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Jan 2023 · 303
Bridges
John Bartholomew Jan 2023
Bridges are a rule of life
As we cross one everyday
Most of them are invisible
Some subtle
But stepped over without having to pay
They link us
They heard us
Moving us all in different ways
Then some are left broken
A day we left unspoken
Kindred in leaving it at bay
Some still have a troll sat waiting to pounce
A discrepancy
Some monstrosity
That carries a debt weighing more than an ounce
Yet most have a stream that gently runs beneath
No burden
No guilt
Just a subtle flow, falling like a browned autumn leaf 🍂

JJB
Jan 2023 · 90
Disabled Daydreams
John Bartholomew Jan 2023
I roll into the shower and feel the heat
The hot water on my head, my shoulders, my soul, but not my feet
Then I close my eyes and wish this forever as my sleep.....


SMASH!

I look around and my baby has tipped over my catheters
Well she has only just turned one, God bless her
How could I wish for a life away,
When I now have her forever in my days

JJB
Dec 2022 · 75
Little Fox
John Bartholomew Dec 2022
You already had me broke
With not a word had you ever spoke
That flash of cherry, not quite blond, had my heart in a bond
And a grin to just tick my box
So cunning
So sweet
So beautiful,
My adorable,
My daughter,
My Little Fox

JJB
Dec 2022 · 135
My Kinda People.
John Bartholomew Dec 2022
If you want to be with me then you got to feel with me
Take a step sideways and view it from another place
Because this road ain't no yes man take
This is a ride called dare to dream
A different scheme
Some place where we just have to escape
Eat our lives on the go and not from the everyday plate
Think outside that box, that one woven by the grey man
Wear a different suit,  a flat cap and be the man that, that, that
Those arms don't have to be made of tweed
Just throw caution to those winds and dabble with some
We'd all like to tell the boss to scarper, that's it, I'm off
When in reality we all drink and feed from the same corporate trough
But my kind of people do still exist
Its making that step, that push, that that that
That one last final treacherous walk
To see if you do talk the talk
To pop champagne with a bursting cork
To **** that ex boss with a burning fork and say,
You're my kinda people

JJB
Dec 2022 · 99
Madame Palm
John Bartholomew Dec 2022
Awake with no memory of where nor how
Ah, home sweet home
That cab driver, please take a bow
They come in patches of time
Of where
Of when
Of go on then, just pass me down the wine
Sporadic I think is the word to use
Of who I spoke too
Of who I copped off with
Of who I abused
And now I look down to a mess of lettuce and kebab
At the time, the best I'd ever had
Stained on the bedsheets, mum'll whip out the Daz
And now to celebrate the night with a touch of self pleasure
Locked door leisure
Release from the tethers
Just roll me in feathers
As I grab that reliant sock to wipe up the measures

Madame Palm (and her 5 lovely daughters)

JJB
#sorry
#notsorry
#yeahsorry
Nov 2022 · 91
The Pure
John Bartholomew Nov 2022
What is judged on those who live days so pure
Who lay awake wondering on life
If doing good now leads to a heavenly door
I might stop swearing
I might take more care
I might imagine a life not bearing
I might
I won't
I wouldn't dare
For those who abstain from the rough
The cautious
The caring
The rare
Are an animal of which there are few
And a life I couldn't bare

The Pure

JJB
Nov 2022 · 72
Be You.
John Bartholomew Nov 2022
Another world
A place of escape
Not a second home but a place to start alone
Afresh
Astute
Atoned
Not a Government without a clue on wages or money
And not a grey suited Etonion laughing at those without their humour thinking its funny
No;
A new you, a new home, a new bloom
Watch us rise now given the elbow room
Shuffling towards a brand new boom
Imagination isn't just a crazy thought
It's putting together what we have learnt
What we've tripped through
What we've been taught
So let's imagine a better you
Carry on that thought on what we can do
And hold on to that future that really can be true
Don't stop,
Imagine,
Be you.

JJB
Nov 2022 · 127
I Am Pluto
John Bartholomew Nov 2022
Reassigned
Renamed
Revolving still in the same way
Where night is still night and day is still day
I am now seen as a lower grade of pay
For once I stood big but now I am small
From the heights of a man
Oh, how the mighty do fall
Words cannot describe such change in life
You adapt
Quick wit
As sharp as a knife
I like to keep in and be that one-man show
Yes, I am still that guy, that guy you all know
Just watch me change, adapt, succumb
For I am that evolving planet,
I am Pluto.


