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 Nov 2014 Red Bergan
Dark Jewel
Sickening whispers,
They churn the stomach....
 Aug 2014 Red Bergan
Dark Jewel
As days blur,
I see the pattern...
Grazing, sealing, purifying.
All that is hideous.
To make it seem beautiful.

I hide,
Behind a mask,
A shell..
A force field.

What seems beautiful,
Isn't true for the beast.

The Beast,
That is hideous.
When she's angry.

So as the pattern lays flat,
These days turn into weeks,
Weeks turn to months.
Months turn to years..

Not a lifeline goes by,
When a monster is involved.

And when it's involved,
It seems the sands of time,
Are frozen still.
Even in the wasteland,
Of Hell..
Just a thought that crossed my mind
 Jul 2014 Red Bergan
Riot
The biggest lie a human has ever told themselves
**it's all gonna be alright
I love you
not because
you're good looking

I love you
not because
you're caring

I love you
not because
you dote on me

I love you
not because
your smiles are sweet

I love you
not in lust
of your crevice
or orifice
or skin

I love you
because
without you
I feel

incomplete within.
There's an expression in Korean that literally means your heart is on fire to express when someone is really angry or passionate.

I feel like my heart is on fire of late and reacting to everything like I am walking on egg shells and exploding at the world and people I love for no apparent reason.  

I am cooling down, but the hardest part is self-acceptance.
More of a rant than a poem.
You don't like me.
You like the idea of me.
You like the idea
That someone who is
Suicidally depressed
Can make you
Extraordinarily happy.

You like the idea
That my deep
Cynicism and scepticism
Can fuel your
Overjoyed optimism.

You like the idea
That I'm  the
Wonderful, beautiful
Intelligent, nerdy girl
You thought I was.

I am nothing.
I am empty.
I am not an idea.

Ideas are dangerous
Exciting, giggly.
They fill the idealist
With roaring delight.
Such a fantasy
Couldn't be real but in
The mind of a
Surrealist, Idealist
Socialist, Capitalist  
Fascist.

I am not an idea.
Ideas are fun.
I am not an idea.
Ideas get things done.
I am not an idea.
Ideas are good.
Ideas aren't real.

I am real.
I wish I was only
Your idea of me.
I wish I wasn't real.
Written 14th May.
 Jul 2014 Red Bergan
Dark Jewel
His personality,
Geeky yet refined.
His knowledge incredible,
Even his love.

When you meet a guy,
Your heart screams try.
Mine did..
I wait
in patient anticipation
to hear your
foot steps
10w
 May 2014 Red Bergan
Dark Jewel
Julie,

I can not be there with you now,
But you'll always feel me near, my dear.
Look deep into your heart and soul.
Let the love around you forever grow.
Turning sixteen is such a big milestone,
Always know you're never alone.

Grandma Kirby

Thank you..
My sweet one..
I will always remember you,
Grandma..
Grandma.. I miss you so much, it makes me tear up just to type this poem.. Thank you for being there for me to the end.. I am sorry I could not say goodbye on your final day.. Requiescat en Pace my dear, sweet, grandma..
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