i woke up with his arm around me
his heavy arm keeping me still
i saw the anchor on his skin
like he could nail me to the water
and i didn't even know how to swim
i was trapped under my drunken sailor
aboard his flaming cruise
his eyes that once loved me
relayed empty words that bruised
they filled my lungs with every breath
there's no room for me on his life boat
i'm just breathing in the water
as if suddenly i'd float
i don't even know if i made it
but if you're wondering, i probably didn't
you'll find my bones on the bottom of the ocean
next to the remnants of his ship

I WANT YOU ALL THE TIME.
I THINK OF YOU CONSTANTLY.
I CAN'T GET YOU OFF MY MIND.
this is new and scary and I don't want to stop thinking of you
but I am afraid sometimes that
you want me to get you out of my head
I worry too much and sometimes I shake
or tap my foot
or scratch my arms until they bleed
and sometimes you hold me
and it's all I ******* think about until I see you again

you
make
me
  c
    r
a
    z
y

and the way you say my name
makes my heart

                                 stop

and

d
r
o
p

and

r            l  
       o           l

I refuse to be alone
Because of the blood on my fingertips
Or the gunpowder
Sunken into my bones

I made my mark in the past
And the plaster beneath my feet
Is a coward’s retreat
For living

What’s past is passed
What’s dead can never be
The blisters I crave
Have long healed

I have always been whole

i make a fat joke about myself and
"i don't ever wanna hear you say something like that again," he says
he asks if i am unclear as to why
and i want to ask
if he is unclear as to why
i made it in the first place.

our college lists intersect
only once
and i wonder if
i can take that as a metaphor
for the way our lives
will run parallel
to each other
but never, again,
perpendicular
and i wonder if
the thought
will ever cease
depressing me.