JJB
Oct 2022 · 97
Double
John Bartholomew Oct 2022
In this world we all have a double
It's you with a growth of designer stubble
Only 2 foot shorter like Barney Rubble
Strutting the scene with a jive and a walk
But unlike you they've got the talk
And being a sworn religeon they wouldnt eat no pork
Do they have the same luck in life like me, I've had none
Or did they take a different path and become a priest or a nun
Maybe they might have robbed a bank and are still on the run
Who knows what we might have done in a time of another
A new life as an imposter acting as twin sister or twin brother
Or always acting as a fraud as life is just a cover
Your double could be the kindest soul but of that we'll never know
Just the luck of the dice in life we throw I suppose
Yet they could just be the rhyming reverse off this,
Not like you,
your double, trouble

JJB
Oct 2022 · 107
Luke Warm (lukewarm)
John Bartholomew Oct 2022
Coldish
Tepid
Slightly warmer than the fridge
Drinking from the garden tap back when we were kids
Can't have been much fun to have gained this world renowned name
For running my hand underneath the tap and pronouncing it all same
Don't touch my flannel and then onto face
Think you'd better call a plumber out if this is always the case
For its not quite hot
And it's not exactly cold
It's that kid who never done what he was told
Unenthusiastic
Indifferent
Slightly heated,
Just the way he was born
Warm
Luke Warm

JJB
Oct 2022 · 97
Life
John Bartholomew Oct 2022
What rhymes with Life?
Not a lot
Strife?
Knife?
Yes, and there it is
It stabs you
Dismembers you in time
Cuts you off from where you want to go in line
Every job I had was wrapped in slippery butter
Just couldnt hold on as I left with an obscene mutter
For I will always try and fail
As forever chasing my own tail
The label I will go by will always be a chancer,
For,
I am sorry my wife, my family, my friends
As I am seriously running out of good answers

JJB

:-(
Oct 2022 · 87
Our Liz
John Bartholomew Oct 2022
Our Liz

I really don’t care if you like Royalty or not,
But our Queen was always too hot to trot
Not a Royalist myself but I still know right from wrong
When I heard her song last play, I knew her time had come
Seventy years doing a job only she knew best
Find me another soul who could take this time, this underserving, Godlike test
From an **** horriblis to her poor husband dying
She kept our spirits high even through lack of trying
When jumping from a plane with 007
You still looked cool and to even outwit your agent from heaven
So, thank you Ma’am as you have been that servant to us all
That you promised us even after just leaving what seemed your time at school
You showed them how, and showed them what, in times of deepest peril
As you will never be replaced
Always the time, always the place
To be our leader in any such haste
For you kept you chin up, kept this ship afloat and never left us in a fizz
As you will always be our Queen, our guide,
Our never forgotten Liz

JJB
#queen
Sep 2022 · 72
Roundabout Living
John Bartholomew Sep 2022
Its not a place for the faint hearted
The joining can be a pig, even the reverse parking
But once on, life is a song
No cold calling in the middle of the night
Not a child screaming in the early hours of the school plight
Rarley a punch up from the pub as no room for a full-blown fight
The postie just raises an eye to the thought of dropping letters
I'll get one over on you and live free in a life that is much better
So the daytime traffic can be heavy if not a touch shameful
Lost 2 dogs in this weird old life and do feel slightly dreadful
Yeah its not the safest of place but it saves me a pretty pennyful
****, who am I kidding, in this tent, from old Wembley market
Should have known better when old rex finally last barked it
The TV signal is a sham as I listen to AHA with Morton Harkett
Best get back to the real world with the rats in the daily doldrums
Can always live a life of freedom between my eardrums
For this was a taster of what really can be out there
As I look again at the stars just sat in my underware
You have to live life without a ****,
a dream of wondering who really cares.

JJB
Sep 2022 · 82
Forty-Three
John Bartholomew Sep 2022
Some ages are well worth waiting for
Eighteen
Teenage dream
Twenty one
A bit more fun
Thirty
Starting to feel the derogatory of staying out and being *****
And then life comes tumbling down into an everyday frown
A ten year thought on what do I do next?
How to avoid the rat race and start myself, be the best
Kids start to appear as your Fridays soon disappear
Dragged into the everyday monotony that we always once feared
You start looking at petrol prices in comparison each other
Knowing its 6 pence cheaper so worth a trip to your brothers
But when you switch them around life was good at Thirty Four
Still managing to give it some on the dancefloor
But that all changes when we hit that number Forty
And then they just roll into an everyday synchronicity
As the days start to become meaningless
You forget what it was like to have that first kiss
And now I dwell on age that must have some hope over its hill
That has purpose, a light, a brand new skill
And I know that cause is my reason to avoid the pub and bar
For that ray of sunshine is my little girl
My one and only,
Clodagh

