It started on March 8th.
You asked me why I didn't mention
That I was raised by a strong woman.
And I bit my tongue so hard I worried I might bleed.

I realised for the umpteenth time that my first female role model
Came into my life when I was in high school.
In the form of an all girl punk band.

I'd never seen anything so inspiring.
Strong.
I picked up a guitar for the first time that year.
I felt like I finally knew who I was.

I'd never had anyone to show me the ropes.
How could I?
With a mother so dependant on a father
who doesn't understand a **** thing.

Strong women hold themselves
And others
up.

You showed me how to tear my sisters down.
You tore me down.

It wasn't until high school that I felt supported.
I made a friend who would become family.
She's one of the strongest women I know.

She lifted me up.
Still does.

I became the woman I always needed.
No thanks to you.

Or maybe thanks to you
Since I didn't get what I needed
And now I'll never let the women in my life suffer the same way.

I stand before you now with a girl gang who never fail to catch me when I fall.
And I do the same for them.

This is my Pack.
We've built this family out of dreamers and doers
And I finally feel like I'm gaining ground.

Working towards the life I won't let get away.
So when I look at you with that mouth full of blood
From years of biting my tongue
it doesn't hurt so bad.

The tang of it tastes like strength.
Like perseverance.
Like dreams coming true.

I will not be silent to spare feelings
all at once insensitive and too sensitive.
I will not re-learn self hatred to spare the ego of a boy hiding in a man's body.

It's not shallow women who reject you
It's you.
Your personality scares us off before your appearance ever could

Self fulfilling prophecy
Self defence
Time to take ownership

We will not be your scape goats
Your reason for being miserable
We were not put on this earth to mend your broken heart.

We are free.
We are owned only by ourselves.
We will reveal our claws when provoked.

My sharp tongue is hidden behind painted lips.
I turn so you don't see eyes that roll
instead of eyelashes being batted
I stay detached because it's the only way I can protect myself.

If I call you out I'm called *****  
Extremist
******

What I am is proud.
Satisfied in my life.
Too smart to fall back into that trap.

I'm the girl who rolls into town when life makes you numb.
The girl who steals your attention and your heart and strikes you dumb.
You need an adventure, enchantment, romance, and I need a good time.
I'll draw you out of this life you pantomime.

I'm here to soothe your pain, to excite you
To make your own conscience start a fight with you
Don't worry lover, I'll make you a better person
There’s a lot you don’t know about me,
but I guess that’s part of my charm.

I'm the girl you put on the shelf when your adventure is over.
The girl who disappears without a trace after you've learned your valuable life lesson.

The audience doesn't care about my plot.
I am merely the device you use to claim greatness.

I'm everything you ever wanted for a week.
But what about what I want?

Where's my forever?
My Mr. Dark and Mysterious who teaches me to love again after you've taught me time and time again that I'm not a permanent fixture?

That I'm not enduring
I'm just a phase
A hit of adrenaline after shuffling through your days.

The truth is I'm not who you've made me.
I'm not quirky.
I'm not a special snowflake.
I'm not the sidekick in your insightful journey.

I'm damaged and I'm the heroine in my own tale.
And you?
You are my manic pixie dream boy
who teaches me how to fail.

It’s addiction
It’s necessity
It’s the reason I won’t give up.

Everything makes sense
On stage
Or inside a circle.
I live in a state of “when”
Not “if”
When I make it
When I’m independent
There is no room for failure
I won’t allow it
Won’t have it.
I’ll keep going until I’m on top
My future is non-stop.

It’s the only thing I’m driven to
It makes me see through
The anxiety
The frustration
The lack of clarity.
It’s all that makes sense.
I spent my life dreaming
Now it’s time to start doing.
No more listening to my blood
They convince me I can’t
But all I know is the urge inside
This thirst I can't ignore
To go for it
To take a chance
To create.
To tell stories with my words
My body
And my heart.

It’s addiction
It’s necessity
It’s what I’m working for.

I knew before we started
That it wouldn’t work out.
I wanted it to
But didn’t want you.
We work in theory
But not in reality.
Too much
Too soon.
I’m overwhelmed
I am the 5 of Cups.
Imperfect relationships
Disappointment
Regret and loss.
You want to be
More than we are.
I’m not sorry
I’m finally me
Finally free.
It feels so good
To not crave any and every
Scrap of affection thrown my way.
I am hopeful
But it's not about you
This is done, no need to move on
How can you leave it behind
When you never felt it from the start?
I owe no explanations
And I will give none.

I do not exist on your terms.
I know you wanted to see me squirm
A text out of the blue
And hard feelings too

You made me the villain
And now I won’t hear you again
Chance after chance
I’m ending this dance

I don’t wait for you
Don’t tell me what to do
I don’t come when you call
I refuse to take this fall

Keep running when you can’t deal
And shut it out when it gets hard to feel
You’re not running this show
You really should just go

Under a tree
In a park
A city once unknown
I buried a part of me

I wanted to leave myself there
In order to bring myself back
To feel the magic of the city
Once again I’ll find myself under that tree, I swear

I left pieces of my heart
In London, Oxford, Bath
I’m ready to move on, live my life
It’s in that city where I buried myself I’ll have my start

Hate me because you’re insecure
Hate me because you’re hiding
Hate me because you don’t really want more
And because I see it in your eyes

Hate me because I called you out
Hate me because of how clearly I see
Hate me because you want to sit and pout
And because you know it’s a desperate plea

Hate me because I tried to help
Hate me because I can’t not care
Hate me because you ignore what you felt
And because the way you’ve been treating us is unfair

Hate me because you don’t trust me
Hate me because you didn’t give me a chance
Hate me because I’m free
And because you’re in a trance

If it makes you feel better, hate me.

I’m mad because nothing is changing
I’m mad because you were left hanging
I’m mad because of the tears on your face
And your smile once again glued in place

I’m mad because there’s nothing I can do
I’m mad because I don’t know if it’s true
I’m mad because she jerks you around
And I can’t make a sound

I’m mad because you’re not
I’m mad because you “forgot”
I’m mad because of the lies
And because you’re breaking the ties