A hummingbird hovers outside my window
admiring itself in the reflection
I see its colors shine in the morning sun,
almost hypnotizing

Staring, I wonder if it sees me
alone behind dusty mini-blinds,
vertical slices of faux wood
narrowly showing the world beyond

Thin lines of what others see,
blooming flowers and green grass
inviting happiness to wander freely
through cool breezes and sunny days

I should smile at this precious scene,
spring is near in signs and actions
Yet I do not, for I despise spring
It is a symbol of life, new life

Life is the darkest thought of my mind’s shadows
That last sip of cold black coffee
Imitating thoughts and dripping moods
Poetic phrases can’t mask

Pleading images claim all empty fault
As crimson blood runs the gutters
Splashing on concrete cracks twisted about my neck
Laughing from a back seat around the next corner

And still that hummingbird lingers, pointing
Tiny wings move in a rapid dance
It’s red throat casting aspersions in my direction
As I reach for my own neck, it is wet, and I am tired

when we were children we ran across the street to that boardwalk we raced down that beach and hit the water you would say lets never grow up and I said lets never change because I love who we are at this very moment... years went by you were 14 and I was a teen you told me I was beautiful and that maybe change was a good thing I didn't know what to say then you said race ya we hit the water in my beautiful graduation dress you picked me up and spun me around I ran into the water and you said I love you I said I love you well years went be he moved and they talked every night until one night when she picked up the phone and they said im sorry hes gone its not your fault well the thing is he had cancer and say he loves you forever and always well that night she cried and cried and cried until finally she saw answers she would die and be with him forever and always like they said growing up and they indeed were together forever...

Ugly- The definition of a girl, is given by the guys who broke her heart and the girls she used to look up to.

Useless- The feeling of never being good enough because you cant even make your parents happy. Not worth anyones time.

Stupid- Not getting perfect grades at a honor school and being made fun of by those who you thought loved you.

Depressed- The feeling you get when no one understands that your crying on your knees everynight asking god to help you to make you feel like you are worth something then being kicked while your crying by your best friend. Giving up on everyone and everything.

Scared- That gut feeling you always have because everyone you love always leaves so what makes Dylan any different? When I am the same girl I was when everyone else left?

Unwanted- The feeling an adopted kid like myself, when not even her brother wants to be a part of her life. When your parents didn't want you only 2 weeks after birth..?

So someone, ANYONE, tell me why I should continue on with my life acting like everything is perfect and okay when honestly IT IS NOT OKAY!!! NOTHING IS OKAY! I am sorry that I was never perfect and never good.. I tried.. I really did and maybe one day y’all might, just might realize that I was breaking, slowly breaking, painfully trying to make everyone happy when I was the one suffering most.. I just wish I would've noticed this when I was younger and didn't waste so much of my life trying to figure out where I went wrong when that was never the issue. The issue was that I couldn't accept that I couldn't be perfect, I never would be, and that I cant change something I have no control over.. Maybe if I realized that earlier my life would've been just a bit happier, maybe not.. But my mom once told me that everything happens for a reason and she was right…

I hope you meet a person,
any person,
who makes your heart beat
in tune with your favourite song.

I hope their laugh becomes
your favourite melody,
and that their breathing
turns into your new lullaby.

I wish for you the amazing miracle
of meeting someone that makes you
feel like you have orchestras
in your chest.

I hope you have the privilege of
finding a person,
any person,
that gives you a reason to sing.

Because right now there is someone
who's looking at you
and they're busy having an affair
with the music that you are.

I thought I found love
It seemed like the kind
Seen while you’re dreaming
Hoping to find

My heart skipped a beat
A smile appeared
I danced like an idiot
I hope that’s not weird

Almost a year
I cherished each day
She came to my life
And took me away

She gave me her heart
Her love was divine
I couldn’t believe
This woman was mine

When along came another
To good to be true
Handsome and strong
She said we were through

He showed her attention
Much better than me
She’d fallen in love
So happy they’d be

She said that they met
At a sidewalk café
He wrote her a poem
What more could she say

She hated to hurt me
She liked me a lot
But we were just friends
In case I forgot

I started to cry
Not much like a man
I just couldn’t help it
So please understand

She said that she loved me
And she always would
Along with the bad
And everything good

She mentioned forever
But now I can see
I should have been writing
Some love poetry

So now here I sit
Alone in my chair
Writing a poem
With you I can share

I hope that you like it
And maybe she reads
Knowing my heart
For her it still pleads

I guess if she doesn’t
Then that’s okay too
At least I have tried
What more can I do

I painted a butterfly’s wings
because its colors
clashed with my garden

It died,
so did my garden