JJB
Aug 2022 · 88
#JustMe
John Bartholomew Aug 2022
I ain't no runaway from some American bank job
Nor no fisherman famous for his cod
Caught in his Cornish trawler with just nets and no rod
Rumour was I had I'd slept with over a thousand little birds
All making me breakfast in the morning with a slice of lemon curd
But seriously man, I'm just some gimp who's always been a nerd
From books of Harry Potter to even Where's Wally?
A shop for one in Tesco with a half filled trolley
Quick dash to the car on my own, such rain without my brolly
I'm happy living on my own without all your baggage
Holiday for one, a lighter plane to fill, without your **** luggage
With such weight lost, no cakes or thrills, soup just made of cabbage
Tuning my senses for a day without your pain
Its a hard long slog of which we have to sadly retrain
But a belonging I must one day regain
#JustMe

JJB
Jul 2022 · 146
One Last Sunset
John Bartholomew Jul 2022
We sat down and held hands
Looking at the sea stretched out past the land
Laughing at a day gone by
At a life where we didnt have to try
You see, some lives were just supposed to be
Me
You
That sense of we found each other and to just feel free
For this is a time that can never be replaced
No matter how hard you look or mistakenly wrongly chase
Some diesese to try and split this thing apart
As nothing could ever jade our beating hearts
The breeze that blows that most will never get
As I hold you in my arms
That,
One
Last
Sunset

JJB
Jul 2022 · 162
Turkey Teeth
John Bartholomew Jul 2022
So you want to look like a celeb?
Your teeth so bright but not into debt?
Well scrape back the enamal and watch what they can do
For a round trip to Turkey is the quick fix for you,
Waltzing the streets looking like the next Rylan
Still wearing the cheap snides and the push-bike you ride on,
As they scrape back your natural front covers
Stuck on caps to look like the perfect lover
But pre-warned by your annoying sensible brother,
And now it's starting to show its disorder.
No dentist will touch you with what you have left
That money you blew to just look like the best
Now rotton and hanging by a thread,
From that modern shiny smile that could hail down a cab
To looking like you've never had it so bad,
Be careful what you wish for and to mix with rest
Just don't consider anymore, from your eyes down to your breast.
You're beautiful just the way you are
Just get the dentist to scrape that bit off,
I think its a bit of rotton tar!

Turkey Teeth

JJB
#thatceleblook
Jun 2022 · 151
Rebellious Hope
John Bartholomew Jun 2022
A poem I did not want to write
As we slowly watched her lose her fight
At any time it's a word we don't need
To be struck by a natural curse at its seed
That word, hope
With her looks, just dancing as a model
She made her diagnosis look like a doddle
But the surface covered many an internal ache
For she made the best of it she could make
As its a fire with a spark and a terminal spinning spoke
Always revolving, evolving, to a thread we cannot cope
But Christ did she fight with a sight to give us all a bit of hope
Thank you Dame Deborah James for what you gave
Passionate, loving and unadulterated,

Rebellious Hope ❤️

JJB
#DameDeborahJames
#FightCancer
Jun 2022 · 93
Perfection
John Bartholomew Jun 2022
They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder
That depends on their vision and what drugs they sold you
Youve got a big nose
The size of a hose
But she still loves you and you're the one that she chose

Flowers make up for your imperfections
As they appear in lumpy homegrown sections
After years of built up unknown tension
It's in your eyes
Down to your thighs
But she carries on without you even having to try

We see the world in a different state
Ordering different foods all on different sized plates
Dating girls called Wendy to a transgender now called Kate
The size of His/Her hands
And the way She/He stands
If I got it right then did I actually offend?

So thats my take on the way we are going
New words to counteract as they are now just thrown in
Your Black/White/He/She but you're in the girls standing for a wee
But it is what it is
We all need a wizz
Life has changed depending on what we now see as strange

Perfection

JJB
Jun 2022 · 105
Punching Water
John Bartholomew Jun 2022
No reaction, just a ripple of shudder
Nearly 30 years, could of done less for ******
Maybe paper, a pen and then just write to her
As a guy once said, its now dead in the water

Remember those days when I finally caught her
Hearing old songs as Waterloo Sunset and Paperback Writer
Now worlds apart with no connection to light here
As I dwell with thoughts just sipping my can of cold beer

Time is an unseen evil in disguise
Falling in love then can't wait for goodbyes
I honestly thought she was the one and I'd finally caught her
But, in the end, she trickles away
Just like punching water.

