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Aspen Mar 2019
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The sun is shining
Why don't I see light?

I am not underwater
Why am I drowning?

I draw with silver
It comes out red

Darkness is my friend
When it used to be my enemy

The world is a colorful place,
But everything is grey

Be happy, be alive
How can I be? Happy? Alive?

When all I see is grey,
when all I see is darkness,
when I only draw with silver
and my arm cries red tears

How can I be happy? How can I be alive?
When all I do is drown,
in my tears at night
Aspen Mar 2019
BANG!
people dead
lives wasted
minds scarred
families mourning
more friends weeping
How the hell did we come to this?

You are going to hell!
You are not a boy, you are a girl!
It is just a phase!
I will not accept this!
You are not my child anymore!

last deep breath...silence...
One life wasted
all because of
One sentence of an old book
all because of the sharpness of hate and the jaws of ignorance
How the hell did we come to this?

You need to be better than them!
You are not trying hard enough!
You are not pretty enough!
You are not enough!

last tear falls like the first raindrop of a storm...then silence
One life wasted
One dream killed
One hope shot down
with the arrow of standards
How the hell did we come to this?

You are ugly!
You are not worth it!
We do not want you around!
You should just go and **** yourself!
The world is better of without you!

One final leap as the water takes the life
One life wasted
One treasure lost
One novel unfinished
One beautiful line, cut by the sharp knife of hatred
How the hell did we come to this?  

So many lives wasted, so much grief, so much blood/ tears shed, so much sorrow.
How much longer, will we let hate be the chief?
How many more lives, will we cut short?
How many more dreams, will we shoot down?
How many more treasures will we loose?
How many more unfinished novels?
How many more? How much longer? Until we realize
We need love to conquer this cruel, real world
Aspen Apr 2020
I have fought many battles, cried many tears
Surrendered and created new fears
I have fell, stumbled, and crawled
I have felt pain

But here is a new opportunity,
A new start to heal
A new sunrise
To follow so that I not only run, I fly

So farewell to those who drag me down
Farewell to those who inflict pain
I am going to a place
Where I won’t drown
In your toxic oceans

I will soar and fly although I may fall
And I won’t stop this fight, till I win it all
April--National poetry month day 1: A fresh start

I might post two poems a day it really depends on how much time I have and whether I'm motivated XD
Aspen Aug 2019
You picked up your suitcases
Left without looking back
You didn't even say one last word to me

You are finally set free
to a place where you belong
to a place where you will call your true home
You are finally free
from all the misery
from the place you hated

Well since your gone,

I won't let you drag me down anymore
I won't shed anymore tears on you
I know that your not my source of happiness
I know our time is up
and it's time to say goodbye
and I'll be fine

I'll stop looking at our old messages
I will fight all these feelings I had for you
I will ignore the pain in my heart and lungs
I will move forward and never look back
Just like the way you left

You have done your part in my life
I have done my part in yours
Your happiness does not contain me
So I won't let my happiness contain you

Though it will be tough
and some days will be quite rough
I know I will make it through one day
Before long, I'll be used to you being away
Cause it's time to free myself too
Aspen Apr 2019
Dear mom,
Thank you
for all those times when you have picked me up
when I fell, no matter how big of a fall it was...
from when I first learned how to walk,
to when I first failed a test(sorry)
you have always been there

I know that sometimes I push you away
sometimes I am frustrated, emotional, and want to be alone
sometimes we may disagree on some things...

But I hope that you know
that you will always hold a special place in my heart
that you mean the world to me
that I am sorry for taking you for granted
and most importantly,

I love you with all the love in my heart

Love,
Jia-Rong Tsao
Day 18 of the month-long poetry prompt challenge...today, I heard that my mom has a 50% chance of having breast cancer and has to get surgery. I hope that she is alright and that she does not have it. I wish I could do something about it...mom, I love you and I am sorry for taking you for granted. I won't do this again and I will treasure you from now on...
Aspen Apr 2020
I am a caterpillar
In a cocoon
Sheltered, safe from the cold cruel world
Smothered by the covering
Wings crushed by the walls
I yearn to see what the world has to offer

People say the world is cold and cruel
Society will bash your paper thin wings until you break
But I would rather be out in the danger
Than be stagnant in these towering walls
Day 20 of the 30 day writing challenge
Aspen May 2019
After hiding behind that fake smile
and pretending for so long
I want to take my mask off
and just let the tears run down my cheeks

I don't want to be strong anymore
I don't want to be an actor anymore
I don't want to say the same old lie again
I can't say that I'm ok anymore

All I want to Do is Cry now
to be weak for once
All I want to do is to let the river flow
and let my emotions show
to be myself truly
not hiding or bottling up
the storm that is inside me
just for once
I want to let the raindrops fall from my eyes
to let all my demons out and cleanse my soul
to finally let myself heal

I have been cut down too many times
I had to hide the red lines
that has been driven in my soul and in my arms

But why won't anyone let me cry for once
Day 30 of the month long poetry prompt challenge. It has been a great month of writing poetry. Although I had to catch up occasionally and it was kind of tedious, I still enjoyed it. See you next year, month long poetry prompt challenge.
Aspen Apr 2020
Anxiety….
You try and stop it, the voices in your head,
the impending feeling of dread...
the ticking of the clock, waiting for danger that will never come.
It is like one of those movie scenes,
where you are in a glass tank submerged in water.
The glass is cracked and there is water spilling in.

