I cut myself shaving today
And instead of throwing the blade away-
I made rivers of red artwork-
first my thigh,
and then my wrist.
And I left myself a reminder-
because I should just be happy.
Instead of being depressed.
So now that word “happy”
is engraved in my skin.
because maybe my dumb brain
just needs a shove to remember
that depressed isn’t pretty,
and if I just go to the gym I’ll be happy.

I miss the laughter and even the sadness.
I miss when you’d sing on FaceTime off tune.
I miss falling asleep together, 700 miles away.
I miss our deeper talks- the ones that hurt.
I miss when you’d carry me in video games.
I miss the accidental drunk Snapchats.
I miss randomly getting sleepy calls at 3 am.
I miss when we were happy together,
but now we’re both depressed and apart.

Jenny flies
She’s a bird
Watch her eyes
Watch her smile
Hold the hand of the child
Be good

Jenny soars
She’s a bird
Watch her swoop
Watch her glide
Hold the hand of the child
Be good

Jenny floats
She’s a bird
He will watch
Watch and wait
Hold the hand of the child
Be good

Jenny dives
She’s a bird
Feel her fears
Dry her tears
Hold the hand of the child
Be good

Jenny falls
She’s a bird
No words spoken
Wings all broken
Hold the hand of the child
Be good

Weekend stuff
Enough is enough
Just want to chill
Don’t need a pill
Music in my head
Lying on my bed
Its inertia
Nothing to do
No worry
No hurry
If you will or won’t
What you do
Or you don’t
Won’t hurt you

The Elder comes when day is done
When night time draweth near
The Elder comes and with him comes
The Elder Elfin fear
Folks dread his breath upon their own
Fear he’ll creep into the home
Steal the souls of folks he scares
Folks who dread the creaking stairs
Those who creep and pray and weep
Will find he comes when they’re asleep
How shall we cast him from our dreams?
Easier than what it seems
Those who boldly stare him out
Will never fear when he’s about
Leave a torch to light his way
Turn his darkness into day
Eldic runes upon your door
Protect your home forever more

I want her,
I need her,
I love her.

But I want them,
I need them,
I love them.

Is it a question of who I love more,
Or perhaps who I need more?

Maybe it’s a question of who I can live without,
But regardless, my answer stays the same.  

Why do they make me choose?
Why can’t I love her and you?

They are so adamant about me loving him
That they ignore the trueness of the love I have beside me.

Do you want me,
Do you need me,
Do you love me?

If you do,
Then you’ll let me love her.

Because I don’t want to choose;
I don’t want to choose between her and you.

I want you,
I need you,
I love you.

But when you’re gone,
Who will want me,
And need me,
And love me?

She will,
I know that she will.

So don’t make me choose.
I don’t want to,
But I will.

If me loving her keeps you from loving me,
Maybe I don’t need you.

Because while I will always love you,
I don’t want your hate,
And I don’t need your disgust;
I don’t want your animosity,
And I don’t need your disapproval.

If you can’t look at me and her the same way you’d look at me and him,
I don’t need you in my life ruining the bond that we've come to build.

I love you,
I need you,
I want you.

But I love her,
I need her,
I want her.

So don’t make me choose.
I don’t want to,
But I will.

Today I bled blue
Poems inked upon my bare arms
Await translation