JJB
Jun 2022 · 80
One Last Dream
John Bartholomew Jun 2022
A thousand thoughts before my head hits the sack
Nothing can be changed
No going back
From what happened today all odd
To dissecting it in the land of nod
But if this is going to be my last dream
Then let me live it and feel what I did mean
To that private island somewhere in the Seychelles
Then living like the devil in a world of what the Hell
Sat on a bench about to kiss the girl of my dreams
Now watching the football with my one and only team
This is the way I would like to go,
no disease,
no cancer,
no cure,
no bore,
with that, goodnight, I love you, that being my final bow.

JJB
Jun 2022 · 104
Tired
John Bartholomew Jun 2022
I saw a tiredness in her face
Years of gossip
Some snide remarks
But a laugh I could not replace
What goes on
What went on
Is a tale she'll always know
If not subject to social smear
Just ask her (for) blow by blow
But don't get me wrong as she is a light not to diminish
She'd buy you a drink
Shot by shot
Under the table til the craic is all but finished
Not to leave a story unaccounted and two ends left unturned
She'd make something up on the spot
Even if future scorns and leaves her slightly burnt
For the word on the street is her everlong racing beat
What happened and where was her everyday scare
And for bones that unwrapped and to be laid bare
Had taken its toll on her face that now shows its tears

Tired

JJB
May 2022 · 150
Dad Bod
John Bartholomew May 2022
Comparing muscles at school after a dip in the pool
Who'd hit puberty first with some hairs around their tool
And wishing it would hurry up as being the bald fool
But these things pass and are all soon forgotton
The leaders will rise while some sink to the bottom
Let them lead as I'll get by with my broken foreign
As age chases us down in a time not so prepared
Living life without a care
We goofed, we played, we dared
Now comes the time that we did scare
The paunch becomes the launch of a middle-age crisis
No more nights of depravity waking with a no-name in the local Ibis,
Time to lose weight and sign up to the Weight Watchers list
Gone are the days of tight tops, slim jeans and a part of the MOD's
From a week on site, mucking up and carrying the hod
Pack in the the Friday treat, the chips, the curry sauce and the cod
For I now have the middle aged familiar thats said
Give up in the carbs, the rice and the bread
As I now have that of what I did dread,
Hello,

The Dad ***

JJB
May 2022 · 74
Crash and Burn
John Bartholomew May 2022
Try and try and try again
They will never be your partner
They will never be your friend
Could be making millions
If followed the ongoing trend
Sunning off the coast with champagne and a toast
Surrounded by fools who turn up for any personal boast
As you will always be my friend whose lessons I have learnt
Just thrown to the passing crowd for I always do,
Watch them all fritter,
Tastleless,
Ruthless,
Bitter,

Crash and Burn

JJB
May 2022 · 99
Punching
John Bartholomew May 2022
I ain't no looker but I'll always give it a go
Had the odd ****** with some they'd call a ***
Been dealt the ugly stick with my face blow by blow
I'll leave the ugly ones alone and not stoop so low
Talking at a pub, a bistro, a bar
I'd try the poshest, the fittest, the ra-ra-ra
The ones who'd say no just waiting for a ya-ya-ya
For the honeys with the money and the Eva Herzigova Wonderbra
But I'd scan the room and those numbers I'd be crunching
As the morning comes and a breakfast I'd be munching
No complaints as the taxi they'd be funding
As I always went above my weight in a fight I'd always be punching
Now I'm not saying this to be 100% true
A bit like Rita, Sue and Bob too
But I would always see the job right through
As once I even ended up with not one but two
Now as the world seems to live on a hotbed of lies
The majority just laughed and said their goodbyes
When some just gave in with a yes and a sigh
Because Lord only knows he loves a man who does try,

Punching
👊🏼

JJB
May 2022 · 121
Socially Addicted...
John Bartholomew May 2022
We like to share but some times too much,
On where we went,
What we spent,
Or a flat to live with slightly cheaper rent,
But sharing is caring you say so lets just carry on...

We love your guile, your championing and thrills,
But sometimes its just overspill,
I believe the actual word is overkill,
So please just finish up and pay the ******* bill.

Yes its funny that you dressed as a dinosaur to complete some race,
And the next you dressed as a man with a tache on your face,
Is there nothing you won't do or lovingly embrace?
Except tell the whole wide world and give it a daily break.

But you don't hear a tune that is a never ending song,
So please just stop as it goes on too long,
We love what you do as of which there is nothing wrong...

Some think that it is pleasure and slightly sadistic,
And tomorrows post will be similar as we all predicted,
Because you are what you are,
a new phase of need gulping that new food of feed,
You are whats now known as,

Socially Addicted.