You try and stop it, you try not to drown, you try to do anything...to keep that water from flooding in... but you fail.
The dread comes rushing in, it takes over your body and you lose control.

You try not to drown, you try to calm down as the waves assail you. Your lungs feel as though they are about to combust,
your ribs feel as though there is a net made of fear tangled around them, strangling them.
Your heart sings the battle cry of a thousand drums as your body prepares to fight an enemy made up of twisted illusions.

Your eyes flood with uncontrollable, blinding tears….your breath quickens as you seemingly run out of air….You tell yourself, calm down….breathe….count your breaths, you're safe. Nothing stops that urge to panic though...it seems as though nothing can stop it.

Anxiety...

a seemingly infinite roller coaster that you can never get off of
and when you finally do, it has ****** every drop of energy from your body.

You don’t eat, because you will throw it all up….
you don’t sleep, because the voices in your head are deafening.
You wonder when you will feel safe.
For as long as these fears knock upon your door when you are alone or when you are with others, there is no way that you are safe...

Anxiety...
people say it is normal,
that it is necessary for survival.
But how am I supposed to trust those illogical fears that tear my relationships apart?
How am I supposed to trust the very thing that drowns me...
the thing that I battle with almost everyday?
So this was the original prompt for day 4...but I already wrote this sort of vignette type of thing  earlier so...I just wrote a new poem and posted both the new one and the old one.
Aspen Apr 2020
Hell on earth, the fire burns
People turn against one another
Fear instills in every body
Time seems to stop, the alarm ringing
The hourglass sand has stopped falling
Everyone says their last words,
As the world, turns to dust
Day 21 of the 30 day writing challenge
Prompt: it's the End of the World
Aspen Apr 2020
She is the warm fireplace that warms you up
After a long weary day of wandering in the snow

Her words are the cups of hot tea that gives you
That warm fuzzy feeling in your stomach
On a cold day

Her laughter is the sun rays that peers through the gray
on cloudy days,
Or a candle, that lights up a dark room

Her voice is the warmth of the cabin,
A sign of comfort, knowing that you are safe

Her embrace, is the soft, fluffy blanket that keeps you warm
That you wrap yourself in as you fall asleep
Or a warm winter coat, that shields you from the assaults of the wind

She is warmth, she is comfort, She is sunlight in the cold
She is the apricity in my cold, dark, soul
Day 4 of the 30 day writing challenge for national poetry month
(n.) The warmth of the sun in winter
Origin--latin
Aspen Apr 2020
Although you may be in an inclement storm
The thunder shaking you
It’s gusts threatening to knock you down
Do not forget that after each storm
Comes a rainbow

Although you may be in an April Shower, or even an April storm
Remember that, even the sky smiles with sunlight after it sheds its tears
And the earth smiles with it, bringing greenery and life,
dotting the dirt with colorful flowers

Because in the end, April Showers bring May flowers
Things will get better and darkness is not forever
Day 2 of the 30 day writing prompt challenge for national poetry month: April Showers
Aspen Apr 2020
12 AM a time of quiet
No one stirs, no one speaks
The first hour of the day,
Today becomes tomorrow
And no one’s aware

12 AM some people sleep
But some people are restless,
Unable to sleep

Some are chained to the tears of heartbreak
Or held hostage by the demons in their head
Try and try as they might, they will be prisoners of darkness and sorrow
In the night

Some are too excited to sleep
A moment of pleasure,
A moment to remember
It comes closer as each hour passes
As the day of the event finally comes

12 AM, the hour of rest, sorrow and excitement
The first hour of the day,
The hour of emotions or the hour of sleep
Day 7 of the 30 day writing challenge for national poetry month
Aspen Apr 2020
The sun’s warm rays
Remind me of my days in the sun
The days of no responsibility
When innocence was still alive...
The snow white clouds remind me of the
Pure, innocent dreams of a kid…
The trees, remind me of those games of hide and seek
Those days where we could laugh and joke
Without a care in the world
The bird’s song reminds me of the times when
The only song I listened to, was the song of the present
The song was loud, clear, and uninterrupted
By the darkness inside my head

Sometimes, when I yearn for the past
I go back to nature because…
Unlike objects or people,
Nature never changes
The white clouds will always be in the sky
The sun will always shine during the day
The trees will always stand tall
And the birds will always sing…
Until the day I die
Day 5 of the national poetry month 30 day writing challenge
Aspen Apr 2019
A blue moon in the sky
A blue tear running down my face
Blue shadows everywhere
As I think of you
Month long poetry prompt day 14
Aspen Apr 2020
My body, is where my soul dwells
It feels pain, it feels joy, it feels excitement, It feels sorrow
My bones are my foundation, my flesh made from stardust
My body is the friend with undying loyalty that will be there till I die

My curves, my acnes, my chubby cheeks
These are my insecurities
These are the imperfections of my friend, my home
The mirror, the camera, the eyes of others turn my friend into a foe
I push my friend away, I hate it’s ugliness, I hate that it’s not perfect

