I've been told to take a breath
And to soak in my young-ness
Without a shadow of a doubt
I thought I couldn't wait to get out of this mess
But the years keep on moving
And I just keep circling
Around the dreams I used to have
Wondering what happened to the soul
I used to carry
But I guess growing older
Means there's some things you have to bury.

I have words floating in my head
Would it be different if I had said something else
I don't know who I am to me
I don't know who I'm supposed to be
How do I express what I feel
When I can barely tell what's real and what isn't
Fantasy seems like a whole different galaxy inside my head
Honestly it's been hard getting out of bed
Words haven't really made sense lately
Ever since you've left me
And I'm trying to be okay with the fact
That I haven't felt this way
Ever since I was a little girl
But maybe one of these days I'll find the words
That explain how I feel
And I might find some peace of mind
But until then I'll continue to look for you in others
While I try to figure out where I should start looking for myself.

Your voice lingers in the back of my head
It echoes when I wake up
Trying to slump out of bed
The way you looked at me felt like magic
But your existence is now nothing but a painful memory
We push and pull, back and forth
My heart aches at the thought of you
I imagine you with her in bed
While my thoughts race
Maybe I'm better off dead
But you refuse to leave and I can't stay
And we can't seem to find a way for us to communicate
But you called me last night so I took the bait
Cause who knows when I'll get another chance.

I need a stranger to burn their fingertips on my skin
To leave the marks of their lips on mine
Kisses that taste like sour wine
Because they're not yours
I need touch to get rid of the aching
My heart has of you
I crave your arms around me
But instead I'll spend a night with someone I don't know
Simply because it's easier than saying your name
I wonder how many random people I will need to kiss
For your existence to be washed away from my tongue by their saliva
And I wonder how many sleepless nights I will have to spend with people I just met
Just so I don't dream of you
You are a nightmare that I keep reliving
You have burned my insides with such a wild fire that could heat up the moon
You have melted my walls down
But god ******
Does the fire make me feel alive.

you're a pond of fresh water in the desert, baby

and i have been walking around for years to find you.

You put the stars in my sky
You made flowers grow in my lungs
You nearly made me blind making the sun shine so brightly
But I can't breathe
And I'm so exhausted spending my nights awake looking up at the moon
I am a winter person prepared for the cold
My skin doesn't know how to accept the warmth of the sun
And I don't know how to tell you
Just how much I love you
And I forever will
Because you made me see that even my darkest nights carry the hope of a new morning
But you can't be my home because people leave
And I will be empty in the streets
Wishing I could spend a night in your arms
But I will love you forever
Because you put the stars in my sky
And you made flowers grow in my lungs
But I am so tired
And I can not breathe


I am so sorry that I have to leave.