I signed the papers
   to give my organs away
         after I die
              to let you know that
                   even after I'm gone
                         you can still find me  
                              inside of others.

Let's get one thing clear: When people say "You're all I've ever wanted", they're lying.

I want many things. I want a pizza. I want to get an A for a paper I hardly studied for. I want a room with wooden floors. I want a house facing the sea. I want to walk into Forever 21 and take home anything I like. I want to travel around the world. I want to be better at sports. I want my ulcer gone immediately. I want longer eyelashes. I want to finish an entire season of a tv show without anyone bothering me. I want more followers on Twitter. I want to be friends with my favorite Youtuber. I want a pair of twin boys. I want Hogwarts to be real. I want to be good at archery like Katniss-freaking-Everdeen, cause it's so ******* cool. I want a new phone. I want to sleep late watching chick flicks without having to worry about sleep deprivation. I want three hamsters. I want superpowers. I want to fly.

But you see, here's the catch: What I want most, is you.

Killing myself isn't going to fix my existence. Killing myself isn't going to change the memories people had of me. I'm too miserable to sleep. I am writing this in a hotel room.

Some people seem perfect until you get to know them and start noticing their flaws.

Some people seem flawed until you get to know them and start discovering a thousand and one things you can love about them.

So, dear you, I wish I'm the second type of person to you, because I know I have nothing much to offer you at first sight. I'm probably a 5/10 to you, a 4/10 on bad-hair days, and a 6/10 with make-up on. I won't rate you, because I don't know how to. You have a generally moderate face, but I love your arms and your hands and your fingers and ******* it, you have no idea how much I wanted to touch them. They're delicate and they look like they're made to wear to finest watches.

And P/S: You always have the ability to pick out the finest watches.

My heart is hollow
and my mouth is dry

from all the Sorry's
I have said

and should have said.

Since you took me to the ocean before,
Maybe this is one metaphor you might get.

Your words were like broken pieces of seashells.
They left cuts all over me.
And you are salt water,
You kept coming back,
To burn my wounds,
One tide after another,
One wave after another.
Periodic, unstoppable, predictable.
Like a natural phenomenon,
You can't seem to stop once you've started.
You had to make sure,
You've done enough destruction,
Before you would leave.

I can, however, walk away from the beach.
I can even leave the seashells behind.
I don't need them anyway.

I used to love oceans.
A little more before it started to hurt me.

I hate your ego,
I hate that your so mean,
I hate that I always turn to you,
I hate that we weren’t meant to be.

I hate that I cant get over you,
I hate that you make me cry,
I hate that everything reminds me of you,
I hate that I don’t get why.

I hate that your in my nightmares,
I hate that your in my dreams,
I hate that you bring me this euphoria,
Where nothing is as it seems.

I hate that you play me,
I hate that I’m your toy,
I hate that you think your such a man,
I hate that I think your just a boy.

I hate that your not there for me,
I hate that I’m always sad,
I hate that your miles away,
I hate that I want you so bad.

I hate that you put up this front,
I hate that your such a “g”
I hate that every girl loves you,
And that  you said you love me.

But I love the way you talk to me,
I love the way you smile,
I love the way you take my pain away,
Even if its for a short while.

I love the way you touch me,
I love the way you know,
I love the way you hold me tight
I love how you don’t let me go.

I see this light inside,
I know there’s good in you,
And when no one else sees it,
Know that, I do.

I see all you have to offer I know all your flaws

And I try to love you…

But my love is just a lost cause.

I close my eyes to a world unknown, at my side a figure is shown, familiar at heart but I cannot see, the face of this being next to me.

We walk in silence, side by side, I couldn’t make sense of this place if I tried. So plain and boring; dark and cold, everything in sight looks stone and old.

We stop next to a huge dead tree,I look to my side and all I can see, this figure in dark now has eyes that glow red, I realize now I must be dead.

Out of nowhere appears a gate, I beg for forgiveness but know it’s too late... Harshly pushed through and I’m on my own, now I know the true feeling of being alone.

I was scared though, once we departed, to walk through these realms alone and unguarded. I moved uneasy through this Gothic art, I was scared for my soul, and for my heart.

As I walked this path alone, I heard a voice other than my own. It wanted me it yearned for me, it called with the most desire….

SILENCE!! One must never speak, of the devious evil which conquers the weak. Of the one who feeds off souls and sin, he’s hard to get rid of but easy to let in.

I could feel the evil at the depths of my soul, the eeriness of night had taken its toll. Stranded and lost,cold and confused, I wanted to escape but was incapable to move.

“Come closer my dear”, and I shivered with fear,so softly it spoke, and then I awoke.

Oh how I love you so,
My guardian, my nurturer,
So weak in my eyes,
But in my heart,
I’m weak too.
But this fact is one you mustn’t know,
I’m sad and I’m broken,
I’m lost and confused,
But I’ll tell you I’m strong...
And although you really don't know,
I love you so.

To shield my heart I put up a wall,
One that is incapable to fall.
Guarding that wall stands a demon,
He’s angry and just doesn’t care,
He’ll bite, he’ll scream, he’ll curse you to hell,
And you’d never know,
That really, he loves you so.
Locked behind that wall is a young girl,
Shes happy and playful,
She glows with joy and love,
And when you see that magnificent glow,
You'll instantly know,
How much she loves you so.
But this girl is a Gemini,
Which means attached is another side,
Although all she wants is for this side to hide.
That glow is dark, inescapable, Unusual, unique, and mean.
You’d never guess it was the same girl,
And you’d never know,
That both sides of this girl, very much, love you so.
At a corner sits a small girl,
She cries out loud but without a sound.
Shes incapable of feeling, always numb.
But when you see her she’ll stand strong.
And you’d never know,
She cries when you go,
And these tears are nothing but those,
caused from loving you so.

You are the epitome of beauty.
The slightest glance at your face renders my knees useless.
The first time these eyes ever looked upon a soul like yours.
The majestic way you move entrances me like a fly to light.
I can't take my eyes away for a fear of missing something great<3