No matter if my body is a friend or a foe, it is always with me
Until I fly to the stars
Day 18 of the 30 day writing challenge
Prompt: Body as friend (or foe)
Aspen Apr 2019
I try to escape
I try to forget

I try to throw it all away
the memories
the emotions

I try to get over it all and move on
the shame
the guilt

I try to heal
the deep cuts you cut into my soul

But I am bound
By your actions
your words
your manipulation

the echoes are invisible chains
bounding me, preventing me from life
Dragging me down each time I try to get back up

I know that I will be bound in these chains
forever
because of you and your hands
and your ***** mind
you who stole my life
and bound me to this life
Bound: to be held down with chains or rope
Day 27 of the month long poetry prompt challenge
Aspen Apr 2019
I know that it breaks you
when you see those cuts on my arms
I know it hurts you when
I tell you how
I want to **** myself

I stared at the mirror
At my tear stained face
At the red lines on my arm

Tears
pieces of me
slide down my cheeks
my heart aches
and I am drowning
every night in my own feelings

I'm sorry that I'm broken
I'm apologize for being this way
I'm sorry that I'm here
and if anything happens...
I'm sorry that I broke you a little
with those painful texts

I'm sorry....that I am so broken
Day 17 of the month long poetry prompt challenge
Aspen Apr 2019
As the storm of anger went away
You saw
what you have done

Broken pieces of our friendship
Scattered all around the floor

Pieces in our beloved places
to remind you
of what we were
of what we did
of how we felt
of how we trusted
Ghosts of the past in those places,
movie theaters, where we fell into a world
not our own
the forest, where we ran away together
from everyone else
the library full of books,
where we would read to each other

Broken pieces of our trust
can be mended
but it will never, be the same
just like a glass
you can glue it back together
but there will still be cracks

Though trust can be mended
our friendship cannot

it will forever be
b
    r
     o            
  k
e          
      n
Broken: Smashed, crushed, destroyed
Day 12 of the month long poetry prompt challenge
Aspen Apr 2020
My heart is a butterfly
It flies long distance to look for the sweet nectar of love
It is delicate, like a butterfly’s wings
One strong gust of wind, one lightning storm, one hurricane or tornado
Is enough, to tear the butterfly wings of my heart to pieces
It tries to bring happiness wherever it flies
It tries to please everyone in places where it lands
It is vulnerable, yet so strong
The beaks of betrayal the webs of woe
Are everywhere in this world, waiting to trap it
But despite the fact that there are so many traps
You still see butterflies flying near the rainbow of flowers
and in lush green forests
My heart flies on constantly being trapped and avoiding traps,
It endures the strong gusts of wind, the storms, hurricanes and tornado
Though it is delicate and light
It always has the strength of its might.
Day 25 of the 30 day writing challenge
Prompt: pick an animal
Aspen May 2020
I shatter the glass
Release the storm
I don’t want to hold it in anymore

I’m tired of faking my happiness
Tired of swallowing my pride
Tired of being abused, used

There is not another tear I can shed in secret
There is not another heartbreak that I grieve unseen
I shall release my darkness and let my demons scream
Before I succumb and become numb
Before I let my torturers get away
Even for just a moment, just a second
I shatter the world and paint it black and gray
Day 30 of the 30 day writing challenge.
This is the last day of the challenge thank you all for putting up with me!

Catharsis: the process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions.

I tend to release my emotions, especially anger, in a pretty rough ways. After bottling these emotions up, I tend to explode and say things that I regret. I jump to conclusions, I scream, I cry and I lash out. It isn't really a great way to deal with the emotion and I am sometimes afraid of this side of me.
Aspen Apr 2020
The smell of Christmas
The smell of fall
The spicy sweet scent that causes you to remember it all
Her warm embrace her light touch
In the red leaves with giant sweaters
Flannels and the air getting colder
Fall...
Cinnamon, it warms you up
It brings you back to the greatest time of the year
It brings you back to your childhood as you celebrate Christmas cheer
It brings you back to the log cabins, the warmth of the fireplace, the hot beverages after a trek in the snow
Winter...

Cinnamon, cinnamon,
It is a timeless scent that is known anywhere
For when the air turns cold and red leaves and snowflakes fall
Cinnamon would be there for it all
Day 16 of the 30 day writing challenge
Prompt: describe a smell
Aspen Apr 2019
There are clouds everywhere

The cloud of uncertainty
That fogs my vision so much
that I cannot see the road ahead of me

The clouds of frustration
When the people who I want to understand me
Do not understand and do not try to

The clouds of anger
As they blind my logical reasoning
And my hands make regrets

The clouds of hopelessness
with each passing failure
and each regret that stabs my heart

Finally the cloud of death
waiting for me as I waste my life away
trying to see through all these other clouds
Day 25 of the month long poetry prompt challenge
Aspen Apr 2019
No
stop
please stop


but you just kept going

It almost seemed as if the word "no" had no meaning
as if the word "no" and "stop" were just empty words

You invaded my body
took my life away
You only took what you wanted
but in return you left me with trauma

