days
Things haven't been okay
And you always end up making me smile
You always end up making my day
You are a petal that fell from Eden
When I feel like I've been beaten
You lift me up with your lips
Place your hands on my hips
And baby, I promise you
We can create a storm that will sink all ships.
Dec 2014 · 303
I promised.
Kristina Dec 2014
And it's been years since you and I have been a thing
And it's been weeks since I felt like a human being
Things are bad again, it's like I'm barely living
Simply existing
But it might be the darkness I surround myself with
And my head surely isn't thinking straight
But I keep using myself as bait
And it never really ends well
But the stories we sell
To each other
Make the days pass by
I'm just trying not to feel
Trying not to cave into my old habits.
Dec 2014 · 402
Untitled
Kristina Dec 2014
The words you said apparently meant nothing
And now as I'm walking among the living
Feeling less alive than I ever have been
My body is refusing to accept my skin as it's own
And the pores are breathing out my being
Almost like I am not longer existing
And the dying trees remind me of you
Standing strong and tall against the harsh wind as your leaves
Abandon your branches one by one
By the time spring comes
I will be gone
From your memory
Kristina Nov 2014
I wrote poems about you, you ****.
Kristina Oct 2014
I keep thinking about the last time I saw you
And how your eyes barely wanted to lock in with mine
I keep thinking how I know you felt my eyes all over you
But you didn't even spare a word on me.
I keep thinking how much I wanted to touch you
How much I wanted to taste those lips one more time
And how much I wanted to feel your eyes dance over my body
But they didn't.
Not even a glance.
I keep thinking about the last time I saw you
And I wish I said something.
Sep 2014 · 309
I refuse to say your name
Kristina Sep 2014
You've scarred me so much that I can't touch another human being without my fingertips burning with a desire to know what your skin feels like
There isn't a part of me left that wants to know if you've ever stopped midday and thought of the color of my eyes or if your chest ever ached at night like mine did because you weren't there
I don't wanna know if you ever thought of me and if it hurt knowing you can't hold me
I'm on the verge of dying without you And I refuse to let you know that there's still a part of me you control
Because I'm fighting for you to hate me
So I can hate you too, without wanting you with me.
I wonder how long it'll take before I can **** someone and you'll no longer be the only thing on my mind.
Sep 2014 · 297
Way back when
Kristina Sep 2014
And maybe one of these days
I'll follow the ways of my heart
And I hope they'll bring me to you
And you can shows me life the way Only you knew
We can make faces again, laugh, fool Around
Like we did way back when
Things were okay.
Sep 2014 · 428
Shit's a fucking fairytale
Kristina Sep 2014
I know you leaned your head against mine last night
Cause my head was on your shoulder
And we were high like birds
Freezing on the concrete floor at 5am
But I can't get you out of my thoughts
Cause oh my god you're unreal
And I'm so unbelievably ordinary
It would be a ******* fairytale
If my existence sparked an interest and you wished I was yours
I know you leaned your head against mine last night
But I'm giving this too much thought.
You'll never be more than a daydream.
Sep 2014 · 298
Maybe I lied
Kristina Sep 2014
I know I said I could take it or leave it
Having you in my life
But I just might be missing you and it kind of feels like
A very sharp knife
And I thought of when you kissed me in the car while we were at the traffic lights
And I wish I wasn't spending my nights alone
I'm getting better at getting you out of my head
But the memory of your bed sometimes slips through the cracks
I'm scared of realising that what my life lacks
Is your presence.
Sep 2014 · 269
Back in December
Kristina Sep 2014
And maybe my fingertips have forgotten what your skin feels like
And my tongue doesn't remember how you taste
My head forgot the sound of your voice
But all those things we did back in December
Were such a great choice
I could never say it was a waste of my time.
You were not a waste of my time.
And as I'm trying to make these words rhyme
I pray I'll get more days with you than I got.
Sep 2014 · 352
12 a.m
Kristina Sep 2014
It's midnight and all I can think about is how much my lips are craving to feel yours.
