you broke my heart
into so many pieces
i’m still picking it up

it feels like shards of glass
threatening to puncture my lungs
or break apart my rib cage

part of me wants to beg for you
to come back to me
so we can figure this out

another part of me wonders
if i did get you back
would we even be in love anymore

whose door do i knock on
when i’m bleeding from my chest
do i call your phone
or do i lie down instead

you’re the first person i think about
when someone says the word home
love
forever

who am i to become
if i’m not becoming with you
does a path exist for me
that’s not intertwined with yours

can i still knock on your door
when i’m bleeding from my chest
can i still call your phone
or will you hit ignore instead

i’ll fall against you
like small drops of rain
tapping against your window

my hands are cold
but they are gentle and soft
when they meet your skin

let me tap your skin
and soak your clothes.

there are cracks in head
the same way there are cracks
in the ceiling of your mother’s kitchen

i tell myself they all formed
from all of my thinking
and all of my feeling

your mother’s ceiling
kept crying all of those nights
she wouldn’t stop yelling

one day we won’t even notice them.

i will continue to suffer
until my bones are dust

you will forget i am hurting
forget my heart is breaking
into too many pieces to pick up

these things are outside
of my realm of control

but it will not change
the way i cannot stop suffering
from your decisions

i hoped when the sun
finally showed its face
we would be okay again

the light still hurt my eyes
my skin still soaked in its rays
but i can’t say your name

the crater in my chest cavity
has expanded so wide
i think the sun itself could fit

maybe when all the light
shines through me
you’ll find me again

here i am.
again.
in this unfamiliar house

this bed reminds me of you
and all the drunk secrets
that never escaped these sheets

i remember how your tears fell
when i didn’t have the right words
to mend your heart

i guess that’s not important.
not anymore.

the tv is new
and so are we.