This is my body
This is my home
where my soul lives, where my knowledge grows
where who I am resides
You invaded it and broke in
and unrightfully took what is mine

For people who do this to others
stop means stop
and no means no

For all the people who are letting people
into their homes
no is a complete sentence
and you do not need an explanation

No....no is not an empty phrase
Stop is not a meaningless word
No means do not do it
Stop means I do not want it
Consent: permission for something to happen or agreement to do something.
Day 28 of the month long poetry prompt challenge
Aspen Apr 2020
In the hidden clearing in the woods
Lies a field of weeds with pops of color
Red from poppies, white from daisies, purple from foxgloves
They dance to the music of the wind

The yellow dandelions are the most abundant
Add pops of yellow to the rainbow
Yellow reminds me of my bright days as a child
Where I could be in the sunlight as long as I please
Overtime the yellow turns into white
And petals transform into small fluffy clouds
It takes me back to those moments
When we would make the white fairy parasols fly

Dandelions, although they may be a **** to some
They bring me back to when I was young
Although it may be a nuisance to some
Above all flowers, it is truly a special one
Day 29 of the 30 day writing challenge
Prompt: May flowers
I kind of just chose a type of flower and wrote about it
Aspen Mar 2019
I go through the empty actions every day...
Am I dead or alive?
I fake every smile and force every laugh...
Am I dead or alive
I feel nothing but hopelessness, sadness, and guilt
Am I dead or alive
I cut my skin to numb the pain
Am I dead or alive
My greatest desire is to cease to exist...
I guess I’m more dead than alive
What depression feels like
Aspen Mar 2019
Our texts went from paragraphs
to sentences
to one worded answers
to one sided conversations...
you only check on me for one to two days, then forgot me...

So tell me, do you really care about me? If you need me to leave, I will leave.
If you think that I am clingy and annoying, tell  me! I can leave...just tell me the truth...please!
Stop pretending, you won’t have to suffer, I want you to be happy...
even if I won’t be part of that happiness
Aspen Apr 2019
I gave you the key
to unlock my heart

I trusted you to catch me
if I ever fell into darkness

You lured me in
with your honey-coated words

Then you destroyed my heart
Then threw away the key

You pushed me into darkness
then left me there to die

I trusted you!

But all it lead to was regret

Your evil deception
Made me realize
My biggest mistake


Trusting you
Deception: an act of trickery...deceiving someone.
Day 9 of the month long poetry prompt challenge. Topic: Deception.
Aspen Nov 2021
The stove tops warm
The chattering of dinner conversation fill the air
We would talk about our day, or something funny that we found

Sometimes our hands would smell like newspaper ink
from an article you shared
Or you would make fun of the chubby catfish in the tank

The food warms our hearts, no restaurant could compare
The softness of the rice reminds me of the softness of your heart
The vegetables remind me of your love
The meat and tofu remind me to stay strong
and that you are someone I can rely on

Friends may come and go
And all of us grow old
But your laughter at the dinner table
Is something my heart will always know
This poem is dedicated to my mother. Her birthday is tomorrow and it also happens to be thanksgiving. Yes, sometimes we've had our rough patches, but I am so happy to have her in my life and I am so grateful that she is here.
Aspen Apr 2019
Right now we are 21.4 miles away
That is at least a 30 minute drive

But soon you will be 445.3 miles away
That is at least a 7 hour drive

or

You will be 2,751.3 miles away
That is at least two days of traveling


You are so close to me now
But soon you will be far away...

I am willing to drive across the world for you
Sail across all the oceans just to be in your arms
I would fly across a galaxy to hear your voice again

But would you do the same for me?

Please come back home
Take away the pain and the distance
Bring back the joy
And close the distance between us

I miss you...
I wish I had wings so I can fly to you
I wish I had the strength to swim across the sea
so that I can be with you
I wish there was a bridge
that I can walk on so that I can reach you

At least,
When I am looking at the moon
I know that you are looking at the same moon too
Distance: the space between to people that prevents love from happening
Day 10 of the month long poetry prompt challenge. This poem is about my crush who is going to college and is probably never going to come back...I hope that he decides to come home one day...
Aspen May 2019
Doesn't matter if I have passion
Doesn't matter if I'm committed
I still won't be good enough

No matter how long I've pondered
No matter how much I truly cared
I know that I still won't be selected
So what's the point of even tryin'

It's so frustrating to see
that I'm giving my all and getting nothing
All my effort thrown to waste

Cause there'd always be someone better
someone who may not have the same fire
but everyone thinks they are better

So should I really be trying so hard?
Should I really care so much?
Should I just give up and know
that my future is hopeless
that I don't really matter

Maybe I should just give up
Cause am I worth it?
Am I good enough?

