I almost let him in
Like my legs were walls he had to climb
I almost opened those doors for him

I almost let him touch me
Like my body was not a sacred place
But an amusement park meant for his exploration
I forgot that you always leave after you've been on enough rides
I'm lucky enough that I never gave him a ticket

I almost let him kiss me
Just to feel the heat between our bodies
The cool of his breath on my lips
I've really never wanted something as bad as I had wanted this

And the sad part is that ...
Almost all of these, are lies I like to tell myself
To try and forget that I let him kiss me
I let him touch me
I let him in without him trying
Because maybe the want to experience him never took into account the pain that he would bring
How he left me so easily
I want to forget how his lips felt
I want to forget the way our lithe bodies pressed together
So that I can remember
How he had crossed so many bridges
Yet failed to find a key to unlock the last door

Your over flood of questions have me sinking under their weight
Like my bed is soaked with your concern
This is not supposed to hurt me .. but it is
Don't tell me I'm doing too much
I already know that I am
Your reminder is just one more thing that will break free the dam I hold my tears in
Sometimes I do feel like I can't
And maybe sleep is not the right route to take
But is it so bad that I want the world to pause.
I want your concerns to stop.
I want my bed to dry.
Just so I can breathe for a while ...

I want these tears to leave my body
In rivers and streams of pent up emotion
I want to let it all go
I want to let you go

With each tear comes a memory so my waterworks are more like a fountain picture
I have poured enough rivers and streams into the ocean of my heartbreak that your pennies can take a dip in their seas, make a wish, and never see the light of the sun again

My past is not something that you want to explore
Because in the end
The waves will rise
And come tumbling down again
Taking you under with it every time