Polished and refined,
With death I have found
A life below ground
A place I can call mine
Destruction and evil deeds
A breeding of pure hate
Is all that I can create
Out of all these heartless seeds

I punch them in
To the deep sullen dirt
Water them with vengeance
And a sprinkling of hurt
Tonight is the night
I find what dwells below
I don't have a key
But I can bargain with my soul
As I place it into these seeds
I am but reeds in the grass
I'm letting go
Only Heaven knows
The blackness of Hell's wrath

I plant my lifeless soul in this plot
To groom it as it grows
So slowly that nobody knows
It's the place the devil goes to rot
Watered with tears, warmed with fire
And as time stands still, never changing
This fruition of evil continues growing
Until the depths of hell can go no higher

Then it will bloom
A flowering gloom
Growing out of control
The ground will harden
In this here garden
Fertilized by my soul

So the fear felt
The pit that kept growing
The nagging feeling
All of it
I was right to feel it
The regret
I wish I could say wasn't there
I wish I could say
That I
That I grew as a being rather than
Well rather than let it hurt me
I wish I could say I was proud of feeling the hurt
But I can't
I can't lie and say that it doesn't hurt
That it doesn't hurt that I was right
I wish that the fear I felt
I wish I never it at all
Or rather
I wish I wasn't right to feel it at all

I know I tell you it's okay
But I miss you
I've opened myself up
But where are you when I need you most?
You know this is hard for me
I've never felt like this
So vulnerable
It's so new
And when I need you
You're never there
I know you're busy
But I wish that you'd see through this facade
I wish you saw that I'm scared
And not brave
I wish you saw that I was jealous
And not go with the flow
I wish you saw that I missed you
Because I'm too scared to say it to you
I just wish
That you'd see
The me
That I've only let you see

Commitment
I don't know how this works
This commitment thing is new for me
I went down in flames the first time
Who's to say it's not going to happen again?
Will I hurt you like I hurt the last?
Will I start over this never ending cycle?

Commitment
That word is both terrifying and beautiful
It signifies everything I want
But those are the things I fear
Can I give myself to someone so wholly that they are part of my being?
Can I trust someone with that?
Can I truly even love?

Commitment
Oh Lordy
That word incites fear once again, but I'm getting there
I'm coming to terms with it but that nagging won't stop
Will it actually work out?

Commitment
I will commit
At least that's what I'm going to tell myself
And I will not hurt them

Commitment
I'm ready for you

If you really love them see where it goes, but if you are unsure then let them go.