She can walk
          between
             night and day
               never letting either
                  get in her way.
She learned this trick
                     many moons ago
                                by
                     going deep within
           and never letting it show.
Her soul is innocent
her heart is pure
she’s gone through more
than most could endure.
            She’s an angel of light
                 an angel of dark
                 you never know
              what you will spark.
                      You want to hurt her?
                         Please, go ahead and try
                           she’ll be the one to show you
                                  just how well she can
                                                              f
­                                                                l­
                                                                ­  y.
                                  Her soul innocent
                    her heart pure
      but never think for one minute
that she’s not secure.
                                Say what you will
                          please, do what you must
                       but your jealousy and hatred
                             won’t waver her trust!
~

i was just your conditional lover;
you only adored me when i was under your covers.

l.r.

Why do we view love as being something that's disposable?
Are we that caught up in the pain and the heartbreak that hurts as much when we break one of our opposables?
What are we going to do when the heart gets numb and our mind and our bodies and other parts go dumb, we wouldn't think it's so disposable then.
We'd sit here in our houses like sheep, thinking about the times back in high school thinking about the girl from class that we'd get no sleep.
We'd sit here on the porch and gaze at a streetlight that flickers our every few days.
We'd wish and wish that we could restart it all over and jumpstart our heart, we'd breathing deeply and scream because we know that'll never happen and it hurts too hard.
We'd pace around at our local grocery store and look up an item that triggers memories galore.
When will wake up to this realization and just the world be, these are the crazy thoughts my head keeps spinning, the ones that keep me up you see.
When will we wake up and smile and breathe and take a sip, we can make it further and further if we're willing to take the dip.
Jump into the deep end, get out, and wash it off because love is something like water it simply starts with a drip.

I haven't felt so alive in a long time, it's like this summer wasn't  planned to be one for the record books.
It's like I've finally found my Alaska, but if you asked me if she'll stay I couldn't tell you.
Is she perfect?
Hell yeah, that's for **** sure
She's had that same wave length vibe as soon as she stepped through the door.
I try to cherish every moment because I know this will eventually end and I just want to hold onto it.

I want to sit in this seat for a moment so that I can enjoy your laughter for a little while longer.  
I want to continue to discover new music, want to expand upon what I know so my ears and heart grow stronger.
I want to feel this and reel it in for just a second longer, these dream draws me in and makes my heart grow fonder.
Please wake me up now, I can't handle this sensation any longer.

You and i are on the same wave length and for me it's exciting.
You showed up at random like an empty storm, you were the lightning.
Loud, stunning, you spoke with wit, your words were cunning, and those eyes were  so stunning.  
To describe you much further would be much more difficult.
You've got something special, I can definitely see it.
It's a shame that world's can't align right now because we'd be divine, you know I mean it.
Someone wake me up now, this dream I've been in before, I've seen it.

I've clearly lost it now, my mind that is, to see a moment that's never happened and speak upon it in my dreams.
The dreams drive me crazy, they drive me to the brink, they drive me mad sometimes or was that my last drink?
But eventually at night the dreams I'm in never come to life and all I'll ever be is just a conversation to you, a distant memory, a wondering twilight.
Someone wake me up please, someone get me off this crazy thing.

Can you fall in love with the way someone rolls their eyes?
Every time she does it gives me butterflies.
I'll take any moment of feeling normal where I can get it, you've given me life.
But the dreams the come to and end, the moments where we both transcend.
It's coming to a close now but not like the ones before you.
Hard and fast, that's how this moment ends
Hard and fast, like how my heart beats and head spins...
Hard and fast, please don't go, this needs to last.

The final moment ends up lasting for a lifetime.
The final moment ends up being the perfect moment.
When you find something that's perfect you should always hold on to it, I'll put this ending on a shelf inside my heart.
If I ever forget this I know you'll surely slap me and if you want to know how I feel say "I've got a question I need to ask ya..."
I'll simply look back and say,
"You know how I feel, it hasn't changed, you're it, you're my Alaska."

