i wan t to die, it's slippery and hot, it's like... tears on frozen skin, you know, like hair and lime, the confetti kind of ugly
i think i might fall into a truck someday, i think i might be pimpled with fear hours before i die. im scared all the time, it's paralyzing and uncontrollable and i can't remember it now

i already know what i want written on my grave. i already know what im going to eat for dinner tomorrow. i already know how goldfish taste and i know what it's like to thaw a secondhand phone.

how are you going to tell me to die already! i don't know what qatar looks like, i don't know the smell of grapes or the color of grass. i have waterfalls to drown in and i have people to fall in love with, you don't know the half of it, i can't die i can't die yet

I can't believe I used to see you bare and fear what I saw there

"where night is....a violet bird stretching drowsy wings"

i.

night, strange bird of metal,
sinking like a sea whose tide
drifts out, down through the
sky, wild honey and flowerbeds
full of stars.

ii.

i dream of you, revealing
everything of me, i am nuts
and bolts, i am sweet and
sour, i carve my name
on your wrist where the blue
snake rests its head.

iii.

my breath is fire and flowers,
longing, a song forgotten in
the mist, crazy day, bitter and
sweet night, shadow steed of
a circular world.

iv.

kiss me, sweet love,
my skin aches for
your touch like a night
flower twisting petals
on the wind, in love
with your love.

v.

rise like a ghost and
sweep me away, the
burning dust of my
ribs, my very last kiss.

"where day is....a dragon of the sun"

i.

melody of a wild sky,
burnt to ash, dark
keeper, longing for
light.

ii.

you wish to please me
and i'm caught up in
your arms, i fall to
the dry dirt earth,
i reach up, stretch
wings of stone.

iii.

summer is creased
at the edges like a
white shirt, it borrows
its golds from the melting
sun, and my path follows
yours, i am the echo of
all your steps, we run

up the stone staircase
that beckons us, we
run along corridors
and unlock doors,
my lips breathe fire
like a dragon,
my wings stretch out,
fabulous and wild.

iv.

i wish to please you
with my fiery kiss,
kisses and smoke,
i smoulder trapped
forever in a moment,
the moment is you
and love is my heart
singing in tune with
yours beneath the pebble
sky.

"where day is.... dreams of a summer sky."

i.

the sky floats up,
gazing out with lips
of steel, a
shiny branch
surrendering
to summer’s sigh,
her iris a cats
eye, marble blue,
her pupil a dark
wand.

ii.

play with me,
draw me out of the
dark,

let me sing to
you a sea-song
where the waves
somersault and
crash to the shore,

where the wind, wild
as wild, faints to breathe
the wakening sky.

iii.

see how i write in passages,
faint-waves  of
summer’s mists where
the rain dips her pen in
the grey-ink cloud.

iv.

searching for your ghosts,
the deep whirling of the streamy sea
with its wine-red roses like
coloured glass
dance as i gather
whispers of strangeness
and sun, blossoming,
shrink-edged like an
opalescent pool, all
of it, you.

v.

days of watery rags and rubber
tyres, red snake of
summer’s ribs, the
stones of the stormy sun,
gathering the landscape
where tonight the
moon will rise for love
you will loosen my hair
and i will kiss your throat.

O Sorrow, wilt thou live with me
  No casual mistress, but a wife,
  My *****-friend and half of life;
As I confess it needs must be;

O Sorrow, wilt thou rule my blood,
  Be sometimes lovely like a bride,
  And put thy harsher moods aside,
If thou wilt have me wise and good.

My centred passion cannot move,
  Nor will it lessen from to-day;
  But I'll have leave at times to play
As with the creature of my love;

And set thee forth, for thou art mine,
  With so much hope for years to come,
  That, howsoe'er I know thee, some
Could hardly tell what name were thine.

My own dim life should teach me this,
  That life shall live for evermore,
  Else earth is darkness at the core,
And dust and ashes all that is;

This round of green, this orb of flame,
  Fantastic beauty; such as lurks
  In some wild Poet, when he works
Without a conscience or an aim.

What then were God to such as I?
  'Twere hardly worth my while to choose
  Of things all mortal, or to use
A little patience ere I die;

'Twere best at once to sink to peace,
  Like birds the charming serpent draws,
  To drop head-foremost in the jaws
Of vacant darkness and to cease.

The wish, that of the living whole
  No life may fail beyond the grave,
  Derives it not from what we have
The likest God within the soul?

Are God and Nature then at strife,
  That Nature lends such evil dreams?
  So careful of the type she seems,
So careless of the single life;

That I, considering everywhere
  Her secret meaning in her deeds,
  And finding that of fifty seeds
She often brings but one to bear,

I falter where I firmly trod,
  And falling with my weight of cares
  Upon the great world's altar-stairs
That ***** thro' darkness up to God,

I stretch lame hands of faith, and *****,
  And gather dust and chaff, and call
  To what I feel is Lord of all,
And faintly trust the larger hope.

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.