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I didn't realize I meant so much to you.

How could I give you my whole heart
When you tell me about the girl you love
     that you one day plan to marry?

Why would I give you everything, heart and soul,
     only to be left behind?
To fall so completely in love with you,
     knowing there's someone you love more?
How could I not try to make it with someone else,
     someone who I thought I stood a chance with?

I thought we could walk away,
     That we'd still be okay.

How could I be so wrong?

Give it time,
     they've said.
But how can I stand by and
     watch you hurting?

What could I do,
     when I can't even look you in the face
     or return the most simple hello?

My actions were cruel, but done
     with the most honest of intentions.
Your words were cruel, but I have
     to believe they were born of hurt, that you
     don't truly mean them.


I thought we would be okay.


How could I know?


How could I know.
 Jul 2014 Marshall CB Hiatt
fdg
i don't have any expectations for things to work out in my favor
i just hope that wherever i go,
life keeps me on my toes.
i hope it's at least exciting
blah lame
im sorry
im sorry
im sorry
                i know being with me is more
                         trouble than loneliness is
"the ones you love,
you hurt the most"
as if it's okay, because you're doing it out of love, right? it's okay to break them down, piece by piece until all that's left is broken fragments of the girl who once was, because it's out of love, right?

"the ones we love, we hurt"*
but you took "hurt" to the exact definition. and you gave no mercy.
i always thought the ones you love you don't dare ponder on harming, because they are everything delicate and everything you spend so much time building up.

so what is it you felt for me?

your hands bruised my body and the scars have made their home on my skin. still your words remain engraved into my brain, always reminding me i will never, nor was i ever, enough for you. and each night your kisses goodbye apologized for you and i was reminded *"i didn't mean it"
more
than you ever reminded me you "loved" me.
i realize now that the monster you transformed into over our two years, was always there from our first "hello."
and there it will always stay.
*i just hope something in her
doesn't make you want to hurt her
out of "love," too.
 Jul 2014 Marshall CB Hiatt
fdg
she said i better get some sleep
but how could i choose rest
when climbing into your bed and running my hand through your hair
was an option
We are the clothes,
You hung up to dry,
But left out in the dark,
Soaked through by rain.

We are not forgotten,
- just unimportant.
Me, seemingly the least.

You'll tell her what's wrong,
Underlying the burden,
And allowing the satisfaction,
Of validation to balm,
You're careless actions.

I don't even get that,
You give me nothing but a gap.
This vast expanse of emptiness
That serves as a constant reminder,
Your leaving,
And I never mattered.

I could call you selfish,
-I guess that's what you are,
But I'd only regret it,

*I already miss you.
Forget poetry I am screaming
Am I alive or am I dead?

Do I need to include typos
14fe8heqi2regretthedayiwed...

Seriously
there is an unseen gravity that pulls inside my head
stealing my energy can you help me

Enough said
so say the voices inside my head

I am nobody until I die
or am I gravely mistaken

I send this S.O.S.
these words of my distress

Am I alive or am I dead?

does it matter?
© JDMaraccini 2015
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