Does it really matter?
Should it really matter?
This much
I have been constantly rejected and I am never number one. It is so frustrating and it seems that no matter how hard I try I'm never good enough. I'm starting to question my worth and whether I would make it. I'm starting to wonder if I should really care. I've heard when the world turns their back on you you turn your back on them but I just care too much to do such a cruel thing.
Aspen Apr 2019
Rule number one
Don't be too fat, no one will like you
But don't be too skinny because you will seem anorexic

Rule number two
Complete seven hours of homework in one night, and study for 2 tests
But also have a social life so that you will be cool amongst your peers
And also get enough sleep

Rule number three
you need to be there for that person
listening them ranting on about their problems
but do not expect them to care about yours

Rule number four
Have a close friend
Be loyal but do not come off as too clingy
or they will leave you

Rule number five
hold onto your virginity
or else you will be called
a ****, a *****, a player

but do have children in the future
or else you will be called a ******
and you will constantly have the question of why you don't want to be a mother
hanging over your head

These are the double standards that I live with
every day of my life
Seemingly so filled with impossibility
that I'm convinced that I am not good enough
Day 19 of the month-long poetry prompt challenge
Aspen Apr 2020
All my life
I have felt out of place
Like a wild hawk trapped in a locked room
In a chained cage that is labeled "songbird"

The cage is my body, trapping me in
That label is the pronouns, the labels they slap on me
The locks on the door and the chain on the cage are the expectations
The expectations to fit into a box, even though I would never fit
Though my bones may break and my flesh may tear,
I would never belong in that box
Aspen Apr 2019
My eyes were blind
My heart was numb
My brain did not think the right things

I tried to fly but I always fell
I tried to sing but my voice was covered
I was fed lies
Lies so that I can hold
Scissors to cut the wings
of another human being

Pretty soon I emerged out of my cocoon
The place that I thought was safe
Pretty soon I realized
That I have grown wings too
One wing pink purple and blue
Another one Black gray white and purple
Together they make the most beautiful rainbow
My identity
It is time to spread my wings and fly
It is time to lift other people up
It is time to help others spread their wings
So that they can be beautiful butterflies too
And emerge from their shells of hiding
Emerge with wings...
#out of the closet #proudly biromantic ace #lgbtq #identity
Day 2 of the month long poetry prompt challenge
Aspen May 2023
Having an episode…is realizing that you are a disaster
Realizing the existence of the tsunami that you hold back
With your glass walls and hearing them crack
But you have to hold everything in anyways
Or else the bloodshed committed by your hands will be unforgivable
It is having people screaming that you are lovable
But rejecting every single word
Because they do not understand just how much of a monster you are

Having an episode…is realizing that you are destruction
It is seeing hugs, cuddles and kisses in the streets
Dreaming of wholesome dates in coffee shops and stargazing on roof tops
Hearing the words “I love you, I love you too” in movie scripts and love songs
Knowing that you could never have that
Because the love of others can bloom like blossoms in the spring
But yours spreads like English Ivy and thorns that suffocates everything in its path
It’s better to suffocate yourself instead…why attempt to make blossoms for others when someone else’s heart can do it so much better than yours?

Having an episode…is realizing that it is happening again
Seeing yourself in the mirror turn morph someone else
Somehow your world never spins around you
But your world is pulled in by the gravity of others
Somehow the self you are supposed to be spirals into a nebula of mirrors where your reflection is filled with twisted obsessions
It’s to the point where the self you are supposed to be no longer exists

Having an episode…is bolting every time someone glances at an exit sign
Because without them, who are you supposed to be?
If they leave, your world is gone…you are gone
Without them, there is no you
No…you leave first…you need to let them go
Because if you exit first, there is no way you can see them exit
It is splitting a person in two, into day and night
They are both god and demon
The pinnacle of perfection and the lowest of the disgraceful
Their presence is the sun and I am icarus
Their absence is the moon where I am a lone wolf longing for it’s cool warmth

Having an episode…is realizing that no matter what, you are always a puppet
Everything you do, every step you take, every emotion you feel, is all for them
It does not matter how free you feel, no matter what, there will always be shackles on your wrist
It’s funny how the home I feel the safest is filled with chains and bars
It’s knowing that no matter what, there is no way to escape this sentence
There will always be a master, a puppeteer…it does not matter whether they see you as a person or an object at their disposal
You are bound to them and you can’t leave

Episodes…
It is only premier after premier
Pilot episode after pilot episode
Until the screen shatters and the wires are severed, there will be no finale
Aspen Apr 2022
“You are gaining weight”
“I do not care about you”
“You are just like your mother, her side of the family is messed up”

Would you maybe, like to reconsider what you just said?
I hate to admit it, but your words cut deeper than a knife
I’m trying so hard, but they are getting to my head
Maybe reflect on how your words are ruining my life
How I grew up hating myself, wishing I could be someone better instead

They say that family is important, that bonds are important
But I’m starting to reconsider
That maybe family is not the blood that runs through my veins
Or the group of people that share my last name
But it is a group of people where I can feel enough
I’m starting to reconsider
Whether I should stay by your side
Because yes, you do provide me with food, shelter, and the necessities of life
I walk on eggshells, reading your jawline for intentions of strife
You may be family but you should know
If you do not reconsider your actions, your own family will become your foe
Day 2 of the poetry month challenge! Prompt: Reconsider. TW: Emotional abuse from family members. But yeah this was a hard poem to write. It was a vague prompt and tbh I felt pretty anxious going along with this idea. It's hard to open up to people about this, since I've always been told to stay quiet about what is happening at home, so I'm not used to talking about this. Sorry for the dark topics for the first two days, I promise that lighter poems with pretty imagery will be coming this month!
Aspen Apr 2020
Being called “ladies” in the hallways
Getting that feeling of being misplaced
People seeing you not for who you really are,
But who they think you are

Why are those actions
Those clothes, shoes and colors
Put into a box that’s associated with gender?
Why am I put in a box because of my clothes, actions, and expression?