JJB
May 2022 · 67
Dress Down Anyday
John Bartholomew May 2022
The wife says its Friday so work is dress down cool
But sat on the sofa everyday
Nobody wants this fool
I'm not annoyed so much as slightly bitter
Grades up until my eyeballs
Unfortunately you just don't fit here
Was it the interview and my calm, over rehearsed, relaxed speech
Or plainly just the wheelchair
Those heights I just cannot reach
So kneel down beside me to hear my lost crude witsome banter
You should try it on stage mate
What is it, a beer or just a Fanta?
As maybe I wasn't cut out for the suit and to dress everyday tall
This is what I am now,
Different, cut to size, and to some, a little bit special
I know I will never get used to being six feet five to WHAM,
Four foot and ******
But that is life
Some you miss, some you see,
and some times you were lucky to have just ducked.

JJB
Apr 2022 · 101
Phantoms
John Bartholomew Apr 2022
Draining away without a thought in the world
Sat on Standby in a constant power surge swirl
Without it our devices would all unfurl
Back to their start date and the way they were first made
Flashing the time reset before hieroglyphics in our caves
Imagine this everyday and the time we now save
But that unthought power reliance still costs us a few quid
A yearly debit sometimes close to the lid
But let’s be realistic, it’s a need we cannot rid
For a warming cable at night keeps every house right
Until the alarm goes a bing, and the bedroom light is bright
It’s a cost we will devour as it’s not worth the penny pinch fight
But if you want to have the will and the energy to lower
Then you my friend live in a state I cannot devour
For I will let them **** and slurp overnight on my lazy need,
As they are the phantoms suckers of our power.

JJB
#electricitydrain
Apr 2022 · 143
Me (mk2)...and goodbye.
John Bartholomew Apr 2022
The tides of time change things in modern ways
Our speech
Our thoughts
Our views
My opinion of you
I joked that my brain has gone offline for a reboot like the Truman Show
That the veins need an upgrade and that for now the curtains are closed
New headlights and a clearer sight to see
Go faster stripes, a vision, revision, a brand new me...

But you cannot polish and re-scent a battered old stone
Or change his opinion on the things he likes to moan
You can delete some numbers of those on his mobile phone
But in the back of his mind is still that old, grizzled tone

Try to take my shopping and dress me how you like
But I will always be that chipped BMX disguised as a mountain bike
I'd love to see things from the leftie way, but I'm just not psyche
Always trouble, always different, always a little tyke

So that picture I posted that nobody liked (*******)
Was a sign that my time is drawing nearer to leave this realm of fake news and friendships on my trusted bike
It's been a blast
But my time has passed
For Facebook and this Social Net.

Thank you,

JJB
Mar 2022 · 86
Conundrum
John Bartholomew Mar 2022
We all undo and ***** into a pool or some kind of meaningless puddle
Where our thought escape, linger and dwell
When sometimes all we needed was a good cuddle
Starting at the end of a ready burst bubble
It shatters, it explodes into small catch-less pieces
Just what did it hold to make it suffer
That made it implode into a time with no buffer
And disapper like the Central Park guy, Gunther
We all have our thoughts of what comes next
All these Instagrams to share and get off our chests
Before they become non-fashioned in a time of manifest
Thinking of a money spinner to make our dreams come true
What could, what would and the Ikea enigma of mahogany or tained blue
Life throws us under a bus whether MENSA or just plaim dumb
Whatever way you look at it its always the same
Life is a conundrum

JJB
Feb 2022 · 145
I Am England (Was, Am, Are)
John Bartholomew Feb 2022
A two for one bargain but is it really worth buying?
Let me have a think, yes, I am England
His new girlfriend seems nice but I prefered his exe's likes
Let me ponder this change, as, I am England
His greatest goal he ever scored but in a one all draw
This can't be the case, hmm, I am England
Our men once ruled the waves but now dwell in their mancaves
Again, sadly, I am England
We once told our jokes and the birds to grab their coats
Now not a whimper, we can't offend, I am England
Saturday on the terrace, baying for blood, to the opposing crowd
Now, keep it down, not so loud, I am England
With a backbone and more front than Brighton Beach
You can't say that, it's out of our reach, I am England
How times have changed, from the sensitive to the utterly deranged
The lefts have taken the rites, yes, I am England
Comedy was a laugh but now is an early bath
Citizan Khan to Mrs Brown, God, please mend this, I am England
We once soured like an eagle, now a drip like treacle
No losers just a runner up, this has to stop, I am sadly England
A photo taken of nearly every meal eaten out
I'm starting to think we all live in doubt, I am England
Yet you cannot say a thing incase of somehow offending
Again, hate this to say, I, my friend, I am long lost England.

