My heart feels like
it's about to shut down
from all the truths
that only I know

People view me
as kind
selfless
heartfelt
with empathy

Yet once they witness
my darker side
this inner demon
that is always
a few steps behind me

Once they see
the ashes and smeared blood
tainted within my mind and heart

I am once again alone
alone to pick up the pieces 
of a love that never was

I’m scared because my mind rages against me

I hear the motor ignite with a vengeance.

Hurling towards me.

I’m on the sidewalk. I reason.

Each roar forces me to close my eyes.

I am afraid.

Of a car that will never crash against me.

do you know this?

you,
sandalwood skin wrapping into a magnifying glass and its twin
resting fixed on a bridge between your eyes- a crooked tooth
living as a tiara
purposed for the interruption of symmetry in a smile that breaks on the crest of a sun breathing sight into
all that was lost in a night too dark for an adolescents chagrin to be crammed between stars.
you,

I love
as a desert filled with flower petals
moved by wind and the whispers of ghosts-
with my heart dispersed as a constellation
held together in blue light.

And all at once,
I know the plight of the hungry dog
given only a bone.
it is identical
to the plight of the suicidal man
thrown a rope.