Cause dresses are just pieces of cloth
Makeup is just colored powder that you put on your face
And heels are just shoes that make you feel tall

Why does femininity have to be associated
With being a lady or a girl or females?
Can’t femininity just be available to all?
4/10/20 prompt: Femininity

Just a reminder: gender expression does not equal gender identity! Just because you present masculine, feminine, or androgynous does not mean that your gender identity isn't valid! I love you guys <3
Aspen Apr 2019
I used to play hide and seek in your trunk
and watch as the wind makes your leaves jump

You always gave me air to breathe
Always been my place of peace
You always gave animals warm shelter
And gave bees your flower's sweet nectar

But alas, people did not see your gifts
For they cut you down and throw you over death's cliffs

As more and more of you disappear
the warming of the earth is getting more severe
What once was green is now all brown
There is no more fresh air, all life is starting to drown

Fire engulfs and takes your life
As politicians continue to speak words of strife
What once was green is now all black and red
Where there was once life, now everything is dead

No more deer, foxes, lizards, or birds moving
Scientists continue to keep proving
that this issue is real and it is serious
But everyone continues to be actless

In the ocean's forest, the green is turning brown as well
As acid in the water reduces the shells
Animals now eat plastic
instead of what is supposed to be their diet

Species of animals are disappearing one by one
As we pick them off with spears, traps, and guns

Now look what we have done to our only home
Now our children have nowhere else to roam
The ocean now is filled with plastic
The air they breathe will make them sick

They will never know what an elephant is
Or ever see the beautiful bird called the crested ibis
They will never see the rhino with its beautiful horn
because they have all died off, and none could be born

Now children who play hide and seek no longer have a place to hide
If we don't do something soon,
to the earth we can only say goodbye
Day 26 of the month long poetry prompt challenge
Aspen Sep 2021
Inspiration…
It visits me at the most random times,
In many forms

Some days it comes in the form of inner turmoil,
A storm.
Emotions bubble and brew near the brim of my heart,
Begging to be spilled onto a page
And inspiration comes and sets them free

Some days it comes as a thorn on a rose
Sweet memories turned sour,
A painful reminder of what was,
And what could never be, again

Some days it comes as a song,
My mind circling in thought, spinning out the lyrics
Random melodies dancing with my brainwaves
These songs are fleeting, however
They leave quicker than fireflies,
So I must capture them in a jar
In order to remember what my mind sung

Some days, inspiration comes in form of sap dripping from the tree
It moves way too slowly for my liking
Like a snail sluggishly making its way away from the sun
But the struggle feels like a salmon swimming upstream

Inspiration…
When it comes knocking on my door
I let my stories out of the cage that they’re stored
The prompt was "Write about inspiration" and yes, I am taking another creative writing class so...yeah
Aspen Sep 2021
I've never had someone who wanted me around
Past close friends were left to drown
The closest ones brought me to the ground
How much more can I take?

I either dive too deep or the friendship's shallow
My life's too sheltered, been living in a bubble
I feel so ******* replaceable
When will someone choose me?

I just wanna be someone's first choice
But more than anything I wanna be ok
I don't wanna feel like a waste of space
Where is my person?

I don't wanna be played
I don't want anyone else to go away
But I can't force anyone to stay

Seeing my importance fade
As they find someone else to play with
I feel like dying and decaying
How long do I have to spend chasing
Over hearts that will never choose me
When will someone choose me?

How much can I take?
I just wanna be someone's first choice
But more than anything I wanna be ok
Too many friendships left to waste
I don't wanna suffer another heartbreak
You ever just start making up a song in your head and the lyrics just come naturally? Welp that happened with this poem. I would make it into a song but I can't sing so..but yeah, my friend who I'm way too attached to is in college now and I know it's only a matter of time before she replaces me with someone new.
Aspen Apr 2019
It is enchanting
How the moon one day
is not there

and the next moment
it is there...
a whole circle

an endless cycle
unlike your love
ever changing

just like you...
You are just like the moon
full of love, full of warmth one moment

then one moment
you disappeared

You keep visiting me in my dreams,
the only endless cycle left
Day 13 of the month long poetry prompt challenge
Aspen Mar 2019
Going, going, gone.
The time ticking by
the sand in the hourglass falling, the top half nearly empty.
Eight years together, of laughter tears, and every emotion in between.

It has always been the three of us, him, his brother, and me.
I was his little sister, he was my older brother.
One moment, I was excited to see him, the next moment I was with him, and the next moment, all the other moments disintegrated into nothing memory. Pretty soon he, himself is going to be a memory
He is like a fire, flame turning into glowing embers, and glowing embers slowly turning into black ashes. Black, the color of my world without him
One year goes by as fast as lightning, time ticking too fast, moments becoming memories too quickly
He is the glue, that holds the friendship of his brother and me together. Without him, our friendship falls, and his brother and I fall into our different circles of friends, acting as if we were strangers.