JJB
Jan 2022 · 130
The Coffee Kids
John Bartholomew Jan 2022
Growing up we only had fizzy pop whilst chasing busy bee's
How times have changed from bike shed kissing and climbing trees
When Pac-Man was fun and kirby was free
And dads car seatbelt was just an obscurity
Panini stickers at school were all the rage
Even Spurs were good sung on by Chas and Dave
Mum collecting the Texaco vouchers with just ten more left to save
Your big sister all dolled up and heading for a rave
But times move on and in a cinch weve changed for worse or better
We tut at the simplist of things whilst choosing brie or feta
Labelled as the primest of souls with a tendancy of 'oh just let her'
Sat in the mall with 2 screaming kids and Bernie her Red Setter
Fourteen years old and already knowing a Latte from a Cappacino
I was sat in my room, not a penny to spend, happy with my Beano
How times move on, straight past our eyes, it's just how life goes
A kid on a swing, always pondering things, on how the wind blows
It'll circle again, this life with new friends
To some other wandering kid, always starting a new trend
And off it goes again.....

Life

JJB
The principle goal of education in the schools should be creating men and women who are capable of doing new things, not simply repeating what other generations have done. — Jean Piaget

It's not the future that you're afraid of. It's repeating the past that makes you anxious. — Unknown

Document the moments you feel most in love with yourself - what you're wearing, who you're around, what you're doing. Recreate and repeat. — Warsan Shire
Jan 2022 · 106
Up and Atom!
John Bartholomew Jan 2022
Split!
Now I aint talking bananas
I'm relating to the time that the Yanks just ended it
Not of Gods nature to mess around like this
Scientists should look for all cures
Not dabble in the extreme whilst taking the p*
It's not an episode we want to ever see again
The spread of its explosion
Of which still leaves some in pain
No megalomaniac could start again with Eve followed by Adam
Unless they went utterly delirious,
Yes,
Up and Atom!

JJB
Mankind invented the atomic bomb,
but no mouse would ever construct
a mousetrap. - Albert Einstein
Jan 2022 · 106
Garage Food.
John Bartholomew Jan 2022
Those automatic doors slide aside
A nod from the cashier sat reading a TV Guide
You don't want food but it's always worth a look
Ten glass doors of refrigerated crap
Might have a bite and forget that diet book
From a Ginsters cheese and onion slice
To a Scotch egg with Coke, I wouldn't think twice
Still forty five miles from wife and my home
This'll plug that gap, from some microwave dinner and her everyday moan
A quick glance at the mags including Readers Wives and the over Sixty Fours
Hell, why look up there, that's what the mobile phones are for
So sat in my Volvo XC90 in the car park just stuffing my face
We've all done it knowing its a selfish disgrace
That secret pre eating of food which we all really and truly embrace
And of the self rightous it would really really annoy
But you only live once,
you naughty naughty boy.

Garage Food

JJB
"It requires a certain kind of mind to see beauty in a hamburger bun" - Pintrest

"I was approached to be the face of Ginsters pies, which is hugely flattering of course, but I had to turn it down because the sheer number of freebies would have been a death sentence." - Garth Marenghi:
Jan 2022 · 109
74%
John Bartholomew Jan 2022
74%
Waking up and checking the battery on your unplugged phone
(why did I check Facebook at 3am and not plug it back in?)
74%
The start of any relationship at blistering pace then the brakes apply
(It happens to us all and we don't know why)
74%
That dream holiday, the arrival, the meet the people, the leaving to head home as youve just had enough now
(With the bragging that just ends up in a row)
74%
Discovering new shortcuts on that upgraded mobile phone, I'll never get bored of this!
(A month now gone and someting better already on the list)
74%
Augusts new car off the line and youre proud to say its yours
(January hits and its now become a bore)
74%
Netflix has a new hit and its grabbed the worlds attention
(It's now series six and its falling to bits and needs a formal suspension)
74%

We all seem to plod on at this number on a daily basis, and it does us all well.
You don't need to be one hundred percent all the time, or we'd all just mope and dwell.
So raise a smile when needed, and speak to those who sometimes need it.
For life is too short to for hang ups and woes, it's just led how you see fit.

JJB
Dec 2021 · 133
Hey Kid
John Bartholomew Dec 2021
Two words that I'd longed to hear
A death of which had no cheer
That hero of many a long year
Where Mos Eisley pirates would begrudgingly raise a beer
For once a crazy man who had no fear

And as he spoke those words to his son Kylo Ren
He knew he had regained his trust
His one and only Ben......

