How
     small
           do
               I
                 have
                      to
                        be
                          before
                               you
                                  love
                                      me?

The immensity of my soul cannot be put into words
I cannot describe to you how infinitely small we are in a universe that sees us as half a speck of dust
Everyone always asks "what" but never "why"
How can I feel pain when I know the world can be obliterated in a second
My body can become lifeless in less than a minute
I am nothing
I am no one
All the fame and money in the world cannot make you relevant to the galaxies and galaxies prowling our doorstep
You eyes are a reflection of the exploding stars
A beautiful death plagues this unbearable, sickening void that envelops us in it's icy hands
You and I, we are nothing
We have never been
We will never be

"Why do you do that to yourself?"

Because I deserve it.

Because it makes me forget for a little while.

Because maybe if I go deep enough I can dig out the evil inside of myself.

Because maybe the blade can pierce the sadness and let if flow out of me.

Or maybe because blood satisfies me in a way nobody else ever could.

a shaky breath drawn in
a tear slips out
i tried to defend myself
and put up walls
but im not as tortured and guarded as i thought
or maybe
i don't need walls
because i don't need anything to be kept out
the dripping black demons are all inside me
i am my own tormentor
my walls don't work because they keep the monsters inside
forever trapped in a diaphragm cage

are we a generation of idiot lovers
or just hopeless dreamers?
sometimes i can hear my name on the breeze
and i wonder
is it my moaning past
or sorrowful future?
these things can never be answered
for there is no answer
was there ever?

In my darkest times it's always you i want to turn to
Why it is you that i need perplexes me greatly
We are casual friends, nothing more, but i still crave you in the dead of night
I can't help but wonder if this is me falling yet again
But this time feels different, not at all like the hopeless infatuation that always finds a way back to my soul
I want your arms around me, your hand stroking my hair
Not your lips on mine or our bodies pressed together
I just want you to hold me and tell me that you know how it feels, and you recognize how hard i'm trying
And that i don't have to anymore
Please tell me it's okay

Your touch was like waves that leapt onto my skin, leaving frothy purple swirls in their wake.
Your eyes blazed like an inferno of the heavens, out of control but still on edge.
Your smile sent tingles through my mind that danced down to my toes, racing through my body in powerful convulses.
The way you held yourself made me want to be better for you, but I could never be good enough.