Going, going, gone. Even this friendship will be gone once this year leaves. All the jokes, all the laughter, all the challenges of this unbiological brother/ sisterhood, is soon to be gone.

Months turns into weeks, weeks turn into days, and days turn into hours, hours become minutes, minutes become seconds, and seconds become memory.
Time flies, as people say it. But to me, time doesn’t just fly, it has a supersonic jet pack and a hyperspace ability.
I can already feel his absence as if he is already gone. It is almost as if he isn’t there any more
Going going gone
My best friend, my role model, my brother.
Aspen May 2019
The sand in the glass is finally empty
The timer has finally stopped running
Time with you finally ran out

The hope and happiness stop flowing
Emptiness and tears of sadness dripping down my face

Even though it's only been a couple hours
I miss you like you have been gone for years
Why can't my heart let you go
Cause your gone

It's only been a day and there is a hole in my heart
for where you once stood

I miss your smile
I miss your laugh
I miss the spark of life in your eyes
And now I'm empty
with nothing to look forward to
just a gray lifeless life
Without you...

It's not a sharp pain
But it's a strong pain
I am on the verge of going insane

Help me and come back
and stop my tears and give me that spark of life in your eyes
I want to make you smile and laugh like we did when we were children

But your gone and you won't come back again

My time has run out
I'm sorry that I did not use it wisely
Now I'm just sitting here without you
in a puddle of my own tears
falling into a hole of emptiness
feeling nothing and everything at the same time

Goodbye my friend...
my Icarus
I flew way too close
and burned me in the end
and all I can say now is...goodbye my friend
And I can't do anything...now that your gone
The moment that I have dreaded for has arrived. My crush and my friend of 8 years has graduated and I will never see him again. I want to feel happy for him but I can't let him go. It is frustrating but he was someone special and made me feel something...ignited a spark that no one else can ignite...he was special, but now he is gone...and I feel like a piece of me is now gone.
Aspen Apr 2022
Daydreaming at the pink clouds during a sunrise through my window
Gazing at the reflections of neighborhood life in the lake
Hearing the whisper of the summer breeze
Smelling the sweetness of pine tree sap
You seem to be there in each of these moments

That gray plastic cassette tape
The old ‘80s Chinese music, with muted wooden beats
I can almost hear your soft, honey voice humming along to the melody

But as all pink sunrise clouds turn white
And all songs in cassette tapes end
Sadly our time is short, we have to say goodbye

It all ended with the text I received during lunch
My friends’ laughter echoing through the fourth floor hall
But the world seemed silent, time seemed to stop
As I processed the news that you are gone, all feelings were numb

An ocean away
It’s such a shame,
I was never there to say goodbye
Or even an “I love you” one last time

While the whole world moved at the speed of light
You taught me to slow down and notice the hidden joys of life
While the cold world was a fierce competition
You showed me that the cold world can be warmed with kind hearts and patience
So while you may be gone and the world seems cruel,
You are still here with me, reminding me to take life gratefully
From my poetry collection "Calls of the Magpie and Eagles" that I submitted for a Taiwanese Poetry contest.

The poem title was originally in mandarin but this website won't let me use mandarin words for some reason so... yea

This poem is dedicated to my grandma. The last time I saw her was five years ago and I did not get to say my final goodbye in person nor was I able to go to her funeral because I was in America and she was in Taiwan. Hopefully this poem can reach her and let her know that I love her and value her. She was such a simple minded person and lived life treasuring each day and every little thing about life. I hope that I can be like her and eventually learn how to live a peaceful and grateful life.
Aspen Apr 2022
Your liveliness sweetens the way the dragon fruit you grow sweetens the tongue
Your smile lights up the room the way those fireflies you caught for your grandchildren did
Your laugh dances the way a summer breeze makes the leaves on the ba la tree dance

You forgave all our mistakes
You always wiped away our tears
You always made sure everyone is feeling okay
You stood by our side for all these years

Though you are 15 hours away
I still hope to see you someday
In your crop garden, standing by the bubbling stream
Instead of being on a small phone screen

But for now I will try to…
Be the dragon fruit that sweetens everyday lives
Lighten up the room the way your fireflies did
Laugh the way the summer breeze makes the leaves dance

Try to let bad moments go
And replace tears with hugs
The way you did when we were young
I will try to be a shelter, stand by love’s side
The way you were my haven, the way you stood by mine
I will try to…
Live the way you taught me how to live
Like a dragon fruit, like fireflies, and like summer breezes
Another poem from "The Calls of the Magie and Eagle"

This poem is dedicated to my grandpa (again had to edit some things because mandarin isn't allowed on this website). But yeah, my grandpa is such a kind, caring, and gentle person. I wish I could see him in person some day and I love him lots!
Aspen Oct 2019
Grief, is a terrible thing
that pains the soul
Everyone has felt it as some point in there lives

But not everyone's cry is heard
Those who keep a strong face
Eyes dry of tears
Mouth silent of wails
Those who truly care
But do not know how to handle such darkness
and the storm that is said to bash the little bird

They have been told to be strong all their lives
As they were beaten
As they were dodging from objects aimed at them

Crying will just make it worse
All you have to do is just shut your mouth
and not make a sound
and you will only get one bruise
instead of two

And now their at the funeral
where their grandma's coffin is
Now their dad is beating them
to make them shed a tear

But after all they've been through
After building up the walls
And making all those masks
of being a perfect, straight, cis,
positive, sunshine girl
that their parents expect them to be
how could they destroy all their hard work?
Their art work of masks?
Of their walls?
Of all those shields they made?

