Dear hope,
Sometimes I lay on the bed and I swear you give me the softest pillows, the warmest blankets, the most beautiful sleep.
I wake up some mornings and you’re the only thing that gets me out of bed, and sure I get mad when I burn my toast but, you give me half a loaf and say ‘hey, try again’
Some days I will grip your hand like a vulnerable child clings to his mother while they cross the road.
I will let you mother me when my mother is in hospital, I will let you father me because my father never showed me protection.
Some days I will let you whisper stories of how things will be into my ear like chocolate cascading down a waterfall in a shop I can’t afford to step in.
But lately being with you is like walking through a graveyard after the caretaker has gone home and the last leaf of autumn has fallen to wither and die.
These ghosts are following me, settling in the coffin that is my stomach. They leave their words on my lips for me to lick when I am starving.
I have a new friend now, He’s called lonely, he’s an ******* but he won’t disappoint me and it’s always cold where he takes me.
I need some consistency, with you Hope, you leave me empty, like I’ve already died but there’s a 60 year wait for a spot in the cemetery.

i know there have been moments where you pulled yourself down the stairs just to collapse onto the kitchen floor
i know there have been moments where you repeated,
"i will most certainly not make it out of this alive"
and you wake up the next morning and make it an inch further
my dear dramatic girl
there is no fault in loving with all of your heart
you will grow up and know what each word he presses to your chest means
you will have an Oxfords Dictionary for every time he tells you he was just out late
but if you keep putting pieces of you into everyone who runs their finger over your lips
or tells you "forever" as if it hasn't already lost its meaning
you will lose yourself
do not let the world desensitize you to its contents
theres nothing more tragic than watching a romantic become a cynic
you are full of a quality you cannot let every boy that stops loving you when it's convenient take from you
you are truthful and forgiving
you are trusting
and whats left of your heart is safety-pinned onto your sleeve
your heart belongs to you alone and i know its been a while since you heard this, but
you are full without people miles away telling you that they think you'd look pretty without your clothes on
dust it off,
lie on the kitchen floor and remember what it felt like when you said
"i will most certainly not make it out of this alive"
for when you wake up one morning and forget how it sounds
to be despondent in love
do not let the world take you and spread you over people who push you to fill pieces of them they have lost in others
you are prevailing every time you whisper
"i love you, too"

a very thin veil
divides the living and the dead
a very tight thread

this I discovered in the depths of night
when she turned out the light
to pit fear against will

if you wither from thee
you will hear not her plea
in the softest of voice
'I hear you '

a whisper of a whisper
within the whisper of sighs
believer I am as I feel her eyes
upon me

light was returned
my nerve tested and worn
soul beautifully stirred
this night I was born

as the veil was lifted

Tell me what is most real to you today;
what makes your heart beat faster, moves your soul.
Put what completes your world out on display.

Your triumphs and your struggles on your Way,
or virtues in another to extol.
Tell me what is most real to you today.

Your cleverness, your wit come out to play
or cleansing tears, for life will take its toll.
Put what completes your life out on display.

Please, kindly rid your writings of cliche
for simple recitation leaves me cold.
Tell me what is most real to you today.

I'm eager to hear what you have to say,
so whisper in italics, shout in bold;
put what completes your world out on display.

And never let your muse become dismayed
by words from uninspired online trolls.
Tell me what is most real to you today;
put what completes your world out on display.

the upper end of self
reflected
in
the
quiescent
state of love