And instead of sleeping
I'm awake thinking about where we went wrong
I'm trying to remember the exact moment when I lost you and then it hit me that you were never even mine.
Sep 2014 · 406
At least I can try.
Kristina Sep 2014
Tonight I wanna go out, forget your name, forget myself and pretend I'm over you for a few hours.
I wanna fool around with someone lame and remember how it feels to be alive.
I wanna wash your name out of my mouth with bad alcohol and smoke and replace you with the taste of someone else's lips.
I wanna lose myself between Arctic Monkeys lyrics and bad boys.
And lose you somewhere along.
Kristina Sep 2014
I've never felt good, I've never felt useful.
That didn't change in the past years since I've grown as a person.
You see, after so long, you get used to it.
The problem with falling in love with someone you can't have, on the other hand.
Is much worse.
You start to feel as if you have a purpose, to make them happy.
You were made, to love them.
But... they weren't made to love you.
And then the circle begins all over again.
Sep 2014 · 881
I miss missing you
Kristina Sep 2014
Distract me from missing him
Because I'm missing the home
I made on his lips
And in his eyes
I'm missing how safe I felt
Wrapped up in his voice
Getting lost between his skin
Felt as if I was floating on a golden cloud
Oh I felt so wowed
And even silencing my thoughts
Went so smoothly for him
That I almost wondered if he was my Castiel
If we were ever meant to be..
If he was my Eric,and I was his Ariel
And if we could live beyond the sea.
Sep 2014 · 336
Midnight bones
Kristina Sep 2014
It's sometime past midnight and my bones are filling up with
This darkness that's all around me.
I'm trying my best to look towards the light
But my eyesight's going bad, my eyes are starting to
Accept all this black emptiness.
The abyss I'm falling into
Seems almost like home.
And maybe it's better if forever doesn't exist
Because
Imagine living forever, missing him
The taste of his lips and the smell of his hair
The softness of his skin.
Imagine going on forever without feeling him against you
Just
One
More
Time.
We're forced to choose our future career at the age of 14
But when we choose who we love
We are too young to understand
And know what we want
While my lungs are on fire
I breathe in the sound of your name
Close my eyes
And spend another nothing dreaming you were next to me.
Sep 2014 · 517
Another love
Kristina Sep 2014
Same love
A world so hateful, some would rather die than be who they are
As Macklemore sang each line
That's how I felt chills roll down my spine
How can we be so advanced but not have love to share for others that are
Not like us.
Whether a girl chooses to be with a girl, or a boy loves another of his own
I stay amazed at how people are so content with making sure
That same *** couples know they're not wanted.
They're so content with making humans feel less worthy
Because they prefer their own to the opposite ***
To make their brothers and sisters and their flesh and blood
Feel less of a human being because of who they love.
So content to prove yourself as a human by forcing onto the rules of the Bible
Yet ignoring where it says you need to love your neighbour as you love yourself.
Love yourself.
We are taught to love ourselves but how can we ever love ourself
When from the minute we are born
We are judged over everything
The food we eat, the clothes we wear, the music we like, the pictures we paint
We are judged for the way we see the world, for the way we think
We are judged for the way we live.
So how can we love ourself when from the day we are born are told
And folded
Into what others think we should be
And never given a chance to be who we are destined to be.
Love your neighbour as you love yourself.
But how can you love someone else, when you were never given a chance
To love yourself.
Kristina Sep 2014
And I'm laying in my bed, like every other day
And I'm thinking of you, like every other day
And you're not here, once again.
I'm not in your thoughts, I'm not in your heart
So why am I in your life?
What's my purpose in your story?
You said baby steps
I said, that's okay, let's see what that makes.
I wish you would make it go away
You should make it go away.
But instead, you create more mess
The kind of mess that weak hearts die for.
The kind of mess we read in fairytales.
The kind of mess that fills my heart with butterflies and dizzyness.
You're a mess.
And I wish I was yours.

— The End —