They only cry when it is dark
and the whole world is silent
That is the only time that the gates are unlocked
And all they ask...is a crumb-of understanding
Aspen Jun 2019
Grief
wakes you up at 4:30 in the morning
because you were dreaming about him
and that dream was too painful
Now, not even sleep is an escape

Grief
it makes you cry for a little bit during the day
but it never lets you cry for long
because others are watching
so you have no choice but to put on that mask and wait for the night

but then night comes
and grief chains those tears
ties your feelings into a box
and you drown in those waves of emotions
of longing, loneliness, and sadness
you want to cry and let it all out
maybe the pain will go away...
but this grief will not let you

Grief
Replays all the moments in your head
puts your last moments together on rewind
making you miss them more

Logic comes in and says
"He will be happier somewhere else in someone else's arms"
But grief says
"You will never see him again and he will always be in a faraway place"
A place...
where his name is known
but your's isn't
A place that he will forget you

Grief
Is listening to a song you used to dance to
and remembering it all
waves of emotions bashing you against the rocks
with your soul barely clinging to life

Grief
is constantly drowning you
and ******* all the hope you have...
but at the same time creating a hopeless hope
that this person will come back
a hopeless hope that you will be in his arms again

Though this person is still on this earth
You know that you will never see him again
Though this person is still breathing
You will never feel his breath against your cheek or hear him breathe
Though he can still hug people
You won't feel his embrace any longer
Though this person can still laugh and smile
You won't see his smile and you won't hear his laugh
You won't even be able to make him laugh or smile
because he is no longer with you
Though his eyes still shine like stars and are full of life
You will never see that same light again
that light of life
Though this person's soul is alive
You won't hurt any less
Than if he was dead
Yep...I'm going through a tough stage of my life emotionally...and I might be writing a lot so...if I am annoying you, I'm sorry....
Aspen Mar 2019
Where is home? Where is the place that I belong?
Where is a place I can go to
When I need someone to rely on?
No one can handle my tameless spirit
No one can handle my burning passion
I am alone...
No one understands why I feel this way
I am alone...

I guess there is no place I can call home
I guess there is no place where I can unleash my tameless lion
Where I can let my fiery Phoenix fly
There is no place where I can truly be me
There is no place where I can truly be free
I guess there is no place where I can truly be at home
Aspen Apr 2022
In Taiwan, I seem to fit in
I can speak the language, the green mountains feel like home
The city lights of Taipei are warm, the white sand in bai sha wan glistens under the sea foam
Cold Mango shaved ice refreshes me in the humid summer heat,
While pork rice and egg cake from street vendors are my comfort foods
It feels like a place where I belong, a place I can call home

But the kids in summer camps always ask me where I’m from
Why I have an accent, why I can’t read the store signs
While I may look like all the kids in the summer camp
I still do not belong

In America, I go through ordinary days
I can read street signs, and I don’t have an accent
I can actually write words and sentences on my assignments
I know each street I drive by on my way to school
I do the cupid shuffle in high school parties, my eyes shine with the fireworks on July 4th
This also feels like a place I belong, a place I can call home

But while my footsteps walk this land everyday, I do not belong
Because no one can pronounce my real name, and my food “looks strange”
No matter how American I feel,
I still do not belong

Stuck in two worlds, between two boxes
I’m the purple between the blue and red,where do I belong?
I can’t pick a side, I am not one or the other,

But being purple tells me that I belong…
That I do not have to choose, my heart belongs to these two homes:
The sweet potato-shaped island, with green mountains and city lights
And the land where my friends aren’t far away, where I spend my everydays
The final poem in my poetry collection "Calls of the Magpie and Eagle"

This poem is about the feeling of not belonging in any culture. Whether I'm in Taiwan or America, there is always a little voice inside that tells me that I don't belong. Being stuck in two cultures is hard, but these two places are still my home,.
Aspen Apr 2019
You can try and calm my passion
You can try and keep me from doing crazy things
You can try to keep me safe
from all the dangers of the world

You an try to make me see
through your cautious point of view
To calm my wild eyes

To keep me safe and sound

But don't ever keep me in a cage
Dont' ever tie me down with chains
Don't every cut my wings


Keep me wild
Day 4...sorry I have been inactive lately but school is crazy AF...so I will be publishing three poems today.
Aspen Apr 2019
Lately
I have been sensing
Distance between us

I feel my trust for you fading away
I feel like I need to close my door
And lock it so you can't get in

Is it real?
Or am I having knavery illusions?

Can I trust you?
Or will you stab my heart
with the knife of betrayal?
Knavery: untrustworthy...Day 8 of the month long poetry prompt challenge
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