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  Dec 2014 lost thoughts
Just Melz
Ugly
Unwanted
Heartbroken
Emotionally Abused
Betrayed
Unloved
Disgusting
Unworthy
Lonely
Depressed
Fat
­Helpless
Pained
Stupid
Crazy
Insane
Jealous
Withdrawn
Old
Confuse­d
So **** Hurt
Hopeless
Utterly Miserable

I feel the already torn pieces of my heart
Shredding inside my chest, falling apart
Floating slowly down to the floor
It's deja vu, I've seen this happen before
Each time there's less and less pieces
To struggle putting back together
But I got some super glue somewhere
The puzzle of love, literally in my hands
Almost nothing left for when I get my "forever"
And I'll truly never understand
How this keeps happening to me
Time after time
Don't worry though
I'm sure the glue will work *
just fine
Here I am again
Picking up the shattered remains
Of my already falling apart heart
Accidentally slicing a cut on my wrist
With one of the tiny little shards
The pain, such sweet heavenly bliss

It's not that I miss you, cause you were never really mine
It's not that I regret loving you, I'd repeat it every time
But my pain has caused you misery that I'm not sure I fully understand
And the guilt lays think upon you, much more than I ever had planned

It's that I had this single drop of hope,
That my wish to have you
Might actually one day come true
But no, just another impossibility
That I'd find love and truly be happy

It ***** my childish ways and innocence were ripped away at such a young age
The one thing you want more than anything, was the one thing they had to take
And I know it sounds silly, but I hate them more now cause I blame them that I can't have you
My nightmares will come when I finally sleep, unfortunately, waking up is a nightmare too

I guess it's time to change my ways, although I've said this time and time again
This chemistry, that I thought was different, better, was just all imagined in my head
A change of heart, a change of soul, a change of my mind and a lack of passion
So many things I can't change, makes it my fault then. Wouldn't it be easier if I were dead?
  Dec 2014 lost thoughts
Just Melz
Rock-a-bye
Rock-a-bye
Baby can't you see?
Momma wants to cry
When you're away from me
I miss your little smile
Your little kisses and laughs
Momma's been sad for awhile
Ever since you left my arms last

Rock-a-bye
Rock-a-bye
Baby can't you hear?
Momma just wants to hold you
Forever keep you near
All the winter nights through
I miss your all your tiny little toes
How you're so ticklish everywhere
Momma cries when you leave, everyone knows
Just how much I really care

Rock-a-bye
Rock-a-bye
Baby don't you know,
Momma is lost without you*
Oh! How I miss you so!
Momma just doesn't know what to do
I miss you so much
I know it's hard, please stay tough
My precious little Angel
Momma can't hold you soon enough
But when I do, I'll be eternally grateful


I Love You Baby Boy
My ex is keeping my kids away from me for too long sometimes and I just miss them so much, especially my little baby boy, he' ll be two next week.
There's nothing wrong with you people
There's nothing wrong with anyone (with few exception like criminal tendencies, sorry I overthink a lot of things.)
Why do you all refuse to see that?
  Dec 2014 lost thoughts
M
it looks so easy on the TV, for
people who are just starting.
their bodies entwine and
it's beautiful.
Everything flows from it
in it,
and of it,
and their souls seem to clasp together
in an unbreakable embrace.
Colors seem brighter
sparks fly
butterflies dance
true-love-at-first-sight.
They go on a date, two dates- it happens then.
A few months and they are living together
two years-and-they're-married.
it happens so fast
and too slow
somehow, they learn to live with each other
two people with complicated souls
who are not alike at all,
somehow,
magically,
kiss.
it's hard for me to grasp-
and I'm not sure I'd be able to,
if I had the chance.
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