Hey Kid

JJB
"NEVER TELL ME THE ODDS"
"YOU LIKE ME BECAUSE I'M A SCOUNDREL"
"YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES I AMAZE MYSELF"
“HOKEY RELIGIONS AND ANCIENT WEAPONS ARE NO MATCH FOR A GOOD BLASTER AT YOUR SIDE, KID” - Han Solo
Nov 2021 · 135
Simpler Times
John Bartholomew Nov 2021
Wasn't life simpler before the Internet
That Sunday phonecall to the parents
And a stroll to the bookies for a bet
Catch up on a Friday in the pub or local bar
Have a laugh and a chat with mates about,
The footy, the birds, their next best car
And always the one who will tell the odd little lie
About the women he's had and flings he's spun
But reality is sat in Fleet services eating a pork pie
Holidays on Teletext with the Algarve at 99 pound
Flicking through to the exchange rate quickly
Right, let's book, who's looking after the hound?
Kids had Short Circuit who could read a book in seconds and say Johnny 5 alive
Such a cumbersome machine on tank like tracks
But on this we all did thrive
When affairs were conducted in phone boxes and coffee shops
Where no one carried a camera to grass you up
And then the husband finds out to bang down the door,
Never mind, KNOCK KNOCK!
If they're simpler times now, then on your head be it
But give me that 20 minute load up cassette games, and the choke on my Punto FIAT
For I loved simpler times,
That's just the way that I see it.

JJB
John Bartholomew Sep 2021
I've become so stressed
Every little thing,
from what dress to a salad with cress?
I have forgotton what makes me even tick
What makes me smile,
from words on the crossword to my morning sick
And from my tick onto my tock
What still fits ,
What do I wear from my joggers to a frock
To calculate my brain from maths to a sudoku sum,
these used to be so easy
Jeez, what have I become?
My legs just keep kicking and are now so restless
A kick now inside out,
this babys just wants h** final exit
Still months to go but getting all so bigger
Every day some more weight on,
I cannot wait for its final ****** trigger!

JJB
Sep 2021 · 164
The Day I Died
John Bartholomew Sep 2021
No date no time
Just in these arms of mine
Nothing could prepare you
That tea your final brew
No last words
It would have been somethimg absurd
Obviously to just make you laugh
Thundercats on TV with that ginger brat Snarf
A cartoon to throw me back to my youth
Oasis on the wireless with aint that the truth
Those final tears as we cuddle and regretfully cried
A day never to be relived again
The day I died

JJB
Sep 2021 · 204
Clutter
John Bartholomew Sep 2021
Thats nice
Oh, I like that
It'll look good on the shelf
Now stuck in that drawer, gathering ill heath
The football programmes
The bottles of bleach from the Tenerife sun-tan
The school nativity play from your neighbour Stan
All shoved in the closet
With the receipt for the apartment deposit
Gathering dust for that day that you want it
Forgotten in the turns of time
Like that vinegar once bought decayed in brine
Stuck in the cupboard behind the lemon and lime
We look at it and always sadly mutter
I love it
I'll use it one day
This endless debris of useless, worthless, selfless,

Clutter
“Out of clutter, find simplicity.” ― Albert Einstein

“Clutter is my natural habitat.” ― Maggie Stiefvater, The Scorpio Races

“...that once were urgent and necessary for an orderly world and now were buried away, gathering dust and of no use to anyone.” ― Patricia A. McKillip, Alphabet of Thorn

“I like working among ‘creative clutter’. It gives me a sense of activity and achievement.”― Fennel Hudson, A Meaningful Life - Fennel's Journal - No. 1
Aug 2021 · 118
Better Than This
John Bartholomew Aug 2021
Restraints, complaints, lifes been on the taint
Thrown us into a world we'd all never known
Lockdowns and get downs but not to no jazzy funk
A life we've all unwantingly been thrown
Whats right
Whats wrong
We didnt think it would last this long
Still covering our face from the deadliest of bugs
The nay sayers
The everyday prayers
The fools on life support who just didnt care
Anxiety attacks
The toughest of men who normally have your back
Just break down when their world immedietely turns black
There is a light though in from this 2020 tunnel
As we grab it to the ground and hit back with a pummel
Suffocate it in a headlock and **** it as it stumbles
For we are better than some poxy Chinese manmade curse
We'll watch it die and lend it no nurse
As we are stronger than this and not here just as a rehearse.

Better Than This.

JJB
Aug 2021 · 96
Cups
John Bartholomew Aug 2021
A cupboard full of cups all of which are assorted
Some you like
Some you loathe
Some should just be aborted
Now I can't throw that away as it's not mine to drink
A present, a holiday place when at the time you didnt think
That football you team you despise but your partner just loves
Or their unicorn standing tall releasing turtle doves (come on)
But you frown and leave them to be
Pushed to the back so that no one can actually see
You pick the same 4 mugs on a daily basis
One for tea, one for lunch and your favourite, your secret
Its a sad state of affairs when you have your priorities
Which is best for a cup-a-soup over your mug of tea
But I think this is what makes us a total breed apart
We stop
We think
We look in the sink
As a cup of tea is the only way to start.

