i hope one day
you see a photo of me
and you wonder
if i still love the color yellow
or if i still fall asleep easier on the phone
i hope one day
you see a photo of me
and wonder if i still think about you

the words
i love you
were no longer something
that slid off my tongue
so effortlessly
but merely
3 words
that felt like a chore
to spit out
and that terrified me
because the thought of you
not being in my life
was one
that i would never want
to be a reality
do i love you?
or the idea of you?

10/11/14 ,, 9:23 pm

________

THE UNEVEN CURVE OF YOUR LIPS WHEN YOU SMILE AND THE WAY YOUR EYES GLISTEN IN THE LIGHT AND HOW YOUR HAIR FALLS MESSILY ACROSS YOUR FACE ALL YOUR QUIRKS MAKE ME FALL DEEPER AND DEEPER EVERYDAY EVERY LITTLE THING ABOUT YOU MAKES ME FEEL SOMETHING I'VE NEVER FELT BEFORE AND I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN HANDLE MY HEART BEING FILLED WITH SO MANY FEELINGS BECAUSE IM USED TO BEING SO EMPTY

10/23/14 ,, 11:59 pm

________

DAYS TURN INTO NIGHTS AND I
LAY QUIET ON MY BED
THINKING OF YOU BUT THE
SPACE NEXT TO ME IS EMPTY
AS I TURN MY HEAD BESIDE ME
I REMEMBER THE HELL YOU
PUT ME THROUGH AND I GRIP
THE SHEETS WANTING TO RIP
THEM APART I WANT TO TEAR
YOU APART FROM THE INSIDE
OUT SO YOU COULD EXPERIENCE
JUST A GLIMPSE OF ALL THE OF PAIN
YOU MADE ME FEEL