Watching her was a gift.
She had yet to see me come in, she was raw with emotion, and I got to witness the way she breaks, and how she takes it all in.

There’s a lot of smiling; even when confused.
She paces the floor and wraps presents while making dinner; she’s so precise.

On occasion you can see her eyes water, a panic sets in as she pulls her hands threw her hair, exhaling. Taking a moment to shake it off.

She continues, and repeats.

She can play the role of fine and under control so well.

If I never caught this moment I’d never think she breaks at all.

"You have heart, girlie," said the lady.
I smiled but I thought,
"Ma'am, my heart is lazy."
I can't make it love
Anymore than I can make it beat,
But I can make it hurt and crack,
Like records on repeat.

My mind is numb, not from drugs or *****,
But from the television, phone, and electronics i abuse
This stream of news feeding to my consciousness is all self-induced. I keep the cycle going and set it up where I keep myself confused?

So many words, so many pictures, so many thoughts,
the chaos, the headaches
Only the one's in silence and loneliness have fought
Disruption with corruption in my daily feed
Ruins my mind's ability of its own impressions
and thoughts, putting pen to paper
versus touching fingers to buttons
(And make no mistake between touch and feeling)
Which is more liberating to feel, to move energy, to inspire free will
and which one was bought

So why am I addicted to distraction with all of its misuse
The fear of moving forward is just resistance to produce
the gift within me that was already planted and seeded in place

My only job is to water and grow into my space
Yet this gift within me is the resistant qualm that bakes
Fearing to discover that I am more
than I think I am

-

Thats my mind numbing dis Ease that I battle

-

Now,
Readjust the cycle,
for it shall not shadow
Other generations right, to
fight another battle
Remove, not gift our numbness
Channel deeper
Awaken the next child
And we honor the cycle of growth that
lives to empower.

Accept that you deserve more
Than painful love
Life is moving
And the healthiest thing
For your heart is
To move with it❤️