JJB
Tea is a part of daily life. It is as simple as eating when hungry and drinking when thirsty.” – Yamamoto Soshun
Aug 2021 · 217
I'm Rubbish
John Bartholomew Aug 2021
I'm ******* at saying goodbyes
I'm ******* at using chopstix to catch fireflies
I'm ******* at emotions when I just sit and sigh
I'm ******* at love when all I do is cry
I'm ******* at my job when I just sit and daydream
I'm ******* as fishing when I want a whopper only ending up with a minnow or a small bream
I'm ******* at film endings when all is not what it seems
I'm ******* at most things,
but that's what makes life wonderful,
topped with a bit of squirty cream!

******* is just normal, trust me.

JJB
Aug 2021 · 73
That Horrible Feeling
John Bartholomew Aug 2021
Nobody is ill
Nobody has died
Nobody has spoken of bad

But something is missing

Something just isn't right
Something is wondering tonight
Something is hovering like a kite

In that gut reaction

Pulling at you like traction
Pulling apart those mathematical fractions
Pulling at those grey cells for a little sanction

But there its sat lingering

Just toying and tinkering
Just hanging on out of the sinking
Just leaving you lost and still wondering

That horrible feeling

JJB
Jul 2021 · 106
Doing Life Backwards
John Bartholomew Jul 2021
Blagging it at 19 saying I was 23
Agencies believed me with no photo ID
Plumber with no certificates just taking a big chance
Stood my ground,
looked real good,
while taking this unknown stance
Got away with it until I crashed into my comeuppance
From earning big bucks to starting again,
lifes not good back earning just a tuppence
I gave it the large,
Six five with a shoulder barge,
don't even try and stop me
Now four foot ten
A midge amongst men
Starting all over again
But hey, I done it to myself
A life of ill health
Thinking I was impenetrable and of hard stealth
I left my love shaken and numb
For being so selfish and dumb
Life really does has it's unforeseen conundrums,
and I'm sorry x

Doing Life Backwards

JJB
Jul 2021 · 161
Her Choice/His Voice.
John Bartholomew Jul 2021
That grumbling roar of a voice not so pure
Always moaning on the phone whilst listening at the door
The world upsets him on almost every level
For that is not his voice but one who asides with a devil
We all gossip that he never ever stops
But somebody else is crossing his Tee's and feeding his daily rot
He maybe nice but from years of endless nagging
A silent mistress behind the scene feeding his needless slagging
As she was once a nurse but really no Marie Curie
For she feeds him her woes and her strife now vented in his fury.

JJB
John Bartholomew Jun 2021
Oh, so you're going to be a parent?
Well, revel in your silence
Remember what you have now as precedent
And don't look back on what you once had
As that little storm is brewing

The Silence Before The Storm

JJB
Jun 2021 · 110
Boring, Man
John Bartholomew Jun 2021
When did we lose it
That pow
That zip
That zap
That day mid-thirties you look in the mirror
And you've become a little bit fat
That get up-and-go
Now you've become slow
Watching life mould and your toenails grow
Your friends become distant
As you wonder of their existance
Followed on Facebook for their stories of fiction
It really is sad
Was our friendship just a fad
As we drift into the old and once had
Does life become a trot
Knowing the cold from the hot
And where in life is our best spot
Or is it a a case of embrassing lifes span
You done your best and all that you can
It's not me man
You just became all boring, man

JJB
Jun 2021 · 92
A Storm is Brewing
John Bartholomew Jun 2021
If coffee is your pick me up
Some toast, brush your teeth and then a sup
of course, from your favourite cup
A little toing and throwing
Once that storms been brewing
Then stick the telly on for the daily stewing
JV with his band of ever ready journalists
Some too gobby, some too shy, the odd one taking the, ahem
All settled down by that voice from the Scottish mist
Men seem to sway to the sound of her calming charm
The women mainly agree after the wake up of their alarm
Still sat on the sofa in your quilt, just to keep warm
A pick me up for your everyday commit
Two hours of fun, frolics, politics and while you just sit
And think about how to keep going and just to keep fit

A Storm is Brewing

JJB
John Bartholomew Jun 2021
It's a day we never know coming
Could be anything
ANYTHING
An accident
A car crash
A mafia whack
And you just think you'll go on forever
Well listen up
Today is Tuesday
It could be any day
But it is today
I won't say how
I won't say why
But it's going to be a today
Tuesday.
Who knew?

JJB
#todaysthedaythatallourdreamsaremade
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