I tried to drown inside a bottle one time.
I tried to drink myself into oblivion to remove every bit of your love from me.
I tried to drown myself, drown myself deep beneath the ways of fermented corn and wheat.
I tried to drown myself, tried to fill my lungs from bottom to top like the bartenders who would fill my cup.
I needed to drown.

I tried to **** myself with speed that was fueled by all of my anger.
I tried to **** myself with speed by mashing my foot down farther and farther you see.
I tried to **** myself with speed as I raced across the bridge that seemed to float over the sea,full of all that fermented wheat and corn that I through down my esophagus to try and drown away my heart and mind.  
I needed to flee behind that wheel you see.

I tried to bury myself alive in what I thought would take my mind away from you.
I tried to bury myself alive in work and school and pointless endeavors.
I tried to bury myself alive so much that I finally almost got what I didn't want, self suffocation to shut my mind off.
I tried to bury myself alive, tried to choke myself off and turn this mind to the opposite of on.
I needed to suffocate.

I tried to burn away your memory with memories of others.
I tried to strike your memory from off my mind with empty relationships and moments of euphoria.
I tried so hard to pull you from my mind and heart, God did I try.
I tried to end my suffering and destroy my internal engine.
I tried to rip my heart out and stomp on it until it stopped pumping and thumping blood through every stricken vein.
I needed to die.

I tried to **** myself you see.
I tried to destroy everything that you made me to be.
I tried to get all of you out in the worst ways possible.
I tried to go down in what only seemed to be today's modern blaze of glory.
I tried to fall through the bottom of the pit that once was my life.
I tried to press fast forward so that I could quickly get to the end and not let time heal me.
I tried to press fast forward and accelerate the fall.
I needed to fall.

What I felt like I needed only turned into moments of life that I look back on and thank god that they didn't work.
What I did not realize in all those dark moments was that I was setting myself up for my next part.
I was beginning a new role, planning my restart.
I tried and tried and tried so hard to wreck who I was and go further to the dark side.
I eventually crawled my way out of that pit.
I climbed so high, fell a few times but found my way out of it.
I needed to fall.

What once was will never be again and if I could go back I wouldn't stop that downward spin.
I wouldn't reach down to grab myself, to give a hand of help that I felt no one was giving me, I was blind to those who tried because all I wanted to feel was the pain.
I wouldn't go back to change how it started, wouldn't try to fight myself, wouldn't try to fan the flame that had departed.
I wouldn't go back to the start you see because if I would've then I wouldn't be me.

I needed to drown.
I needed to flee behind that wheel.
I needed to suffocate.
I needed to die.
I needed to fall.
I needed to find myself through all the thorns and barbed twine.
I needed to fall.
I needed to stop pressing fast forward.
I needed to restart.

If you walked up to two doors, one push, one pull, which would you choose and why?
Would you push the one open because that journey would be easy.
Or would pull with all your might because that journey is more appeasing.
Two doors that lead to the same place but how you get there is you choice, both run at a different pace.

How could this simple choice be so complex?
You have two choices, one is all you get
This shouldn't be so hard to decide, take the time to think before you pick the one that abides.
You've been this way many times before, what makes this time different?
It's just two doors.

Would you decide that the push is worth the shove with the possibility with running into someone who dropped their glove?
Would you be rude and pushy like the life you've been leading just to fly through the door to what it is you think you're seeking?
Would you push harder than you thought you could?
Would you push gently like when a dancers feet greet the wood?

Would you pull and pull and pull like a fool who plays it safe in every situation so you can see what's coming before you?
Would you reach your arm out to full extension, feel the metal on you fingers as they grip with all that's in them?
Would you pull it towards you and feel the breeze and experience a chill that shakes your knees?
Would you pull with the hand you dominate with or switch it up to train the opposite?

Once you've made your choice to either push or to pull you walk in to the spot whose choice has left you gasping for a breather.
It's a small, open space where you think you've found what you've needed and you did it with grace.
Before you, though, stands something you didn't expect to see....another door.
What do you do now, there's only one choice and it's directly the same as what you decided before.
So what's the answer, the one from the moment before.
Think carefully, do you push or do you pull and walk through the door.