with a kiss
sever the chords of my throat
play a melody while i choke
take my breath
somewhere far away
beneath your skin and your face

i feel 2018
the way we breathe
as our spines collapse
and fall beneath

and i pray
to no one
that you and i
will still be
after all

i can't focus
i'm stuck in a room with you
and whatever i do
seems to speak to you
i can't think
i'm inside your skin
and although i try harder
i can't seem to win

i can't get out of it
can't get out of this hole
that's 6 feet deep
and taking my soul
her name is piper
and she's not a fighter
and neither am i
but i have to try for her

she's not as pretty
as funny or witty
but she's someone
that says she likes me
she's not a poet
or anything close to it
but at least she holds me
when i'm so lonely

she stays in my head
or lying in my bed
shows me things
i never thought
i wanted
to see
and
she calls me things
that at any other time
would make me cry
but somehow
it's nice
to be told
what i am
by her

how do i tell her
everything is wrong
this is wrong
this is so so wrong
i'm so wrong

threading my fingers through your pink hair
warm silence rises out of open mouths
rose skin and water lilies float above water

the girls locker room
me and you
the hallway and the doorway
and the picnic blanket in the breeze

blood on my knees
spit on my cheek
collarbone markings
from your teeth

show up after class
not the same as the last
you're high and i'm low
is this the way
it's gonna go?

sober makes me
feel heavier than
underneath that "man"
one whole year ago

now we dance
in the pitch black
dark of the locker room
you're grabbing for me
and i'm fumbling for you

falling on the ground
i don't see anything
but i feel your breath
as you ask
"what's next?"

and i don't know.