If I was a mountain

That soared towards the sky,

With craggy snow caps

And stormy grey eyes-



Then you'd be the clouds

That swaddled my peak,

That silenced my thunder

When I tried to speak.



If I was the earth

The desert, in fact:

With arid dry soil

And mud, baked and cracked-



You'd be the rain

The downpour that soothed;

The balm to my bruises,

Relief to my wounds.



If I was the Moon

In the indigo night,

With stars as my blanket

And silver; my light-



Well you'd be the Sun

Just always behind

That lent me your glow

And caused me to shine.

Red. The color of anger. Red. The color of passion. Red. The color of fierceness. The only color I think of when I see you. Those words seem to make so much sense together, passionate, fierce anger. The color of your words spitting out in quick succession at me, telling me to grow up. When you read a book, authors will often say “And suddenly he saw red.” Maybe there is a reason behind it. Red. The color of anger. Red. The color of passion. Red. The color of fierceness.

Red, the sound of you stumbling home drunk. Red, the shuddering of the house as you yell. Red, the smooth way your lies flow through my ears. Red is all I can think of! Because every other color has been drained out of my life. I used to see rainbows around every corner, believe in those Disney Princess sparkles. But that is all gone. All gone because you have killed all of the happiness in my life, taken all of the color, all of the surprise until there is nothing left but red.

You made sure that there were only ever two possibilities in my life. Red, the color you chose, or a life with no color at all. I was raised on “If violence is not the answer, you’re not using enough of it”. I never blamed you as I watched the colors slowly seep away one by one, I only ever blamed myself. I thought I deserved to live in this bleak, lifeless world.

I want all of my colors back, so I can see beauty in my blue eyes, instead of a dull gray, the blonde highlights in my hair instead of a dingy brown. To be able to see wonder and light in everything around me, the sparkle in my friends eyes as she rants about this new band. But all I can see is anger, hurt, Red. I want to forget, I want to live, but how can I live when there are no more colors in this world?

So now Red stands for different things. Red, the first color in the rainbow, Red, my mother’s favorite color, and Red, the start of seeing beauty again.

As I lay here my mind begins to wander, but the only thing on my mind is you. As my brain feels like a hurricane picking up everything in its path, you're the only thing that manages to escape this whirlpool. It's as if every day that passes, this cloud that I've been riding on since day one just gets bigger. And the more I float on, in love, the more I understand, the less I feel like a beginner. It's a change, it's like nothing I've felt before, it's never been this strong. Usually it takes forever, it takes ages, but this time, it hasn't taken long. I still ask, "What have you done to me? How did I fall so fast?" And then I realize, you and everyone of your characteristics are what make me want to make this last... An eternity.

stitches.
a stab taken for healing purposes
proof my being is but dangling on a string.
mental scarring turns out to be more permanent than the ones I gave my wrist.

self-hate, self-doubt, self-destruction
I'm a snake that bites its own tail
donating a venom transfusion into my bloodstream.

staples.
shards of metal punched through my life
in a sad attempt of composure.
running from myself as my life runs away from me
emotional damage runs deeper than any blade could.

self-medicated by the pain
and mistaking poison for a sweet elixir
my world turns upside down in a matter of minutes.

sutures.
a single strand of fiber
responsible for keeping everything sewn together.

I'm a pretty little cross-stitch
patterned to perfection but laced with nightmares and a handful of bad memories.

Imagine what it would be like if we all got alone
What it would be like if we made everyone feel that they belonged
Imagine what a world we would have
If we could all get alone and forget about the past

Imagine what you could do if you smiled today
Say something kind and make somebody's day
Imagine the possibilities and the lives you could change
You could make someone feel good what a beautiful thing

Imagine what you could do
How many lives you could change
Imagine the possibilities
What a beautiful world we could have; with just a little change

my poems aren't really poems
just words that kinda leaked
from my heart